Tag Archives: bryan fischer

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?

Twilight Sparkle and Rachel Maddow would be buds, for sure.
Oh, dear, it’s been a couple of weeks since we last did one of these features, and the comments queue may be spawning new forms of matter, like the sink full of unwashed dishes in Withnail and I. Let’s see what’s been stewing, shall we? Or who’s been stewing over what, more accurately. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: RNC and Hategroup AFA Might Not Heart Israel After All

He'd be easier to find if he wore a striped sweater
Rachel Maddow closed Wednesday’s show with an update to the story that got rightwing religious wacakloon Bryan Fischer fired (or at least demoted) from his job as spokesman for the American Family Association. You see, the AFA was paying for some 60 members of the Republican National Committee, including its chairman, Reince Priebus, to take a free trip to Israel, because fundagelicals just love Israel so much, what with it being an essential component of the End Times. Read more on Morning Maddow: RNC and Hategroup AFA Might Not Heart Israel After All…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Egad, The RNC Still Has A Religious Bigotry Problem? (Video)

Two very expressive letters
Rachel Maddow brings us an update on the Republican National Committee’s plans to take a free trip to Israel, paid for by the American Family Association, home of Bryan Fischer, one of the most prominent wackadoodles in rightwing media. This is sort of a perplexing choice by the RNC, given Fischer’s insistence that the U.S. Constitution applies only to Christians, and immigrants to this country should be forced to convert. The AFA “solved” that problem by firing Fischer from one of his jobs Wednesday, canning him as its “director of issues analysis” and national spokesman, but keeping him on as the host of its main radio program (and more on that in a later post). Read more on Morning Maddow: Egad, The RNC Still Has A Religious Bigotry Problem? (Video)…
  Teach A Man To Bloviate And He'll Eat For A Lifetime

Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following

How can we miss you if you won't go away?
When we heard the news last night that Bryan Fischer was fired by the American Patriarchy Association, our first thought was that it couldn’t have happened to a nicer wingnut. Our second thought was that this could be really bad for Yr. Wonkette, as a casual search through the archives shows that Mr. Fischer is a near-endless source of stupid hilarity. And our third thought had something to do with beer, as per usual. Read more on Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: American Family Association Fires Most Embarrassing Hater Bryan Fischer

this one might be a problem for the GOP
Rachel Maddow had a gen-you-wine old fashioned Big News Scoop in her Wednesday show. The larger story’s a little convoluted, but the really terrific news is right up there in the headline, kids: wingnut preacher Bryan Fischer has been fired from his position as “director of issues analysis” for the American Patriarchy Family Association. Mediaite reports, however, that he will continue to host his radio show for the AFA, so it’s really more of a demotion, we guess. Read more on Morning Maddow: American Family Association Fires Most Embarrassing Hater Bryan Fischer…
  Notorious RBG Meets Noxious WTF

Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball

Dangerous radicals
The American Patriarchy Association, fronted by spokescreep Bryan Fischer, is calling for Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan to recuse themselves from the Supreme Court’s upcoming case on same-sex marriage because they’re entirely too biased on the issue. And who better to opine on this than a man who believes the First Amendment only applies to Christians and that the only laws that are truly Constitutional are those which God would agree with? Read more on Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball…
  poutine on airs

Ted Cruz Will Fix Constitution So Judges Can’t Gay Us Anymore

Even Harvard makes mistakes
With the Supreme Court cramming the civilization-wrecking horror of gay marriage down America’s throat until it tickled our epiglottis and coated our larynx with sweet, milky equality, we were expecting waves of hysterical overreactions from wingnuts everywhere. Sure, there were a few. Gay-panic vector Bryan Fischer worked himself into his usual froth at the idea of the Court legitimizing “sodomy-based marriage.” Genocide Ben Shapiro threw a hilarious temper tantrum in the satin-lined nooks of Dead Breitbart’s Mausoleum for Cocaine-Fueled Rage Monkeys, citing 2003’s Lawrence v. Texas decision as a related case that found “anal penetration was a hard-fought Constitutional right.” Organizations like the National Organization for Marriage (NOM … oh, nom nom nom) issued an incoherent denouncement threatening to behead – with votes – any Republican lawmakers who did not reaffirm the principle of traditional marriage, “a pillar of the party’s founding in 1856.” (Somewhere in the afterlife, John C. Fremont looked up and said, “What?”) But mostly, the reaction felt muted. Read more on Ted Cruz Will Fix Constitution So Judges Can’t Gay Us Anymore…
  Sizzling Sharia

