Tag Archives: campaign

 

Oprah Winfrey Too Busy To Campaign With Obama

Just a few months ago, Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey were such great friends that rumors flew about their torrid lesbian affair. But now that Barack needs Oprah to reel in the votes of bitter Indiana housewives, Oprah’s suddenly so busy that, according to one media analyst, “it might be easier to rearrange George Bush’s schedule than Oprah Winfrey’s schedule.” Is Oprah really busier than America’s laziest president, or are more sinister forces at play? Read more on Oprah Winfrey Too Busy To Campaign With Obama…
 

Barack Obama Visited The Fox News!

As promised, Barack Obama singlehandedly defeated a squadron of Fox News anchors at a game of pickup basketball and then he healed the lepers by touching them and sat down for a little chat with Chris Wallace on Sunday. The conversation was all very civilized until Wallace asked about his Muslim flag pin, which was given to him by the Weathermen back when they were Vietnam medics. Ha ha we kid! Even then President Cool maintained his legendary sangfroid. Selected Q&As after the jump. Read more on Barack Obama Visited The Fox News!…
 

Barack Obama Is Tired (Or Stoned!)

Because the camera is racist, it loves our slender and dignified Senator from Illinois — so it’s a rare treat to find a photo of him looking a little rough around the edges, like an Ordinary American. Here’s Barack Obama coming off the third shift at the lace mill in Scranton, where he shared a bong with Hillary Clinton’s grandfather. [AP Photo] Read more on Barack Obama Is Tired (Or Stoned!)…
 

Barack Obama On The Daily Show

Here is your Barack Obama in the second, less boring part of his Daily Show appearance last night. The part at the end where he says “I’m calling to find out if you’re happy with your cell phone service” in stentorian, inspiring tones will have all you Obama nuts screaming Yes yes I love Verizon while the rest of us wonder if we’ve been been had by old Hopey. Read more on Barack Obama On The Daily Show…
 

New York Times Discovers Hidden Link Between Elitist Food Habits And Elitist Voting Habits

Having just discovered the pagan culinary invention called “cheese fries,” the intrepid New York Times has now determined that Democrats drink organic milk while Republicans dine on Frankencorn and bile. But none of this matters, because such frivolous polls and research cannot truly predict people’s voting habits! Nonetheless, let’s venture into America’s pantries and try to determine our political leanings by seeing what’s in the cookie jar. Read more on New York Times Discovers Hidden Link Between Elitist Food Habits And Elitist Voting Habits…
 

A Children’s Treasury Of Pundits Celebrating Mark Penn’s Downfall

You know who’s happy about Mark Penn finally quitting/getting fired from the Clinton campaign? Everyone except Barack Obama, who considered Penn his ace in the hole for winning this whole endless election. But now that we won’t have that old unctuous creep to kick around anymore, let’s see what the rest of the Internetosphere is saying about the Numbers Swami Who Fell To Earth. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Pundits Celebrating Mark Penn’s Downfall…
 

1992 Video Proves Hillary Clinton Used To Be Likeable

Once upon a time, a brilliant young Yale Law graduate stood poised to bring new vigor, hope, and innovation to American politics — but 35 years of experience have compacted this idealistic upstart into a bejowled diamond of Hate. Want proof? As recently as 1992, Hillary Clinton was exchanging suspiciously human-sounding pleasantries with homeless people! Read more on 1992 Video Proves Hillary Clinton Used To Be Likeable…
 

Mike and Janet Huckabee’s Sick Roping Fetish

Republican Mike Huckabee might try to pass himself off as the conservative Christian alternative to John McCain, but he and his wife showed their true, kinky colors in front of a horrified audience at the Fort Worth Stockyards on Friday. Read more on Mike and Janet Huckabee’s Sick Roping Fetish…
 

Political Insider: Don’t Count Hillary Out, Dumb Heads!

Ruh roh, did someone say something bad about Hillary Clinton on this site? That’s not what the Journalistic Reporters should be doing at all! We must have been in a grumpy mood, or something, and now an e-mailing monster is calling us out: “YOU CAN BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT HILLARY IS ALIVE AND WELL.” What else can we bet our bottom dollar on, and does it require a sub-prime mortgage? Read more on Political Insider: Don’t Count Hillary Out, Dumb Heads!…
 

Mrs. Clinton And Mr. Obama, Making Out On Video!

Sure, Hillary Clinton always refuses to discuss hypotheticals. But what if, hypothetically speaking, she were to kiss Barack Obama in the French style onstage during a debate, in front of Wolf Blitzer and millions of television viewers? Would that be awesome, or the opposite of awesome? Fortunately, Video Science has the answer! Read more on Mrs. Clinton And Mr. Obama, Making Out On Video!…
 

John McCain Tangentially Linked To Wonkette Sex Scandal!

Hey, remember back in the day four million years ago when a gal named Ana Marie Cox edited this humble publication, and she followed, outed, and interviewed a Hill aide who went by the name “Washingtonienne” and who had lots of anal sex and other kinds of sex that she wrote about on her blog called Washingtonienne? Yes, those were more innocent days when something as simple as a young heterosexual woman having sex with a variety of males could set the world on fire. Let’s take a trip down memory lane…a trip that ends on the Straight Talk Express! Read more on John McCain Tangentially Linked To Wonkette Sex Scandal!…
 

Brilliant Strategy Document Reveals Secret ‘Defeat Obama’ Plan

If you were John McCain and you had to defeat Barack Obama in order to become the world’s oldest non-Communist President, how would you do it? (Keep in mind that you cannot point out that Obama is “urban” or “at risk.”) The answer may surprise you! Read more on Brilliant Strategy Document Reveals Secret ‘Defeat Obama’ Plan…
 

Clinton Staff Turning Into Pack Of Winos

Hillary Clinton’s love of wine has been widely chronicled in photographs and in print. Now an incendiary article published in the New York Times over the weekend suggests that her staff members have been running around drunk as lords as they try to drink away the pain of a faltering candidacy… Read more on Clinton Staff Turning Into Pack Of Winos…
 

Stop Barack Obama Before He Steals (Words) Again!

Barack Obama’s plagiarism has reached levels so brazen, so bizarre, that it borders on the pathological. He descended a notch further in his spiral of doom today when he was caught hauling off a boatload of words that belonged to someone with whom he is intimately acquainted: himself. Read more on Stop Barack Obama Before He Steals (Words) Again!…
 

Hillary Clinton Says Barack Obama Shouldn’t Use Words, Money To Campaign

Hillary Clinton continues to suggest her rival Barack Obama is too stylish, and also he is a thiever of words and slippery when it comes to campaign finances. In other words, he is a “politician.” Hillary Clinton finds this repellent and disappointing, and wants voters to know it. Read more on Hillary Clinton Says Barack Obama Shouldn’t Use Words, Money To Campaign…
 

Bill Clinton Brawls With Obama Nut!

Crazy Bill Clinton got into a full-on crotch-punching brawl, sort of, with a Barack Obama supporter in Northeast Ohio yesterday. Clinton was speaking at Timken High School when Ohioan Robert Holeman started shouting out Obama’s name at random and stepping on Clinton’s applause lines. Then after the speech Holeman approached Clinton to ask him to stop the “bickering” and “name-calling”, and that is when things very nearly almost got out of hand, but did not. Read more on Bill Clinton Brawls With Obama Nut!…