Tag Archives: bryan fischer

  Like On A Trail You Know?

Boy Scouts President Says Gay Scout Leaders Just Fine, Haters Can Take A Hike

It will look just like this.
Hurray, we have a Nice Time, and it is about the Boy Scouts! If you search your noggin, you’ll remember way back in 2013, when the entire Boy Scouts of America (BSA) got homosexual agendaed, because they lifted the ban on gay scouts, but kept the ban in place for adult members of the organization. Despite the fact that we are talking about KIDS, this did not stop religious right goons like Bryan Fischer and Kevin Swanson from making juvenile rage jokes about sodomy badges and also Boy Scouts’ firm young buttocks, because Bryan Fischer and Kevin Swanson probably need professional help. Read more on Boy Scouts President Says Gay Scout Leaders Just Fine, Haters Can Take A Hike…
  low hanging fruit

Mike Huckabee: Hawking Fake Diabetes Cures Proves I’ll Be A Great President

Yours for only $19.95, bitches.
Republican presidential “candidate” Mike Huckabee is in trouble with liberals like CBS’s Bob Schieffer for, among other things, appearing in infomercials hawking “Diabetes Solution Kits” (yours for just $19.95!), which encourage healthy eating, exercise, oh and also curing diabetes with cinnamon. Because that’s totally real. Appearing on “Face the Nation,” Huckabee got ALL KINDS of defensive, because first of all, you are not his real mom and you can’t tell him what to do: Read more on Mike Huckabee: Hawking Fake Diabetes Cures Proves I’ll Be A Great President…
  wingnut slapfight

Bryan Fischer Will Root All Queers Out Of Wingnut ‘News’ Websites

GRRRR HOMOS GRRRR
Bryan Fischer’s butthole is in an extra-twitchy state (not the Michelle Malkin kind of twitchy; or wait, come to think of it, yes the Malkin kind), as he is feeling BETRAYED! You see, one of the wingnut websites he likes, Townhall.com, has a known homosexual in its midst, by the name of Guy Benson, political editor. And Benson is a dirty homo, as he reveals in a new book out this week. Let your freak flag fly, Fischer: Read more on Bryan Fischer Will Root All Queers Out Of Wingnut ‘News’ Websites…
  we can't say we haven't been warned

Wingnut Tony Perkins: If Supreme Court Gay Marriages Us, We Might All Die

We just hope we've stockpiled enough rations!
So this happened during Family Research Council figuredickhead Tony Perkins’s radio show this week: CALLER: I was listening to Bryan Fischer, and there was a question about if the Supreme Court decides to go with gay marriage, which I hope they never do — but anyway, I was listening to Bryan Fischer, and to show you how far this can get out of hand, I heard Bryan speak about a woman had married a house. That’s really strange, isn’t it? Read more on Wingnut Tony Perkins: If Supreme Court Gay Marriages Us, We Might All Die…
  hail mary

Wingnuts’ Last-Ditch Effort To Make Justices Stay Home On Gay Marriage Day Shockingly Unsuccessful

Oh now that's just tacky.
As you are reading this, oral arguments are underway in Obergefell v. Hodges, the Supreme Court case which will very likely give Americans full, nationwide marriage equality right in their hetero throats. Reportedly, all nine justices decided to come to work today, which has got to be chapping the wingnut pooterhole of one Scott Lively, who really thinks that Justices Ginsburg and Kagan owe it to the American people, to baby Jesus, and to Lively himself, to recuse themselves from the case. Why? Because they’ve done gay marriages to actual people, which means that they are big libtard homo-sympathizers and therefore have no business ruling on this case: Read more on Wingnuts’ Last-Ditch Effort To Make Justices Stay Home On Gay Marriage Day Shockingly Unsuccessful…
  Nice Time Lesbian Apparel Update

Super Rad Louisiana Lesbian Will Dance At Her Prom In A Tuxedo After All!

Take THAT, tuxedo snatchers!
Well that was fast! On Monday, we told the story of a really cool high-school kid in Monroe, Louisiana, named Claudetteia Love. She’s an out lesbian, and  she just wanted to wear a damn tuxedo to her prom, because she likes them. What could be wrong with that? Oh, the “lesbian” part, that’s what tripped up the school principal and some of the asshole adults who make up the faculty at Carroll High School. So the principal, Patrick Taylor, went and made up a new rule that said “no lesbians in tuxes at the prom,” because boys have a penis and girls have a vagina, or something, and Love and her friends decided they would just skip it. Read more on Super Rad Louisiana Lesbian Will Dance At Her Prom In A Tuxedo After All!…
  Can we be done talking about this now?