Internet Heroes Defend Vermont’s Bacon From Evil Muslim-Vegan Assault

Meat your maker
Back in August, Sneakers, a little bistro in Winooski, Vermont, put a little mock traffic sign in the flower bed in front of the restaurant: “Yield for Sneakers Bacon.” It wasn’t especially well-received by a woman who posted a message to an online community forum, saying that she was a “vegan and member of a Muslim household” and claiming that the sign was “insensitive and offensive to those who do not consume pork.” She noted that Winooski is a diverse community and made an impassioned case over the little sign: Read more on Internet Heroes Defend Vermont’s Bacon From Evil Muslim-Vegan Assault…
  Here have some news n stuff

Wonder Woman Is Your For Real Based On A True Story Feminist Superhero

Not the REAL Wonder Woman
We got us some teevee news, some how-we-can-save-the-planet-for-free-with-SCIENCE! news, all kinds of feminism up in here (#RIPpatriarchy) … plus bacon. Our little sister site Happy Nice Time People talks about chicks in the teevee bidness: Read more on Wonder Woman Is Your For Real Based On A True Story Feminist Superhero…
  He Keeps Saying That Word

Rick Santorum And Bryan Fischer Share Sweaty Fantasies About Banning ‘Secularism’ From Schools

The look of love / is in your eyes / The look your smile can't disguise...
Two of America’s greatest professional Oppressed Christians, the American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer and Totally Serious Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum, came together Thursdayto bemoan the sorry state of our once great nation, etc. Fischer interviewed Santorum on the AFA’s “Focal Point” internet “radio” show (by telephone, so a critical mass of idiocy was avoided) so Santorum could flog his new movie, a “documentary” about how America is just One Generation Away from a complete end to religious liberty, don’t you know (Yes, we’ll probably watch the thing, maybe when it’s on video). Read more on Rick Santorum And Bryan Fischer Share Sweaty Fantasies About Banning ‘Secularism’ From Schools…
  Called On The Carpet

Bryan Fischer Wishes Michelle Obama Would Do Something About All These Husky Lesbians

Bryan Fischer, his finger ever on the pulse of the American zeitgeist (assuming that the American zeitgeist is far up his own ass, which we have no reason to doubt), is not going to make fun of a National Institutes of Health-funded study that’s looking at why lesbians may be prone to obesity. He’s not even going to call it wasteful. No, instead, he’s going to suggest concrete action: He wants Michelle Obama to show that she cares about lesbians’ health by spearheading (haw haw!) a drive to help all the lesbians lose weight by becoming straight. Read more on Bryan Fischer Wishes Michelle Obama Would Do Something About All These Husky Lesbians…
  As Ye Have Done It Unto One Of The Least Of These

Congratulations, Deport-The-Kids Patriots! Kids Returned To Honduras, Killed.

Sorry about that. America's full, you see.
Some inspiring news for the deport-everyone-immediately crowd today: According to a Los Angeles Times report, “at least five, and as many as 10, of the 42 children” who have been killed in criminal violence in Honduras since February had been deported from the United States, according to the manager of a city morgue in San Pedro Sula. Not that anyone could have seen that coming, except for the human rights workers who warned that it was likely to happen. Read more on Congratulations, Deport-The-Kids Patriots! Kids Returned To Honduras, Killed….
  Best oops yet

