Tag Archives: bullies

  You punch your mother with that fist?

Who Is Chris Christie Punching In The Face Today?

You shut up, and you shut up, and you shut up
New Jersey Gov. Chris Christie is a raging dick — but that’s not a bug, it’s a feature. It’s his brand, and he’s damn proud of it, and he’s never going to change, eff you, buddy. His pitch to voters is: “It’s time to start offending people.” This strategy has worked well for him in New Jersey, where 65 percent of voters are only saying he’d be a god-frickin’-awful president because they lurve him so much, they want to keep him for themselves. Read more on Who Is Chris Christie Punching In The Face Today?…
  neerrrrds!

Perennial Maybe-Candidate Sarah Palin Mean-Girls Nerdy Reporter For Perennial Maybe-Candidate Donald Trump

Oh, this is a very special update to yesterday’s YOOGE Donald Trump News from Ghost Breitbart’s Internet Home for the Perpetually Aggrieved. As you may recall, rancid Breitbart horcrux Matthew Boyle discovered a terrible, terrible thing about Buzzfeed writer McKay Coppins: Coppins wrote something negative about Trump, and said unthinkable things, despicable things, things so vile and putrid that we hesitate to repeat them! Namely, he said that Donald Trump is a pretend candidate who likes publicity but has no intention of actually running for any elective office, ever. Or as Boyle put it, “one of the most venomous hit pieces in recent memory,” which suggests that Mr. Boyle probably needs a RAM upgrade. Happily, thanks to a midnight deal at a crossroads — Trump got their souls, and they got the belief that they mattered — we got yesterday’s breathless exposé, which informs us that not only did Coppins say unkind things about the Great Man, he also was a puffed up braggart who constantly called himself a “big reporter,” ogled all the waitresses at Trump’s Florida hideaway, and “ordered bison burgers at a resort restaurant in an untoward way.” All of which are totally believable and supported by the direct word of people who work for Mr. Trump and love their jobs. It was a glorious festival of butthurt which Kid Zoom described to us as “like a bunch of jocks beating up on a nerd who insulted the quarterback.” This was our fault; we hadn’t shown Kid a photo of Boyle. And now, the Queen Bee of the Mean Girls comes sailing into the fray. Sarah Palin gave Breitbart writer Tony Lee a two-sentence quote, and it was a thing of beauty: “This nervous geek isn’t fit to tie the Donald’s wingtips,” Palin told Breitbart News … “Don’t ever give him attention again.” Wow! “Nervous geek” — now that is some grade-A high school bullying. Pay attention, boys, and learn from the best. Read more on Perennial Maybe-Candidate Sarah Palin Mean-Girls Nerdy Reporter For Perennial Maybe-Candidate Donald Trump…
  bridge to nowhere

Chris Christie Takes Full Responsibility For Underlings’ Terrible Vengeful Bullying

Now that the dust is starting to settle on the Biggest Press Conference of His Political Career, let’s see whether Governor Chris Christie saved his political bacon (mmmm, bacon). He did the necessary moves, started out with apologies to the people of New Jersey, the people of Fort Lee, and to the state lege, as well as (eventually) the press, the mayor of Fort Lee, the 1979 Jets, and the financial backers of Waterworld. And then he said that he was “embarrassed and humiliated by the conduct of some of the people on my team,” because of course he was absolutely unaware of any wrongdoing, and only learned yesterday that lanes on the busiest bridge in the country were closed as part of a political vendetta. We completely believe everything he said, except for the parts where his trousers literally burst into flame. Read more on Chris Christie Takes Full Responsibility For Underlings’ Terrible Vengeful Bullying…
  flow it show it long as god can grow it

Christian School Just Wants Black Girl’s Hair To Be Less Black, What Is So Wrong With That? (Updated)

