Campaigning
Get Ready To Get Down At Some Gay Weddings At Mitt Romney’s House!
This Thursday, Mitt Romney’s unlikable, Bill Clinton’s talking some awkward talk, and Barack Obama is making money. This is news? Unlike Bill Clinton, Mitt Romney is a terrible neighbor. Somehow he is gentrifying his already rich neighborhood and alienating his gay neighbors. He clearly needs to throw a huge, weird party with celebrities and funny [...]
Michelle Obama Announces Historic 300,000 People Exercising
“Remember all those kids doing jumping jacks at the White House in October?” wondered this story. We obviously did not, but here is a reminder: A few months ago, our FLOTUS decided to teach children the value of exercise by obtaining what is nothing short of the Holy Grail for 4th graders, a Guinness World [...]
Romney Going Around Being Personally Coy To Every Citizen of Iowa and N.H.
It was four days before the 2010 midterm elections, and Romney was making the Granite State rounds. People applauded him for just walking into a room. At the neocolonial estate of one wealthy contributor, the former Massachusetts governor glided from handshake to handshake, delighted to see so many he called “old friends,” while the new [...]
Mitt Romney Wins Some Sort of Fundraising Contest the Washington Post Set Up
Mitt Romney raised more money for his PAC than any of the other supposed Republican candidates for president in the 2012 election, so congrats, Mittens, you are the new leader of the free world. Romney came up with $1.8 million of other people’s money, beating “second place” Sarah Palin by a million dollars or so. [...]
We Will Keep Having Primaries Until You People Get It Right
Are you sick of primaries yet? Yes? Too bad! There are several more of them today! Sex maniac Nikki Haley will probably win, after Mitt Romney and Sarah Palin turned her into a proxy for America, by fighting for her love. Also, a black conservative will probably beat Strom Thurmond’s son; a lesbian is running [...]
John McCain: Old and In the Way
Ask A Candidate For Maryland’s Statehouse
The Passion Of Lincoln Chafee
Crazy Loser Commits Stupid Crimes To Defend Lame Elected Position, Goes To Jail
Remainders: In Jail, TTYL
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