Tag: bryan fischer

Rush Limbaugh So Mad Obama Creating Army Of Lesbian Farmers To Destroy America

Bet you didn't even know this was happening. Thanks, Rush Limbaugh!

Let Us Drink The Delicious Tears Of The #NeverTrump Brigades

With Donald Trump the presumptive Republican nominee, Tuesday night and Wednesday morning have been time for much panic, many gnashing of the teeth for the NeverTrump folks. It's kind of cute to see their resolute determination that when they...

Bryan Fischer Wishes Bryan Adams Would Stop Lynching All The Blacks In Mississippi

There's a fight a-brewin' and it's Bryan vs. Bryan! In one corner, we have noted civil rights leader Bryan Fischer of the American Family Association. In the other corner, it's Bryan Adams, Canadian pop star who sings about the "Summer...

North Carolina Republican Breaks Up With Bruce Springsteen, Becomes Belieber

You might have heard that Bruce Springsteen was one of the first to actually put his money where his mouth is regarding North Carolina's new hate law HB 2, canceling a scheduled concert in Greensboro. Can you believe that?...
Everybody Must Get Stoned

Jesus Pals Disagree On Which Whores To Stone, Just Kidding No They Don’t

Donald Trump's suggestion last week that of course there have to be criminal penalties for women who have abortions -- even after he tried to walk it back -- has caused no small amount of consternation among the Religious...

Texas Tosses Rick Perry’s Criminal Charges, Still Won’t Help Him Win White House

Rick Perry, you remember that guy, right? Former Texas governor, former presidential candidate, former ... oops, we forgot the third thing. (See? That joke never gets old. NEVER.) In 2014, Perry was indicted for doing a whole Texas-size mess of two felonies:...
The Yoogest Story Ever Told

Southern Baptist Leader Calls Donald Trump Filthy Slutty Gambling Glutton Whore

Oh bother! The evangelicals are getting itchy in their Underoos again, what with the cognitive dissonance of Donald Trump -- who does all the seven deadly sins before breakfast, including the one about wanting to fuck his daughter -- being the frontrunner for...
Bible lizard.

Bryan Fischer Knows Dinosaurs Are Really Just Ginormous Grandma Bible Lizards

Whatcha doin', Bryan Fischer? Solving science and convincing Wonkette that we have been completely wrong about this whole fundamentalist Christian thing, and just in time for the birth of Our Lord And Savior Baby Jesus, and also the afterbirth?...
This is actually a man from the United Arab Emirates, who got kicked out of Saudi Arabia for being too sexy. America wouldn't do that, right?

Obama Won’t Repopulate America With Sexxxy Gay Muslim Refugees. OR WILL HE?

Oh, this is just great. Not only does Barack Obama want to resettle somewhere upwards of eleventy-eight jillion (read: a measly 10,000) Syrian refugees in the United States, including the tiny toddler ones that make Fox News anchor Andrea...

Bryan Fischer Rears His Stupid Head To Remind Us He Really Hates Muslims Too

Everywhere you turn, Donald Trump is sucking up all the oxygen in the Muslim-bashing corner of the room, probably because he is just so gosh-darn good at it. But what about all the other people who really hate Muslims too? What...
Something like this.

Let’s Help Jesus Punish That Judge For Being Mean To Poor Kim Davis!

Pull out your pitchforks and trim your bushes, Christian warriors of God's love, it's time for some Crusades! How are we going to show everybody just how much Jesus loves the little children, all the little children of the...
Still up on that cross.

Kim Davis Is In Jail, And Wingnuts Are Jizz-Crapping Their Pull-Ups In RAGE!

CRU-CI-FY! CRU-CI-FY! CRU-CI-FY! Oh, we are just joshing, nobody wants Kim Davis crucified. (OR DO WE?) Wingnuts, though? Remember that time they lost their whole country in the span of a week, because gay marriage was legalized and the Confederate flag...
Like Gamera, Baphomet is the friend of children everywhere

Bryan Fischer To Save America From Satan Statues With Special Jesus Constitution

The merry Establishment Clause tricksters of the Satanic Temple held a big unveiling of their 1-ton statue of Baphomet over the weekend. Because they're still waiting on a permit to place it next to the Ten Commandments monument at...
Finally legal

Boy Scouts Gay Now, Mormons’ Magic Underpanties All In A Wad

Hurray, the Boy Scouts of America have finally ended years of bigotry -- sort of -- by lifting the ban on gay adult scout leaders. We say "sort of" because individual church-led chapters still have the authority to decide...
The schadenfreude is almost as fun as the equality.

Wingnut Texas AG Has Hilarious, Beautiful Meltdown Over Gay Marriage

You know how toddlers do sometimes when they skip their naps and the simplest perceived slight turns into a 30-minute-long RAGER of a screaming, crying temper tantrum? Well, that is what is happening to Texas Attorney General Ken Paxton...
HELP, JESUS!

Wingnuts Very Upset That Gay Jihadists Just Did 9/11 To America

When news broke that the Supreme Court had forcibly crammed gay marriage down the throatholes of every God-fearing American, our first instinct (AFTER CRYING) was go check Bryan Fischer's Twitter-Twatter page. And he had said nothing! "WAKE UP, BRYAN...