Tag Archives: campaign

 

1992 Video Proves Hillary Clinton Used To Be Likeable

Once upon a time, a brilliant young Yale Law graduate stood poised to bring new vigor, hope, and innovation to American politics — but 35 years of experience have compacted this idealistic upstart into a bejowled diamond of Hate. Want proof? As recently as 1992, Hillary Clinton was exchanging suspiciously human-sounding pleasantries with homeless people! Read more on 1992 Video Proves Hillary Clinton Used To Be Likeable…
 

Mike and Janet Huckabee’s Sick Roping Fetish

Republican Mike Huckabee might try to pass himself off as the conservative Christian alternative to John McCain, but he and his wife showed their true, kinky colors in front of a horrified audience at the Fort Worth Stockyards on Friday. Read more on Mike and Janet Huckabee’s Sick Roping Fetish…
 

Political Insider: Don’t Count Hillary Out, Dumb Heads!

Ruh roh, did someone say something bad about Hillary Clinton on this site? That’s not what the Journalistic Reporters should be doing at all! We must have been in a grumpy mood, or something, and now an e-mailing monster is calling us out: “YOU CAN BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT HILLARY IS ALIVE AND WELL.” What else can we bet our bottom dollar on, and does it require a sub-prime mortgage? Read more on Political Insider: Don’t Count Hillary Out, Dumb Heads!…
 

Mrs. Clinton And Mr. Obama, Making Out On Video!

Sure, Hillary Clinton always refuses to discuss hypotheticals. But what if, hypothetically speaking, she were to kiss Barack Obama in the French style onstage during a debate, in front of Wolf Blitzer and millions of television viewers? Would that be awesome, or the opposite of awesome? Fortunately, Video Science has the answer! Read more on Mrs. Clinton And Mr. Obama, Making Out On Video!…
 

John McCain Tangentially Linked To Wonkette Sex Scandal!

Hey, remember back in the day four million years ago when a gal named Ana Marie Cox edited this humble publication, and she followed, outed, and interviewed a Hill aide who went by the name “Washingtonienne” and who had lots of anal sex and other kinds of sex that she wrote about on her blog called Washingtonienne? Yes, those were more innocent days when something as simple as a young heterosexual woman having sex with a variety of males could set the world on fire. Let’s take a trip down memory lane…a trip that ends on the Straight Talk Express! Read more on John McCain Tangentially Linked To Wonkette Sex Scandal!…
 

Brilliant Strategy Document Reveals Secret ‘Defeat Obama’ Plan

If you were John McCain and you had to defeat Barack Obama in order to become the world’s oldest non-Communist President, how would you do it? (Keep in mind that you cannot point out that Obama is “urban” or “at risk.”) The answer may surprise you! Read more on Brilliant Strategy Document Reveals Secret ‘Defeat Obama’ Plan…
 

Clinton Staff Turning Into Pack Of Winos

Hillary Clinton’s love of wine has been widely chronicled in photographs and in print. Now an incendiary article published in the New York Times over the weekend suggests that her staff members have been running around drunk as lords as they try to drink away the pain of a faltering candidacy… Read more on Clinton Staff Turning Into Pack Of Winos…
 

Stop Barack Obama Before He Steals (Words) Again!

Barack Obama’s plagiarism has reached levels so brazen, so bizarre, that it borders on the pathological. He descended a notch further in his spiral of doom today when he was caught hauling off a boatload of words that belonged to someone with whom he is intimately acquainted: himself. Read more on Stop Barack Obama Before He Steals (Words) Again!…
 

Hillary Clinton Says Barack Obama Shouldn’t Use Words, Money To Campaign

Hillary Clinton continues to suggest her rival Barack Obama is too stylish, and also he is a thiever of words and slippery when it comes to campaign finances. In other words, he is a “politician.” Hillary Clinton finds this repellent and disappointing, and wants voters to know it. Read more on Hillary Clinton Says Barack Obama Shouldn’t Use Words, Money To Campaign…
 

Bill Clinton Brawls With Obama Nut!

Crazy Bill Clinton got into a full-on crotch-punching brawl, sort of, with a Barack Obama supporter in Northeast Ohio yesterday. Clinton was speaking at Timken High School when Ohioan Robert Holeman started shouting out Obama’s name at random and stepping on Clinton’s applause lines. Then after the speech Holeman approached Clinton to ask him to stop the “bickering” and “name-calling”, and that is when things very nearly almost got out of hand, but did not. Read more on Bill Clinton Brawls With Obama Nut!…
 

Hillary Clinton Will Make You Sorry You Ever Doubted Her

So how many times has the Clinton campaign been declared over? Like 30? Today we have another slew of opinions about how and why Hillary has totally blown it, and a few lonely numbers that suggest she, like the T-1000, has yet to meet her own personal vat of molten metal. Read more on Hillary Clinton Will Make You Sorry You Ever Doubted Her…
 

McCain Courts Donors, Evades Grim Reaper

The McCain campaign’s two biggest priorities right now are finding a running mate and fundraising. According to reports, one issue “is being treated with considerably more urgency.” If you guessed that priority #1 was finding a successor to a candidate who, on Inauguration Day, will be just three years shy of average life expectancy, guess again! McCain is more worried about money, duh. [CNN] Read more on McCain Courts Donors, Evades Grim Reaper…
 

