Tag Archives: callista gingrich

  department of silver linings

Fox News Displeased: California Begins Releasing Hardened Children From Juvie

Hardened criminals to now be released from chain gangs early.
One of the few bright spots for liberals in Tuesday’s “tectonic skullfucking” of an election was the passing of progressive ballot initiatives in various states. In California, voters passed Proposition 47, which reclassifies some nonviolent property and drug crime felonies as misdemeanors and could allow as many as 10,000 convicted felons to apply for resentencing and earlier release from the state’s seriously overcrowded prisons. Also, courts are expected to file about 40,000 fewer felony charges annually. Read more on Fox News Displeased: California Begins Releasing Hardened Children From Juvie…
  war on honesty

War On Moms Update: Moms Retreat To Gun Convention

The Moms can really hotfoot it, but we have tracked them down with illegal surveillance tools: They are in St. Louis at an NRA convention, listening to every paranoiac in the country spout off about and/or purchase as many guns as possible. If the Moms are safe anywhere, it’s surely at a convention of gun nuts “testing” the latest weapons of death by firing them indiscriminately, to determine which lucky assault rifles will max out their credit cards this year. You’re in steady hands, Moms. Read more on War On Moms Update: Moms Retreat To Gun Convention…
  may your hinges always stay lubricated

Young Turks Kick Callista Gingrich When She’s Down (VIDEO)

Everyone hates Moon Empress and Lizardoid “V” Queen Callista Gingrich, this is not “news.” But why? Wonkette’s own Jim Newell explained she has never done anything to anyone (we guess Jim forgot about Newt’s second wife) and is not even running for anything so what who cayuhs. Well, Cenk [Last Name] of The Young Turks apparently does, that’s who, and put together a nightmare video, after the jump. Read more on Young Turks Kick Callista Gingrich When She’s Down (VIDEO)…
  today in pollery

Voters Simply Don’t Care For Callista Gingrich, Who Is Not Running For Anything

Why do pollsters do polls about candidates’ spouses? They just sort of stand there, on the trail, smiling, and then if the candidate wins they may launch some benign PR initiative, like recommending good nutrition and exercise for children. In other words, they poll candidates’ spouses because they’re extremely important figures who could end up indoctrinating our children! And Callista “Cally” Gingrich, according to the latest PPP poll, has an 18% favorability rating. It seems there’s quite a bit of jealousy out there among the 82% of American voters who haven’t had the pleasure of marrying Newt Gingrich yet. Read more on Voters Simply Don’t Care For Callista Gingrich, Who Is Not Running For Anything…
  new women coalitions for women

All American Ladies Rush To Join ‘Women With Newt’

Have you ever been a “Woman with Newt,” or did you escape your 1990s stint as a female congressional staffer untouched? If it’s the latter, then that’s fine, you’ll have plenty of opportunities to make it up and perform your service either now or under the future President Gingrich. See Newt, a famously carnivorous vulva jackal, has finally gotten the memo that ladies can vote, and has thus started the “Women with Newt National Coalition,” a group of ghosts that Callista Gingrich will run around screaming at with little purpose. Read more on All American Ladies Rush To Join ‘Women With Newt’…
  yeeeeessshhhh

Newt Gingrich Wishes You A Very Disgusting Valentine’s Day

Wait, wait, we’ll tell you all about Newt Gingrich’s plans to get laid tonight in just a second — that is what you all want to read about, right? — but first: This Newt Gingrich “Valentine’s Day attack site,” Liberals Love Romney. It points out that Romney and various liberal men are gay for each other, which is hardly news. See it? There’s Al Gore, there’s Barack Obama, there’s George Soros, there’s Saul Alinsky. Oh, a lady — she needs to leave. It’s going to be a great Valentine’s night for Mitt Romney, according to this dumb Newt Gingrich website. What’s in store for Gingrich himself? Just go ahead and vomit now, to get it out of the way. Read more on Newt Gingrich Wishes You A Very Disgusting Valentine’s Day…
  #winning

Gingrich Spokesman Constantly Fiddling With Newt’s Wikipedia Page

The number one reason nobody likes pedantic swamp bubble Newt Gingrich is because of all the horrible things they are reading about him on his Wikipedia page, obviously. Why else would Newt campaign spokesman Joe DeSantis spend so much time glued to his computer belaboring minor edits to Newt and Callista’s Wikipedia entries that even CNN finally bothered to notice and make fun of it? Read more on Gingrich Spokesman Constantly Fiddling With Newt’s Wikipedia Page…
  republican family values

