Wonkette

Bill Clinton e-mailed us today and guess what he wants, that’s right, more money. He writes that you can purchase a DVD of Hillary & Bill’s convention speeches for $50 dollars, today! And if you pay $250, you get the same thing but SIGNED BY HILLARY. It is called the “Signature” Edition! Oh man, these people miss that $11 million of their $109 million fortune so much. But aren’t candidates who’ve suspended their campaigns only allowed to raise money through the convention, and then it comes out of their pocketbooks? Maybe there’s an article somewhere about this, but fuck reading. Anyway, Bill Clinton wants you to buy porn, was the point. [Hillary Clinton]

Old Hillary Clinton has sent out another weird e-mail begging for money to cover her campaign debt. She will take you and a guest out to dinner! Hillary writes, “Summer is a time for simple pleasures: family vacations, baseball games, and dinner out under the stars. At least it is if you aren’t running for president!” Oh Jesus… Grandma’s sneaked her way into the scotch cabinet again. [Hillz]

Now that Barack Obama has killed Comedy, America’s last best hope for political laffs is a McCain-Romney ticket. And it looks like Mitt Romney may oblige, given the latest development in his years-long quest to be humiliated by, with, and on behalf of John McCain. He has forgiven the $45 million in loans he made to himself so that he could eke out a few more weeks in terrible debates with the cranky old war vet during primary season! And this means he probably wants to be vice president. MORE »

Last night, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and a couple hundred of their wealthiest friends gathered at the beautiful Mayflower Hotel in Washington to talk about how Hillary could be pope if she wanted to, but she doesn’t, and instead she will serve the nation by collecting money to retire her gigundous campaign debt. MORE »