bullshit

Aging dirty hippie Al Gore called into the new Bill Press show “Full Court Press” (get it?) on Current TV to point and laugh at all the stupid GOP candidates, and to say their debates are astonishingly shallow, and to aver that surely even the majority of Republicans are embarrassed by these Little Torquemadas who […]

Why is the terrible liberal media forcing Rick Santorum to yell swears at them by repeating his words back to him and asking about them? WHYYYYYY? Because they are the liberal media, duh. They could no more stop forcing Rick Santorum to yell rude swears at them by repeating his words and asking questions about […]

One thing the Republican presidential candidates love to do is talk about how they will bomb each and every Islamic Person, because the Islamic Persons might be plotting something against Israel, which is the only patriotic country outside of America’s borders, because of the greatest American Action Hero, a mythological Jewish mystic who lived (?) […]

Orrin Hatch on the Senate floor, you guys: “President Obama has traded in the hard hat and lunch bucket category of the Democratic Party for a hipster fedora and a double skim latte.” Wow, he traded in an entire category of his coalition for a single hat and coffee drink! Is that a “Fair Trade” […]

In a super-neato sting operation today, the FBI totally intercepted a Muslim Terrorist wearing a suicide bomb vest en route to the Capitol, to blow it up. Sucker! Caught you! Go eat an Abortionplex-sized bag of dicks, guy! (But really, thank you for taking all of the pretend bombs our agents gave you and going […]

The dull evidence of a typical hack political campaign is the “embargoed” speech or statement sent out many hours before the event it is supposed to address. And now we’ve got this email from a big P.R. firm claiming that the Occupy Wall Street response to Obama’s State of the Union speech is contained within […]

Last week we mentioned that a half-dozen heirs to the Wal-Mart fortune own more than the 100,000,000 Americans at the wrong end of the U.S. Pyramid of Poverty, which is gigantic on the bottom and narrow in the middle and just a teeny tiny point on the top that controls all the wealth in this […]

Because Apple designs computing devices that aren’t as hideous and abysmal as other computing devices on the market, people who possess aesthetic values (liberals) have long loved the company and its products. But Apple is still a multinational corporation, one of the world’s biggest, and it is certainly evil in terms of its slave-labor work […]

While #OWS protesters created a “weaponized drum circle” around Michael Bloomberg’s mansion over the weekend, the mayor’s attempt to get people to freak out about the terrorisms was a total failure. Not even the terror-happy federal government was convinced by New York’s lame-o made-up terror suspect. Reuters reports: Federal authorities declined to join the local […]

Here’s a pre-tangled mess of shitty intestines to unravel: Michael Bloomberg’s pollster arranged a survey of the Occupy Wall Street campers and published his paranoid/fearmongering results in the Wall Street Journal. The pollster/WSJ columnist, Douglas Schoen, then objectively described the #OWS protesters as “dangerously out of touch with the broad mass of the American people” […]

Anything besides hurricane news today? Yes! The Pentagon or the CIA or whatever corporation runs the robot death drone planes that constantly rain bombs on brown people throughout the world just announced that about a week ago, one of those robot death drone planes dropped a couple of million-dollar bombs somewhere and one of those […]

Everyone’s number one spiritual question for today is: “Should Michele Bachmann ask her gay husband permission if she just wants to have a regular Coke once in a while?” THIS WAS LAST NIGHT’S MOST IMPORTANT GOP DEBATE QUESTION, which was mysteriously booed by the Jerry Springer audience. Anyway, this issue is so important that Bristol […]

Good morning, America is #1, Never Fourget, etc. Is everyone still so excited about “Osama bin Laden” being buried at sea, just hours after being “killed” by the CIA? Our Government really went the extra mile to make sure Osama was buried with dignity: “After Bin Laden was killed in a raid by U.S. forces […]

Hi friends! Just checking in to let you know that undocumented immigrants paid an estimated $11.2 billion in local taxes last year — that’s $11.2 billion more than G.E. forked over, even though General Electric is a documented corporation that makes billions and billions of dollars! (Gawd it must be so sexy being a gelatinous […]

What do Republicans in Congress dream about, after they get bored of Cialisbating to ROTC videos? Lowering taxes even more for the very richest people in America while doubling the cost of medical care for senior citizens. That’s what the budget passed tonight by the House GOP promises to do — and even though it […]