Tag Archives: Campaigning

  She might not even vote for him

Rick Santorum Has One Supporter In Iowa, And Her Name Is Peggy

Can't go wrong with the classics
Poor Rick Santorum. He has been trying so hard to get somebody to care about the fact that he is running for president, but nobody does. And in a race to see which GOP candidate can out-wingnut them all, by hating the gays and the ‘bortions and the Messicans THE MOST, Santorum loses, not because his heart isn’t in the right place, but because he comes across as sad and pathetic. But there is a light at the end of the tunnel! The light’s name is Peggy, and she is Santorum’s one supporter: Read more on Rick Santorum Has One Supporter In Iowa, And Her Name Is Peggy…
  rumors on the internets

Get Ready To Get Down At Some Gay Weddings At Mitt Romney’s House!

This Thursday, Mitt Romney’s unlikable, Bill Clinton’s talking some awkward talk, and Barack Obama is making money. This is news? Unlike Bill Clinton, Mitt Romney is a terrible neighbor. Somehow he is gentrifying his already rich neighborhood and alienating his gay neighbors. He clearly needs to throw a huge, weird party with celebrities and funny people and fun drugs, like truffle oil! So basically, the presidential campaign equivalent of a White House Correspondents’ Dinner. [The New York Times] Read more on Get Ready To Get Down At Some Gay Weddings At Mitt Romney’s House!…
  cry cry cry baby cry cry

John Boehner Has New Bar For ‘Beneath Dignity’ Of Presidency: Obama Flying In His Plane (Video!)

John Boehner is so sad you guys. Won’t Obama PLEASE pay up and reimburse the nation for the $179,000 per hour in taxpayer munneez it costs when he goes places and talks to people? Going to colleges and firing up popular support for the extension of low interest rates on college loans is especially “pathetic,” Boehner says, because everybody knew the extension was gonna get passed! Everyone, of course, except for all the Teabaggers and GOP regulars who were voting against it. Like this guy, who is the chairman of the Education Committee! “Bad policy based on lofty campaign promises has put us in an untenable situation,” said Rep. John Kline, R-Minn., and chairman of the House Committee on Education and the Workforce. ” We must now choose between allowing interest rates to rise or piling billions of dollars on the backs of taxpayers.” So, you know, except for that. What else is beneath the office of the presidency today? Campaigning, teleprompters, vacations, golf, Air Force 1, being a celebrity, being “cool,” being funny, singing, wearing sharp suits, and anything Michelle does ever, because fat bitch. Read more on John Boehner Has New Bar For ‘Beneath Dignity’ Of Presidency: Obama Flying In His Plane (Video!)…
  flotus files

Michelle Obama Announces Historic 300,000 People Exercising

“Remember all those kids doing jumping jacks at the White House in October?” wondered this story. We obviously did not, but here is a reminder: A few months ago, our FLOTUS decided to teach children the value of exercise by obtaining what is nothing short of the Holy Grail for 4th graders, a Guinness World Record. She quickly assembled an army of obese zombie children and convinced them to jump up and down with her on the South Lawn. Yesterday, the jumping jacks were finally tallied, and our Michelle went on The YouTube to announce her victory and remind everyone that they are still fat, despite this. Read more on Michelle Obama Announces Historic 300,000 People Exercising…
  the empire strikes back

Obama Back Trying To Trick People To Believe He Wants To Change Politics

Since kicking off his re-election bid with history’s least enthusiastic campaign ad, Barack Obama is back on the campaign trail again, simultaneously presenting his dead-in-the-water deficit plan to the country and trying to get people excited to give him another four years in office. The problem, of course, is that it’s hard for him to argue that orgasmic “Change” and “Hope” message again when Obama himself has seemed to give up on these things. “There have been times where I felt the same way you do,” Obama said about the disappointments of his term to a crowd of “young supporters” (though he wasn’t talking about enjoying keg stands) in Chicago. But obviously those “times” weren’t, say, when he was doling out tax cuts to the insanely rich. Read more on Obama Back Trying To Trick People To Believe He Wants To Change Politics…
  fudge-packing it in

Romney Going Around Being Personally Coy To Every Citizen of Iowa and N.H.

