Wonkette: Campaign Ads

Obama Sucks At Fighting

Newell — Mon, 05 May 2008 15:40:17 EDT

Here is Barack Obama's latest attack/response ad about the gas tax and Hillary being a mean old bully. Snooze. Hillary's just better at this attack shit. You have to invent facts, Barry! [via Ben Smith]

What Has Happened To Barack Obama, Hillary?

Newell — Mon, 05 May 2008 13:30:27 EDT

FEWFWEe32fjkfrlkqrkleqjnkqwkljdqw#@!#!@DWDQW, the end. [YouTube]

Obama Will Even Tax Your OXYGEN

Newell — Fri, 02 May 2008 11:31:53 EDT

Here is Barack Obama's new campaign ad in Indiana, "Pennies," in which he makes some "correct" economic argument about why we should keep taxing your damn motorcar fuel. It amazes us, every day as we wake up, to see how much of a liberal this schlock is. Just because the oil companies are *rich* doesn't mean they don't have *families* to feed. [YouTube]

MoveOn.org Celebrates 'Mission Accomplished' With Delicious Cake

Newell — Wed, 30 Apr 2008 15:22:57 EDT

The liberal terrorists at MoveOn.org are launching a $1 million ad campaign (heyo!) against John McCain, because who the hell else is gonna do it, JESUS H. CHRIST (Mike Huckabee)? The first ad is running in some states where McCain has been running his own ads unopposed, and it features a birthday cake. Or an anniversary cake. It's an Iraq Birthday-Anniversary Cake, celebrating 5-100 years of fun in the sun! Stupid liberals always miss the point — if you make cake analogous to a vote for John McCain, everyone will vote for John McCain. Check out the Elitism ad below.

Interest Groups Slam McCain [The Caucus]

Indiana Should Vote Hillary, Cuz She's From Illinois

Newell — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 16:18:56 EDT

Oh Hillary Clinton, you scourge. Here is her new ad for the great state of Indiana, which is next to Illinois, which is where Hillary is from! That's her line of logic. Hey, Isn't Barack a senator from Illinois? Yes he is — black Illinois, though.

NRCC Claims That Barry And Nancy Will Radically Steal Your Freedom Trinkets

Newell — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 15:45:05 EDT

The National Republican Congressional Committee (NRCC) — the world's most comical political organization, behind House Republicans — has been hoping to convert Barack Obama's non-denunciation of controversial black people into a couple of victories in upcoming House special elections. We saw that piece of crap airing in Mississippi yesterday, about which Travis Childers said nothing. Now they have another ad supporting some GOP dude running in Louisiana, whose opponent supports the "extreme liberal views" of Barack Obama and Nancy Pelosi, depicted below with a lesbian haircut.

RADICAL, LESS FREEDOM:

[YouTube, and Travis Childers said nothing]

John McCain Says High Health Care Costs Are Bad!

Newell — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 12:48:59 EDT

Here is WALNUTS! performing his most comical act: pretending he knows anything about domestic policy! (Foreign policy, too, but that's a different kind of Sad). In this ad about health care, he repeats a very important but widely ignored aspect of the issue: health care is very expensive. Yowza! And then the innovative approach: we must make it affordable. And, of course, the perfect solution: $5,000 tax credits to fix health care entirely. But he fails to mention the simplest way to reduce health care costs: stop spending $6.7 billion to wake up John McCain's failing carcass every day. Also, doesn't he sound congested in this thing? It could be pneumonia, which is almost always lethal when you're McCain's age. [YouTube]

Ron Paul Working Radio Ads (And Winning) In Pennsylvania

Newell — Mon, 21 Apr 2008 14:47:24 EDT

The Ron Paul surprise sneak attack on Pennsylvania is a real winner! He now has this radio ad up in the state, and you can listen to it in the video clip above. Whacky! It suggests that you call 877-RON-PAUL for more information. We called that number for some reason and noted to some volunteer that we heard about Ron Paul on the radio and were told to call the number. He responded, "Ron Paul will be on the ballot tomorrow, if you want to vote for him." 877-RON-PAUL is the best Ron Paul Liberty phone number ever! [YouTube]

Have You Seen John McCain's Smoky Teacher Ad Yet?

