budget
Time To Make The Budget! A Wonksplainer
A guest Wonksplainer from your compatriot, DDM. How does the actual process work where all our monies go to bortions for illegal Messicans who steal jobs from ‘Mericans? Turns out, it’s an archaic, complicated process that can confuse even the Wonkette staff, many of whom have fancy law degrees. Here’s the process: The President submits [...]
House Conservatives Offer Up New Budget Full Of Really Great Ideas That Everyone Loves
Oh good, we had grown tired of making fun of Paul Ryan and his “budget,” so it’s nice that the Republican Study Committee (RSC), chaired by Chairman Rep. Steve Scalise (R-LA, of COURSE), has released its own budget for us to make fun of. Highlights include: turning Medicare into a voucher system, raising the retirement [...]
New American Hero Will Drive With Hazard Lights On To Save Us From Sequestration
“These are the times that try men’s souls,” Thomas Paine once wrote, even though some scold of a junior high language arts teacher probably told him he should have written “times like these try men’s souls” because active voice. Today, as in Paine’s time, men’s souls are tried. We’re not worried about securing our independence [...]
Hero Congressman Defends America From Commie Socialist Nuns
Nuns are so sweet and all, trying to help others and whatnot, but they really should maybe think twice about all the barnstorming they are doing around the country lately until they take a class in civics, or math. This barnstorming, it is dividing America, says Rep. Scott Tipton (R-Money), a Romney surrogate from Colorado [...]
Paul Ryan Tricked By Fox News Into Admitting He Does Not Know When the Romney Plan Would Balance the Budget
We cannot stress enough that this is a VERY SERIOUS campaign, and it deals with VERY SERIOUS issues, and the addition of Paul Ryan (R-P90X) to the VP ticket really signaled a move by the Romney campaign towards VERY SERIOUS DISCUSSIONS because Ryan is a VERY SERIOUS person. So when Paul Ryan (R-P90X) accidentally revealed that [...]
Republicans Renege On Debt Deal, For A Change
The thing about the deficit is that it will cause the end of the world and is an existential threat to freedom, which is why it is so important to deny entitlements to Poors and Olds. Tax increases for rich people and cuts to the Department of Defense, however — that’s different, THAT’s the kind [...]
Why Won’t The Democrats Compromise On The Budget Like Republicans Do?
Congressional Representative Robert J. Dold, a Republican (because SHOCKER) from Illinois, is a self-described “small business owner” from Illinois who is very, very concerned about the deficit. As all Very Serious People know, the deficit is the Most Important Challenge facing America today, and it’s not going to fix itself! It will take very specific, [...]
Romney Blames Obama For Plant That Closed During Bush Presidency
Mitt Romney is touring America for some reason, and on Thursday he was in Lorain, Ohio, at a National Gypsum plant that is no longer open, which he LOVES to do despite the fact that he was complicit in the closure of more things than many presidents. During this sadsack appearance the presumptive/uous Republican nominee [...]
Religious People Arrested For Singing Kumbaya, Holding Hands
There will be tear gas and a Twitter revolution any moment now, because even the boring old Presbyterians are going to go to prison for praying that this whole debt ceiling disaster go away very soon. This is probably the most exciting thing that has happened to Presbyterians since John Calvin wrote the Institutes during [...]
Republicans Walk Out On Joe Biden’s Budget Talks
Jabbering moron Joe Biden was trying to save America by turning off a $125 website for endangered species, but somehow everybody still thinks Joe Biden is a fool. So congratulations to Joe Biden for somehow looking worse than congressional Republicans, great job! Reuters reports: Budget talks hit an impasse on Thursday after both Republicans walked [...]
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