Tag Archives: california

  What Does God Need With A Rain Gauge?

Wingnut Dennis Prager: Nature-Worshiping Pagans Stole California’s Water, Gave It To Fish

Stupid nymphs, takin' all our water!
Dennis Prager, the Family-Values radio talker who thinks children should go hungry because it builds character and that nudity is undermining American society, has more thoughts about Matters Spiritual and Material. Specifically, he has figured out why California has a “drought” — it has nothing to do with insufficient rain and snow, and is instead the result of nature-worshiping greenies. Like so many conspiracy theorists, they always end up blaming the Druids. Read more on Wingnut Dennis Prager: Nature-Worshiping Pagans Stole California’s Water, Gave It To Fish…
  Isn't that what sombreros are for?

California School Board Might Give The Mexican Children Air Conditioning Even Though They Are Mexican, Hooray!

Well yeah, it kinda is!
A lady on the school board in Martinez, California, name of Denise Elsken, made people very mad in March, by saying that this one elementary school, where the white kids go, needs all the A/C, and that this other school, where the Latino kids go, does not. Why? Because the brown kids are “more acclimated” to heat, because they are poor and Mexican, we guess. Here, specifically, is what she said: Read more on California School Board Might Give The Mexican Children Air Conditioning Even Though They Are Mexican, Hooray!…
  Just A Little Prick

Anti-Vaxxers Furious California Might Take Away Their Precious Measles

Oh what fun!
A California state senate committee has passed a bill to deprive anti-vaxxers the FREEDOM! to claim their sincerely held personal beliefs trump the rights of their fellow citizens to not catch the measles. As it currently stands, SB 277 does not include an exemption for religious beliefs, which is only fair when you consider how few churches include an exemption for smallpox-carrying parishioners. The bill’s co-sponsor, state Sen. Richard Pan, is a board-certified doctor, so of course he’s spouting the pro-vaccine lies that Big Pharma wants you to hear. Read more on Anti-Vaxxers Furious California Might Take Away Their Precious Measles…
  we are worried he's holding back

CA Lawyer Who Wants To Kill All Gays Gets Poor Review From Ex-Boss (And Everyone Else)

But how can you fork a guy you've never met?
Remember that wild and crazy guy, Matt McLaughlin, the secret agent lawyer guy who filed a California initiative called the Sodomite Suppression Act? In case you’ve smoked too many drugs lately and don’t recall, this is the initiative that calls for the expulsion and elimination of all California gay queer sodomites by various means, up to and including “bullets to the head,” or whatever else is handy. Did they actually track him down? No, of course not, he’s got no online presence and seems to be an invisible human. They found one of his old bosses, though, and wow, that boss does NOT have kind things to say. Let’s meet Bruce C. Bridgman, attorney at law, who briefly employed McLaughlin in 2002: Read more on CA Lawyer Who Wants To Kill All Gays Gets Poor Review From Ex-Boss (And Everyone Else)…
  A Modesto Proposal

Jerry Brown Won’t Let California Water Its Lawn, Just Because There’s No More Water

To think that MS Paint doesn't include a stencil font...
California Gov. Jerry Brown has signed a lawless executive order (they’re all lawless) imposing mandatory water restrictions on the oppressed people of the Golden State, which is pretty much what they asked for by being a bunch of Left Coast nanny staters. Read more on Jerry Brown Won’t Let California Water Its Lawn, Just Because There’s No More Water…
  Here have some news n stuff

Senate Can’t Find Time To Get Anything Done, Goes On Spring Break For Two Weeks

Homer Simpson for Senate Majority Leader?
Being a member of Congress really is the sweetest gig. You can suck at your job, get nothing done at all, collect a six-figure salary plus great benefits, and then take a vacation, because hey, you just worked so hard at not getting anything done, you’ve earned that break. Again: Read more on Senate Can’t Find Time To Get Anything Done, Goes On Spring Break For Two Weeks…
  superior trolling

California Ballot Measure Will Put Anti-Gay Bigot In Timeout For Being ‘Intolerant Jackass’

Don't let his cuteness fool you...this is one bigoted jackass.
A few weeks ago we reported on mysterious California lawyer Matthew McLaughlin and his use of the state’s ridiculous ballot proposition system as a vehicle to assuage his fear of a gay planet. McLaughlin had filed a proposition in favor of the fanciful notion that California should shoot in the head anyone who engages in sodomy, aka the “abominable crime against nature known as buggery,” aka The Gay. To which the only appropriate response is, “In California? The land of fruits and nuts? HA HA HA…oh, right.” Read more on California Ballot Measure Will Put Anti-Gay Bigot In Timeout For Being ‘Intolerant Jackass’…
  Measles party? Sick!

