Wonkette

In case you haven’t been to a website recently, famous Australian actor Heath Ledger died Tuesday. Sucks to be him. As you may remember, Ledger played a homosexual, mute cowboy in the film Brokeback Mountain, which was groundbreaking because it depicted gay sex for the first time in world history. It seems that this *fictional* role, in which the *fictional* gay cowboy *fictionally* questioned God, has led a radical Baptist church in Kansas to protest his memorial service, which is not *fictional*. Politician Mike Huckabee is also a radical Baptist, so we’ll run with this.

According to Shirley Phelps of the Westboro Baptist Church in Topeka, Kansas, the congregation plans to protest this human being’s funeral because of his pixelated, fictional musing on sexual ambiguity:

You cannot live in defiance of God. He (Ledger) got on that big screen with a big, fat message: God is a liar and it’s OK to be gay … Heath Ledger is now in Hell, and has begun serving his eternal sentence there.

Wait wait! Hear her out, she’s cool, she’s cool:

God hates fags… The wrath of God has been revealed before the eyes of this nation with the death of Heath Ledger. … This nation worships the dead almost as much as they worship their filthy sex acts. America is doomed.

Finally, someone speaks the truth; no more of this liberal do-goodery to pat our heathen heads. Heath Ledger’s tragic death in real life only highlights the *fictional* sins of his *fictional* acting choices and the *fictional* ass-fucking involved therein.

Kansas Baptist Church Intends to Picket Heath Ledger’s Funeral Because He Played Gay Character [Fox News]

Pretend-cowboy George W. Bush was all set to give some kind of anti-sleeping-pills speech today, but he’s so upset about the sleeping-pill suicide of pretend-cowboy Heath Ledger that the whole thing’s been postponed! That’s what White House spokeslady Dana Perino told a sobbing press corps today. Brokeback Mountain is Bush’s favorite movie of all time. [Associated Press]

* Have you heard about Microsoft’s new strategy? “Microsoft Corp. has a strategy to win over a whole new generation of consumers and his name is Fergie Fudgehog.” The flaw in this strategy is sort of hard to divine, unless you…say, READ THAT SENTENCE OUT LOUD. [Washington Post]
* Will the South Dakota abortion ban exempt women impregnated by aliens? Nobody knows, but the prospect allows for some awesome sci-fi synergy for Bill Napoli’s sociopathic rape fantasies. And that’s your official Wonkette “Bill Napoli is one sick fuck” Reminder for Wednesday, March 15! [The Bad Reporter@SFGate]
* Condoleezza Rice gets in some practice reps. [Perez Hilton]
* Even Chris Matthews’ conflicts-of-interests are lame. [Attytood]
* Jeez. Everyone over in the Brokeback Mountain camp needs to calm down. They give out awards to stuff far junkier and shaft films that are much better. Forest Gump? Marisa Tomei? Besides, everyone KNOWS that the real Best Picture wins Best Screenplay. [The Greensborian]

but it’s winning the battle of spawning irritating yet irresistible neologisms. To wit: “Brokeback Marriage.” MORE »

* Brokeback Mountain fans: sore losers? [HuffPo] MORE »

So you didn’t watch the Academy Awards last night. Well, that’s okay; with the help of this handy little guide, you can pretend that you did. MORE »

This Sunday night brings us Hollywood’s big mutual masturbation festival, better known as the Academy Awards. In advance of Oscar night, conservative pundits are going through the motions of railing against clueless and/or evil Hollywood liberals. Ann Coulter has done it; and now it’s time for Jeff Gannon to say his piece.

After the jump, our fisking — yes, with a “k” — of Gannon’s column.

MORE »

MORE »

No, that’s not Wonkette standing behind Joe Pantoliano. [WP/Lucian Perkins]

Truth be told, our night wasn’t that wild — more like reading Emily Dickinson than hanging out with Paris Hilton. But at least we got out of the apartment!

Last night, Wonkette (or one-half of Wonkette — the half of us with a tux) attended the Congressional Correspondents dinner, sponsored by the Washington Press Foundation. The swanky, black-tie event, held at the Ritz-Carlton on M Street, was attended by numerous “famous-for-D.C.” types, and even a few “famous-for-famous” folks — like Fran Drescher!

Slate described the event as “a B-list affair compared with the Gridiron and White House Correspondents Association dinners”; but we still had ourselves a jolly good time. Although Marcia Davis of the Post urged them not to give up their day jobs, the dinner speakers — Sen. Arlen Specter (R-Penn.) and House Minority Whip Steny Hoyer (D-Md.) — were actually pretty funny. But our assessment may have been colored by the “soft bigotry of low expectations” — as well as too much red wine…

Of course, copious consumption of booze helped us through the evening. And did we mention that The Nanny was in the house?

Our detailed coverage appears after the jump.

MORE »

* Reliable Source: Bush holds public reenactment of Alito’s private swearing in. . . Rep. Jim Moran’s (D-Va.) cell phone rang during the State of the Union. . . Hastert, Specter, Harman had dinner at the Charlie Palmer Steakhouse before the SOTU. . . Virginia Gov. Tim Kaine appears with Sam Donaldson. [WP]
* Under the Dome: Sen. McCain (R-Ariz.) has a cameo in “24″ on Monday night. . . Sens. Ted Stevens (R-Alaska) and Byron Dorgan (D-N.D.) and Reps. Eric Cantor (R-Va.) and George Miller (D-Calif.) viewed the State of the Union from “undisclosed locations” for security reasons. . . Home of Rep. Cynthia McKinney (D-Ga.) was vandalized with video tape while she was away at Sundance celebrating the release of a film about her life. . . Linda Douglass of ABC News is joining NYU as a senior fellow. . . Rep. John Kline (R-Minn.) has had enough with Democratic opponent Colleen Rowley. [The Hill]
* Inside the Beltway: Joint Chiefs of Staff complains to the Washington Post about cartoonist Tom Toles‘ depiction of wounded troops. [WT]
* Liz Smith: Bush jokes about seeing “Brokeback Mountain” with Cheney. [NYP]
* Cindy Adams: Web of Jack Abramoff’s influence may only reach the wives and grown children of implicated lawmakers. . . George Pataki makes his fifth trip to Iowa next month. [NYP]
* Rush & Molloy: Alec Baldwin, Meryl Streep are losing faith in Democrats. [NYDN]

Amidst all the buzz yesterday over the State of the Union address and the Alito confirmation, it was easy to forget: the Oscar nominations were announced! And while normally we might leave such a frivolous topic to our less high-minded siblings, this year we actually have a good excuse for mentioning such silliness. MORE »

MORE »

MORE »