Newell — Fri, 11 Apr 2008 14:12:23 EDT

This is one of those McCain web ads, of which there are four million, that has been garnering some Internet buzz re: how funny it is. But if you haven't seen it yet, you should maybe do that right now. It involves McCain's teacher from high school, Ted Williams, rainbow-colored smoke and McCain being a little rat (who bombs people). [YouTube]

...So He Is Talking About Diversity Or Something?

Newell — Wed, 09 Apr 2008 14:11:22 EDT

John McCain has made another one of those damn web ads where some guy with Gravitas reads a vague slop of purple prose for two-and-a-half minutes, expecting it to be "good" for John McCain. This one is called "Tolerance," and it says that we are all Americans. The best part is when it declares that Freedom should be ensured for all mankind with the Lincoln Memorial in the backdrop. So now we know that John McCain does, in fact, support the end of slavery. [YouTube]

Meet Everyone Who Has Ever Known Barack Obama

Newell — Tue, 08 Apr 2008 17:26:33 EDT

Barack Obama's new ad features his sister, or half-sister or whatever she is, and his famous Racist White Grandmother. It also features another old white lady yelling in his face with a smile, but what is she saying? [via The Page]

Hillary Makes Creepy New Ad, Tells People Not To Watch It

Newell — Thu, 03 Apr 2008 16:19:33 EDT

Hillary Clinton shot a new ad for North Carolina at 2:59 a.m. last night before her 3 a.m. nightly phone sex from Hell with Vince Foster, about the economy. Here she portrays a sparkly painted robot also named Hillary Clinton. She says "If you're looking for a typical political commercial, switch the channel," so we immediately switched the Internet channel. But the YouTube video description says "Go to NCAskMe.com to ask Hillary your questions." And once you donate $2,300 dollars to her on this new site, she will have Chelsea's traveling media secretary send you a Hallmark e-Card. [YouTube]

Hillary Clinton Blames John McCain For Leaving Stock Market Open at 3 A.M.

Newell — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 15:50:28 EDT

Ha ha but you see this is not a joke and is her actual new campaign ad. This is something that a group of professional campaign strategists and advertising gurus considered, filmed, and released to the public. These 30 seconds are designed to make human beings think she is qualified to do something, anything, with that pathetic little life of hers. That's all, goodnight. [YouTube]

Mike Gravel's Latest Opus

Newell — Wed, 02 Apr 2008 13:37:07 EDT

Here is former Democratic candidate and current Libertarian party candidate for president, ex-Sen. Mike Gravel, in his latest fun video. He is speaking the words of the Beatles' "Helter Skelter," which has been remixed into a Modern version, "Electro Skeletor." Other famous remixes of "Helter Skelter" include the Manson family. [YouTube]

Barack Will Pay For Your Gas Money, Mr. Hobo!

Newell — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 17:41:36 EDT

This is Barack Obama's new ad for North Carolina, and it's about gas money. It's titled "Nothing's Changed." He discusses the Big Oil companies, concluding with "I won't let them block Change anymore." What's the deal here — are he and "Hope" breaking up or something? [YouTube]

John McCain: The Panamanian Mexican Geezer Americans Have Been Waiting For

Newell — Fri, 28 Mar 2008 14:55:40 EDT

John McCain has made a new ad, for some reason. Much like his outer space web video, it features some gravelly voiceover guy and classical music, like a Lexis commercial. Then it shows the standard clip of McCain being tortured — isn't it odd that they have film of this? — and ends with a fittingly classy line: "John McCain: The American president Americans have been waiting for." Well what in the hell could that mean about Barack Obama? Figure it out, smart guys. [YouTube]

