Tag Archives: butthurt

  Frivolous lawsuits

Butthurt Michigan Woman Sues Planet Fitness For Being Nice To Transgenders

Behind door number three is this bitch named Yvette, who isn't allowed at this gym anymore.
Some weeks back, we had a Nice Time, about a Michigan lady, Yvette Cormier, who was bitching and moaning about the fact that her local Planet Fitness allows transgender people to use bathrooms and locker rooms that correspond to their gender identities. She huffed and puffed about a “man” being in the locker room (it was a trans woman), and Planet Fitness decided, to hell with it, and terminated her membership — Cormier’s, not the trans woman — citing the fact that it’s very boldly stated, in their policies and on their website, that they are a No Judgement [sic] Zone. Read more on Butthurt Michigan Woman Sues Planet Fitness For Being Nice To Transgenders…
  Alert Chromeland Security

Anti-Abortion Group Vows To Rebuild After Tragic Glitter Bombing

It starts with glitter...but escalates to streamers and balloons
As if you needed any further proof that there are extremists on both side of the abortion issue, consider the recent heinous attack launched on the anti-abortion website “LifeNews,” which was hit last week with a full-scale assault of glitter mailed in a letter. But it was threatening terrorist glitter, and proof that Both Sides Do It, although one side has been a bit more partial to firebombing clinics and shooting doctors, nurses, and receptionists dead. Read more on Anti-Abortion Group Vows To Rebuild After Tragic Glitter Bombing…
  Actually It's About Ethics In Gamergate Filmmaking

Gamergate ‘Documentary’ Derailed By Sad, We Mean ‘Hilarious,’ Men’s Rights Slapfight

no, YOU take it back!
“Gamergate” is basically about telling stupid women they need to shut up and stop trying to ruin videogaming culture by being feminists. It’s featured a parade of horribles, like death and rape threats and really tragic crimes against logic. There’s a fair bit of overlap between the Gamergaters and the “Men’s Rights Activists” crowd, because both have the important mission of keeping women from emasculating real people and imposing lesbian communist tyranny on the world. But today we are pleased to bring you a Gamergate story that isn’t about horrible vicious online smears of women. Instead, it’s about a couple of these terrible He-Man Women Haters Club dorks going to war with each other, and it is a beautiful thing. Read more on Gamergate ‘Documentary’ Derailed By Sad, We Mean ‘Hilarious,’ Men’s Rights Slapfight…
  Oh FFS

New Video Shows Cops Compassionately Cuffing Tamir Rice’s Sister While He Was Dying

This is Tamir Rice.
Let us catch you up on the latest twist in the Tamir Rice story, because who can keep all these killings of unarmed black people straight anyway? Tamir Rice was 12 when he was shot dead by Cleveland police officer Timothy Loehmann, supposedly for “brandishing” a toy gun while he was alone in a park not hurting or threatening anyone at all, meaning that Rice should have become the poster boy for open carry advocates in part because he was still a little boy. Rice’s death was put through the smear machine until video surfaced showing Loehmann gunning down Rice, and then we all learned what a shitty cop Loehmann was in the first place. Read more on New Video Shows Cops Compassionately Cuffing Tamir Rice’s Sister While He Was Dying…
  motorin'...what's your price for flight?

Motorcade For Imperial High Snotnose Obama Arrogantly Delays Pregnant Lady, INPEACH!

He smiled, KNOWINGLY. Inpeach!!!
The Imperial President King of the Formerly United States, Barack Hussein Marie Antoinette Louis XVI Obama, arrogantly forced a pregnant woman to wait to cross the street to a hospital while his motorcade passed in Los Angeles Wednesday. Needless to say, the Wingnuttosphere was all over the story, because it’s just one more symptom of how THAT MAN thinks he is better than the rest of us. You can bet that the motorcade would have come to a screeching halt if the lady had “looked like Obama’s son.” Read more on Motorcade For Imperial High Snotnose Obama Arrogantly Delays Pregnant Lady, INPEACH!…
  stop your sobbin'