‘People Don’t Really Give A Crap Now About Experience’

Why has Hillary Clinton, the scrappiest, most battle-scarred political veteran in American history, failed to find traction with a certain small demographic (residents of 22 primary states)? Her many advisors and supporters have a rainbow of opinions as diverse as America itself! Read more on ‘People Don’t Really Give A Crap Now About Experience’…
 

Flames, Pestilence Complicate Virginia Campaigns

Last Tuesday, as tornadoes swept the South and the Midwest struggled beneath a blanket of snow, the weather showed it would stop at nothing to foil the progress of Democracy. Now the weather has set its sights on Virginia and the Carolinas, sending down a plague of hellfire and howling winds–just in time to stop presidential hopefuls Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton from campaigning in the area. Read more on Flames, Pestilence Complicate Virginia Campaigns…
 

Our Poor Intern’s Account of a Summer in Iowa

Guess who has a secret? Intern Justin, Justin Charity, he has a secret! Very recently, Justin casually mentioned that he worked in IOWA this summer for [I’m not telling which candidate!]. Not only did he work there, he INTERNED there, as is the employment tendency of Intern Justin. Why didn’t he tell us sooner? Well, it’s not like we ask for a resume or anything during the intern hiring process. Anyway, Intern Justin would like to share his experiences in Iowa to clear up some common misconceptions about it — pig sex, corn shits, racist hicks, things like that. Read Intern Justin’s manifesto after the jump. Read more on Our Poor Intern’s Account of a Summer in Iowa…
 

Obama Irate Over Clinton’s Evil ‘Criticizing’ Tactic

Barry Hussein is on something of a roll in Iowa, but even he knows that without throwing some dirt Clintonward, he’ll have trouble keeping that momentum based on The Face alone. Today, he launched a new site on his Internets called “Hillary Attacks,” the logo of which is reminiscent of cable news coverage circa midday 9/11. His strategy with “Hillary Attacks” is pretty transparent: Since he’s too much of a pussy to attack anyone, he shows how Hillary is constantly attacking people, which… um… you can’t do during elections because it’s too mean! Read more on Obama Irate Over Clinton’s Evil ‘Criticizing’ Tactic…
 

Macaca Chairs Fred Thompson’s Virginia Campaign

The Fred Thompson team announced its two Virginia campaign chairs today. One of them you’ve heard of, and the other is also a douchebag. Probably. Some state politician. The top five funniest things in the Thompson campaign’s one-paragraph bio of George Allen: Read more on Macaca Chairs Fred Thompson’s Virginia Campaign…
 

Ron Paul Spambots Make Over $2.5 Million Today

From Slate’s Trailhead: “Ron Paul’s indefatigable grassroots supporters are ‘moneybombing’ the campaign today, partly to pay homage to Guy Fawkes, the bomber-with-a-cause featured in V for Vendetta, and partly just because they felt like it. As of this writing, Paul has already raised $2.5 million.” How can you people defend this revolutionary dumbspeak now? Wasn’t the $9 dollars it cost to see V for Vendetta enough money to waste in the name of Guy Fawkes? Ron Paul Gets Bombed [Trailhead] Read more on Ron Paul Spambots Make Over $2.5 Million Today…
 

Ron Paul Spambots Make Over $2.5 Million Today

From Slate’s Trailhead: “Ron Paul’s indefatigable grassroots supporters are ‘moneybombing’ the campaign today, partly to pay homage to Guy Fawkes, the bomber-with-a-cause featured in V for Vendetta, and partly just because they felt like it. As of this writing, Paul has already raised $2.5 million.” How can you people defend this revolutionary dumbspeak now? Wasn’t the $9 dollars it cost to see V for Vendetta enough money to waste in the name of Guy Fawkes? Ron Paul Gets Bombed [Trailhead] Read more on Ron Paul Spambots Make Over $2.5 Million Today…
 

BREAKING: McCain a “P.O.W.” In Secret “Vietnam” War

The John McCain campaign has been sending some very forward e-mails to its supporters recently in a shameless attempt to build equity. Poor guy has to eat Ramen and charcoal until the AmEx bills are paid off, so we’re glad to pass the tin change can around. Still, McCain Campaign Manager Rick Davis realizes that leading e-mails with “The time to donate is NOW!” might be off-putting to the 14 chimpanzees/members of ABBA that still support him. As a result, Davis sent a new e-mail yesterday commemorating October 26, 2007 as the 40th anniversary of the day McCain was shot down in Vietnam. It’s a delightful history tale, and how kind of him to educate us — who knew this McCain dude had such a rough life? And why did those meanie pants bum-faced Vietcong treat him like that? It’s as if Davis is trying to guilt-trip us pussies into donating…. Read more on BREAKING: McCain a “P.O.W.” In Secret “Vietnam” War…
 

Reaching the Core of NJ Campaigns

A Wonkette operative sends us this photo while out on the campaign trail working for NJ Dems. It came with a reservoir of campaign photo signs and a second donkey angling for straw. “This was my morning. Never a dull day in the Garden State.” — Eric Pfeiffer Read more on Reaching the Core of NJ Campaigns…