Here it is, Barbara Bush’s Facebook profile (click to enlarge). Like everything else in this world, it’s a massive disappointment. She’s no Pierce, that’s for damn sure. MORE »

IvyGate has a bombshell: First Twin Barbara Bush may be on Facebook. There’s a friends-only Yale Alum profile with her name on it, and we’d all love to see the contents. MORE »

* Heard on the Hill: Congress took yesterday off to watch football. At the insistence, btw, of John Boehner… Crazy coot Thaddeus McCotter has begun sending out his insane “Thinking Points” memos. First one features Spinal Tap lyrics… Yes, Rep. G.K. Butterfield is black… Joe Biden is running for something! [Roll Call]
* Reliable Source: Fenty inaugural ball featured 1,500 chairs for 15,000 attendees… The Bush Twins partied old-school last weekend at Smith Point, of all places, and Town Hall. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: Members of Congress already submitting insane, doomed bills. Mike Huckabee suggests watching more shitty ’80s sitcoms is secret to happiness, success. [Examiner]
* Under the Dome: Dennis Kucinich introduced Keith Ellison and Virgil Goode. Some claim he did this to foster peace and harmony, but we know it’s just ’cause he likes to start shit… The Capitol Police didn’t recognize Keith Ellison until he produced his official Congressional BlackBerry, which he didn’t strike anyone with… Rep. Kevin Brady (R-Texas) declares intention to file FOIA request for every meeting of House Rules Committee. FOIA, of course, doesn’t apply to records of Congress. [The Hill]
* Rush & Molloy: Some guy wants George Clooney to star in a movie as Bill O’Reilly. [NYDN]

Jenna did make it back for Christmas, despite the allure of Argentina Nights with her new Porteńo beau (poor Hank Hagar must seem so impossibly drab in comparison — but if that’s who James Baker wants her to breed with, that’s who Jenna’ll breed with). MORE »

Last week, “mercado libre,” the Argentinian eBay, featured a quickly-removed auction for Barbara Bush’s stolen cell phone. The auction started at 1,000 pesos, and the seller jokingly declared that the phone would be delivered to the winner by Osama bin Laden himself. MORE »

* We introduced Wonkette’s War on Christmas Gift Guide. You’ll never be bothered by Thank You cards again, — especially if you choose the Cold War Unicorns or Freddy Krueger Gipper poster. Great for parents!
* In a bit of holiday magic, famous-for-DC senior administration officials Tony Snow and Dan Bartlett ridiculously transformed into anonymous Senior Administration Officials midway through a press briefing in Latvia.
* Jim Webb almost beat up the president over Iraq. George Will cares more about doilies than dead bodies.
* We celebrated National Meth Day by crushing and snorting Claritin and masturbating to Ted Haggard sermons.
* Mahmoud Ahmadinejad wrote us all a letter complimenting our hair, our government loyalty, and our choice to live so far from Iran. Fox News Fan “Mark” wasn’t having it: “We are educated, unlike your nation, and will not be fooled by your big long educated words (that someone else told you what they mean because you obviously have no idea what they mean).”
* Did someone say crazies? Researchers followed psychotics through the voting process in 2004 and found a “correlation between the severity of a person’s psychosis and their preferences for president. The more psychotic the voter, the more likely they were to vote for Bush,” according to Bush’s hometown newspaper.
* Only NY governor-elect Eliot Spitzer can get to the bottom of the Cheney Church’s sex extortion of Sandra Day O’Connor … according to Nadine, anyway.
* Dr. Senator Bill Frist decided not to run for president. Instead, he is returning to gorilla surgery.
* The Bush Twins caused chaos in the streets of Argentina as they celebrated their 25th birthdays. Barb got her her purse stolen and mobile stolen.Ultimately, the spoiled brats were kicked out of the country.
* Our Thanksgiving Edition of Last Week’s Shots involved cousin banging, cocaine and black-people/watermelon jokes. We also brought you a very special update about modern romantic dilemmas such as announcing your secret-broken-condom problem on a forum the girl reads.

* Reliable Source: Amy Holmes was on The View and didn’t even get in any fights with the shouty liberals… More Bush Twins fun in South America. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: The Onion runs one of their trademark fake columns, bylined with the name of real-life Rep. Dennis Moore. Moore, sadly, is a good sport about it… Rep. Adam Putnam (age calls Rep. Eric Cantor “a great wingman.” Cure the Post Style section … Buy the campaign crap of losers on eBay. [Examiner]

Finally, an American expat in Argentina blogs up the dirt on the endlessly fascinating theft of young Barbara Bush’s purse. We can now provide the following shocking details from a retired DC/NYC newspaperman:

* The purse-snatching took place at some huge bar/restaurant in the “hip San Telmo district.”
* It’s apparently spring in Argentina; rich girls can just skip winter altogether.
* The purse-snatching thieves are known as Porteños, which is Spanish for “purse snatchers.” (UPDATE FOR CERTAIN READERS: THAT’S A JOKE.)

Lots more hot Argentine action, after the jump.

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We get uneasy when the only White House official still in Washington is Greg Pitts, who was just flown home after being pummeled outside a Honolulu bar. So where did everybody go? Here’s the scorecard: MORE »

Here’s your BREAKING UPDATE on the Bush Twins’ Argentine Adventure, featuring abandoned presidential daughters and possible assassination attempts:

Barbara made headlines last week when she was robbed in a Buenos Aires restaurant; somebody apparently made off with her purse and cell phone. Secret Service agents claimed they “remotely erased” the mobile’s memory, thus denying America the naked drunken Bush Twins photos we so desperately need in these dark times. (But there’s no reason to believe the twins’ Secret Service detail, as the agents didn’t even notice the purse-snatching, because they were too busy being savagely beaten in the streets.)

Unfazed by the chaos and crime, the sisters continued their rampage because they were celebrating their 25th birthdays — and possibly preparing an escaped-Nazi-style South American lair for their soon-to-be deposed father. Lots more, after the jump.

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Jenna and Barbara are being tossed out of Argentina — not by the actual country, but by the pissed-off U.S. diplomats in Buenos Aires. MORE »