bullshit
Rick Santorum Yells Rude Swear at Terrible Liberal Media (VIDEO!)
Why is the terrible liberal media forcing Rick Santorum to yell swears at them by repeating his words back to him and asking about them? WHYYYYYY? Because they are the liberal media, duh. They could no more stop forcing Rick Santorum to yell rude swears at them by repeating his words and asking questions about [...]
Orrin Hatch Calls Obama A Hipster With A Funny Hat And Coffee
Orrin Hatch on the Senate floor, you guys: “President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for a hipster fedora and a double skim latte.” Wow, he traded in an entire category of his coalition for a single hat and coffee drink! Is that a “Fair Trade” [...]
FBI Breaks Up Latest Terrorist Plot That It Created
In a super-neato sting operation today, the FBI totally intercepted a Muslim Terrorist wearing a suicide bomb vest en route to the Capitol, to blow it up. Sucker! Caught you! Go eat an Abortionplex-sized bag of dicks, guy! (But really, thank you for taking all of the pretend bombs our agents gave you and going [...]
Occupy Wall Street’s Scripted SOTU Response ‘Embargoed’ By PR Company
The dull evidence of a typical hack political campaign is the “embargoed” speech or statement sent out many hours before the event it is supposed to address. And now we’ve got this email from a big P.R. firm claiming that the Occupy Wall Street response to Obama’s State of the Union speech is contained within [...]
Apple iPhone Censoring Birth Control, Help For Rape Victims
Because Apple designs computing devices that aren’t as hideous and abysmal as other computing devices on the market, people who possess aesthetic values (liberals) have long loved the company and its products. But Apple is still a multinational corporation, one of the world’s biggest, and it is certainly evil in terms of its slave-labor work [...]
Not Even FBI Cares About Bloomberg’s Phony Terror Suspect
While #OWS protesters created a “weaponized drum circle” around Michael Bloomberg’s mansion over the weekend, the mayor’s attempt to get people to freak out about the terrorisms was a total failure. Not even the terror-happy federal government was convinced by New York’s lame-o made-up terror suspect. Reuters reports: Federal authorities declined to join the local [...]
WSJ Surveys #OWS, Finds Dangerous Radicals (Meaning, Democrat Voters)
Here’s a pre-tangled mess of shitty intestines to unravel: Michael Bloomberg’s pollster arranged a survey of the Occupy Wall Street campers and published his paranoid/fearmongering results in the Wall Street Journal. The pollster/WSJ columnist, Douglas Schoen, then objectively described the #OWS protesters as “dangerously out of touch with the broad mass of the American people” [...]
Random Muslim Becomes Millionth ‘Al Qaeda No. 2′ After Robot Kills Him
Anything besides hurricane news today? Yes! The Pentagon or the CIA or whatever corporation runs the robot death drone planes that constantly rain bombs on brown people throughout the world just announced that about a week ago, one of those robot death drone planes dropped a couple of million-dollar bombs somewhere and one of those [...]
Illegal Aliens From Space (Mexico) Pay More Taxes Than G.E.
Hi friends! Just checking in to let you know that undocumented immigrants paid an estimated $11.2 billion in local taxes last year — that’s $11.2 billion more than G.E. forked over, even though General Electric is a documented corporation that makes billions and billions of dollars! (Gawd it must be so sexy being a gelatinous [...]
Republican Fantasyland: No Actual Medicare, Tax Cuts For Millionaires
What do Republicans in Congress dream about, after they get bored of Cialisbating to ROTC videos? Lowering taxes even more for the very richest people in America while doubling the cost of medical care for senior citizens. That’s what the budget passed tonight by the House GOP promises to do — and even though it [...]
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A Children’s Treasury of Sincere Comments Praising Wal-Mart
by Wonkette Jr.
Last week we mentioned that a half-dozen heirs to the Wal-Mart fortune own more than the 100,000,000 Americans at the wrong end of the U.S. Pyramid of Poverty, which is gigantic on the bottom and narrow in the middle and just a teeny tiny point on the top that controls all the wealth in this [...]