Hillary To 'Level' Your House, With Bulldozers

Newell — Tue, 25 Mar 2008 13:04:13 EDT

Ooh boy, Hillary Clinton has her first ad up in Pennsylvania, the thing that is voting in like a month! She says she will "level the playing field" by taking money away from the Corporates, who made most of their money in the 1990s when "The Clintons" were personally sending dump trucks of $100 bills to Fat Cats' front yards. [YouTube]

'3 A.M. Girl' Despises Hillary Clinton

Newell — Mon, 10 Mar 2008 17:25:54 EDT

Did you know the famous "3 A.M. Girl" in Hillary's POLITICS OF FEAR ad is in the tank for Obama? Apparently, her family shopped her out as a little girl to be in non-POLITICS OF FEAR commercials, and that footage was then sold to the wire service Getty. That way, cheap Getty subscribers, like the Hillary Clinton campaign, could use the footage for anything — including the POLITICS OF FEAR. Watch this girl now denounce and reject Hillary, on this morning's Today. [MSNBC]

Hillary's New Ad Features Dark Tones, She Is Horrible Racist

Newell — Tue, 04 Mar 2008 13:43:59 EST

Did you know this new Clinton ad proves algebraically that Hillary Clinton is a racist? Neither did we, until we read the liberal Internet this morning! One of those insightful cinematography experts at Daily Kos noticed that Obama appears to be even blacker than usual in Clinton's new ad. Is that even possible? Nothing is impossible when BILLARY DOWNHILLARY HITLERY ROD-SHAM CLINTON's 60-year-old plan to win the Democratic nomination is at stake, the blogs say.

Look at how Hillary made Obama into a black person to play on our fragile insecurities:

She knows full well that America likes the less swarthy, "vanilla" flavor better, like in this old attack ad (which was also terribly racist, we've decided — subconsciousness!):

The shocking Kos revelation has led others to suddenly realize that the ad all but screams "n*****", and that Hillary is racist. Here's AMERICAblog's John Aravosis:

It just keeps happening again and again and again. The Clintons keeps doing things, saying things, that sound awfully racist. And we're to believe that this, the - what? 8th, 10th time? - this has happened is again just a coincidence. The first half a dozen times you launch seemingly racist attacks on your black opponent, maybe - maybe - we can write it off as "boy you're really dumb not to get it." But having a seemingly-racist attack from the Clinton folks on Obama every single week, after a while, you don't get to play the "I had no idea!" card anymore. After that many times, you're race-baiting. You're using racism to win. And you're destroying your legacy and your husband's. Enough already.

Hillary make Internet so angry! And why stop with this ad? Look at Hillary's campaign in toto: she is white, and he is half-black, and she has the nerve to compete in an election with him. Did we learn nothing from the Jim Crow era?

Is the Clinton Campaign Now Engaged in Intentional Race-Baiting? [Daily Kos]
Why is Obama's skin blacker than normal in Hillary's new attack ad? [AMERICAblog]

Hillary's New Ad May Not Be Complete Political Embarrassment

Newell — Mon, 03 Mar 2008 14:36:55 EST

Now this is a peculiar strategy for the Clinton campaign. They seem to be eschewing their central Obama attacks — his kindergarten record, horrific plagiarism, being a Negro — for a criticism of his foreign policy judgment, and they're using "solid evidence" from his Senate career to support it. Isn't that mean and unfair of Hillary Clinton? Check out this new "issues-based" ad after the jump.

Clinton spokesman Howard Wolfson was able to corner Obama spokesman David Axelrod yesterday on ABC's This Week using this Afghanistan thingy. But what does Afghanistan have to do with Hope, ultimately? Team Clinton should stick to the "totin' hay" school of politics. Legitimately criticizing her opponent's record would be an unwelcome return to those wretched Rovian politics.