Want To Go To A Measles Party? No, You Don’t

polka dot party!
If you get an invitation to a really fresh soiree in Marin County, CA, you will probably want to go, because Party! And what a cute invite, with the polka dots and everything, even though it is bring-your-own-sippy-cup to share, huh, that’s weird. Make sure you read that invite carefully, because it might be inviting you to A Measles Party! Haha, that’s sick! Or we might just be reading too much into things we see on the interwebs, you never know. Read more on Want To Go To A Measles Party? No, You Don’t…
  Cool trend bro

Let’s Thank Rick Perry For Giving Anti-Vaxxers The Freedom To Give Our Kids Measles

Oops again
Oh, swell, it’s another reason to dislike former Texas Gov. Rick Perry. In addition to being a jerkhole in general, with a fetish for executin’ in the name of the law and denying health care to ladies in the name of the lord, we can thank him for empowering anti-vaxxers to be all, “I do not want to protect my child from diseases, AND YOU CAN’T MAKE ME!” Thanks, Rick. Read more on Let’s Thank Rick Perry For Giving Anti-Vaxxers The Freedom To Give Our Kids Measles…
  It's totally the undocumented kids' fault

GOP Blaming Immigrants For Diseases GOP Doesn’t Believe In

Vax your kids, because undocumented...derp.
Although some conservative talk show hosts these days are leaning toward believing that measles is no big deal, Republican politicians are starting to frantically cast around for someone to blame, because, omg, measles is kind of a big deal! Hey, didn’t Louie Gohmert say something about that last summer, something about immigrant kids? With the scabies and lice? Those are sort of like measles! It turns out that some really good people to blame are undocumented children. They are perfect scapegoats, on account of how they are often brown, and they are small and they can’t vote. Read more on GOP Blaming Immigrants For Diseases GOP Doesn’t Believe In…
  Toxic Sludge Is Good For You!

Oil Companies Pumping Waste Into California’s Water, It’s Probably Fine

Here, try some iced fracking fluid.
This story supported by a grant from the Patty Dumpling Endowed Chair for Oil and Chemical Spills, Fracking, and Groundwater Enhancement You probably heard about this big drought in California, especially if you live there and you haven’t washed your car for months because of rationing and stuff (as opposed to those of us who just don’t wash our cars because we call road dust a “patina”). It’s a seriously bad thing, and if your state is pumping so much groundwater that the ground is literally sinking in some areas, then you might just be a bit concerned about the San Fransisco Chronicle’s investigation of oil companies pumping wastewater from drilling operations right down into Central Valley aquifers containing drinkable water. Legally, with permission from state regulators. Since 1983. Read more on Oil Companies Pumping Waste Into California’s Water, It’s Probably Fine…
  All Dots Connected

CA Dad Would Like Anti-Vaxxers To Stop Trying To Kill His Son

It's your right to make everyone around you sick
Not only is refusing to get your kids vaccinated aggressively stupid, it’s also exceedingly selfish, a fact anti-vaxxers will have a hard time dismissing now that 6-year-old leukemia patient Rhett Krawitt has come to national attention. His father is asking the school district to require students to get their damned vaccine shots, unless they have valid medical reasons not to. And “dumb parents just don’t believe in vaccines” is not a medical reason. Read more on CA Dad Would Like Anti-Vaxxers To Stop Trying To Kill His Son…
  Can We Afford To Let Obama Return From Overseas?

Wingnuts Pretty Sure It Was Illegals What Gave Measles To All Our Unvaccinated Kids

Too subtle?
Break out the ominous creepyscary music of your choice — we’re partial to Bernard Hermann ourselves — because it’s time to tell some scary horror stories about the California measles outbreak! So far, at least 78 confirmed cases have been disagnosed across 7 states and Mexico; 48 of those have been traced to Disneyland or Disney California Adventure since the outbreak was first identified, and public health officials say that the large number of unvaccinated people is a main cause of the virus’s widespread transmission. Read more on Wingnuts Pretty Sure It Was Illegals What Gave Measles To All Our Unvaccinated Kids…
  Connect The Dots

Doctors To Fox Host: Vaccinate Your Kids, Idiot

Srs Doctors are Srs
A panel of doctors had very little patience for a Fox News host’s “hurr-durr, LIBERTY” argument Wednesday, rejecting the notion that people should be allowed to opt out of vaccinating their kids simply because they don’t want Big Government pushing them around. On “Happening Now” (which is not a revival of the beloved ’80s sitcom “What’s Happenin’ Now”), host Jenna Lee discussed the current measles outbreak in California, which started at Disneyland and has since led to unvaccinated students being told to stay home from an Orange County high school. And then she unleashed Fox News Worship Words — PERSONAL LIBERTY — and even invoked the specter of federal regulation: Read more on Doctors To Fox Host: Vaccinate Your Kids, Idiot…
  Only Safe Town In California: Needles

Orange County High Schoolers All Have Measles Now, Thanks Anti-Vaxxers!

