Mark McKinnon is the saddest of sad Republicans in all the sad land. This weekend he sadly penned a column for Tina Brown’s Toothsome Amphigory Concerning Certain Swamp Monsters about how his old friend John McCain was forced, by the economy, to run a mean campaign about nothing. Also, John McCain is Seabiscuit and Barack Obama is Secretariat. That means Obama, like FDR, will win the “Triple Crown” of the Presidency (i.e. polio). MORE »

Today’s Wall Street Journal broadsheet features a delightful feature about the endless Democratic primary’s steamy silver-lining: hot cross-campaign-pollinating sexy times. Rowr! As the Journal notes, “The most heated presidential primary in recent history has drawn a record number of new voters, galvanized young Americans and forced the nation to confront deep-rooted race and gender issues. It also got Brendan Gilfillan a girlfriend.” Brendan Gilfillan, you sluuuuuut! MORE »

Do you have parents? Are they voting for Barack? Probably not. This is apparently a huge problem for his campaign: everybody wants to vote for Barry Obama, but nobody’s parents want to vote for him. Old people are hopeless.

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Hey remember how a couple years ago Rumors circulated regarding Chris Matthews’ supposed Senate run? Well, they are circulating again, this time courtesy of Nixon-loving GOP strategist and Arlen Specter pal Roger Stone. He says that Matthews has been “quietly sounding out Democrats across Pennsylvania” about running against Specter in 2010. However, Matthews is destined to lose because he is always running off at the mouth, plus he is insane, and nobody wants a spit-speckled maniac for a senator unless they are from Alaska. But that won’t stop Chris Matthews! MORE »

“There is the abandoned $1,000-a-month temporary apartment in Des Moines, littered with dirty T-shirts and a deflated air mattress.” Eliot Spitzer’s love nest? A place to have men fuck you in front of your wife after dinner at T.G.I.F.? Not according to the liberal New York Times. MORE »

Many Democrats are worried about the party’s doom scenario that might result from big Clinton wins today: Hillary Clinton will do anything to win the nomination, and that may include staying in the race! But the silly Democrats have nothing to worry about, because very soon the various Clinton advisers will have destroyed each other, and Hillary will be a roving cat lady trying to find her way home. First Harold Ickes blamed the campaign’s failures on Mark Penn, then Mark Penn blamed it on Harold Ickes, Patti Solis Doyle and anyone who isn’t himself. Now Team Hillary’s chairman, Terry McAuliffe, is telling Penn to shut his fat Bowser mouth. MORE »

AND NOW HILLARY’S DEPUTY CAMPAIGN MANAGER IS GONE: WaPo’s Chris Cillizza says deputy manager Mike Henry is gone, too. But he’s not a photogenic Latina woman, so we won’t run his picture.

Barack Obama raised $32 million in the month of January alone. As Politico’s Ben Smith notes, “That would be more than $1 million a day.” Indeed, it is actually $750 million dollars a day. Barry also brought in 170,000 new donors, a.k.a. “Suckers for Hope.” This explains how he’s been able to buy such heavy advertising in the expensive Los Angeles market, with Change. [The Trail, Ben Smith]

Because Rudy Giuliani ended his campaign for America’s terrorism mayor yesterday, and because the kids enjoy top 10 lists (like on the David Letterman show), and because it is the most obvious opportunity to strike since 9/11, here is your list of the best Giuliani references to America’s Holiday in the Sun, 9/11. After this, we hope to never speak about either Rudy Giuliani or 9/11 again. The very existence of Rudy’s campaign, after all, proved that the terrorists had won a long time ago. MORE »

Things tend to get confusing (and stupid) when “ex-gays” are involved, and so it is with Barry “Osama” Obama’s gospel singer pal all the kids are talking about. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but if you’re an ex-gay man, and you’ve built up a reputation for enthusiastically bashing the queers, aren’t you supposed to not have a boyfriend at the time? Blogger Clay Cane has an interview with Donnie McClurkin’s ex, a man who claims that the Jesus-lovin’ gospel singer was bashing the gays during the day, and making love to him at night. Awkward! MORE »

Barack Obama set himself up a Flickr account recently, so all the cat lovers, perverts, and Photoshop-abusing goths could look at dozens upon dozens of nearly-identical photos of Barry addressing crowds in his shirtsleeves or Tracee Ellis Ross posing with unidentified people for some reason. And today, whatever poor staffer was in charge of the photostream uploaded a set featuring the wedding of some random, non-Obama people, as well as a cute picture of a dog and a baby. Whoops! It’s all been up for a couple hours now and no one’s noticed, except the Flickr commenters who pretty much always show up to note that every fucking dog (or baby) is soooooo adorable.

Barack Obama’s Photos [Flickr]