Tag Archives: butts

  nature's most disgusting miracle

Hi, Let’s Talk About My Hemorrhoids! By Me, Rebecca Schoenkopf!

If you are related to me by marriage, stop reading this immediately. If you are related to me by blood or not at all, pull up a pillow, we are going to be talking about my seven-months-pregnant, thrombosed-hemorrhoidal, still cute and perky as long as you’re not looking in the wrong place, ass. Where is the wrong place in which you might be looking, say if you were my husband and you were having doggy-style sex with me? TRICK QUESTION! You, my husband, who ARE NOT READING THIS, are not having sex with me, because of my ass. [Also, TRIGGER WARNING, FOR GROSSNESS.] Read more on Hi, Let’s Talk About My Hemorrhoids! By Me, Rebecca Schoenkopf!…
  butt sechs?

Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts

Texas state Senator Donna Campbell isn’t trying to shut down abortion completely, we assume, since that would be unconstitutional. (She is totally trying to shut down abortion completely.) She would just, as a doctor and a woman, prefer it if the great state of Texas require that abortion clinics meet the regulatory standards for surgical centers, which would just happen to shut down all the state’s abortion clinics but five. But she has a super-good reason for this: because men bleed from their butts, and if a man is bleeding from his butt, then in the ER “We have a surgeon on call. But we don’t have a surgeon on call for someone who is hemorrhaging from the uterus.” Dr. Sen. Campbell, y’all! Read more on Texas Doctor Senator Idiot Lady Says No Abortions Because Men Bleed From Their Butts…
  oh my god becky look at her butt

Racist, Sexist People Think Michelle Obama Is Fat Because Of Racism, Sexism

For those of you who watch It’s Always Sunny In Philadelphia, you will know what we mean when we say that conservatives are trying to Sweet Dee Michelle Obama. For those of you who don’t, Sweet Dee is the only female member of the group, and the guys pretty much spend the entire time telling her she’s an awful, ugly, hideous beastmonster of a human being, because Dennis is her sexual-predator brother, Mac is probably in deep denial about being gay and compensates for it by hating women, and Charlie does what other people say because he’s a human version of the three-eyed fish from The Simpsons. Incidentally, this is what Sweet Dee looks like, and you would do her in a heartbeat. Anyway, conservatives have decided that Michelle Obama has a big ol’ fat ass, and just won’t stop saying it. “Fat butt Michelle Obama,” said Bob Grisham, a high school football coach who was surreptitiously recorded by one of his students. “Look at her. She looks like she weighs 185 or 190. She’s overweight.” Grisham, who was suspended Monday, is neither the first nor the most high-profile person to feel moved to comment on the first lady’s physique. Conservative radio host Rush Limbaugh has repeatedly called her Michelle “My Butt” Obama. And Rep. F. James Sensenbrenner, the Wisconsin Republican, issued an apology after he was caught commenting on her “large posterior.” (Grisham has also said he misspoke.) Read more on Racist, Sexist People Think Michelle Obama Is Fat Because Of Racism, Sexism…
  this is how we do it

Larry Elder Tells Jerry Brown ‘I’m Not Kissing Your Butt,’ Teaches Us All About Debate

California Governor/Sam the Eagle impersonator Jerry Brown appeared the other day on conservative talker Larry Elder’s radio show, but wasn’t granted the easy treatment one would expect from a member of the liberal-loving media like…Larry Elder? As NewsBusters readers know all too well, Democratic elected officials across the fruited plain are used to softball interviews from their adoring media. That’s not what California Governor Jerry Brown got Wednesday when conservative talk radio host Larry Elder told him, “You’re unhappy because I’m not kissing your butt. I’m not going to do it” Read more on Larry Elder Tells Jerry Brown ‘I’m Not Kissing Your Butt,’ Teaches Us All About Debate…
  gays up to their old shenanigans again

Whatcha Doing, Gays? Oh, Just Giving Birth To Satan Out Of Your Butts? Carry On!

