Tag Archives: broward county

  Love Thy Neighbor (Offer Void Where Prohibited)

Judge Orders Fort Lauderdale To Stop Arresting Kind Old Hippie Who Feeds Homeless, For Godssake

It's been that kind of day, you know?
A Florida judge ordered the city of Fort Lauderdale to temporarily stop enforcing a law it passed to harass a 90-year-old WW II vet who has been ruining the city’s quality of life by feeding homeless people at the beach. The law had been aimed squarely at the activities of Arnold Abbott, a retired jewelry salesmen who had drawn the ire of city officials by continuing to think that homeless people deserve food even though they are unsightly and not at all fun on the beach. Not that it was personal or anything; the law merely limited where volunteer groups could feed homeless people, required permission from property owners, and required any group feeding the homeless to provide portable toilets. It was all about health and safety, not trying to discourage anyone from helping the unsightly poor and mentally ill, who would have no doubt gone away if everyone just pretended they didn’t exist. Or if you steal their stuff. Read more on Judge Orders Fort Lauderdale To Stop Arresting Kind Old Hippie Who Feeds Homeless, For Godssake…
  wtf florida

Florida Judge Lady Disbarred Just For Boinking The Prosecutor Trying Death Penalty Case Before Her, Unfair!

We know we say this a lot, but seriously, what on earth is wrong with Florida? Specifically, what the hell is wrong with judges in Florida? It’s like the entire judiciary is having a particularly weird and virulent nervous breakdown. Last week, we had the judge who tried to beat a public defender up because said public defender was foolish enough to invoke his client’s constitutional protections. Silly public defender. Today, we bring you the (hopefully) (just kidding) last chapter in the long strange depressing sordid tale of Broward County Judge Ana Gardiner, who was finally disbarred last week after having had an affair with a prosecutor while said prosecutor was trying a death penalty case in front of her. Wait what? Read more on Florida Judge Lady Disbarred Just For Boinking The Prosecutor Trying Death Penalty Case Before Her, Unfair!…
  Our Cold Dead Hands

Florida Man With Private Arsenal Just Wanted To Stand His Ground Against Obama, Own Family

In an isolated incident, a Florida gun nut with a private arsenal has been arrested and charged with trying to hire a hit man to kill members of his family. Jason D. Simione, 39, had also made threats against President Obama, and had bomb-making materials in his home, which he had fortified against possible assault from a SWAT team. Simione is the owner of Bulldog Tactical Equipment in Fort Lauderdale. He seems nice. Read more on Florida Man With Private Arsenal Just Wanted To Stand His Ground Against Obama, Own Family…
  just winging it who cares

Broward County Once Again Sucks At Life, Finds 963 Ballots In Some Warehouse

We almost went a day without a “stupid Florida” story. Almost. In case you have already forgotten and moved on, there was an election eight days ago, and going into it everybody was quite fixated on a small number of states, Florida being one of them. As it turned out, Florida didn’t matter because Obama got 7 billion out of the required 270 electoral votes. And as that turned out, it was very lucky, because Florida didn’t finish counting its votes until the weekend after, by which time Romney had already canceled his campaign staff’s credit cards and gone home to wallow in his swimming pool full of gold coins. And as that turned out, it was quite lucky as well, because Broward County just found almost a thousand uncounted ballots sitting in a damn warehouse. Serendipity! Read more on Broward County Once Again Sucks At Life, Finds 963 Ballots In Some Warehouse…
  jesus never asked for a day off

Prominent Florida Bigots Unite Against Holidays For Perverted, Evil, Terrorist-Cult Children

Today’s lesson in religious tolerance comes to us from Florida, where we are talking about Islam, so, just a heads up, today’s lesson is going to be awful. The request was to close Broward County schools for two Muslim holidays, the end of Ramadan and the end of Hajj, for the same reason that the schools close for Christian and Jewish holidays: Thousands of students aren’t in school on those days, to observe them. That does not sound so crazy, right? Especially considering there are 18,000 Muslim students — 7 percent of the student population— that it could affect? No! You are wrong! Turns out, we need the 82d Airborne to drop into South Florida RIGHT NOW, because it has been overrun by the Taliban. Read more on Prominent Florida Bigots Unite Against Holidays For Perverted, Evil, Terrorist-Cult Children…
  sorry dave i can't do that

We Are Sure These Mysterious Vote Tally Changes In Broward County, Florida, Are No Problem At All

Hey remember the 2000 election, when Florida went to Bush by 538 votes after he got a bunch of rich douchebags to go fake a “riot” outside the Miami-Dade polling headquarters? Well turns out you can avoid all of that unpleasantness if you just change the vote tallies BEFORE the election! Why, just this week, revised tallies of Florida’s early voting results were posted and for some mysterious reason, over 500 votes disappeared. Surely it’s a coincidence that over a thousand votes disappeared from heavily black neighborhoods while white neighborhoods actually gained votes? Read more on We Are Sure These Mysterious Vote Tally Changes In Broward County, Florida, Are No Problem At All…