Jeez, that media whore Barack Obama is on the teevee again! Let’s liveblog it. He is introducing the Commerce Secretary, who was announced what, two weeks ago? Slow news day, Barry, MMMHMMM? Every big supporter of Obama gets their own press conference which probably takes over The View or Ellen or something, which angers American women. Anyway, Mr. Talky is already talking so let’s do this thing. MORE »

• GATES TO STAY AT DEFENSE: Politico hears from officials from both parties that Barack Obama asked Bob “Who?” Gates to stay on as Defense Secretary, and Gates has accepted. So there’s your Token Republican cabinet member! Now Barry’s free to name Susan Sarandon to head Veterans Affairs, or whatever he wants. As for Gates: he could be a horrible warlord for all we know, but the most important thing is that he’s not fussy, and that’s a rare trait in this egocentric town of whiny bitches. And Gates even broke Bush administration decorum by exhibiting flairs of nuanced thinking every now and then. He and Obama will be best friends. [Politico]

Wonkette operative “tom m.” informs us of the latest disturbing addition to Barack Obama’s cabinet, which already includes a space pirate: “Why is Obama nominating Sally Jesse to head HHS?” [Washington Post]

TOM DASCHLE TO BE OBAMA’S EMPEROR OF MEDICAL THINGS: Fancy Washington Insiders (e.g. CNN) say that Tom Daschle, the former Senate Majority Leader and Obama campaign co-chair who recently made headlines with his sexy Sally Jesse Raphael glasses, will be Barack Obama’s Secretary of Health and Human Services. Free enemas for all! [CNN]

Newsweek’s Michael Isikoff reports that Washington lawyer and former deputy attorney general Eric Holder, who also co-led Obama’s vice presidential selection process, has flushed a Koran down the toilet. No! (Maybe?) But it’s really that Holder will serve as Obama’s attorney general. The first black attorney general ever, and first minority attorney general since the known Mexican Alberto Gonzales! The first attorney general generally speaking since Michael Mukasey! MORE »

Last night we began hearing that Hillary Clinton was under serious consideration to be Barack Obama’s Secretary of State, and that she flew to Chicago to meet with him about possibilities. This being Hillary Clinton, we of course are now engulfed in a wave of rumors, leaks, trial balloons, anonymous sources… Drama. It is how the Clintons, or any stories remotely involving them, tend to roll out. Let’s see what the latest gossip’s telling us about old Hillary. It ranges anywhere from Ronald Reagan retroactively appointing her to be assistant manager at a Baskin Robbins in Utah to her going on food stamps to her having sex with Monica Lewinsky and Vince Foster on a pile of moon rocks, for Obama. MORE »

• NY TIMES LETS AMERICA CHOOSE UNICORN’S CABINET: The New York Times has a boring interactive feature up called “If You Were President…” which lets you vote for the people YOU, the bum, would select to be Secretary of Defense, State, Homeland Security, the Treasury, and the Attorney General. Respectively, Ron Paul is 6th, 8th, 7th, 3rd, and 6th. No Truck Nutz to be found. Hmm! [NYT]

Months upon months ago, we asked you, the reader, what’s worst about working for Labor Secretary Elaine Chao. Today, we’ve got a brief (but entertaining) update. In a department-wide email yesterday, Chao wrote: MORE »

• Congressional Republicans all about the wire-tapping, but still hassling over details. [WP]

• Bush speech yesterday focused on terrorism and the continuing threat to America, plus Hitler. [WP]
• Former Highway Administration official Mary Peters nominated for Transportation Secretary. She wants Americans out of traffic and into “quality time with their families.” [NYT, WP]
• Criticizing Rumsfeld now a favorite campaign sport of both parties. [NYT]
• Army to release new “types of torture you’re not allowed to use” manual today. [LAT]
• She won! Katherine Harris won! Just a primary, but still, congratulations Katy! [WP, NYT]

For all those suffering sleepless nights since Norm Mineta fled town under cover of darkness, the White House finally found a new Transportation Secretary. MORE »

* DCist offers some ass-wiping pointers for the Media Matters men. We’ll probably have more to say about this tomorrow. For now, please read this — it’s some funny shit. And be sure to check out this comment. [DCist] MORE »