Condoleezza Dream Team: McCain and Rice ‘08!
Monday, January 28th, 2008
Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!
Condi’s been a gal-on-the-go, a veritable Mary Tyler Moore of the diplotaunte circuit. She traipsed from Switzerland to Germany and then all the way to Colombia and back again. More importantly, using advanced Wonkette Shoe Identification Technology, we can reveal the shocking news that Madame Secretary has shifted her footwear allegiance from Ferragamo to Manolo. All this, Oliver North, and Robert Novak’s wistful dreams of a Condi vice presidency … after the jump!
Ha ha ha, the President made a hilarious joke about not being able to speak our language correctly, which is only funny if you missed the past seven years. Still, it was funnier than the time he made a PowerPoint about not being able to find WMDs in the Oval Office.
A White House spokesman told reporters that GWB “stayed up past his usual bed time I think” to see who won Iowa, and also that he thinks that the primaries are great tests of character. It’s not about the day-to-day, Bush has reportedly said in private, probably out loud to no one in particular, but it’s how you do over the long term that counts. There are a great many other revealing character tests in politics, like how one can serve as the president for 8 years and yet leave office without a single valuable policy initiative accomplished or a single competent appointment made but still think one’s opinion is valuable, for example. [
We know that the rate at which Wonkette readers share needles is higher than it should be, so we’re happy to report that Congress has lifted the DC needle exchange ban. Yes, the dark ages have gone, and now the District’s intravenous drug users can get clean needles for free instead of swapping their mortally filthy old ones. Democrats slipped the provision into the budget that President Bush signed into law yesterday, reversing the GOP’s nine-year social experiment to see if they could stop the spread of HIV/AIDS solely through pandering to fundamentalist Christians. DC, of course, now has the highest rate of infection in the country. But we can only imagine what Pelosi told Bush to trick him into signing this thing… “Just think Mr. President, you’ll be able to play all those Jethro Tull records again!” [
I grew up in Texas, and my parents still live there, so I still go pretty often and it’s not as bad as you think. Houston’s become a pretty fun town — there are plenty of bars, and it’s possible to make out with even the most elite of hipster girls on the mention of being from, say, New York, which is where I happen to live. It’s not all fun and games down in the Lone Star state, though. Texas, it turns out, killed more than half the prisoners executed in the whole country combined, (60 percent!) this year 
Apparently, the president has caught wind of the fact that his visionary leadership has driven world opinion of This Great Nation into the shitter, forcing American students all over the world to act Canadian. And Bush will spend calendar year 2008 traveling abroad to restore our tattered image. Or at least that’s the angle in 