Because Rudy Giuliani ended his campaign for America’s terrorism mayor yesterday, and because the kids enjoy top 10 lists (like on the David Letterman show), and because it is the most obvious opportunity to strike since 9/11, here is your list of the best Giuliani references to America’s Holiday in the Sun, 9/11. After this, we hope to never speak about either Rudy Giuliani or 9/11 again. The very existence of Rudy’s campaign, after all, proved that the terrorists had won a long time ago. MORE »

Things tend to get confusing (and stupid) when “ex-gays” are involved, and so it is with Barry “Osama” Obama’s gospel singer pal all the kids are talking about. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but if you’re an ex-gay man, and you’ve built up a reputation for enthusiastically bashing the queers, aren’t you supposed to not have a boyfriend at the time? Blogger Clay Cane has an interview with Donnie McClurkin’s ex, a man who claims that the Jesus-lovin’ gospel singer was bashing the gays during the day, and making love to him at night. Awkward! MORE »

Barack Obama set himself up a Flickr account recently, so all the cat lovers, perverts, and Photoshop-abusing goths could look at dozens upon dozens of nearly-identical photos of Barry addressing crowds in his shirtsleeves or Tracee Ellis Ross posing with unidentified people for some reason. And today, whatever poor staffer was in charge of the photostream uploaded a set featuring the wedding of some random, non-Obama people, as well as a cute picture of a dog and a baby. Whoops! It’s all been up for a couple hours now and no one’s noticed, except the Flickr commenters who pretty much always show up to note that every fucking dog (or baby) is soooooo adorable.

Barack Obama’s Photos [Flickr]

Joe Biden is a big wheel in the Senate, where he’s been for 500 years or something, but of course no one outside of Amtrak’s northeast corridor has ever even heard of him, so this running for president thing is not going very well for him. Because apparently you have to go to Iowa?! And Biden is v v busy running the Foreign Relations Committee so all these “coffee-and-scones meetings” in towns with goofy names like “Newton” are a little hard to get to. MORE »

It turns out that the various terrible and offensive things we write about all the creeps and fascists running for president affect the way your average loser on the street thinks! At least if your average googler, as simulated by Google Suggest, is any indication. Slate’s Christopher Beam and Chadwick Matlin “investigated” (typed all the candidates names in and saw what funny things came up). Google Suggest suggests you might be asking about the following things: MORE »

Bill and Hillary are apparently responsible for the Bush presidency, according to Vanity Fair’s October issue. As we all could’ve probably guessed, Al Gore’s loss in the 2000 election was entirely the fault of the the Clintons, who used all their fundraising acumen and massive charm reserves to get Hillary elected to the Senate instead of helping Bill’s rightful successor, Al, get elected despite his best efforts to fuck the whole thing up. MORE »

The GOP is totally broke! The NRCC can’t raise any money and Reps. Jim Ramstad, Jerry Weller, and Deborah Pryce are all retiring, leaving open seats in dangerously Dem-trending districts (with Tom Davis and at least two others hinting that they’re on the way out too). Now House Minority Leader John Boehner is at war with GOP campaign chief Oklahoma Rep. Tom Cole (the aging-Jerry Lewis-lookin guy up top there). And all those new freshman Dems the Republicans thought they could safely defeat after a non-Cocktober-themed election season? Turns out those guys all have a bunch of money and no one qualified wants to run against them. So despite the fact that the Democratic Congress is currently polling at a slightly lower approval rate than Mahmoud Ahmadinejad, we’re stuck with them! Unless! MORE »

Last month, Florida’s Democratic Party — a state party second in general insanity only to Florida’s Republican Party — moved their presidential primary election to January 29th. But the Democrats had promised Iowa, Nevada, New Hampshire, and South Carolina that no one else could go about nominating presidents in January, so the DNC voted to strip Florida of all it’s delegates unless they agreed to move their primary to Feb. 5th or later, like everyone else. Harsh! But kinda fair? The DNC gave Florida Dems until September 29th to make their decision, so naturally they announced yesterday that they will just ignore the DNC. Because, really, having the primary is the fun part! Who needs to then proceed to send delegates to the party’s national convention anyway? Shit’s quainter than the Geneva conventions! MORE »

Robert Novak’s “important neutral Republican” sources all hate Hollywood Freddie Thompson because the famous movie star did not hire them or ask for their help when starting his campaign to be our TV president. So they have all told Novak, in private, that Thompson’s campaign has “crashed and burned on takeoff.” They do have a point: the man didn’t really make a big splash with his Conference Telephone Call Announcement (the Tonight Show thing doesn’t count, because he’d already announced basically and he didn’t even ride a motorcycle). But Republicans still intensely hate all their other candidates for being closet abortionists and adulterers and Mormons so Freddie still has a chance, even though he very well may also be one or all of those things himself. MORE »

Elle, which is some sort of magazine for ladies and as such is usually full of, I don’t know, makeup and dresses and Ani DiFranco lyrics or something, this month features a sorta lengthy story on Mr. Rudy Giuliani, the Queen of 9/11. You see, one of the things about Rudy is that he has had something like 13 wives, and cheated on each one of them with her respective successor. That’s the important thing for ladies to know about him! MORE »

This is as awesome as news gets: Pat Buchanan is going to run for the Senate from Virginia. Maybe. If there is a god. This dude reports today that Pat’s “being discussed as a possible candidate,” and unlike other GOP hopefuls Tom Davis and Jim Gilmore, Pat is a total fucking nutjob who says any crazy thing that pops into his head, regardless of whether it leads to people accusing him of hating, say, black people or Jews (just like his old boss, Richard “Greatest American Hero” Nixon). MORE »