Newt Gingrich Was Aspiring Polygamist in Nineties, Ex-Wife Says

The density of swollen piglet Newt Gingrich’s sleaziness is apparently such that there are still, ten years later, more awful details of his second divorce that America had not yet learned: ex-wife Marianne Gingrich told ABC News that before Newt left her, he asked her to just be cool about the whole affair thing and try sharing him with other women. This sounds like the sort of argument that Newt concluded with a whimpering, “but that’s how Thomas Jefferson’s marriage worked, in history!” And now, today, no one in America is laughing harder than Marianne Gingrich, because this sordid little revelation has won the news cycle timing jackpot and immediately reduced Newt’s endorsement from Rick Perry to sullen ashes. Read more on Newt Gingrich Was Aspiring Polygamist in Nineties, Ex-Wife Says…
  almost makes us miss cindy mccain

Actual News Report: GOP Wives Get Along Together Just Swimmingly

Oh excitement, Entertainment Weekly ABC News got around to recycling one of these sticky cotton candy puff pieces on how the blond Stepford wives of the GOP candidates still manage, against all odds, to behave like perfect ladies amongst themselves even as their deranged spouses hurl feces at one another all day long. What gives them these magical powers? Read more on Actual News Report: GOP Wives Get Along Together Just Swimmingly…
  lifestyles of the rich and tasteless

Tacky Diamond Trinket Junkie Callista Gingrich Spotted Lurking At Tiffany’s

Bloated whiner Newt Gingrich is still campaigning for President despite being a prickly harping gasbag that nobody likes, in part because he maxed out a half-million dollar credit line at Tiffany’s that he scored through a bribery scheme to be able to buy the love of his high maintenance wife-bot. Even though this made him look like a grasping old sugar daddy fool who lives in contempt of ordinary struggling Americans, which he is, Newt has thankfully recovered from his media spanking none the wiser and is back to champagne-soaked shopping trips at Tiffany’s with his creepy helmet-head wife, Callista. Read more on Tacky Diamond Trinket Junkie Callista Gingrich Spotted Lurking At Tiffany’s…
  literary triumphs

First Lady of Twitter Callista Gingrich Writes a Book for Child Patriots

Teen sensation Newt Gingrich has just won something called a “Twitter primary,” which is a presidential race that only exists on Twitter, but doesn’t really exist at all. So congratulations, Newt Gingrich, for being President of Twitter, which is not a real thing. How did Newton achieve this incredible victory, when he is so completely inept when it comes to running for the actual presidency? Newt Gingrich is Twitter. He has been on Twitter since 2009, and knows exactly how use it to pal around with nobodies. Of course, there is little left to do after becoming President of Twitter, so Newt has decided to use his Internet glory to remind his OVER ONE MILLION followers to pre-order a copy of likely literary masterpiece Sweet Land of Liberty, written by none other than discount diamond-lover and Wife #3, Callista Gingrich. Read more on First Lady of Twitter Callista Gingrich Writes a Book for Child Patriots…
  the pickup artist

Newt Gingrich Is a Man of Endless Treasure

“Callista Gingrich, was employed by the House Agriculture Committee until 2007, according to public records. She listed a ‘revolving charge account’ at Tiffany and Company in the liability section of her personal financial disclosure form for two consecutive years and indicated that it was her spouse’s debt. The liability was reported in the range of $250,001 to $500,000.” Above, Newt Gingrich’s official campaign song. Read more on Newt Gingrich Is a Man of Endless Treasure…
  velociraptors in the news

Newt Gingrich’s Weird Affair-Wife Is Kind of Weird

Domestic bliss, until the next affair: Mr. Gingrich took up golf because his wife plays; she has adopted his political agenda. In 2009, after years of attending Mass to hear her sing in her church choir, he converted to Catholicism. And when Mrs. Gingrich, who plays French horn with the city band in Fairfax, Va., appears in concerts, her husband totes her black instrument case. “I’m a band groupie and a choir groupie,” Mr. Gingrich likes to say. Read more on Newt Gingrich’s Weird Affair-Wife Is Kind of Weird…