You know what else went to Hell during eight long years of George W. Bush? The nation’s teen-aged girl children! Perhaps influenced by the ghetto trash Bush Twins, America’s gals reversed a decade of progress in the reduction of sex diseases and teen pregnancy. Oh, just kidding about Jenna and Barbara — this was actually the direct result of Bush Administration anti-sex-education policy. MORE »

SCREW YOU, MUSLIMS! The Supreme Court ruled today that Bush Administration officials cannot be sued for polices that led to 700+ Muslims in the United States being “arrested, roughed up and locked in a maximum security prison” after the 9/11 attacks. So, John Ashcroft and Robert Mueller are free to continue plotting against us. [LA Times]

• FUCK OFF AND DIE: Ahh, looks like our old friends still care deeply about the integrity of the Justice Department: “Former Bush administration officials are lobbying behind the scenes to push Justice Department leaders to water down an ethics report criticizing lawyers who blessed harsh detainee interrogation tactics, according to two sources familiar with the efforts. In recent days, attorneys for the subjects of the ethics probe have encouraged senior Bush administration appointees to write and phone Justice Department officials, said the sources, who spoke on condition of anonymity because the process is not complete.” [Washington Post]

• ‘INSECTS PLACED IN A CONFINEMENT BOX’: We made a light joke earlier about Glenn Greenwald goin’ nuts with the highlighter on those four Bush Administration torture memos released today — almost completely unredacted — and man, he did just that. You are required to read some of the shit in these memos. This is our CIA’s War on Terror? Throwing a dumb caterpillar in a dark box but telling the detainees it’s a killer scorpion that will poison their butts? This isn’t SUMMER CAMP. [Glenn Greenwald]

It may be your lucky day, libtards! All you want are DoJ torture memos, uncut, NO REDAX, and now look at the breaking news: “In the fullest account to date of the questioning of al Qaeda suspects, government officials issued long sought documents that catalogue a list of tactics — from sleep and food deprivation to beatings — that Bush lawyers said comported with the law. The memos, which date to 2002, contain few redactions, despite a fierce battle within the Obama administration about the benefits of releasing the information.” TOUCHE, Obama… but rest assured that the very serious and important and serious news blogger Glenn Greenwald is furiously highlighting right now and will soon determine how much you care about so-called “legal statutes.” [WP]

Like so many young Washington residents in this brutal economy, Wonkette operative “Nicorette St. Monstre” (if that is her real name) has some unemployed bums for roommates. One such jobless loser worked in the Bush Administration until whatever happened last week, and now our Operative finds her dwelling filled with these wretched, hopeless welfare cases who fear the very idea of real work. MORE »

“The United States urged Russia on Friday to halt aircraft and missile attacks in Georgia’s breakaway region of South Ossetia and withdraw its combat forces from Georgian territory as the situation in the former Soviet state verged on full-scale war. …Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice called the parties involved in hopes of ending the fighting, and made plans to send a U.S. envoy to the region.” Many in the comments of this website have mentioned what a travesty it is that people aren’t talking about this due to the start of the Olympics. Well, no one cares about the Olympics. It’s more like: this is a problem between two countries far far away, not the United States’ problem at all, except for oil implications, so let’s stop pretending it is. Surely the folks in Georgia and Russia are caring about this plenty enough. Meanwhile, read this hilarious thread. [AP]

KARL ROVE IN CONTEMPT: “A U.S. congressional panel voted on Wednesday to find former presidential adviser Karl Rove in contempt for defying a subpoena to testify in its probe into suspected political meddling at the Justice Department.” [REUTERS]

YOU DON’T SAY: “The inspector general’s investigation found that Ms. Goodling and a handful of other senior aides to Mr. Gonzales developed a system of using in-person interviews and Internet searches to screen out candidates who might be too liberal and to identify candidates seen as pro-Republican and supportive of President Bush.” [New York Times]

Hey, has anybody seen David Gregory’s show on the MSNBC, called, uh, That Thing Between Episodes of ‘Hardball’? Yeah, us neither. Apparently it features bottled heads in a spaceship, with David Gregory being very self-important in front of them. Unsurprisingly, people do not watch this show, and the gentleman who made his bones being a comically aggressive dick to George Bush in press conferences now finds his star on the wane. MORE »

Rep. John Hall (Dirty Hippie, NY) became a congressman in 2006, when even a naked “soft rock” hippie seemed less dangerous than Mark Foley or Don Sherwood or John Sweeney. Problem is, hippiez r dum! Hall is now sending official congressional spam about the alleged Bush Administration plot to stop solar energy so the Oil Corporates can continue to rule the Earth. Are American enviro-leftists as gullible as the “God DAMN Muslim O’bama’s Christian Church” crowd? Let’s find out! MORE »