Rick Perry Indicted, Must Now Resign According to Rick Perry

Dear Jesus, please send a really good defense
Considering that the past week was basically terrible, awful, THE WORST EVER, it’s nice that we were treated to this delightful Friday night news dump that Gov. Rick Perry (R-Can’t Remember) is facing up to a century of prison time for “intentionally or knowingly” abusing the power of his office to do naughty things: Read more on Rick Perry Indicted, Must Now Resign According to Rick Perry…
  he reports we snide

Sky News Reporter Gives You Plane Crash News You Can Use By Ransacking Dead Child’s Luggage

Ever since the Malaysian airliner was shot down by a surface-to-air missile on Thursday, so very many people have used it as an opportunity to be terrible. See, for example, Wonkette hate favorite Bryan Fischer, who is pretty sure that it was awesome that a whole bunch of AIDS researchers were killed and also too why won’t Obama shut up about the damn gays? And let’s not even get started on every conservative explaining that Dead Ronald Reagan would have already flown to Russia and personally kissed or murdered Putin, whichever showed more strength and manliness. But in that race to the bottom, do not count out Sky News reporter Colin Brazier, who thought it was a lovely idea to rummage through the luggage of a victim of the crash live on television. Read more on Sky News Reporter Gives You Plane Crash News You Can Use By Ransacking Dead Child’s Luggage…
  so lange and thanks

Bryan Fischer Thinking Good Thoughts About AIDS Researchers Dying On Plane. No, Really. He’s Thinking ‘Good’

Three hundred-ish people died on the Malaysian Airlines flight shot down over the Ukraine yesterday. A good number of them were on their way to Australia for an AIDS research conference. Some were activists; many were doctors and scientists. And many people aboard the plane had nothing to do with AIDS or buttsechs or teh gay at all. But wouldn’t you know it, that did not stop the “president,” Barack Hussein Obuttma, from “politicizing it” by saying words with his mouth about it. DAMN YOU OBAMA. Luckily, the American Family Association’s Bryan Fischer is here to fudge pack 87 distinctly grotesque “thoughts” into just one little tweet. How did he manage to cram so much in there? We are guessing “lube and patience.” Read more on Bryan Fischer Thinking Good Thoughts About AIDS Researchers Dying On Plane. No, Really. He’s Thinking ‘Good’…
  bordering on insanity

Bryan Fischer Explains: God Can’t Stand These Awful Immigrant Children

Oh, thank goodness! American Patriarchy Association radio figurehead Bryan Fischer has weighed in on the Send the Children Away Crisis, and just wants everyone to know that Jesus would want those little would-be moochers sent home pronto, and possibly for their houses to burn down, too. You see, what the stupid immigrant-coddlers don’t understand is that God made the southern border of the United States, with a little help from James K. Polk and the Gadsden Purchase, and so anyone who doesn’t respect that border is actually pissing off the Almighty something fierce, especially if they send their children across the border illegally for some dumb reason like “being poor” or “trying to escape a failed state,” which are really not God’s problem. Read more on Bryan Fischer Explains: God Can’t Stand These Awful Immigrant Children…
  a visit to the goon squad

Bryan Fischer Blessed My Hot Gay Marriage

Yr Wonkette is pleased to bring you a special guest bloogpost by longtime commenter ElviouslyQueer. And congratulations, EQ! What has your intrepid correspondent, the beloved Elviouslyqueer, been up to this weekend? GLAD YOU ASKED! I was in Minnesota, at the Mall of America, getting my very gay ass™ very officially gay married on Saturday (there was a chapel! There were beads! There was booze galore, and delicious cake!). I even rode a mechanical bull, because I am classy and shit. My newly minted hubby and I continued celebrating the next day by going to Twin Cities Pride and laughing at the many, many scantily clad tweens for whom the “Dick Pocket” seemed to be this years’ de rigueur clothing accessory, before heading back to Mississippi. And, you also ask, was there a honeymoon? There was NOT a honeymoon because we are not richer than fuck and cannot afford a two-week long vacay to Mykonos or The Pines or wherever it is where all good gays go (we shopped, also too, so we are now officially the best-dressed poors in the Mid-South). Read more on Bryan Fischer Blessed My Hot Gay Marriage…
  the most unskewed poll ever