(Nice-Time Update! See end of post) Will you just look at that smiling discipline problem right there? The adorable miscreant is Vanessa VanDyke, a student at Faith Christian Academy in Orlando, whose parents asked the school to intervene after other students started teasing her about her big gorgeous hair. So the school administrators took quick action: They told Vanessa and her parents that she was in violation of the dress code, which says “Hair must be a natural color and must not be a distraction,” and goes on to state examples that include, but are not limited to, mohawks, shaved designs and rat tails. You want to not get teased? Stop being such a distracting individual with your wild radical hair, which could incite revolution or something. Also, we’ve seen enough anime to know that she could probably be concealing a garrote or something up in there, god knows. Read more on Christian School Just Wants Black Girl’s Hair To Be Less Black, What Is So Wrong With That? (Updated)…
  we've created a monster

Tough Guy Mitch McConnell Gonna Punch All Those Tea Party Bullies POW Right In The Nose

You know who is a tough guy? Senate Minority Leader Mitch McConnell is a tough guy, and you know this is true, because in a conference call with Karl Rove and other RINOs, he said why, why, he’s agonna stand up to all them teabullies like Ted Cruz and Mike Lee and punch em POW! RIGHT IN THE KISSER! Someone who was on that conference call hates Mitch McConnell and loves Ted Cruz, obviously, or they would not be transmitting seeeekrit information to noted Tea Party toady Matthew Boyle, of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home for A Christmas Story Bully Sidekick Impersonators. Read more on Tough Guy Mitch McConnell Gonna Punch All Those Tea Party Bullies POW Right In The Nose…
  heads i win tails you lose

Yes Virginia, You Elected These Idiot GOP Legislators

There is some sort of legislative kerfuffle happening in Virginia right now and we are trying to care because the Editrix said we had to! Anonymous aide at the Virginia Legislature, what weird terrible thing is happening with your GOP peoples this week? Apparently the GOP was trying to keep abortion bargains all seeekrit, but it is not working thanks to you, anonymous Democratic aide! Read more on Yes Virginia, You Elected These Idiot GOP Legislators…
  it gets better

Homophobic Anti-Robot Bachmann Thugs Bully Gay Iowa Robot

It was another day of thuggery on the Iowa campaign trail as Michele Bachmann’s remaining followers mercilessly booed and taunted a sad gay robot. The pudgy homosexual android just wanted to make a case for itself, but the slob wingnuts just chanted BOOOOO because that’s how they “cure homosexuality.” Speaking of pudgy gay robots, has anyone seen Marcus Bachmann lately? Read more on Homophobic Anti-Robot Bachmann Thugs Bully Gay Iowa Robot…
  it's morning in america

BREAKING: Rich Dudes Love Republicans

Because all Republican rhetoric is about how the ELITE represses the PEOPLE and we should always side with the PEOPLE against the ELITE and their SINISTER GOVERNMENT, you might think that America’s actual economic elite would be opposed to Republican policies. You would be wrong, though! For instance, over the course of this cycle rich dude Bob Perry has spread a cool $11 million around among Karl Rove’s American Crossroads election cabal and the Republican Governors Association. Also, radical outsider Tea Party candidates are getting campaign money from rich Wall Street fat cats, via John Boehner! Read more on BREAKING: Rich Dudes Love Republicans… Read more on BREAKING: Rich Dudes Love Republicans…
 

John McCain Is Still A Dangerous Old Nut

As long as you’re on John McCain’s side — you know, as long as you’re either a journalist or a lobbyist — the old man will charm you with stories of his dirty deeds, and he’ll crudely insult the president’s daughter, and eat your donuts. But for the people who actually have to work with the elderly opportunist in, say, the Senate, John McCain is a furious stupid monster. Let’s review the latest “McCain’s a dangerous old psychopath” story, from Sunday’s Washington Post. Read more on John McCain Is Still A Dangerous Old Nut…
 

Meet President McNasty

John McCain’s depressing tour of places where he used to be young has also reminded America of his high-school nickname, “McNasty.” Even before he was a brain-damaged old psychopath, McCain was a mean, angry creep. Let’s remember all the times Walnuts went nuts in public, so we can prepare for the inevitable campaign-trail explosion that will end his campaign to be America’s Oldest President. Read more on Meet President McNasty…