Arkansas And Indiana Suck Up To Big Gay With ‘Fixed’ Religious Freedom Bills

Just suck it up
Late Thursday, Arkansas Gov. Asa Hutchinson was FIRST! to call a press conference so he could sign the “fixed” Religious Freedom Restoration Act (RFRA) into law, following a weeklong national outcry. Before any journalist could even open a new browser tab to type words about it, there went Indiana Gov. Mike Pence, doing the same damn thing. Did the governors time it that way, so the media wouldn’t know what to cover? Maybe! Or maybe it just happened that way because everybody was ready to go the fuck home for the long holiday weekend. Proponents claimed the original laws did nothing more than protect religious freedom from some unspecified threat, but in reality, the bills were thinly veiled licenses to hate on and discriminate against gays and lesbians, so they had to be amended to ensure that no, this does not give you permission to refuse to do flowers for Dale and Kevin’s wedding, and no, also, please do not take your businesses out of our states! Read more on Arkansas And Indiana Suck Up To Big Gay With ‘Fixed’ Religious Freedom Bills…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?

Twilight Sparkle and Rachel Maddow would be buds, for sure.
Oh, dear, it’s been a couple of weeks since we last did one of these features, and the comments queue may be spawning new forms of matter, like the sink full of unwashed dishes in Withnail and I. Let’s see what’s been stewing, shall we? Or who’s been stewing over what, more accurately. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: RNC and Hategroup AFA Might Not Heart Israel After All

He'd be easier to find if he wore a striped sweater
Rachel Maddow closed Wednesday’s show with an update to the story that got rightwing religious wacakloon Bryan Fischer fired (or at least demoted) from his job as spokesman for the American Family Association. You see, the AFA was paying for some 60 members of the Republican National Committee, including its chairman, Reince Priebus, to take a free trip to Israel, because fundagelicals just love Israel so much, what with it being an essential component of the End Times. Read more on Morning Maddow: RNC and Hategroup AFA Might Not Heart Israel After All…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: Egad, The RNC Still Has A Religious Bigotry Problem? (Video)

Two very expressive letters
Rachel Maddow brings us an update on the Republican National Committee’s plans to take a free trip to Israel, paid for by the American Family Association, home of Bryan Fischer, one of the most prominent wackadoodles in rightwing media. This is sort of a perplexing choice by the RNC, given Fischer’s insistence that the U.S. Constitution applies only to Christians, and immigrants to this country should be forced to convert. The AFA “solved” that problem by firing Fischer from one of his jobs Wednesday, canning him as its “director of issues analysis” and national spokesman, but keeping him on as the host of its main radio program (and more on that in a later post). Read more on Morning Maddow: Egad, The RNC Still Has A Religious Bigotry Problem? (Video)…
  Teach A Man To Bloviate And He'll Eat For A Lifetime

Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following

How can we miss you if you won't go away?
When we heard the news last night that Bryan Fischer was fired by the American Patriarchy Association, our first thought was that it couldn’t have happened to a nicer wingnut. Our second thought was that this could be really bad for Yr. Wonkette, as a casual search through the archives shows that Mr. Fischer is a near-endless source of stupid hilarity. And our third thought had something to do with beer, as per usual. Read more on Bryan Fischer Was Not Fired From Wingnut Central For Saying Any Of The Following…
  Your Morning Maddow

Morning Maddow: American Family Association Fires Most Embarrassing Hater Bryan Fischer

this one might be a problem for the GOP
Rachel Maddow had a gen-you-wine old fashioned Big News Scoop in her Wednesday show. The larger story’s a little convoluted, but the really terrific news is right up there in the headline, kids: wingnut preacher Bryan Fischer has been fired from his position as “director of issues analysis” for the American Patriarchy Family Association. Mediaite reports, however, that he will continue to host his radio show for the AFA, so it’s really more of a demotion, we guess. Read more on Morning Maddow: American Family Association Fires Most Embarrassing Hater Bryan Fischer…
  Notorious RBG Meets Noxious WTF

Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball

Dangerous radicals
The American Patriarchy Association, fronted by spokescreep Bryan Fischer, is calling for Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan to recuse themselves from the Supreme Court’s upcoming case on same-sex marriage because they’re entirely too biased on the issue. And who better to opine on this than a man who believes the First Amendment only applies to Christians and that the only laws that are truly Constitutional are those which God would agree with? Read more on Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball…
  poutine on airs

