The indignity continued for once-popular child star “Butterstick the Panda” today, when the Chinese government refused to take the animal back. MORE »

If you see a disheveled teen-aged panda around Union Station, stinking of urine and crack fumes, that’s the once-popular Butterstick. Everybody knows babies don’t stay “adorable” for long, but the burn rate is even faster for our animal friends because they live “dog years” or something. And there’s always a new, younger, cuter animal ready to take the title of World’s Most Adorable Critter. MORE »

From rural Mexico to our crumbling ghettos, nothing amuses folks like a vicious fight between chickens or pit bulls. That’s why Washington’s beloved World Wildlife Federation is now holding virtual animal fights! Also, it’s a really odd way to tie wildlife conservation to, uhm, the Super Bowl.

We’ve always wondered if it was an accident that the panda-loving lobbyists shared “WWF” with the World Wrestling Federation. MORE »

Congresspeople are rarely known as “good bosses” or “semi-acceptable humans,” but California Democrat Juanita Millender-McDonald may be an actual dangerous crazy person, according to Lois Romano’s new column:

She once fired an aide for — among other issues — leaving a box of candy on her chair, said a source. Her No. 1 rule, the ex-aides say, is that aides can never walk in front of her.

The great thing about 12 years of Republican House Rule is that so many little tyrants like Millender-McDonald operated in obscurity. Only a few hundred fired or forced-away staffers and the unlucky people of Long Beach had to deal with her. But Millender-McDonald now chairs the House Administration Committee and there’s no escaping her wrath. MORE »

Remember the innocent days of 2004 or whenever and how much you loved the National Zoo’s pet panda baby, Marion Barry “Butterstick” Jr.? Well, those days aren’t coming back.

But the once-loved Chinese animals are now breeding like the vermin they are, and these days nobody wants to name the little critters. This is why China is solemnly asking the world to Help Name the Number-Pandas. Not even a panda wants to spend its whole life known as “Number Five.”

After the jump, we give YOU the opportunity to vote for the new official panda baby names!

MORE »

To the hundreds of people standing outside the Covention Center last Saturday, MORE »

Hooray for Take Your Child To Work and Let Them Edit CNN.com Day. Also, it’s a story we made fun of two weeks ago. As Susan B. Anthony said, America will not be free until the last congressman is strangled with the entrails of the last panda. MORE »

Now we’re officially scraping the bottom of the holiday news barrel, because we’re going to invoke that goddamned National Zoo baby panda we hate so much, Sun Myung Moon or whatever it’s called. MORE »

We can’t prove the incoming Democratic leadership has anything to do this — nobody will return e-mails today, for some reason — but it’s likely the National Zoo’s new total ban on smoking has Nancy Pelosi’s meddling fingerprints all over it. MORE »

Friday

• “Late last week, one of the bartenders from the Argonaut was shot in the head and critically wounded on his way home from work. The Argonaut is hosting a benefit for Quike (pronounced Key-K) on Friday October 13, 7pm-late at the Argonaut, located at 1433 H St NE. There will be a silent auction and a DJ.” [The Going Out Gurus]

• GET READY FOR THE PANDA MOTORCADE. If you are very good and wander around DC all weekend, a man dressed as Butterstick may bring you down the Asia Trail and then give you a quarter. [National Zoo]
• Howard Homecoming party at Felix. Free before 11PM with RSVP. Free food before 10PM. Possible free drinks. Dress nicely. [Upcoming]
• 1973’s The Day the Music Died at the LOC. If you thought Woodstock 1999 was a laugh riot, you’ll love this. Performances by Jimi Hendrix, The Beatles, Country Joe & The Fish, Jim Morrison, Van Morrison, Mountain, Dionne Warwick, Steppenwolf, Jan and Dean, Otis Redding, etc. Free at 7PM. [LOC]

Saturday

• HerbDay! at the beautiful US Botanic Gardens. Learn how to promote the diversity and potency of your home cannabis strains. HerbDay! Festival]

• Bob Mould DJ’s shirtless at the 9:30 Club. $12 at 11:30PM. [9:30 Club]
• AFI is showing new films from France through the 22nd. Saturday features beaucoup de choix: Riviera, The Case of the Grinning Cat, In Paris, Comedy of Power and Le Petit Lieutenant. Vous êtes autorisé pour fumer des cigarettes dans le théâtre. [AFI]
• Andrew Soul-livan at Politics & Prose talking about The Conservative Soul. We suggest visiting HerbDay! beforehand as Mr. Sullivan’s talk involves the Bible. [P&P]

Sunday

• 39th Annual Dupont Circle House Tour. It’s a self-guided tour of 12 homes, and then a Victorian tea party at the Washington Club. $30 from 12PM- 5PM. [Dupont Circle Citizens Association]

• Telograph, Black Tie Revue and Velvet at the Black Cat. $8 at 9PM to benefit the DC Coalition Against Domestic Violence. [Black Cat]

What else do you need to know? Some zoo down in CNN-ville has some low-level pandas that make even average pandas seem like Lindsey Lohan. MORE »