Tag: campaign

Callista Gingrich and His Holiness Pope Babar IV

Newt Gingrich’s Third Wife Might Make A Great Ambassador To The Vatican! Your Open Thread!

She's probably settled down a lot since the 90s.
Also, they're not so crazy about his followers

Trump Tells Roomful Of Nevadans They Say ‘Nevada’ Wrong, Because Why Not At This Point?

Donald Trump isn't your "typical politician" in much the same way that an empty beer can smooshed between two mummified rats isn't your "typical sandwich." This beer-can-between-rats quality was again on display at a campaign stop in Reno, Nevada, Wednesday night, when...

Let’s Imagine: Michele Bachmann Advises Donald Trump On Foreign Policy

The helicopter soared over the Minnesota woods like a huge machine designed for that purpose. Inside were Donald J. Trump and his pilot, Golden Pilot, a gold plated human pilot who was very expensive. “Golden Pilot,” said Trump. “Yes, Mr. Trump?”...

Democrats Target Donald Trump’s Greatest Weakness: Donald Trump

The Democratic Convention probed for weaknesses in the Republican nominee, and found a target-rich environment.
This is not the disco inferno we were looking for

Ted Cruz Now Terrifying Small Children In Person

Watch out, Wonkers, it may very well be Ted Cruz day at Yr Wonkette. No, come back! We'll have kittens later, maybe. Old Bile and Backpfeifengesicht was doing a Town Hall thing in New Hampshire Sunday when he used...

The Weekend Stock Photo Report Chooses To Be Gay

In this installment of The Weekend Stock Photo Report with Weekend S. Photo, Benjamin Netanyahu growls sofly and carries a big shtick, The Supreme Court dignifies the undignifiable, and Ben Carson is a doctor, really! Missed last week's report? No...

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah Reaches Out To ‘Bitter Clingers And Wingers’

It's October, and in just a couple weeks, a depressingly small percentage of Americans will vote for a new Congress. Sarah Palin's out on the campaign trail, makin' darned sure that the whitest and rightest midterm voters pull the...
Turn that poo-face upside down, Sarah.

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Sarah’s Getting Pretty Tired Of This Internet ‘Job’

This week's edition of The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker, is intelligible only if you speak election-year argle-bargle at a 12th-grade level or higher. Palin's most recent piece of content is completely incoherent, and yes, we know,...

Veep Recap: Lousy Smarch Weather

Oh dear, your Veep recap seems to be a little low. Here, let us fix that. WHELP, Selina went to Silicon Valley this week, which is also where another HBO show is set, the show right before this one! No...

Please Oh Please Run For President, Bernie Sanders

Earlier this month, Bernie Sanders told The Nation's John Nichols that he is "prepared to run for President of the United States," and now we are treated to a reminder of how awesome that would be every time we...

Mitch McConnell Hearts Gays, Except He Doesn’t Because He Sucks At Life

We all know that every problem in America can be blamed on the liberals, with our absolute belief that man-on-dog-on-snowman sex should be taught as Biblically sanctioned in second grade classrooms. Let’s just face facts -- we liberals love...

Here Are Your Victoria Jackson Campaign Posters, You Liberal Commie Monsters

We asked you to help Wonkette frenemy Victoria Jackson with her inspiring run for alderthingie of her hometown in Tennessee (not Florida, stupid internet), and you came through! Our winning entry is from Gleem McShineys, and it is titled...

Mitch McConnell Opposed Violence Against Women Before He Was For It

Senator Mitch McConnell's reelection campaign is trying the old "Sure, I care about ladies and their dumb concerns" strategy, even if it has to fib shade the truth just a little bit: A press packet that McConnell’s spokeswoman distributed to...

Ann And Mitt Romney Adjust To Sad Lonely Life Of Regular Old Centi-Millionaires

Mitt Romney is SO VERY SAD, you guys. All he wanted was to be President. That's it. He had a dream, just a simple dream, and You People crushed it. So now he spends his days alone, shuffling around...

Romney Campaign Has Sad

The Romney campaign is so sad, you guys! They know the whole campaign has been one bed-shitting after another, and that their candidate is worse than Newt Gingrich and Herman Cain and Christine O'Donnell combined, because of those three...

GOP: Barack Obama’s Command Over The Weather Means We Will Pay More For Cedar Cheese And Those Cakes We Like

Remember “Julia,” the main character in an Obama campaign website who goes through her childhood and adolescence suckling off the government teat before becoming a web designer and taking birth control pills? Well, now she is back, courtesy of...