Tag Archives: california

  Not A Rash Decision

California Pries Measles Out Of Anti-Vaxxers’ Cold, Dumb Hands

Are your brains melting yet, Mommy? Are they? Now, about that pony...
Hey, how about some Science Nice Time? California Gov. Jerry Brown signed the state’s new vaccine requirement into law today, over the cries of “Government Oppression!” and “Big Pharma! Big Pharma! Big Pharma!” from anti-vaxxers. The bill eliminates exemptions for personal and religious beliefs, even though many Californians will be sad because their precious unvaccinated disease vectors will not be allowed to attend public schools. Read more on California Pries Measles Out Of Anti-Vaxxers’ Cold, Dumb Hands…
  Democracy at work

Mean Attorney General Won’t Let Californians Vote To Kill Homos Dead

Months back, Wonkette broke the story (MUST CREDIT WONKET!) of secret mystery incognito lawyer Matt McLaughlin, who had filed a California ballot initiative called the “Sodomite Suppression Act,” to suppress the sodomites, by killing them. The initiative specifically instructed that those caught in the act of same-sex hanky panky should “be put to death by bullets to the head or by any other convenient method.” And under California’s weird system, if the person filing the initiative pays $200 and collects 365,880 signatures, the state’s citizens get to vote on it! Before McLaughlin could collect any signatures, state Attorney General Kamala Harris said she did not have time for ANY of that shit and filed a Superior Court action to have the initiative thrown out on its merits, never to see the light of day again, saying that it was “patently unconstitutional, utterly reprehensible, and has no place in a civil society.” Man, it’s like killing gays is frowned upon these days or something. Read more on Mean Attorney General Won’t Let Californians Vote To Kill Homos Dead…
  Anti-Vaxxers Are Easily Spotted

California GOP Lady: Why Cram Vaccines Down Everyone’s Throat Over One Measly Outbreak?

Think about the real victims, will you?
Last month, the California Senate passed SB 277, a bill that got rid of exemptions for “personal and religious beliefs” from the state’s mandate that all children be vaccinated before they can attend school. The bill is still awaiting a vote in the full State Assembly, and gosh darn it, Kristin Olsen, the State Assembly GOP Leader, is worried that California is rushing into passing this bill without thinking things through. In a radio interview last week, Olsen explained that there’s no need to go requiring vaccines just because a bunch of unvaccinated kids led to one teeny-tiny multi-state measles outbreak: Read more on California GOP Lady: Why Cram Vaccines Down Everyone’s Throat Over One Measly Outbreak?…
  Conservation is for little people

Rich A-Holes Guzzling California’s Last Drops Of Water Because ‘We’re Not All Equal’

freedom is deader than this lawn
You may have heard that California is all out of water. Again. This is a thing that happens frequently — not because of abortion, or pagans, or Obama’s policies on Israel — but because the state is mostly a desert and does not make enough water to support California’s addiction to perfectly manicured lawns, swimming pools, and hydrated sidewalks. Gov. Jerry Brown has told Californians to stop wasting all the water, because seriously, people, there is no more left. But rich fucks, being rich fucks, don’t give a fuck. The state is not the boss of them, and they’ll waste all the water they want, because they are better than the rest of us: Read more on Rich A-Holes Guzzling California’s Last Drops Of Water Because ‘We’re Not All Equal’…
  Waiting For The Sky's Water To Break

California Lady Lawmaker Knows What Causes Droughts, And It Is Abortion

This 'sand'? It's all POWDERED FETUSES!
Though they may never accept evolution, let it never be said that rightwingers never let their thinking on critical issues evolve. Take, for instance (please!) California Assemblywoman Shannon Grove, who used to believe California’s drought was caused by environmentalists giving all the state’s water to fish, but who now has come up with a far more plausible explanation for why it hasn’t rained: God is angry with California because of legal abortion. How she knows that it’s abortion and not The Gays we don’t know, but she’s got her ways of knowing things. Read more on California Lady Lawmaker Knows What Causes Droughts, And It Is Abortion…
  Loonocracy

California City Bans Chemtrails, Mind Control Rays; Everybody Obviously Cool With It

Now proven: 'Pinkie Sense' more reliable than Richmond CA City Council
Back on May 19, the city of Richmond, California, adopted a resolution opposing the deployment of weapons in space. At first glance, it seemed like one of those nice crunchy-granola lefty leftovers from the Reagan administration, like voting for a nuclear freeze. But since the passage of the resolution, the city’s police department has been flooded with calls from people who want help with all the mind-control rays getting past their tinfoil hats. Read more on California City Bans Chemtrails, Mind Control Rays; Everybody Obviously Cool With It…
  how rude!