Ted Cruz Will Fix Constitution So Judges Can’t Gay Us Anymore

S-M-R-T
With the Supreme Court cramming the civilization-wrecking horror of gay marriage down America’s throat until it tickled our epiglottis and coated our larynx with sweet, milky equality, we were expecting waves of hysterical overreactions from wingnuts everywhere. Sure, there were a few. Gay-panic vector Bryan Fischer worked himself into his usual froth at the idea of the Court legitimizing “sodomy-based marriage.” Genocide Ben Shapiro threw a hilarious temper tantrum in the satin-lined nooks of Dead Breitbart’s Mausoleum for Cocaine-Fueled Rage Monkeys, citing 2003’s Lawrence v. Texas decision as a related case that found “anal penetration was a hard-fought Constitutional right.” Organizations like the National Organization for Marriage (NOM … oh, nom nom nom) issued an incoherent denouncement threatening to behead – with votes – any Republican lawmakers who did not reaffirm the principle of traditional marriage, “a pillar of the party’s founding in 1856.” (Somewhere in the afterlife, John C. Fremont looked up and said, “What?”) But mostly, the reaction felt muted. Read more on Ted Cruz Will Fix Constitution So Judges Can’t Gay Us Anymore…
  Sizzling Sharia

Internet Heroes Defend Vermont’s Bacon From Evil Muslim-Vegan Assault

Meat your maker
Back in August, Sneakers, a little bistro in Winooski, Vermont, put a little mock traffic sign in the flower bed in front of the restaurant: “Yield for Sneakers Bacon.” It wasn’t especially well-received by a woman who posted a message to an online community forum, saying that she was a “vegan and member of a Muslim household” and claiming that the sign was “insensitive and offensive to those who do not consume pork.” She noted that Winooski is a diverse community and made an impassioned case over the little sign: Read more on Internet Heroes Defend Vermont’s Bacon From Evil Muslim-Vegan Assault…
  He Keeps Saying That Word

Rick Santorum And Bryan Fischer Share Sweaty Fantasies About Banning ‘Secularism’ From Schools

The look of love / is in your eyes / The look your smile can't disguise...
Two of America’s greatest professional Oppressed Christians, the American Patriarchy Association’s Bryan Fischer and Totally Serious Presidential Candidate Rick Santorum, came together Thursdayto bemoan the sorry state of our once great nation, etc. Fischer interviewed Santorum on the AFA’s “Focal Point” internet “radio” show (by telephone, so a critical mass of idiocy was avoided) so Santorum could flog his new movie, a “documentary” about how America is just One Generation Away from a complete end to religious liberty, don’t you know (Yes, we’ll probably watch the thing, maybe when it’s on video). Read more on Rick Santorum And Bryan Fischer Share Sweaty Fantasies About Banning ‘Secularism’ From Schools…
  Called On The Carpet

Bryan Fischer Wishes Michelle Obama Would Do Something About All These Husky Lesbians

Bryan Fischer, his finger ever on the pulse of the American zeitgeist (assuming that the American zeitgeist is far up his own ass, which we have no reason to doubt), is not going to make fun of a National Institutes of Health-funded study that’s looking at why lesbians may be prone to obesity. He’s not even going to call it wasteful. No, instead, he’s going to suggest concrete action: He wants Michelle Obama to show that she cares about lesbians’ health by spearheading (haw haw!) a drive to help all the lesbians lose weight by becoming straight. Read more on Bryan Fischer Wishes Michelle Obama Would Do Something About All These Husky Lesbians…
  As Ye Have Done It Unto One Of The Least Of These

Congratulations, Deport-The-Kids Patriots! Kids Returned To Honduras, Killed.

Sorry about that. America's full, you see.
Some inspiring news for the deport-everyone-immediately crowd today: According to a Los Angeles Times report, “at least five, and as many as 10, of the 42 children” who have been killed in criminal violence in Honduras since February had been deported from the United States, according to the manager of a city morgue in San Pedro Sula. Not that anyone could have seen that coming, except for the human rights workers who warned that it was likely to happen. Read more on Congratulations, Deport-The-Kids Patriots! Kids Returned To Honduras, Killed….
  Best oops yet

Rick Perry Indicted, Must Now Resign According to Rick Perry

Dear Jesus, please send a really good defense
Considering that the past week was basically terrible, awful, THE WORST EVER, it’s nice that we were treated to this delightful Friday night news dump that Gov. Rick Perry (R-Can’t Remember) is facing up to a century of prison time for “intentionally or knowingly” abusing the power of his office to do naughty things: Read more on Rick Perry Indicted, Must Now Resign According to Rick Perry…