Texas ‘Open Carry’ Morons Stand Their Ground Against Sissypants Liberals At The NRA

Yesterday we brought you the story of the NRA’s suggestion that Open Carry Texas might want to tone it down a bit. The merry bands of gun fondlers who have done so much to endear themselves to Texas fast-food customers, the NRA said, may actually be harming the cause of Guns Everywhere by scaring the bejeezus out of people. Well, by golly, the brave gun humpers of Open Carry Texas are not going to stand for that, so they have issued a blazing response of good old-fashioned frontier gibberish and telling the NRA to go get stuffed. But not at any taxidermist that advertises in American Rifleman. Read more on Texas ‘Open Carry’ Morons Stand Their Ground Against Sissypants Liberals At The NRA…
  The Butthurt Locker

Beetle-Browed Whine Machine Ben Shapiro Pretty Sure Stephen Colbert Is Al Jolson

America, feculent dastardling Ben Shapiro is offended. He is very offended. His dudgeon is, in fact, quite high indeed. You see, he realized something yesterday in all the fuss over the announcement that Stephen Colbert would replace David Letterman as host of CBS’s The Late Show: Liberals get all offended by blackface, which is a performance style characterized by broad, exaggerated, stereotypes of The Blacks. (By the way, The Blacks shouldn’t be offended when white fratboys do blackface, because it is just a joke, and the good blacks have no truck with the grievance industry.) And yet, no one seems to be offended by the fact that for years now, Stephen Colbert has been doing exactly the same thing by pretending to be a character based on broad, exaggerated stereotypes of Conservatives. Is this not hypocrisy of the worst sort? This routine, in which Colbert plays at conservatism in order to portray it as unendingly ugly, should be labeled for what it is: vile political blackface. When Colbert plays “Colbert,” it’s not mere mockery or satire or spoof. It’s something far nastier. Oh dear. It looks like we are in for quite the snit. Read more on Beetle-Browed Whine Machine Ben Shapiro Pretty Sure Stephen Colbert Is Al Jolson…
  Crap List From A Dude

Thought Catalog MRA Dude So Sad Ladies Keep Getting Their Privilege All Over Him

What time is it? It’s time for us to check in with Thought Catalog, the endless river of unfiltered derp. It’s like Reddit meets Buzzfeed over there, and we can always find something ridiculous. Today, let’s check out super Men’s Rights Activist dude who will type at you about female privilege. Read more on Thought Catalog MRA Dude So Sad Ladies Keep Getting Their Privilege All Over Him…
  blessing in disguise

Intelligent Design Proponents Still So Mad At ‘Cosmos,’ Still So Happy They Can Be Mad At ‘Cosmos’

Perhaps because they got so mercilessly mocked last week, this week the evolution-denying viewers of “Cosmos” decided to take a different route than the LEAVE JESUS ALONE road they’d previously traveled. Instead, this week, we get so many much words about intelligent design’s faux-science, perhaps in the hope that we will drown in them and then the complete nonsense they are won’t matter. They also tried to trot out some leftover butthurt from last week’s episode. Man, that is some long-acting butthurt. Read more on Intelligent Design Proponents Still So Mad At ‘Cosmos,’ Still So Happy They Can Be Mad At ‘Cosmos’…
  don't rip the gipper

Hero College Student Will Not Stand For College Textbook’s Mean Ronald Reagan Lies

Just in case you missed it, we have yet another tale of Liberal Extremism in Our TAXPAYER-SUPPORTED Universities. The most recent butthurt concerns the outrageous, unthinkable claim in a social work textbook that — hope you’re sitting down, folks — Ronald Reagan was not much of an advocate for women. More specifically, the furor started with one brave sophomore at the University of South Carolina, Anna Chapman, who was so outraged by passages in her Social Work textbook, Introduction to Social Work & Social Welfare: Critical Thinking Perspectives, by Karen K. Kirst-Ashman, that she just had to share them with the “liberal bias watchdog” website Campus Reform, a conservative “youth” organization from 74-year-old rightwing activist Morton Blackwell’s “Leadership Institute.” So what horrible things does the book say about Reagan? Read more on Hero College Student Will Not Stand For College Textbook’s Mean Ronald Reagan Lies…
  we hates the tricksy noonanses! hates them!