American Family Association Presents Best Hobby Lobby Poll Ever

The American Patriarchy Association didn’t want to leave anything to chance with its poll about the Supreme Court’s decision in the Hobby Lobby case, so it gave readers a choice between being excited that God answered their prayers (and yet Barack Obama obstinately remains in office), or being excited that the religious freedom to keep sluts in their place has been preserved, or being excited that Hobby Lobby bravely resisted being mandated to provide the very same insurance that they had voluntarily provided until 2012. Read more on American Family Association Presents Best Hobby Lobby Poll Ever…
  milk bath

American Family Association Will Not Touch Harvey Milk Stamps For Fear Of Catching Gay Cooties

The American Family Association, home of perpetual source of Wonkette material Bryan Fischer, is most put out by the United States Postal Service right now. Did the USPS fail to deliver the donations grifted out of uneducated rubes that are the AFA’s lifeblood? Did it “accidentally” deliver several dozen copies of Bear Magazine to AFA’s headquarters? What dastardly deed on the part of the post office has the AFA so perturbed? The Harvey Milk stamp, of course! Last week the Postal Service unveiled the stamp commemorating the life of the famed icon who became the first openly gay elected public official in the state of California before being assassinated less than a year after taking his seat on the San Francisco Board of Supervisors. The unveiling was a cause for celebration for political leaders such as Nancy Pelosi, civil-rights hero Rep. John Lewis, Sen. Tammy Baldwin, and any other human being with a soul. Which obviously excludes anyone involved with the AFA. Read more on American Family Association Will Not Touch Harvey Milk Stamps For Fear Of Catching Gay Cooties…
  it's called capitalism bitches

Stop Persecuting Christians By Letting Gays Shop In Your Stores!

Are you guys worried about Bryan Fischer? We’re totally worried about Bryan Fischer. There’s just so much homosexxican behavior going on right now that he and his organization of fellow incoherent rageaholics, the American Family Association, are kind of losing track of reality. The latest salvo from the AFA is aimed at businesses who aren’t willing to douse gays in lighter fluid and light them on fire, all in the name of Jesus, just for walking in the door, because of course the failure to do so is the exact same thing as ramming the homosexual behavior down the AFA’s throat, one esophagus at a time. Read more on Stop Persecuting Christians By Letting Gays Shop In Your Stores!…
  lies damn lies and statistics

Bryan Fischer So Mad The NFL Won’t Tell Michael Sam He Is Going To Die Of AIDS

Bryan Fischer must be excited for his new job over at GOPUSA, where he’s clearly going to be teaching a master class in concern trolling. Yes, Bryan Fischer is very very concerned — no seriously you guys, shut up, he really is — about Michael Sam’s health, and he really feels that the NFL is letting Michael Sam down by glorifying him and drafting him instead of sitting him in a corner and just telling him over and over that he’s going to die of AIDS, because that would be the really compassionate thing to do. Read more on Bryan Fischer So Mad The NFL Won’t Tell Michael Sam He Is Going To Die Of AIDS…
  the boors you will always have with you

Bryan Fischer Revises Christian Teaching On Wealth, Explains Poors Should ‘Kiss The Ground’ Where 1% Walk

Jesus looked at him and loved him. “One thing you lack,” he said. “Go, sell everything you have and give to the poor, and you will have treasure in heaven. Then come, follow me.” At this the man’s face fell. He went away sad, because he had great wealth. Jesus looked around and said to his disciples, “How hard it is for the rich to enter the kingdom of God!” –Mark 10:21-23 And lo, the prophet Bryan, Fischer of Men, did speak to the people Tuesday through their radios, and he did say, “Now just wait a darn minute… have you thought this through? The rich pay for everything, so just you knock off your class warfare, Jesus.” Read more on Bryan Fischer Revises Christian Teaching On Wealth, Explains Poors Should ‘Kiss The Ground’ Where 1% Walk…