It was four days before the 2010 midterm elections, and Romney was making the Granite State rounds. People applauded him for just walking into a room. At the neocolonial estate of one wealthy contributor, the former Massachusetts governor glided from handshake to handshake, delighted to see so many he called “old friends,” while the new ones lined up to snap pictures. “This is New Hampshire,” Romney remarked in the childlike way of a candidate at work Read more on Romney Going Around Being Personally Coy To Every Citizen of Iowa and N.H….
  president of the olympics of money

Mitt Romney Wins Some Sort of Fundraising Contest the Washington Post Set Up

Mitt Romney raised more money for his PAC than any of the other supposed Republican candidates for president in the 2012 election, so congrats, Mittens, you are the new leader of the free world. Romney came up with $1.8 million of other people’s money, beating “second place” Sarah Palin by a million dollars or so. Mike Huckabee came up with only $258,000 for his Fat PAC, so he will lose, if you are keeping score like the Washington Post is. Everyone who is running for president in 2012 is unemployed right now and has nothing better to do than raise money for a political action committee may or may not ever spend it, but this is where the election will be won, apparently. Nothing else matters. So President MaoBaMao should resign and swear in Mitt Romney immediately. Read more on Mitt Romney Wins Some Sort of Fundraising Contest the Washington Post Set Up…
  it's morning in america

We Will Keep Having Primaries Until You People Get It Right

Are you sick of primaries yet? Yes? Too bad! There are several more of them today! Sex maniac Nikki Haley will probably win, after Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin turned her into a proxy for America, by fighting for her love. Also, a black conservative will probably beat Strom Thurmond’s son; a lesbian is running against Utah’s sole Democratic congressman, because he hates health care; and a couple of super-boring people are running for the Democratic nomination for North Carolina Senate. Read more on We Will Keep Having Primaries Until You People Get It Right… Read more on We Will Keep Having Primaries Until You People Get It Right…
 

McCain Asks Obama To Be Poor With Him

The McCain campaign has been pressing Barack Obama to accept public financing in the general election (if he wins the nomination! If!) after Barry may or may not have “agreed” to do so a year ago. Now that Barry’s raising $1 million a day, however, this would really be a huge mistake. But will Barry pussy out and agree to this, as per usual? Read more on McCain Asks Obama To Be Poor With Him…
 

Obama’s Ex-Gay Gospel Singer: Maybe Not So Ex-Gay?

Things tend to get confusing (and stupid) when “ex-gays” are involved, and so it is with Barry “Osama” Obama’s gospel singer pal all the kids are talking about. Now, correct me if I’m wrong, but if you’re an ex-gay man, and you’ve built up a reputation for enthusiastically bashing the queers, aren’t you supposed to not have a boyfriend at the time? Blogger Clay Cane has an interview with Donnie McClurkin’s ex, a man who claims that the Jesus-lovin’ gospel singer was bashing the gays during the day, and making love to him at night. Awkward! Read more on Obama’s Ex-Gay Gospel Singer: Maybe Not So Ex-Gay?…
 

Obama Primes Homo Grudge-Match

All the pansies had an absolute tizzy when Barack “Osama” Obama hired homo-hatin’ singer Donnie McClurkin for his upcoming “Embrace the Change” gospel extravaganza. That puts Barry in an uncomfortable position because he needs the hairdresser vote, but if he fires McClurkin, he’s obviously a fag and will burn in Hell for all eternity. What’s a tightrope-walking panderer to do? Why, hire a gay minister for the show, that’s what! That worries me, though: how much more ideological teeter-tottering can this event handle? I imagine the following contradictory staff additions and revelations are forthcoming: Read more on Obama Primes Homo Grudge-Match…
 

