It’s no joke, people! Voting lines in New York are just NUTS. But if the Obama campaign supplies “Comfort Teams” like they’re doing in Georgia, you will all get water and hot chocolate soon, and maybe a hand job for your troubles. Two sort of detailed reports after the jump. Send your informations to tips@wonkette, if you have more exciting things to share! MORE »

Wonkette operative Brian Ries took this photo of secret masturbation in Bushwick, Brooklyn, NY. Since this person must be a hippie, who is he masturbating for — Alan Keyes?

His cousins, uncle and even his own father were all mafioso, which maybe explains why the self-hating Giuliani dedicated so much of his professional life to crushing the Family Business by prosecuting such beloved mob figures as “Fat Tony” Salerno. At the same time, his perverse obsession with dressing up as fictional characters (usually women) means he also loves acting like characters from fictional mob movies such as “The Godfather.” But enough about Rudy’s 1,700 mental problems; let’s review his own family’s life of crime: MORE »