Peggy Noonan Plays A Clever Rhetorical Trick! Watch Carefully And See If You Can Catch It!

You guys! Peggy Noonan wrote a very, very persuasive column that plays a funny “trick” on the reader! See if you can guess where she is heading with this! Just guess! It is astonishing and cannot go unremarked that Mississippi’s Gov. Frank “Boo” Burnham, the conservative who won a 2011 landslide, gave an interview Friday in which he demonstrated all that is wrong in American politics—all its division, its intolerance, its ignorance and sickness. Burnham damned and removed from the rolls of the respectable everyone in his state who is pro-choice, who is for some form of gun control, and who supports gay marriage. In a radio interview marked by a tone of smug indignation and self-righteousness, Burnham said “extreme liberals” who are “for abortion, who hate guns, who want homosexuals to marry — if that’s who they are they’re the extreme liberals, they have no place in the state of Mississippi because that’s not who Mississippians are.” Did you spot it yet? Did you? We bet maybe you did! Read more on Peggy Noonan Plays A Clever Rhetorical Trick! Watch Carefully And See If You Can Catch It!…
  all he needs is this chair and paddle game

Sean Hannity Leaving New York Because Mean Gov. Cuomo Doesn’t Love ‘Extreme Conservatives’ Enough

Sean Hannity has announced that he will be leaving his home state of New York forever because Gov. Andrew Cuomo said very mean things last week about how conservatives are simply not welcome in the state. Of course, Cuomo didn’t exactly say that, and Hannity will have to take a little time to pack, but this is it, he’s definitely had it, and is going to move somewhere that appreciates him, like Texas or Florida or maybe Paraguay in the 1970s. Read more on Sean Hannity Leaving New York Because Mean Gov. Cuomo Doesn’t Love ‘Extreme Conservatives’ Enough…
  a bridge too farcical

Who Really Closed Chris Christie’s Bridge? We Will Give You One Guess And It Is Barack Obama

In what has to be the easiest wingnut editorial ever written, the online remnants of the New York Sun declared that if Chris Christie’s bridge of sighs was a case of political retribution, then Barack Obama is a bully to put Christie to shame, because he shut down parts of the government during the government shutdown. Yeah, we know. See, the idea — and we use the term loosely — is that once again, the liberal Powers That Be are doing a double standards dance: Let’s see if we get this right. Governor Christie is engulfed in scandal because several of his aides conspired without his knowledge to close approaches to the George Washington Bridge and tie up traffic in order to make a political point and embarrass the mayor of Fort Lee, a Democrat … Forgive us, but are we the only ones who think this is absurd? Maybe not in the abstract. But in comparison to the stunts the Obama administration pulled during the budget fight. A verb, guys. You need a verb. And yes, sure, the government shutdown in October happened when the Obama administration “didn’t get its way from the Republicans on Capitol Hill,” because in wingnutland, that is an accurate description of a shutdown that Ted Cruz was planning since last spring. Read more on Who Really Closed Chris Christie’s Bridge? We Will Give You One Guess And It Is Barack Obama…
  say it ain't so

Wingnut Blog Shocked To Learn Corporations Give Money To Fascist Communist Muslim Socialists ‘Think Progress’

Hope you’re sitting down, kids: the pro-American, completely reason-based blog PowerLine made a shocking discovery last week: There are politically oriented organizations that it disagrees with, and there are actually businesses that make donations to those organizations! No really, this shocking true fact is true! The Center for American Progress is a left-wing organization that is closely associated with the Obama administration. Its principal product is a web site called Think Progress. Think Progress is part of the internet cesspool that modern liberalism has become. Written by hack left-wing bloggers, it is bitterly hostile to free enterprise. It is a low-rent site that traffics in the most absurd smears and conspiracy theories. This is all true — conspiracy theories like “global warming is real” and absolutely made-up anti-free-enterprise smears like “45 Fossil Fuel Disasters The Industry Doesn’t Want You To Know About,” which suggest that the petroleum industry is somehow not especially clean. Yr Wonket, by the way, does not traffic in smears and conspiracy theories. We prefer to think that we participate in the market of smear and conspiracy theory ideas. Read more on Wingnut Blog Shocked To Learn Corporations Give Money To Fascist Communist Muslim Socialists ‘Think Progress’…
  now he belongs to the rages