John McCain: Old and In the Way

John Walnuts! McCain knows that if you really want to impress today’s jaded youth, it’s best to call them names and threaten to send them off to Iraq: “Thanks for the question, you little jerk,” McCain joked back to one student who asked the 71-year-old about his age. “You’re drafted.” Read more on John McCain: Old and In the Way…
 

Ask A Candidate For Maryland’s Statehouse

With all the hoopla this week about campaign ethics, we thought it’d be an interesting feature to talk to an actual candidate about the mechanics of running a congressional campaign. We wanted to interview an experienced, savvy politician about running for office in the 21st century. Unfortunately, the only person who would talk to us was this guy: Meet Mike Monroe. He ran as a Republican for DC’s Congressional delegate’s seat in 2004, against Eleanor Holmes Norton. He got 9 percent of the vote. Now, older and possibly wiser, he’s running again, as a Republican candidate for Maryland’s General Assembly in District 16 (Bethesda). He was good enough to answer some questions about campaigning, campaigners, and Macaca. Interview after the jump. Read more on Ask A Candidate For Maryland’s Statehouse…
 

The Passion Of Lincoln Chafee

And then there was Lincoln Chafee, The Reluctant Senator. From today’s Wall Street Journal: In many ways, Mr. Chafee’s struggle is of his own making. Besides opposing the war, he voted against some Bush tax cuts, citing deficit concerns. He opposed Supreme Court Justice Samuel Alito’s appointment because he was convinced the jurist would be hostile to abortion rights. And he let it be known that he didn’t vote to re-elect the president, writing in former President George H. W. Bush instead. “I knew this was coming from way back,” says Mr. Chafee, at an outdoor festival in Cumberland. “The president’s agenda, for better or worse, motivates the party base. I’ve been hearing from them for the last five years.” To stem the damage, Mr. Chafee has been a regular at Republican spaghetti dinners and diner breakfasts. Even so, he isn’t “overly optimistic” that he has persuaded many of them, he says. Chafee is perhaps the senator least suited for Washington life since Eugene McCarthy skipped roll call votes to write poetry in his office. This from the New York Times last week: Compared with many colleagues in the Senate, Mr. Chafee, 53, keeps a low profile, and campaigning does not seem second nature to him. Stopping to buy lemonade from a truck, he asks the attendant about the book she is reading. Only after tipping her and turning away does he toss over his shoulder, “Vote Chafee!” Wonkette proudly presents the first installment of The Secret Lives Of Senators: Lincoln Chafee On The Campaign Trail. Read it after the jump: Read more on The Passion Of Lincoln Chafee…
 

Crazy Loser Commits Stupid Crimes To Defend Lame Elected Position, Goes To Jail

Ah, state legislatures! Democracy’s petri dish! Where political parties try out new techniques and positions to see what might win votes on a national level. If events in Pennsylvania are any indication, we may all soon be seeing threatening phone calls, fake accusations of fake terrorism, and egregious abuse of taxpayer-funded photocopiers, followed by arrests and humiliation. And isn’t that something we can all get behind? Former state Rep. Jeff Habay was handcuffed and taken to the Allegheny County Jail yesterday after a judge revoked his bond. “Mr. Habay continues to avoid what he should be doing, which is serving his sentence,” Judge [Jeffrey A.] Manning said. Wacky antics in greater Pittsburgh, after the jump. Read more on Crazy Loser Commits Stupid Crimes To Defend Lame Elected Position, Goes To Jail…
 

Remainders: In Jail, TTYL

Wolf Blitzer closes his eyes, counts to three, and wishes that when he opens them all the dead Palestinians will be gone. [HuffPo] Small Pennsylvania town increases illegality of illegal immigrants, sick birds. [AP] Read more on Remainders: In Jail, TTYL…