Let's go to imagination land, where the person who got the most votes is actually the president RIGHT NOW!
The Oakland City Council is using pot permits to undo some of the excesses of the War on Drugs. Freakin' California, what'll they think of next?
More dispatches from the New Cruelty
Here's a cool way to boost school achievement: Make the poorer students statistically disappear!
Betsy DeVos was ... the voice of reason? WTF?
How much does Betsy DeVos suck? The Democrats decided to spend 24 hours reminding everybody how much.
Repuuuuublicans, come out to play-aaay!
The Muslim Ban gets a new name, Voice of America gets ruined, and government agencies are going rouge! Your morning news brief!
Of course, that's also where the 5 million illegal voters were...
Paul Ryan thinks immigrants are double-plus good, Jason Chaffetz HATES the ethics, and the Women's March will be YUGE! Your morning news brief!
YOU COME WATCH THIS MICHELLE OBAMA VIDEO RIGHT NOW. AND READ YOUR TOP STORIES TOO.
The GOP has a REALLY bad day, NAACP protests Jeff Sessions, and Bill O'Reilly hates Hollywood commies! Your morning news brief!
Why does California want all the children to have sex for money? Oh right, it doesn't, and the Republicans are lying again. We almost forgot.
Bill O'Reilly says there's no such thing as white privilege, and he'll fight to the death to defend it.
Just in: If the Daily Mail carried news, it'd be a newspaper.
Governor Moonbeam is back, and he rocks.