Surgical mask wouldn't really help. Do not get your medical advice from photoshop.
The measles outbreak that started at Disneyland in late December has been spreading; most recently, it’s hit Huntington Beach High School in Orange County, where 24 unvaccinated students have been told to stay home from school after an infected classmate exposed the school to the disease. Thanks a lot, paranoids who don’t want their precious angels exposed to the imaginary threats of vaccines! Now they’re exposed tot he very real threats of infectious diseases that should have been eradicated decades ago. Read more on Orange County High Schoolers All Have Measles Now, Thanks Anti-Vaxxers!…
  And Lawyers Are Like Pipe Bombs Or Something

California School Board Must Read Bible At Meetings Or The Terrorists Win

Don't mind me. Just sitting in. Hey, kids, want some loaves and fishes? I have extra
The school board of Chino, California, is being sued by the mean old Freedom From Religion Foundation (FFRF) just because it likes to open its meetings with a few prayers to Jesus. Plus some proselytizing during board meetings, and, OK, offering Bible classes taught with materials from a church, too. Members of the board are pretty sure they’re just doing what George Washington and Jesus want, which is to make sue that God isn’t excluded from public life. At a meeting last week, during which the board voted to seek an attorney to volunteer to defend the case, one board member compared the lawsuit to the recent terrorist attacks in France, because of course the First Amendment is a lot like an automatic rifle. Read more on California School Board Must Read Bible At Meetings Or The Terrorists Win…
  declare the pennies on your eyes

Don’t Like Getting Boned By State Taxes? Just Be Filthy Rich!

Anti-Fox comments reposted on my Tumbrel account
Here’s something every class warrior on the barricades should know: There isn’t a single state in the entire United States where a poor or middle income person can be assured of paying a lower percent of their income in state and local taxes than a wealthy person. That’s right, comrade! According to a comprehensive study by the Institute on Taxation and Economic Policy, literally every state in the country has a regressive tax system, thanks to heavy reliance on sales and excise taxes and insufficiently progressive income taxes (or in many cases, no income taxes at all): Read more on Don’t Like Getting Boned By State Taxes? Just Be Filthy Rich!…
  fever dreams can come true!

Terrible Elite Westside Jerks Now Giving Mickey Mouse Measles

Good job, anti-vaxxers
Disneyland: it’s the Most Magical Place on Earth. So magical that among recent attendees, at least 19 have been diagnosed with measles, a disease much of the planet had essentially eradicated. Despite last week’s nice time about public schools’ ability to require vaccinations because we still dabble in established science, this remains the Land of the Free and you, Jack and Janie Liberty, still get to choose if you want your child to endanger public health. That’s why we lag behind 100+ countries, including Cambodia and Burundi, when it comes to vaccinating our children. Exceptional! Read more on Terrible Elite Westside Jerks Now Giving Mickey Mouse Measles…
  Here have some news n stuff

Ted Cruz Just Gonna Wage A Little All-Out Civil War In The Senate, No Big

But who is he REALLY?
Don’t you just love the smell of Republican civil war in the morning? Actual Senate Majority Leader Mitch McConnell is desperate to show everyone just how grown-up and leadership-y and Get Things Done he can be, but Not-Actual Senate Majority Leader Ted Cruz has other ideas, and he’s not wasting any time enlisting senatorial newbies to help him show those wimpy RINOs who the REAL boss of everyone is: Read more on Ted Cruz Just Gonna Wage A Little All-Out Civil War In The Senate, No Big…
  rap battles

Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)

Breaking political news to grandchildren is the pits
Well, it had to happen sometime, and apparently that “sometime” is 2016, because Barbara Boxer, one of the best liberals to ever lib up the Senate chamber with her San Francisco valyews, has announced to her grandson on video that she will not be seeking re-election in 2016, citing her desire to spend more time with her California. Is she RETIRING, though? Golly gee no, because there are still many, many things to be done. We are not certain whether she intended to release this announcement, or whether her grandson set this video to “public” on accident, but it’s out there now, can’t go back! Let’s watch it. I’ll live-blog, you laugh, got it? Me type words, you react in jolly manner. Let’s go: Read more on Who Will Be California’s Next Barbara Boxer? (Hint: It Is Probably Scott Brown)…
  Lifestyle Pages

Mitt Romney Meets With Old Campaign Chums For No Special Reason, Why Do You Ask?

Mitt Romney gives a lecture about 2016 election at Stanford University. Pic by Stelio Ropokis via Twitter Mitt Romney has been keeping busy since our wayward nation made the biggest mistake of her life by walking away from the blissful comfort of his mechanical, Downy-scented embrace two years ago. Mitt is the forgiving type and has remained in the background of our political lives, just being our friend, because he would hate to think he and the American voters couldn’t be friends anymore. And he’s been meeting up with some of his best buds who, by total coincidence, played integral roles in his last run for president, just to say hi. Read more on Mitt Romney Meets With Old Campaign Chums For No Special Reason, Why Do You Ask?…