[YouTube]

Barack Rips Hillary's Scary Ad With Silly Parody

Newell — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 18:22:12 EST

Ha ha, what the hell is wrong with Barack Obama and Hillary Clinton? Clinton released her horrifying "a terrorist calls you at 3 a.m. and threatens to kill your babies, unless Hillary Clinton is president" ad this morning, and that defensive Obama has released a direct, snippy response already! His version — after the jump — is more like "a terrorist calls you at 3 a.m. and threatens to kill your babies, and Barack Obama never supported the War in Iraq."

[via Ben Smith]

Terrifying Clinton Ad Asks, Who Will Monitor Your Child-Farming Operation?

saraksmith — Fri, 29 Feb 2008 11:06:01 EST

Commenter norbizness shares this creepy ad in which some sort of menacing night prowler (you, the viewer) goes into a house full of sleeping innocent children and gazes longingly at them while a phone rings. Who do you want looking over your orphanage of adorable tots? Hillary Clinton, of course, because she will be happy to pick up the phone at 3am! She was up anyway, eating a bag of Corn Nuts and polishing off a bottle of merlot while weeping quietly to reruns of What Not to Wear. [YouTube]

Hillary Clinton Takes On Some Cowboy... Voice... Thing

Newell — Fri, 22 Feb 2008 17:17:14 EST

At the moment, it is officially too boring, and too easy, to make fun of Hillary Clinton. Here is Hillary Clinton’s new campaign ad in Texas. It is really something else. We hope that you enjoy Hillary Clinton’s very interesting new campaign ad in Texas. [YouTube]

Hillary Making Play For Latest Firewall, Vermont

Newell — Wed, 20 Feb 2008 11:32:10 EST

Hillary is finally starting to act like the humans and is competing in more than two states. This ad, for example, is running in the French Canadian province of Vermont. Big mistake — how can she possibly win over the state’s 90% black population?

New Hillary Ohio Ad Features One Attractive Human

Newell — Tue, 19 Feb 2008 13:05:12 EST

Hillary’s brand new ad in Ohio — which, along with Texas, is part of her doomed March 4 firewall strategy — discusses working the “night shift,” which every single voter in Ohio does. Hillary has also worked the “night shift,” with glasses. The question is: which night shift does this pretty work? Isn’t Night Shift in Baltimore, and not Ohio at all? Full ad, after the jump.

[YouTube]

Hillary Continues To Be Antichrist Hater of All Positive Things, Destroyer of 'The Good', Breather of Toxic Fire and Generally Speaking, Our World's Satan

Newell — Fri, 15 Feb 2008 16:06:08 EST

Hillary’s made a follow-up ad in Wisconsin to her earlier one. Some people might call this a “negative” or “attack” ad and hate Hillary as a result. Such whining indicates that these people shouldn’t be able to vote. [YouTube]

Hillary Is Being Half-Mean To The Pretty Senator Again!

Newell — Wed, 13 Feb 2008 12:20:17 EST

Now that Hillary’s losing forever, she has to go back to the negative. This is doable, but she should probably avoid the racism this time around, funny as it was. Actually, if Barry is going to be the nominee, maybe she should drop a few n-bombs and see how that fairy holds up — the “hopemonger” needs practice. Hillary’s not quite there yet, but she will attack Barry’s vaguely different health care plan, again, in her newest Wisconsin ad.

Amen, Hillary. Hold out on the Snuclear option for at least a couple more weeks.

[YouTube]

Romney Attacking Woman He'll Never Run Against

Newell — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 16:59:57 EST

Mitt Romney’s new Super Tuesday ad ruthlessly attacks that one person he needs to eliminate, from behind, to win the Republican nomination: WALN— wait, Hillary Clinton? Indeed, this whole ad rips at Hillary Clinton, with Mitt delivering the damning clincher: “She has never run anything!” Did a certain Romney, Mittens maybe purchase this marvel of cinema before the Florida primary? Or South Carolina? New Hampshire? Iowa? It’s just funny because he’ll never run anything again, for now. [YouTube]

