Campaign - Wonkette

bitter splits

Oprah Winfrey Too Busy To Campaign With Obama

Just a few months ago, Barack Obama and Oprah Winfrey were such great friends that rumors flew about their torrid lesbian affair. But now that Barack needs Oprah to reel in the votes of bitter Indiana housewives, Oprah's suddenly so busy that, according to one media analyst, "it might be easier to rearrange George Bush's schedule than Oprah Winfrey's schedule." Is Oprah really busier than America's laziest president, or are more sinister forces at play? More »

9:37 AM on Mon May 5 2008
By saraksmith
2,491 views, 17 comments

cool customers

Barack Obama Visited The Fox News!

As promised, Barack Obama singlehandedly defeated a squadron of Fox News anchors at a game of pickup basketball and then he healed the lepers by touching them and sat down for a little chat with Chris Wallace on Sunday. The conversation was all very civilized until Wallace asked about his Muslim flag pin, which was given to him by the Weathermen back when they were Vietnam medics. Ha ha we kid! Even then President Cool maintained his legendary sangfroid. Selected Q&As after the jump. More »

1:10 PM on Mon Apr 28 2008
By saraksmith
2,710 views, 35 comments

Latest by AxmxZ: Surprisingly collegial and congenial. I think Obama has made another conquest. more »

he cheats with his abbreviated sleep schedule

Barack Obama Is Tired (Or Stoned!)

Because the camera is racist, it loves our slender and dignified Senator from Illinois — so it's a rare treat to find a photo of him looking a little rough around the edges, like an Ordinary American. Here's Barack Obama coming off the third shift at the lace mill in Scranton, where he shared a bong with Hillary Clinton's grandfather. [AP Photo]

8:55 AM on Thu Apr 24 2008
By saraksmith
2,363 views, 30 comments

inspirational appearances

Barack Obama On The Daily Show

Here is your Barack Obama in the second, less boring part of his Daily Show appearance last night. The part at the end where he says "I'm calling to find out if you're happy with your cell phone service" in stentorian, inspiring tones will have all you Obama nuts screaming Yes yes I love Verizon while the rest of us wonder if we've been been had by old Hopey. More »

10:25 AM on Tue Apr 22 2008
By saraksmith
2,413 views, 19 comments

food anthropology

New York Times Discovers Hidden Link Between Elitist Food Habits And Elitist Voting Habits

Having just discovered the pagan culinary invention called "cheese fries," the intrepid New York Times has now determined that Democrats drink organic milk while Republicans dine on Frankencorn and bile. But none of this matters, because such frivolous polls and research cannot truly predict people's voting habits! Nonetheless, let's venture into America's pantries and try to determine our political leanings by seeing what's in the cookie jar. More »

10:31 AM on Wed Apr 16 2008
By saraksmith
3,936 views, 54 comments

post mortems

A Children's Treasury Of Pundits Celebrating Mark Penn's Downfall

You know who's happy about Mark Penn finally quitting/getting fired from the Clinton campaign? Everyone except Barack Obama, who considered Penn his ace in the hole for winning this whole endless election. But now that we won't have that old unctuous creep to kick around anymore, let's see what the rest of the Internetosphere is saying about the Numbers Swami Who Fell To Earth. More »

2:53 PM on Mon Apr 7 2008
By saraksmith
3,294 views, 46 comments

Latest by schvitzatura: @codfish: @Tits_LaRue: @The_D:@san antone rose: I raise you all...Bruce McGill... more »

videos will be her undoing

1992 Video Proves Hillary Clinton Used To Be Likeable

Once upon a time, a brilliant young Yale Law graduate stood poised to bring new vigor, hope, and innovation to American politics — but 35 years of experience have compacted this idealistic upstart into a bejowled diamond of Hate. Want proof? As recently as 1992, Hillary Clinton was exchanging suspiciously human-sounding pleasantries with homeless people! More »

12:43 PM on Wed Mar 26 2008
By saraksmith
2,698 views, 31 comments

missionary positions

Mike and Janet Huckabee's Sick Roping Fetish

Republican Mike Huckabee might try to pass himself off as the conservative Christian alternative to John McCain, but he and his wife showed their true, kinky colors in front of a horrified audience at the Fort Worth Stockyards on Friday. More »

10:42 AM on Mon Mar 3 2008
By saraksmith
4,070 views, 44 comments

email of the day

Political Insider: Don't Count Hillary Out, Dumb Heads!

Ruh roh, did someone say something bad about Hillary Clinton on this site? That's not what the Journalistic Reporters should be doing at all! We must have been in a grumpy mood, or something, and now an e-mailing monster is calling us out: "YOU CAN BET YOUR BOTTOM DOLLAR THAT HILLARY IS ALIVE AND WELL." What else can we bet our bottom dollar on, and does it require a sub-prime mortgage? More »

6:22 PM on Sun Mar 2 2008
By Newell
3,834 views, 101 comments

face sex

Mrs. Clinton And Mr. Obama, Making Out On Video!