Who Are The Obamas Insulting By Attending Mandela’s Funeral?

You kind of figured this had to be on the way: Internet wingnuts are now complaining that by honoring the memory of Nelson Mandela, Barack Obama is retroactively insulting other people, conservatives especially. This is only logical. For instance, Dead Breitbart’s Home For Scabies-Afflicted Dingos has a lengthy piece about the horrible, horrible slur that this is to our Best Ally Ever, because the Preznit did not attend the funeral of Baroness Margaret Thatcher. Instead, the official delegation was headed by a couple of nobodies named James A. Baker and George Schultz, which was a slap in the face to the memory of the woman who Kept The Falklands Free. And how do we know this was an epic diss? Why, from the British tabloids that whined about it, of course. And also from the well-known fact that Barack Obama so hates colonialism that he hollowed out that bust of Churchill to use as a urinal. Read more on Who Are The Obamas Insulting By Attending Mandela’s Funeral?…
  bill donahue knows a bigot when he sees one

Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids

Bill Donohue, the president and possible sole member of the Catholic League, has called for HBO to cancel Real Time With Bill Maher after the most recent show featured Wonket Pal Dan Savage, who very offensively and unfairly suggested that Catholic priests do sex on children. Donohue, who has a history of downplaying sexual abuse by priests, is likely to be about as successful in getting Bill Maher off the air as he was in his epic battle against Jon Stewart last year. We predict that in two weeks, after nothing has happened to Bill Maher, Donohue will declare victory and ask for some donations to continue his important work of complaining about the Simpsons. Read more on Fringe Catholic Screamer Bill Donohue Wants Bill Maher Fired Because He Let Dan Savage Remind People That Priests Raped Kids…
  please revise your feces statement

MSNBC’s Martin Bashir Wants To Feed Sarah Palin A Dookie

Fluff the pillows on the National Rightwing Fainting Couch and charge up the Orbital Outrage Cannon: Sarah Palin’s good name has been tarnished by the Lamestream Media! It is true! After the tea party’s guiding intellect compared the national debt to slavery (because obviously if something isn’t Hitler it has to be slavery), MSNBC talky guy Martin Bashir called her a “world class idiot” (science fact) and said that “it’s hardly surprising that she should choose to mention slavery in a way that is abominable to anyone who knows anything about its barbaric history” (also a science fact). He then read an excerpt from the 18th-century diary of a plantation overseer that mentioned some of the creative ways they’d punish unruly slaves, including forcing them to eat each other’s feces. But where Bashir went over the line was in suggesting that because she is obviously ignorant of the realities of slavery, Palin might benefit from similar treatment, which makes Martin Bashir the worst baddest most horriblest man who ever lived. The entire episode is ridiculous of course, because it’s not as if Sarah Palin was trying to run away or learn to read. Doesn’t Martin Bashir know anything about slavery? Read more on MSNBC’s Martin Bashir Wants To Feed Sarah Palin A Dookie…
  ugly vile little snark mob

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Oops, We Mentioned Bristol Palin Again!