Hillary To Throw Obama Voters From Planes

Newell — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 12:44:51 EST

If Hillary Clinton does not become president, according to her new ad “Freefall,” you will plummet from 15,000 feet into the hard, frozen soil of the Siberian winter, where malicious Asian yak will rape and eat you and your family’s splattered remains, forever. But if she does become president, the economy will give everyone millions of dollars! Well, she probably has to play the “I know the economy” card as much as possible, and she’s… doing that. [YouTube]

John Edwards Releases Most Irritating Ad Ever

Newell — Thu, 24 Jan 2008 15:04:27 EST

Lord knows where he got the funding for this modern epic, but it seems to be a waste. Seriously, the cheesy voiceover guy with the movie trailer theme? If you’re going to go down that road, at least have some gun fights or explosions or snippets of you beating the shit out of a Merck executive in that mill you keep talking about.

Mitt Romney To Pander Economy Back On Track

Newell — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 16:27:50 EST

In Mitt Romney’s new ad, he tackles that healthy young pup known as the American economy. You can tell he’s talking about the economy because the footage here shows the word “economy” scrolling across a stock ticker. Mitt Romney would never let the economy stop… scrolling! He will fix it with… power! The American… policies of… spirit!

Rudy Looking To Win Porn Star Hurricane Vote In Florida

Newell — Wed, 23 Jan 2008 14:28:30 EST

Rudy’s new ad isn’t quite Mike Gravel-strange, but it is very terrible. Floridians, who get shat on yearly by devastating monster storms from the sea, enjoy few things more than doctored horror images of their crumbling houses and forsaken livelihoods. One of these few things, however, is when ’70s porn music soundtracks said horror images. Rudy really does have a death fetish, doesn’t he? [Rudy Giuliani]

Mittens Spent Life In 'Real Economy'

Newell — Tue, 22 Jan 2008 12:43:43 EST

In Mittens’ new Florida campaign ad, which includes images of many lovely beaches and sea coasts, he says he should be president because he’s entered the realm of human life before: “I know how America works, because I spent my life in the real economy.” Really? Plenty of us have spent time in this same “real economy,” and we have no idea how this damn country works. But if you can fix it, go ahead, you can be presidents.

Rudy. Fight. Old Prohibition Crime Bosses. Win.

Newell — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 13:01:20 EST

New ad, Rudy. Challenge, Change. Fight. 9/11, on the scene. Cough. Cough. Sixth place tied with Duncan Hunter. Cough. [Rudy Giuliani]

Only Mitt Romney Can Fix the Chairs in Washington

Newell — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 14:42:27 EST

Mittens’ first ad in Florida, “Chairs,” is playing on that new prizewinning theme of his: that people who have been to Washington before won’t know how to “fix Washington.” This will certainly help him beat Florida rival and Old Washington Hand Rudy Giuliani, who was Mayor of the Senate when airplanes hit the Pentagon.

Barry's New Ad Is Sorta Cool Looking

Newell — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 15:35:50 EST

Barack Obama’s cleverly named new Nevada ad, “Would,” has some gripping classical music in the background, high resolution stills, epic lighting, candid think-shots. Its elegance is sure to appeal to… the elite liberals already voting for him. Someone please get this guy to a muffler factory or a barbecue or a tirefire or something!

McCain Targets BLACK BABY Military Crowd in SC

Newell — Tue, 15 Jan 2008 12:47:25 EST

John McCain touts his BLACK BABY record in this new BLACK BABY ad for South Carolina. As you know, BLACK BABIES tortured McCain when he was held prisoner in the Hanoi BLACK BABY Hilton. And if McCain wins in BLACK BABY Michigan tonight, he might just get that BLACK BABY redemption in BLACKEST BABY OF ALL TIME South Carolina after eight long years OF HAVING BLACK BABIES.

McCain Is Laziest Ad Maker Ever

Newell — Mon, 14 Jan 2008 13:22:25 EST

You know how every newspaper in the world (of New Hampshire) endorsed WALNUTS! and then he bragged about it in an ad? Well apparently in Michigan — where he’s in a tight battle for the republic with Mittens — its particular flavor of dying print journalism also loves the crazy old man. McCain brags about this, too, in a new ad that is the exact same thing as the New Hampshire ad, just with different words.