Sure, Hillary Clinton always refuses to discuss hypotheticals. But what if, hypothetically speaking, she were to kiss Barack Obama in the French style onstage during a debate, in front of Wolf Blitzer and millions and television viewers? Would that be awesome, or the opposite of awesome? Fortunately, Video Science has the answer! More »

10:32 AM on Thu Feb 28 2008
By saraksmith
6,206 views, 29 comments

washingtonienne

John McCain Tangentially Linked To Wonkette Sex Scandal!

Hey, remember back in the day four million years ago when a gal named Ana Marie Cox edited this humble publication, and she followed, outed, and interviewed a Hill aide who went by the name "Washingtonienne" and who had lots of anal sex and other kinds of sex that she wrote about on her blog called Washingtonienne? Yes, those were more innocent days when something as simple as a young heterosexual woman having sex with a variety of males could set the world on fire. Let's take a trip down memory lane...a trip that ends on the Straight Talk Express! More »

9:34 AM on Thu Feb 28 2008
By saraksmith
11,269 views, 42 comments

Latest by LittlePig: someone who had a lot of sex, once, the end. More than once in the end! Heyyy-o! more »

risky schemes

Brilliant Strategy Document Reveals Secret 'Defeat Obama' Plan

If you were John McCain and you had to defeat Barack Obama in order to become the world’s oldest non-Communist President, how would you do it? (Keep in mind that you cannot point out that Obama is “urban” or “at risk.”) The answer may surprise you! More »

12:33 PM on Mon Feb 25 2008
By saraksmith
6,179 views, 45 comments

what's your poison?

Clinton Staff Turning Into Pack Of Winos

Hillary Clinton’s love of wine has been widely chronicled in photographs and in print. Now an incendiary article published in the New York Times over the weekend suggests that her staff members have been running around drunk as lords as they try to drink away the pain of a faltering candidacy… More »

9:40 AM on Mon Feb 25 2008
By saraksmith
3,554 views, 39 comments

america's top fraud

Stop Barack Obama Before He Steals (Words) Again!

Barack Obama’s plagiarism has reached levels so brazen, so bizarre, that it borders on the pathological. He descended a notch further in his spiral of doom today when he was caught hauling off a boatload of words that belonged to someone with whom he is intimately acquainted: himself. More »

3:27 PM on Wed Feb 20 2008
By saraksmith
3,314 views, 33 comments

language wars

Hillary Clinton Says Barack Obama Shouldn't Use Words, Money To Campaign

Hillary Clinton continues to suggest her rival Barack Obama is too stylish, and also he is a thiever of words and slippery when it comes to campaign finances. In other words, he is a “politician.” Hillary Clinton finds this repellent and disappointing, and wants voters to know it. More »

9:04 AM on Tue Feb 19 2008
By saraksmith
2,202 views, 31 comments

fisticuffs

Bill Clinton Brawls With Obama Nut!

Crazy Bill Clinton got into a full-on crotch-punching brawl, sort of, with a Barack Obama supporter in Northeast Ohio yesterday. Clinton was speaking at Timken High School when Ohioan Robert Holeman started shouting out Obama’s name at random and stepping on Clinton’s applause lines. Then after the speech Holeman approached Clinton to ask him to stop the “bickering” and “name-calling”, and that is when things very nearly almost got out of hand, but did not. More »

1:23 PM on Mon Feb 18 2008
By saraksmith
4,095 views, 36 comments

Latest by fullofit08: Oblama "fans" show some respect and take your medication we need you more zombie like. Or we will send in that big bad "Michelle from the hood" to come to your dorm room and make you pick up your underwear. more »

not dead yet

Hillary Clinton Will Make You Sorry You Ever Doubted Her

So how many times has the Clinton campaign been declared over? Like 30? Today we have another slew of opinions about how and why Hillary has totally blown it, and a few lonely numbers that suggest she, like the T-1000, has yet to meet her own personal vat of molten metal. More »

3:41 PM on Thu Feb 14 2008
By saraksmith
3,122 views, 49 comments

the wisdom of age

McCain Courts Donors, Evades Grim Reaper

The McCain campaign’s two biggest priorities right now are finding a running mate and fundraising. According to reports, one issue “is being treated with considerably more urgency.” If you guessed that priority #1 was finding a successor to a candidate who, on Inauguration Day, will be just three years shy of average life expectancy, guess again! McCain is more worried about money, duh. [CNN]

10:08 AM on Thu Feb 14 2008
By saraksmith
447 views, 17 comments

Wonkette

Hillary and Her Old Ladies

Posts Tagged “Campaign”