Listen up, PAGANS. If you have already bought your mom another embroidered LL Bean sweater and your dad another set of drills and your sister another, fuck it, another pumpkin pie-scented candle, then the only person left on your Xmas Holiday Shopping List is probably the oxycontin addicted eunuch who lives in your basement listening to Michael Savage and forwarding emails about Barack Obama’s birth certificate. Jesus has invented a gift for these losers! It’s a Sarah Palin calendar, specially equipped with pre-drilled bonin’ holes. MORE »