Mean California Dems Won’t Let Fake Abortion Clinics Lie To Ladies And Call Them Whores :(

Did you REALLY just tell me that my IUD is a baby?
These things exist, called Crisis Pregnancy Centers (CPC’s). They like to set up in the inner city, and they act like they’re just trying to help the pregnant ladies who want abortions, but in reality, women who go there get fed whole lines of incorrect medical “info” (aka “lies”) about how abortion causes breast cancer and abortion causes ladies to be depressed forever, and so on. Sometimes they just tell ladies they’re whores, and that they’ll never be able to get pregnant again if they get ‘bortions. Most of them don’t even have medical staff. Read more on Mean California Dems Won’t Let Fake Abortion Clinics Lie To Ladies And Call Them Whores :(…
  We all got slimed

Congrats, Santa Barbara! You Got Oiled By One Of America’s Slimiest Pipeline Companies!

You can still see some sand, so it's not that bad.
This post supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for coverage of oil spills, oil industry nastiness, and coastal sliming. So here’s the good news about Tuesday’s oil spill in Santa Barbara County, California: It’s nothing compared to the 1969 offshore drilling accident that fouled hundreds of square miles of ocean. That one was the third-worst oil spill in U.S. history, while Tuesday’s spill was a mere wet fart of a spill, with only about 105,000 gallons of oil spilled, of which a piddling 21,000 gallons went into the coastal waters. (There, that’s our “minimizing disaster” tryout for the Heartland Institute blogging job. Wish us luck!) Read more on Congrats, Santa Barbara! You Got Oiled By One Of America’s Slimiest Pipeline Companies!…
  Goo Goo Ga Ga Woo Woo

The Snake Oil Bulletin: Let’s Fill Our Veins With Air Bubbles And Try Not To Die

Well howdee, good readers! Welcome back to the Snake Oil Bulletin, the bestest little pseudoscience blog east of the Mississippi. We’re presenting a concentrated, extra pulpy version of the Bulletin this week because your beloved Volpe is moving, which means he is buried so deep in boxes of junk he can’t even locate his dignity (probably packed it away in the USELESS CRAP / DISHTOWELS box), let alone the time to do much of anything. If you’re upset by the shortened length, just think of today’s bulletin as the Homeopathic Edition: so small it just has to be that much more effective! Also it costs $14.95 more. We accept PayPal! Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin: Let’s Fill Our Veins With Air Bubbles And Try Not To Die…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Knows Democrats Are Causing California’s Drought

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented By Fartknocker
Yr Wonket has been covering the Sarah Palin Channel for the better part of a year now, and we have never, ever seen Palin say something this breathtakingly stupid. Hyperbole? Perhaps. But take a gander at this stupid, and have the number of your nearest burn unit on hand, because this is just searingly dumb: Read more on The Fartknocker Report: Sarah Palin Knows Democrats Are Causing California’s Drought…
  Here have some news n stuff

Hero GOP Senator Will Save Tax Dollars From Dumb Things Like Chocolate

Republican Jeff Flake, the other jackass senator from Arizona, loves to Make A Point about how much of your tax dollars the government is wasting on dumb stuff that he, Jeff Flake, does not understand and therefore sees no reason to fund. Here’s the most recent installment in his weekly #PorkChops series: Read more on Hero GOP Senator Will Save Tax Dollars From Dumb Things Like Chocolate…
  yummy!

Lame California Hippies Don’t Want Industrial Waste In One Glass Of Water They Have Left

A little arsenic never killed anybody, oh wait it did?
  California has no water, basically, because of liberal lies like “climate change” and “a bad drought.” Or maybe there is no water because nature-worshippers stole all of it, to give it to fish. WHATEVER happened, there’s not much left, and now some liberal hippie environment lovers have filed a lawsuit to say “Hey, oil companies, could you stop literally shitting all your toxic waste into our water, of which we have none?” Read more on Lame California Hippies Don’t Want Industrial Waste In One Glass Of Water They Have Left…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments: This One’s About Vaccines And Vaginas!

Vacation plan: Clean apartment, finish reading that Twain biography. Vacation reality: Booze & MLP fanfic
Oh, Wonkers, we have some beautiful deletia for you this week! Looks to us like some people have really been working overtime in the Derp Mines to bring us this fine assortment of stupidity. For starters, we have this thought-provoking bit of turnabout from “John Smith” (Real name: “Bob Johnson”), who understands that Bobby Jindal just wants to protect Liberty from the homos. Just think about this — would you libs really be so hot on forcing Christians to provide services to gay people if it also meant that gay people would have to serve people with whom they have traditionally been at Culture War? Read more on Deleted Comments: This One’s About Vaccines And Vaginas!…
  What Does God Need With A Rain Gauge?