Since we just wrapped up our annual war on Jesus’s Pretend Birthday, people might be thinking: “Well, then, when is Satan’s birthday?” and “I should at least send a card, don’t you think?” Well, here is the answer to that question, via Joseph Sciambra, an “ex-gay” who used to do the porn: every time a gay does sex in the butt, he gives birth to Satan, from his butt. So to take this thought to its natural conclusion, this means that every day, including Jesus’s birthday, is Satan’s birthday. Celebrate accordingly! Read more on Whatcha Doing, Gays? Oh, Just Giving Birth To Satan Out Of Your Butts? Carry On!…
  cartoon violence

Asses: Another Installment In an Irregular Series

By the Comics CurmudgeonAs your Comics Curmudgeon demonstrated earlier this year, political cartoonists love butts. Just love ’em! The ass is the most polysemous of images, representing everything from sex appeal to debasement and humiliation to an actual butt. So we’re presenting a panoply of ass shots this week, with a greater emphasis on sodomy. But those of you who aren’t butt fans (even though such a person is scarcely imaginable), fear not! There will also be severed limbs. Read more on Asses: Another Installment In an Irregular Series…
  cartoon violence

History’s Most Important Election In An Odd-Numbered Year, In Cartoon Form

By the Comics CurmudgeonGenerally speaking, most Americans can barely be bothered to vote during important elections — you know, the ones with years divisible by four! It’s even harder getting them off of their Dorito-stained couches to cast their ballots when it’s a year that’s an even number that isn’t divisible by four, and when we’re talking odd-numbered years, well, you can just totally forget about that. I realize that all this math is way, way beyond what most Americans can handle, and yet through some instinct, they can distinguish; my theory is that they can tell how important an election is by the volume of the shouting from the glowing picture-box in the living room. Anyway, despite widespread apathy, there were several elections yesterday, and so, by Journalism Law, a few unlucky cartoonists were forced to briefly stop drawing insightful Balloon Boy cartoons to deal with them. After the jump: the goriest political cartoon in human history. Read more on History’s Most Important Election In An Odd-Numbered Year, In Cartoon Form…
  cartoon violence

This Week: Asses

By the Comics CurmudgeonWhat is the most amusing part of the human anatomy? While there are a lot to choose from, I’d have to say the butt, mostly because asses and humor occupy the exact same overlap in the Venn diagram between “sexy” and “gross.” Because our dying media establishment is still clinging to antiquated concepts like “dignity” and “morals” and “for Christ’s sake people don’t want to see naked asses in the newspaper,” most political cartoons do not feature naked asses per se (though there are horrifying exceptions). Nevertheless, political cartoons cannot resist the laugh riot that even the fully clothed booty brings to the table. Read more on This Week: Asses…
 

President Bush Is Totally Thinking of Those Angela Merkel Butt Pix Right Now

The scary thing is, Angela Merkel’s thinking of George Bush’s butt too. It’s a mutual gluteal admiration society. (The guy on the left, American Jewish Committee president Robert Goodkind, isn’t thinking of anyone’s butt. Somebody’s gotta focus on the real issues.) Read more on President Bush Is Totally Thinking of Those Angela Merkel Butt Pix Right Now…
 

While We Were Sleeping

Dick and Condi were, too. Photos from last week, when Chinese President Hu Jintao visited the White House: Sorry for not blogging about this earlier! Guess we were asleep at the blogging wheel. Or maybe we were just “looking at our notes.” (The Condi photo, by the way, lends support to the rumor that our superwoman Secretary of State occasionally naps at her desk.) Also in the “we-meant-to-blog-about-this-last-week” file: the paparazzi shots of German Chancellor Angela Merkel’s bare butt (or, as the British tabloid The Sun referred to it, her “Bumdestag”). Photographers grabbed the shot while Chancellor Merkel changed into her bathing suit. (After the jump, a not-safe-for-the-workplace photo of the German rump parliament. WARNING: Before clicking on the “More” button below, make sure your boss isn’t around.) President Hu’s White House Visit [AFP/Getty Images] ASSleep with the Fishes [PerezHilton] Should Cheney Be Next? [Froomkin!] Merkel’s Long, Strange Honeymoon [Newsweek] Read more on While We Were Sleeping…