We don’t know what it is about Bristol Palin, but that girl has got herself some fans. Or one fan who won’t stop writing to us. Our short piece yesterday about the child custody lawsuit filed by Manly Alaskan Sperm-Thrower Levi Johnston only drew about 70 comments, which is about right for a one-paragraph story. But it also filled our comments queue with 20 attempted comments from would-be Levi-n-Bristol defender “Lovefirst21,” whom we’ll assume is a new incarnation of “Livefree601,” who previously defended Bristol as “literally the most amazing and strongest woman out there.” Once more, she (? — perhaps we should not assume?) wants us to know that some things are simply beyond the Palin, and should never be said: Nice slander. Tripp Palin is an amazing little boy with the maturity of a kid twice his age. Way to go Bristol. Top notch! I’ve never seen a 4 yr old who is always happy and so adaptable. Yes. Tripp Palin, a child who is known to Lovefirst21 primarily through the teevee, is a wunderkind, and the only reason he’s not already in 3rd grade is that the government schools simply don’t recognize his brilliance. Why is he not yet on a ballot or a payroll somewhere? Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Oops, We Mentioned Bristol Palin Again!…
  atrocities in the granite state

Pro-Obamacare Terrorists Vandalize New Hampshire GOP Office With Jesus Grafitti

Someone spray painted “WWJD Healthcare For Everyone” on the side of the New Hampshire Republican Party office in Concord over the weekend. NHGOP Executive Director Matt Slater was aghast. In a statement released Monday, he said: “Our building was clearly vandalized by liberal political activists who disagree with our fiscally responsible values. Instead of trying to engage in a serious debate about the issues facing our country, these cowardly extremists decided to spread their liberal agenda by damaging our property[.]” Yr Wonkette of course does not endorse property damage. On the other hand, you have to enjoy a Republican saying that “What would Jesus do?” is an extremist statement in opposition to his party’s “fiscally responsible values.” Read more on Pro-Obamacare Terrorists Vandalize New Hampshire GOP Office With Jesus Grafitti…
  guns don't kill people; fictional biker gangs kill people

‘Sons Of Anarchy’ Creator Auditions For Wonkette With Awesome Swear-Filled Missive To Human Scold Brent Bozell

Kurt Sutter, the creator and producer of Sons of Anarchy, which we understand is a popular family drama about duck hunters and their loveable dog solving mysteries on a remote space station, was not especially impressed by some criticism leveled at his teevee program by rightwing morality scold and First Amendment illiterate Brent Bozell. Bozell, whose job is to have periodic aneurysms over liberal bias and moral outrages in the broadcast media, and then raise funds to fight them (the liberal outrages, not the aneurysms), wrote a dumb column Friday accusing “the left” of hypocrisy: After the Newtown school shooting, commentators on the Left expressed outrage that gun-rights groups were exploiting the attack to build membership in the wake of all the liberal demands for a federal crackdown on gun owners. Nine months later, they’re curiously silent as Rupert Murdoch’s cable network FX milks a fictional Catholic school shooting for commercial gain. Because of course, exploiting a tragedy in order to equate modest reforms of gun laws with Nazism and fictional violence in a teevee drama, nine months after a tragedy are pretty much the same thing. You might think there is a difference between the immediate aftermath of a tragedy and nine months later, but remember — it took YEARS for Taxi Driver to trigger John Hinckley. Won’t someone think of the stunt doubles? Incidentally, the average person can’t walk into an effects shop and buy the explosive squibs used to simulate gunshots on teevee…you need an explosives license. Thanks to the NRA, there’s no such restriction for an AR-15 with real child-shredding bullets. Read more on ‘Sons Of Anarchy’ Creator Auditions For Wonkette With Awesome Swear-Filled Missive To Human Scold Brent Bozell…
  is it muslim terror yet?

Pam Geller Converts Routine FBI Bulletin Into Warning That Scary Muslims Will Blow Up All Our Oil

Paranoid anti-Muslim savior of western civilization Pam Geller must go through a lot of undies, considering her ability to soil them at the slightest hint of MUSLIM JIHAD TERROR. Consider this scary headline from Sunday: “FBI WARNS: MUSLIM TERRORISTS PLAN TO ATTACK FUEL STORAGE PLANTS INSIDE U.S.” And her lede is full of I-told-you-so victimhood butthurt, of course. Read more on Pam Geller Converts Routine FBI Bulletin Into Warning That Scary Muslims Will Blow Up All Our Oil…