Wingnut Dennis Prager: Nature-Worshiping Pagans Stole California’s Water, Gave It To Fish

Stupid nymphs, takin' all our water!
Dennis Prager, the Family-Values radio talker who thinks children should go hungry because it builds character and that nudity is undermining American society, has more thoughts about Matters Spiritual and Material. Specifically, he has figured out why California has a “drought” — it has nothing to do with insufficient rain and snow, and is instead the result of nature-worshiping greenies. Like so many conspiracy theorists, they always end up blaming the Druids. Read more on Wingnut Dennis Prager: Nature-Worshiping Pagans Stole California’s Water, Gave It To Fish…
  Isn't that what sombreros are for?

California School Board Might Give The Mexican Children Air Conditioning Even Though They Are Mexican, Hooray!

Well yeah, it kinda is!
A lady on the school board in Martinez, California, name of Denise Elsken, made people very mad in March, by saying that this one elementary school, where the white kids go, needs all the A/C, and that this other school, where the Latino kids go, does not. Why? Because the brown kids are “more acclimated” to heat, because they are poor and Mexican, we guess. Here, specifically, is what she said: Read more on California School Board Might Give The Mexican Children Air Conditioning Even Though They Are Mexican, Hooray!…
  Just A Little Prick

Anti-Vaxxers Furious California Might Take Away Their Precious Measles

Oh what fun!
A California state senate committee has passed a bill to deprive anti-vaxxers the FREEDOM! to claim their sincerely held personal beliefs trump the rights of their fellow citizens to not catch the measles. As it currently stands, SB 277 does not include an exemption for religious beliefs, which is only fair when you consider how few churches include an exemption for smallpox-carrying parishioners. The bill’s co-sponsor, state Sen. Richard Pan, is a board-certified doctor, so of course he’s spouting the pro-vaccine lies that Big Pharma wants you to hear. Read more on Anti-Vaxxers Furious California Might Take Away Their Precious Measles…
  we are worried he's holding back

CA Lawyer Who Wants To Kill All Gays Gets Poor Review From Ex-Boss (And Everyone Else)

But how can you fork a guy you've never met?
Remember that wild and crazy guy, Matt McLaughlin, the secret agent lawyer guy who filed a California initiative called the Sodomite Suppression Act? In case you’ve smoked too many drugs lately and don’t recall, this is the initiative that calls for the expulsion and elimination of all California gay queer sodomites by various means, up to and including “bullets to the head,” or whatever else is handy. Did they actually track him down? No, of course not, he’s got no online presence and seems to be an invisible human. They found one of his old bosses, though, and wow, that boss does NOT have kind things to say. Let’s meet Bruce C. Bridgman, attorney at law, who briefly employed McLaughlin in 2002: Read more on CA Lawyer Who Wants To Kill All Gays Gets Poor Review From Ex-Boss (And Everyone Else)…
  A Modesto Proposal

Jerry Brown Won’t Let California Water Its Lawn, Just Because There’s No More Water

To think that MS Paint doesn't include a stencil font...
California Gov. Jerry Brown has signed a lawless executive order (they’re all lawless) imposing mandatory water restrictions on the oppressed people of the Golden State, which is pretty much what they asked for by being a bunch of Left Coast nanny staters. Read more on Jerry Brown Won’t Let California Water Its Lawn, Just Because There’s No More Water…
  Here have some news n stuff

Senate Can’t Find Time To Get Anything Done, Goes On Spring Break For Two Weeks

Homer Simpson for Senate Majority Leader?
Being a member of Congress really is the sweetest gig. You can suck at your job, get nothing done at all, collect a six-figure salary plus great benefits, and then take a vacation, because hey, you just worked so hard at not getting anything done, you’ve earned that break. Again: Read more on Senate Can’t Find Time To Get Anything Done, Goes On Spring Break For Two Weeks…
  superior trolling

California Ballot Measure Will Put Anti-Gay Bigot In Timeout For Being ‘Intolerant Jackass’

Don't let his cuteness fool you...this is one bigoted jackass.
A few weeks ago we reported on mysterious California lawyer Matthew McLaughlin and his use of the state’s ridiculous ballot proposition system as a vehicle to assuage his fear of a gay planet. McLaughlin had filed a proposition in favor of the fanciful notion that California should shoot in the head anyone who engages in sodomy, aka the “abominable crime against nature known as buggery,” aka The Gay. To which the only appropriate response is, “In California? The land of fruits and nuts? HA HA HA…oh, right.” Read more on California Ballot Measure Will Put Anti-Gay Bigot In Timeout For Being ‘Intolerant Jackass’…