Wonkette

For years, we’ve been totally crushing on Suzanne Malveaux (left) — the name, those eyes, that face! She had us from the first minute we saw her. Sure, we’ve had feelings about Campbell Brown (right) — she’s the pretty, wholesome girl next door, except really really hot. And she’s named after a soup! Yum! So, imagine our conflicted feelings as we count down the minutes to tonight’s presidential debate which is hosted by both of them. Help us decide once and for all: Who is hotter?

Last month, we predicted that Scott McClellan would be gone as White House press secretary by the summer. That prediction has now come to pass. MORE »

* The big news of the week: according to a new court filing in the Scooter Libby prosecution, Libby testified that he leaked information about a National Intelligence Estimate with the specific permission of President Bush. MORE »

On Tuesday, we revealed the terrifying truth about Campbell Brown’s imaginary mobster brother. Today, another emailer who can’t wrap his mind around the idea of an attractive media figure marrying an attractive political insider for non-conspiratorial reasons. This crazy email, alas, is run-of-the-mill IJC Zionist Plot theorizing, and not full-on lunatic rambling: MORE »

* Reliable Source: Third television pilot for the fall is shot in D.C. . . Bob Woodruff has returned home for outpatient treatment. . . Margaret Thatcher spotted at the Four Seasons. [WP]
* Inside the Beltway: Laura Bush remained “totally calm” while Secret Service warned of threat to Crawford compound, according to Ronald Kessler. . . The White House recently screened a documentary by Jacques Cousteau’s son. [WT]
* Page Six: Is Campbell Brown converting to Judaism for Dan Senor? . . . Bill Clinton “killed two vodkas with lime standing at the bar with the owner” of a New York restaurant while waiting for his takeout. [NYP]

There’s nothing we love more than reprinting your unsubstantiated rumor and innuendo — seriously, we love that stuff, and we’re always looking for more of it. But sometimes, even we have to draw the line. A pretty good illustration of that line arrived in our inboxes earlier today. Here, for your edification: The Campbell Brown Rumor Too Hot Even For Wonkette:

Is this why we spotted several hard-core mafia-types passing through the Denver, Colorado area just a week or two ago? Seems that Campbell Brown (not her original birth name) [we're pretty sure it is --ed] and her sister Kyle Dwyer (not her original birth name) [actual name: Kyle Dyer --ed] [oh yeah, not Campbell Brown's sister, we're pretty sure --ed] at the NBC news affiliate Kusa in Denver, Colorado share a brother who is mafia hit man [ha ha ha ha ha --ed]. Ms. Dwyer [sic] bragged that her family is from the DC area and thererfore she, Ms. Dwyer [sic] is expert about government and law and knows everything that goes on there as did her co-worker Ms. Christiansen [check out the hair on Ms. Christiansen! --ed] who also bragged the same. Campbell Brown, while at that religious university in Denver, Colorado said that she supported trafficking in human beings, illegal weapons, and illegal drugs [uh.... --ed]. It appears that her new husband is in a marriage of convenience for himself in that he probably hopes to get lots of finder’s fees from attorneys and such by contacts with Campbell Brown’s family and friends and referral for litigation of her family and friends. As he is not related to Campbell Brown, he is not her family [first correct assertion so far? --ed]. The two entered a stranger marriage–marriages between strangers rather than the marriages common among at least 40% of the population on earth who wed from within their kinship group, and especially wed cousins or uncles or aunts) [uh..... --ed]

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Congratulations to Campbell Brown and Dan Senor on their wedding! Hey Dan — let’s hope the transition to married life goes a little smoother than the transition to sovereignty, are we right? Ha! MORE »

What the heck is going on? Are famous people abandoning our fair city — or are you, our readers, just not sending in enough sightings to us?

After the jump, a handful of desultory Wonk’d items. We were so hard up for sightings that most of our items involve D.C. types spotted hundreds of miles away from the District.

We know that you can do better for next week. Please email us your sightings, with “Wonk’d” or “Sighting” in the subject line. Much thanks!

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Another successful woman who is not as smart as Maureen Dowd! We hear that NBC anchorlady Campbell Brown is hanging up her goodtime-girl spurs and getting coalitional with one-time government spokeshunk Dan Senor, currently a Fox New contributor and Jeff Zeleny impersonator. We have been told, repeatedly, that Brown is a girl after our own liver and other body parts (though hers are prettier) so though we are very tempted to make a knocking boots joke, we’ll just advise her: Being married means always having someone to hold your hair back. — WONKETTE MORE »

• The New York Times started charging for what today? Mo-who? [Gawker]
• Talking head soundbites back: “don’t force me to engage in an artificial debate just to create ‘fireworks.’” [Romenesko]
• “Here lies the guy who proved that Bush evacuated his bowels.” [NYT]
• Jake Tapper was born to blog. And we mean that in the best possible way. Mostly. [Down and Dirty]
• Campbell Brown to replace Katie Couric? They will have to install that empathy chip. [TVNewser]

• Washington Whispers: RNC distributed daily talking points to about 80 pundits and hosts to ensure message discipline about Roberts. . . Rumsfeld signed a “severe weather execution order” two weeks before Katrina that authorized the quick deployment of military personnel. . . Frist gets folksy, brags about practicing surgery on his teddy bear. . . Campbell Brown’s reports from the Gulf Coast have raised her chances of replacing Katie, Peter, or Dan. . . Don Evans broke his collarbone while biking with Bush. . . Michael Brown is looking for a job in public relations. [USN&WR]
• Inside the Beltway: Friedman, McCullough top lawmakers’ reading lists. [WT]
• Page Six: Michael Moore, Sean Penn helping Katrina relief. [NYP]