Saturday, September 26: Laura Bush did not read to her children and she felt bad because her kids became losers. To make up for it, she invented The National Book Festival. Even though she is gone from DC and one daughter is now on the teevee, the festival continues, but it is now hosted by the very literate Obamas.  [National Book Festival] MORE »

A choice bit of news today for terrorists and people who just seem like terrorists: Obama and his legal pals have decided that they will not be giving themselves any more pretend legal authority in order to detain suspicious people indefinitely. It turns out Bush and Cheney did a pretty comprehensive job of back in 2001 rounding up all the authority on Earth and renditioning the shit out of it in Gitmo and Bagram. MORE »

• The City of Wasilla makes its big debut on the Internet! This thing is called “Document Central” and there are like 9 PDFs, which Sarah Palin will soon ban. [Ben Smith]
• Boy emperor George W. Bush approves of Sarah Palin because of her experience in Washington as Governor of Alaska. [Jonathan Martin]
• Nancy Pelosi refuses to admit that the time some Republicans spent their August vacation yelling about drilling to literally no one changed everything.  [Daily Kos]
• Why is Sarah Palin hiding a secret stash of a million sexy racist emails sent to the Alaskan Monarchy? And why is Husband Todd always CCed when none of the emails pertain to snowmobiling? [Mother Jones]
• Joe Biden still wants to cut Iraq into three Iraqs, and then lose three different Iraq Wars, just so he can win the election. [Fox Embed]
• Thanks to a certain enchanting snow goddess, McCain has drawn even with Obama in the polls. [Top of the Ticket]

Oh no! Condi’s stuck on repeat! Or maybe shuffle! She went places, she met people… but it all seems so familiar, like she’s just coasting for the next eight months or something. I don’t know about you, but there are some Condi reruns I’d much rather see, so let’s use the magical, revelatory power of Photoshop to pump up the Condiweek that was… after the jump, natch!

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It was a pretty bad Condiweek! She went all the way to the Middle East and accomplished little more than photo-ops with the morbidly obese; she bickered with kindly old man Jimmy Carter; and then she came home and participated in one of the most gruesomely cynical Bush Administration publicity stunts EVER. Catch up with America’s Princess Diplomat after the jump!

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Last week was fun for Condi fans, but not so much fun for Condoleezza herself. She got dragged around by Bush on his farewell lap around NATO, and she had some laffs with George, but mostly was kind of a fifth wheel. Back home, the rest of us got to enjoy hot new Condicising photos and we finally learned who’s playing Madame Secretary in Oliver Stone’s Bush movie. Find out who the lucky actress is after the jump!

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America’s Princess Diplobot had a busy end of March: She celebrated 4,000 troop deaths in Iraq, reminisced about slavery, and reignited vice presidential rumors all by herself, by doing nothing more than talking to a friendly bear. Way to go, girl! Catch up with Condi after the jump!

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A Condoleezza road show is so much fun! Our Condi bounced from Egypt to Ramallah to Tel Aviv to Brussels, enjoying several perfect photo-ops along the way. The only problem was that outside the photo-ops, it was one of the most incriminating Condiweeks EVER, brimming with embarrassments, snubs, that Gaza Strip thing, and OMG, Glenn Kessler! So mean! Let’s all pile on with Glenn after the jump!

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Each week, veteran Condiwatcher Peter Huestis (also known as Princess Sparkle Pony) provides a summary of the searing wit and infinite wisdom of America’s Favorite Princess Diplomat™!

Condi got to go back to the rumored land of her ancestors. No, not Russia, Africa! Her last trip there was a royal dud, but this time she brought along friends: the boss, his wife, Josh Bolten, etc., and she got to see the boss dance! She got a pretty sash! She got molested by scary natives! And then she got back and nobody cared. Relive the magic, after the jump…

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On Monday, I directed you to an ultra-glamorous velvet painting of the secretary of state as an example of the wonderful world of Condi-inspired art. Since I was in a Condicentric mood (as usual), I never thought to see what else this gifted painter had to offer. Well, let me tell you, the Condi painting on black velvet was only the tip of a fabulous iceberg! Join me after the jump to marvel over Velvet Rove, Velvet Cheney, Velvet Ashcroft and… Velvet Lynndie England? Are these the most superfantastic portraits of our time? Probably!

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Since January 2001, when our then-new President Bush gave his first fake State of the Union address — it was actually a “budget message,” as he had only been in the White House a few hours and hadn’t yet screwed up the country forever — America has gathered together for one glorious evening each January for our most precious freedom. Yes, we are talking about binge drinking while George W. Bush mispronounces common words on the teevee. MORE »