Wonkette

Wonkette Curseword-Monitoring Operative “Jared” sends us this screenshot of CNN’s Political Ticker from yesterday, back when Joe Biden was saying “bullshit” all over the place. The click-through is properly figleafed with a double asterisk, though. MORE »

OBAMA’S PASTOR LOOKING BETTER ALL THE TIME: “But as the former Clinton pastor was sentenced Friday to three years in prison for inappropriately touching a 7-year-old girl at his home last March, Judge Michael L. Dwyer said Procanick sacrificed his honesty the day he testified.” [UticaOD.com]

There were a lot of Democrats elected last year from so-called “Republican” districts and they’d, obviously, like to stay elected at least as much as Nancy and Rahm would like them to stay in office. So, while Mom and Dad won’t let them vote against the important shit that their (generally more conservative) constituents might like them to vote against, they will let the frosh vote against stuff that doesn’t matter to totally prove that they’re not like Mom and Dad! So some of the freshmen Congress members from traditionally Republican districts have taken to voting against the minutes of the previous day and for Republican motions to recommit so that when papers like the Washington Post publish the percentage of the time that a Member votes with the majority, their percentage looks lower. They’re independent, y’all! [Washington Post]

With a toss of her hair, Speaker Nancy Pelosi offered today that she had been sooo naive when she took the reins of power of the the lower chamber of the legislative body of the most powerful country in the world, which totes just fell into her lap because she was such a nice, kind grandmotherly type. She’s just, you know, so bewildered that the Republicans just aren’t falling into line with her stance on Iraq, saying “That was a revelation to me, because I felt the American peoples’ voices were so strong and still are in this regard that I hoped that with some compromise and reaching out there might be some change in direction.” So, anti-Iraq grassroots activists who are mad that she’s had a year to end the war and hasn’t, don’t blame her! She was just new to all this politicking stuff and didn’t realize how mean the boys could be. [CQ Politics]

With his daughter getting married, his administration wiretapping all of his political enemies, paranoia running rampant and everyone in the country high out of their minds on coke, Bush has finally come to realize that his pointless, unwinnable war is exactly like Johnson and Nixon’s pointless, unwinnable war. Because while before we were fighting in Iraq to prevent Iraq from fighting in us, or something, now we fight there so that Pol Pot doesn’t rise from the dead and take over. It’s true! Bush is going to deliver a speech about it and everything! MORE »

So did everyone else have a good time at the party? Huh? MORE »

Alberto Gonzales would like to let you know what he believes in. Children are our future, accountability, etc. etc. blah blah blah. And he’s Mexican! Fuck all y’all! MORE »

The Senate’s pro-SURGE forces brought some awesome new ideas to the debate on Friday, but none was as powerful as the new reason for the Iraq War provided by the honorable Jeff Sessions (R-Cracker) — we had to invade and occupy because Saddam Hussein kept sayin’ he won the 1991 Gulf War!