Here’s the Michigan ad, Straight Talk Express pulling up and all:

Aaaand here’s that same goddamn Straight Talk Express pulling up at the same goddamn stop, only now to the tune of the Keene Sentinel:

Torture him!

[John McCain]

But John Edwards Was a Lawyer

Newell — Fri, 11 Jan 2008 13:05:40 EST

John Edwards’ use of “mill” is reaching “9/11”-levels of shamelessness in the face of losing. Exhibit A: His new South Carolina ad, which is called… “Mill”! Guess why he’s running for president, according to this ad? Because his father worked in a mill! Rudy and Johnny should run on a ticket and combine their messages into a behemoth of self-pity: “A Vote for the 9/11 Mill is a Vote Against Hijacked Lower-Middle Class Terrorism.” [YouTube]

Rudy. Tested. Ready. Gonna Lose.

Newell — Thu, 10 Jan 2008 12:16:15 EST

Rudy Giuliani. Tested. Ready. Now. Has. New ad. In Florida. A country at war. Economy. Dead. Talking heads. Campaign in the shitter. People. Don’t respond. Well to. Snippets. Sentence fragments. Gotta mention. 9/11. Florida. No I said no I won’t No. [YouTube]

Wonkette: Campaign Ads

Obama Sucks At Fighting

What Has Happened To Barack Obama, Hillary?

Obama Will Even Tax Your OXYGEN

MoveOn.org Celebrates 'Mission Accomplished' With Delicious Cake

Indiana Should Vote Hillary, Cuz She's From Illinois

NRCC Claims That Barry And Nancy Will Radically Steal Your Freedom Trinkets

John McCain Says High Health Care Costs Are Bad!

Ron Paul Working Radio Ads (And Winning) In Pennsylvania

Have You Seen John McCain's Smoky Teacher Ad Yet?

...So He Is Talking About Diversity Or Something?

Meet Everyone Who Has Ever Known Barack Obama

Hillary Makes Creepy New Ad, Tells People Not To Watch It

Hillary Clinton Blames John McCain For Leaving Stock Market Open at 3 A.M.

Mike Gravel's Latest Opus

Barack Will Pay For Your Gas Money, Mr. Hobo!

John McCain: The Panamanian Mexican Geezer Americans Have Been Waiting For

Hillary To 'Level' Your House, With Bulldozers

'3 A.M. Girl' Despises Hillary Clinton

Hillary's New Ad Features Dark Tones, She Is Horrible Racist

Hillary's New Ad May Not Be Complete Political Embarrassment

Barack Rips Hillary's Scary Ad With Silly Parody

Terrifying Clinton Ad Asks, Who Will Monitor Your Child-Farming Operation?

Hillary Clinton Takes On Some Cowboy... Voice... Thing

Hillary Making Play For Latest Firewall, Vermont

New Hillary Ohio Ad Features One Attractive Human

Hillary Continues To Be Antichrist Hater of All Positive Things, Destroyer of 'The Good', Breather of Toxic Fire and Generally Speaking, Our World's Satan

Hillary Is Being Half-Mean To The Pretty Senator Again!

Romney Attacking Woman He'll Never Run Against

Hillary To Throw Obama Voters From Planes

John Edwards Releases Most Irritating Ad Ever

Mitt Romney To Pander Economy Back On Track

Rudy Looking To Win Porn Star Hurricane Vote In Florida

Mittens Spent Life In 'Real Economy'

Rudy. Fight. Old Prohibition Crime Bosses. Win.

Only Mitt Romney Can Fix the Chairs in Washington

Barry's New Ad Is Sorta Cool Looking

McCain Targets *BLACK BABY* Military Crowd in SC

McCain Is Laziest Ad Maker Ever

But John Edwards Was a Lawyer

Rudy. Tested. Ready. Gonna Lose.

McCain Targets BLACK BABY Military Crowd in SC