• RANDOM DEMOCRAT IN SOUTH CAROLINA GETS RICH, FOR DOING NOTHING: We have been watching the campaign donation tally since last night for Democrat Rob Miller, 2010 opponent of weird shouter guy Joe Wilson, and holy baloney. Earlier today it was $100,000, then $150,000, but according to whatever most recent e-mail whatever liberal organization just sent out, it is now $450,000! Think of all the free Joe Wilson apparel he can buy with this sum, especially with those “South Carolina prices.” [AP]

How do we know for sure that the secret third half of the Lucianne/Jonah Goldberg conspiracy is not actually K-Lo? Because Joshua actually wrote to Wonkette on Friday night, when we all know perfectly well that Fridays are Jonah and K-Lo’s “Moral Netflix & Fish Sticks Night.” MORE »

Jesus christ: “Clinton’s $22 million in campaign debts (a good chunk of it owed to herself), has somehow now turned into some $3+ million in cash on hand and still growing, some in her old Senate fund and some in her defunct presidential campaign war chest.” MORE »

Mark McKinnon is the saddest of sad Republicans in all the sad land. This weekend he sadly penned a column for Tina Brown’s Toothsome Amphigory Concerning Certain Swamp Monsters about how his old friend John McCain was forced, by the economy, to run a mean campaign about nothing. Also, John McCain is Seabiscuit and Barack Obama is Secretariat. That means Obama, like FDR, will win the “Triple Crown” of the Presidency (i.e. polio). MORE »

Today’s Wall Street Journal broadsheet features a delightful feature about the endless Democratic primary’s steamy silver-lining: hot cross-campaign-pollinating sexy times. Rowr! As the Journal notes, “The most heated presidential primary in recent history has drawn a record number of new voters, galvanized young Americans and forced the nation to confront deep-rooted race and gender issues. It also got Brendan Gilfillan a girlfriend.” Brendan Gilfillan, you sluuuuuut! MORE »

Do you have parents? Are they voting for Barack? Probably not. This is apparently a huge problem for his campaign: everybody wants to vote for Barry Obama, but nobody’s parents want to vote for him. Old people are hopeless.

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Hey remember how a couple years ago Rumors circulated regarding Chris Matthews’ supposed Senate run? Well, they are circulating again, this time courtesy of Nixon-loving GOP strategist and Arlen Specter pal Roger Stone. He says that Matthews has been “quietly sounding out Democrats across Pennsylvania” about running against Specter in 2010. However, Matthews is destined to lose because he is always running off at the mouth, plus he is insane, and nobody wants a spit-speckled maniac for a senator unless they are from Alaska. But that won’t stop Chris Matthews! MORE »

“There is the abandoned $1,000-a-month temporary apartment in Des Moines, littered with dirty T-shirts and a deflated air mattress.” Eliot Spitzer’s love nest? A place to have men fuck you in front of your wife after dinner at T.G.I.F.? Not according to the liberal New York Times. MORE »

Many Democrats are worried about the party’s doom scenario that might result from big Clinton wins today: Hillary Clinton will do anything to win the nomination, and that may include staying in the race! But the silly Democrats have nothing to worry about, because very soon the various Clinton advisers will have destroyed each other, and Hillary will be a roving cat lady trying to find her way home. First Harold Ickes blamed the campaign’s failures on Mark Penn, then Mark Penn blamed it on Harold Ickes, Patti Solis Doyle and anyone who isn’t himself. Now Team Hillary’s chairman, Terry McAuliffe, is telling Penn to shut his fat Bowser mouth. MORE »

AND NOW HILLARY’S DEPUTY CAMPAIGN MANAGER IS GONE: WaPo’s Chris Cillizza says deputy manager Mike Henry is gone, too. But he’s not a photogenic Latina woman, so we won’t run his picture.

Barack Obama raised $32 million in the month of January alone. As Politico’s Ben Smith notes, “That would be more than $1 million a day.” Indeed, it is actually $750 million dollars a day. Barry also brought in 170,000 new donors, a.k.a. “Suckers for Hope.” This explains how he’s been able to buy such heavy advertising in the expensive Los Angeles market, with Change. [The Trail, Ben Smith]