The White House does not want the media calling it a “retreat,” so by simple rules of obnoxiousness: the full Obama Cabinet is having a big retreat this weekend! They are going to an outdoor adventure camp to do such things as, oh, whatsitcalled, you know that thing where there’s a big tall wall, and everyone has to get over the wall, so the fatties get lifted up by the entire group first and roll over, while the most sprightly fellow jumps last and just barely makes it, and then it’s like “Blah, we’re a team now” and stuff? They’re doing that one a few times on this retreat. No, they’re not. MORE »

Sure, Gary Locke isn’t even half-Mexican, but today he officially won the plum job first promised to the known Latino Bill Richardson, and then to known Republican Judd Gregg. He will be our new Commerce Secretary, which means that he gets to outsource the administration of the Census Bureau to ACORN, while handing over control of the National Weather Service and indeed the weather itself to Bill Ayers. Locke will oversee our shabby trade imbalance, and will put millions of Americans to work farming small pebbles for us to sell overseas. [Bloomberg]

• JUDD GREGG IS DESTROYING OUR CONVERSATION: Only a few more hours until Jonah Goldberg steals the news by being named Commerce Secretary, so we better get all of our “Judge Dredd” posts in. We’ve entered the second phase of this nasty story, where the various anonymous partisans go crazy with the leaks: “WASHINGTON (CNN) — A Democratic source close to the Obama White House said Thursday that Judd Gregg ‘campaigned for the job’ — that the New Hampshire senator had asked Senate Majority Leader Harry Reid to approach the president about the Commerce post.” A Republican source has responded that in fact Barack Obama kidnapped Judd Gregg’s children and threatened to feed them arugula until Gregg accepted the position. [CNN]

A Democratic Hill staffer with a clear “liberal bias” writes to TPM, offering a taste of what we can expect from the Internet in a post-Gregg world: “It’s hard not to think that Gregg’s withdrawal, with the grumbling about the census and the stimulus, was not timed to cause the most damage possible to the Obama administration. Releasing the statement just as Obama took the stage in Peoria was clearly designed to undermine the President’s event. The fact he scheduled a presser only seems to confirm it… MORE »

While we haven’t yet turned on CNN to hear the Best Political Team On Earth tell us what we think about the politics of what we think about Sen. Judd Gregg’s decision to withdrawn his Commerce Secretary nomination, we think he’s coming off like an idiot. Other people who think Judd Gregg is coming off like an idiot include Robert Gibbs, and Judd Gregg. MORE »

GREGG WITHDRAWS: What the hell? Token cabinet Republican #3, Commerce Secretary-designate Judd Gregg, has suddenly withdrawn, according to your favorite Matt Drudge. His reason? That he doesn’t agree with Obama on basic economics. Another win for the vetting team! [Drudge]

Yay a new era has dawned in Washington, bipartisanship forever, etc! After Barack Obama’s pudgy comic foil had to renounce the Latino Consolation Prize due to a corruption investigation, people wondered who could possibly replace Bill Richardson. And then the name “Judd Gregg” was floated, and people said, “well, he was pretty good in Fast Times at Ridgemont High,” plus he was a Republican, which meant that sneaky Barack Obama could get Gregg’s Democratic governor to appoint a Democrat to replace him in the Senate without a single Republican noticing! MORE »

PARADE OF BIPARTISAN STARS: Obama is picking Peoria (Illinois!) Republican Congressman Ray LaHood to be the transportation secretary. LaHood is our nation’s new Norm Mineta! Here is a picture of Obama and Ray LaHood. [Peoria Journal Star]

A Georgia Congressman, Sanford Bishop, has been cited as being on the short list for whatever snoozer of a position Obama still needs to fill in his Cabinet… Ah, the position would be Secretary of Agriculture. You know, “farms.” Well the liberal Internet would hate this guy, it appears, because he’s a conservative Democrat who loves war and, more pertinently, usually sides with big agribusiness. In other words, the liberal Internet must destroy him immediately, with an embarrassing story, before he becomes President of Farms. And this is why the very liberal Firedoglake blog is now telling a comical story about how this Bishop guy wandered around restricted airplane areas to piss in a cup, once. MORE »

Jeez, who’s running this government anyhow? Given his latest string of appointments, it appears Barack Obama favors Indonesian Socialist pansexual witch-doctors such as Tom Daschle and Tim Geithner. This leaves little room for Obama to install in key positions such competent Southerners as … well shit, are there even any Southern Democrats alive anymore? Or are they like the ivory-billed woodpecker, another mythical Southern rarity? MORE »

Loveable Pennsylvania Gov. Ed Rendell has opened his fat trap yet again, this time on a hot mic, to celebrate the selection of Arizona Gov. Janet Napolitano as Secretary of Homeland Security. He tells a friend that she’ll do well because she’s a fucking unmarried childless loser: “Janet’s perfect for that job. Because for that job, you have to have no life. Janet has no family. Perfect. She can devote, literally, 19, 20 hours a day to it.” Because what the hell else does she have to do, cry all day like a baby, which, again, she’s never had? Does she even have one friend, anywhere?? Also: what is this “thing” that Campbell Brown is doing now, “Cutting Through The Bull.” CNN has no business Dobbsifying this nice lady. [YouTube, Philly Inquirer]