Tag Archives: bullshit

  In Which Obama Manages To Be Both Chamberlain AND Hitler

Mike Huckabee: Obama’s Actually Holocausting Jews For A Change

Thank god these Nazi analogies will go away when the next president is inaugurated.
Are we all tired of Obama-is-Hitler analogies? Well of course we are! But Mike Huckabee isn’t, because he found a really novel variation on the theme: Instead of Obama being just like a Nazi by forcing Americans to have healthcare or taking their guns away or –one of our favorites — letting them get student loans, Huckabee actually found some real Jews for Obama to do a Holocaust to! In an interview with Dead Breitbart’s Really, A Sirius Channel Is Too A Real Radio Station, Huckabee explained that the recent nuclear deal with Iran is exactly the same as the Endlösung: Read more on Mike Huckabee: Obama’s Actually Holocausting Jews For A Change…
  Only two things come from Texas

Idiot Texas County Clerk Lady Issues Declaration About How Good She Hates The Gays

hooray
Thank goodness brave Texas bigots haven’t been shuttled off to the rainbow FEMA camps, so they can save the Republic from the santorum-drenched sodomite hordes. Molly Criner, county clerk for Irion County, issued a DECLARATION OF OBEDIENCE TO LAW AND THE DEFENSE OF NATURAL MARRIAGE (her words), and before anyone even had the chance to say boo, the sterling fellows at Liberty Counsel stepped up to the plate to defend her rights to legally break the law. Aw, what a charming little political stunt. Sorry, I mean political stunt. Political stunt! Excuse me, I must have something caught in my throat. Read more on Idiot Texas County Clerk Lady Issues Declaration About How Good She Hates The Gays…
  Go In Dumb Come Out Dumb Too

Giant Pussies At LSU Fire Professor For Saying Bad, Bad Words

Really. What the actual fuck?
For your “You have got to be fucking kidding me” files, we present the story of Louisiana State University associate professor Teresa Buchanan, who was fired effective June 19 for having “sexually harassed” her students — if, that is, you buy the idea that occasionally saying “Fuck no” (and other variations on the Fuck-word) and having told a slightly off-color joke during class constitutes “sexual harassment.” No, we are not fucking kidding. In addition to those two offenses, Buchanan also, as the local paper put it, used “a slang term for vagina that implies cowardice,” which was a nice way to pussy out on saying what she actually said. Teresa Buchanan was a tenured professor with 20 years experience teaching early childhood education and training elementary school teachers at LSU. And yes, you bet your sweet ass she’s planning to sue. Read more on Giant Pussies At LSU Fire Professor For Saying Bad, Bad Words…
  Fat Blasting Brain Loss Miracle

The Snake Oil Bulletin Sifts Through The Pseudoscientific Dingleberries Of Dr. Mehmet Oz

Too old for this shit.
Welcome back, pilgrims! It’s good to see you’ve returned to your old friend the Snake Oil Bulletin, the weekly compendium of the latest horsepuckey to plop itself right here on our beloved interwebs. Now normally we focus on a smattering of stories to whet your woo woo whistle, but this week we’ve decided that special devotion should be reserved for a brave, beleaguered hero, that duke of duplicitous drivel, Dr. Mehmet Oz, MD (Malarkey Dipshit). Dr. Oz has had quite the adventure over the past year, but as you’ll soon see, it takes a lot to keep a poppycock peddler down. Read more on The Snake Oil Bulletin Sifts Through The Pseudoscientific Dingleberries Of Dr. Mehmet Oz…
  Damn all those liberals who got paid to comment on the Congresslady's status

Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers Declares Victory Over Obamacare Fans, Goes Home

McMorris Rodgers' original graph, which proves that all Obamacares lead down a jagged path to cupcakes.
Last week, Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers (R-Washington) decided it might be a neat idea to stop playing Farmville for a second and update her FacePlace status, with that dumb looking graph above, just asking hey, everyone, how did Obamacare ruin your life and kill your grandmother? Of course, those stories are hard to come by, except for in Republican fever dreams that probably also include buttsechs. To everyone’s surprise (not really), what happened instead was that people got in the comments section and told all their nice stories about “I have insurance for the first time in my life!” and “Obamacare saved my Nana!” — all liberal lies of course. Well, McMorris Rodgers has an EXPLANATION for what happened. All the nice things people said were about parts of the bill that EVERYONE loves, even Republicans: Read more on Rep. Cathy McMorris Rodgers Declares Victory Over Obamacare Fans, Goes Home…
  A Shining Example

All Teabagging And No Brain Makes Maine Governor LePage A Dull Boy

All the tax rates float down here
Left: Author Stephen King. Right: Maine Gov. Paul LePage (file photo) Among things you should never do: 1) Vandalize a beautiful but haunted 1958 Plymouth Fury 2) Experiment with reanimating the dead; 3) Dump pig blood on Carrie White at the prom; 4) Suggest that unabashed progressive Stephen King would ever move away from his beloved Maine for the sake of lower taxes in another state. Unless you are Maine’s idiot teabagger governor Paul LePage. He got reelected, and now he wants to eliminate the state’s progressive income tax and replace the revenue with an increase in sales taxes, the most regressive tax possible. And worse, he kind of lied about novelist Stephen King in a speech touting the proposed tax swap (DO NOT CALL IT A CUT). Read more on All Teabagging And No Brain Makes Maine Governor LePage A Dull Boy…
  You See Us Together Chasing The Moonlight My Cinnamon Girl

Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)

Definitely Not Nuts AT ALL
Like Ben Carson, Mike Huckabee is going to tell you a few secrets that Big Pharma doesn’t want you to know. No, seriously! That’s how he’s making money these days, and it’s all because he wants to be president and definitely not because Huck knows a good grift when he sees one. The New York Times explains how Huckabee is using this one weird trick to cure diabetes, cancer, and other illnesses all the way to the goddamn bank. Read more on Mike Huckabee Has One Weird Trick To Cure Diabetes (It Is ‘Money From Hucksters’)…
  Tell Me Your Dreams

Even GOP Senators Are Sick Of House Wingnuts’ Bullsh*t

Wrong Kirk? Whatever.
Illinois Senator Mark Kirk has a wee bit of advice to his party, especially those fellows over in the House. After the Senate passed a clean bill to fund the Department of Homeland Security for the rest of the year, Kirk told reporters, “Hopefully we’re gonna end the attaching of bullshit to essential items of the government.” Read more on Even GOP Senators Are Sick Of House Wingnuts’ Bullsh*t…
  Fuck This Shit

Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida

We can't even come up with a funny alt tag right now, guys.
You remember Marissa Alexander, right? She was the Florida woman who fired warning shots at her abusive husband (and missed) during a domestic dispute and got 20 years for it. Fortunately, she got a new trial, and on Monday, justice was finally served. Unfortunately, as the piping-hot bowl of justice was being served, it was spilled in Marissa Alexander’s lap, and because this is Florida, she still has to pay for her meal. Read more on Marissa Alexander Officially Not Allowed To Stand Her Ground In Florida…
  All Lorettas Look The Same To Us

Breitbart Very Very Very Sorry About Its Journalism, For Sure

This fuckin' guy.
Breitbart “reporter” Warner Todd Huston, who wrote the offending article. We have not Photoshopped this image. Mistakes — we all make ’em! Admitting when you’re wrong helps build credibility with your audience, and it is also too the Right Thing To Do. Read more on Breitbart Very Very Very Sorry About Its Journalism, For Sure…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Why’s Obama Letting Immigrant Terrorists Ebola Us To Death?

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
In the last seven days, the Sarah Palin Channel has published exactly nine minutes and twenty-eight seconds of content. Three minutes of that total is “Behind the Scenes” reels, one of which centers on Sarah going to a barn in North Carolina last year (it was Billy Graham’s barn, and it was a very boring visit). That means Palin’s team produced about six minutes of content in the last week, so yes, this is probably the laziest political grift we’ve ever covered in our short time as Yr Wonket. But by the same token, it is also the most ruthlessly efficient. Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Why’s Obama Letting Immigrant Terrorists Ebola Us To Death?…
  We Watch So You Don't Have To

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Climate Change Is This Century’s Eugenics

The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report, Presented by Fartknocker
Sarah Palin is a busy former half-term governor these days. She’s hit the campaign trail for Republicans no one really likes; she “wrote” a Facespace note telling us how she had a big sad about the Thrilla in Wasilla; and four days ago, she went foraging for derp berries in the Fever Swamps of Poor Historical Analogies. You guys, look what she found! Read more on The Sarah Palin Fartknocker Report: Climate Change Is This Century’s Eugenics…
  Birthers: The Next Generation

New Wingnut Theory (Or ‘Satire’?): Michelle Obama Never Birthed No Babies

Since this photo doesn't exist, maybe YOU DON'T EITHER! Whoa, we are all Philip K Dick today!
From the ugly world of Facebook, we received a recommendation to check out this story: “Evidence Emerges That Michelle Obama Never Birthed Malia And Sasha,” at something called “The U.S. Patriot,” whose “About” page assures us that they are “home to the best Conservative news on the internet.” Let’s see what this important story has to say! Read more on New Wingnut Theory (Or ‘Satire’?): Michelle Obama Never Birthed No Babies…
 

Ain’t Nobody Got Time for Racism, Declares Ben Stein

Ben Stein, the man who introduced America to Jimmy Kimmel, has written a piece for the American Spectator about how the South is pretty much the best and racism is dead forever. Gather ’round, and let’s tear apart Ben Stein’s neo-Confederate paean to the glories of the New South. This is a story of what has been accomplished in the South, and in particular in Greenville, over the years. This is a city on the move, very likely the most rapidly growing industrial center in the South. It has no time for hate or racial fear. No time for hate in Greenville, SC, huh Ben? That would come as a surprise to Sean Kennedy, who was punched to death in 2007 outside a Greenville bar for the crime of being a gay man. Keep reachin’ for that rainbow, and then getting punched so hard that your brain comes loose from your spine, Ben. Does Ben Stein make other revisionist claims about the New South? You bet your sweet D.W. Griffith Blu-Ray Collection he does! We read the whole stupid thing so you don’t have to. Here’s some of the highlights. Read more on Ain’t Nobody Got Time for Racism, Declares Ben Stein…