• CNN ASKS CANTOR ABOUT SILLY BRITNEY SPEARS NONSENSE: Whoa hey this turned out to be some kinda coveted chunk of 2-hour-news-cycle hobo meat, huh? We were just trying to make some sort of exaggerated gay joke about nothing, but now it’s at the point where CNN.com’s top political ticker story is Eric Cantor’s crucial response to his fiesta at the Britney concert. He says it was “quite a show” and “I hand it to the performer, she was something,” so we can fairly conclude that the exaggerated gay joke about nothing has come full circle and it can now please please die uhh give us more links about this and stuff, thanks! [CNN]

• HER LOSS: LANDRIEU DEFINITELY NOT AT BRITNEY CONCERT: The Huffington Post has run with this “gossip blog”’s reported confirmed life-defining economy-saving news report about Eric Cantor going to see old Britney Spears sing last night, and they have gotten confirmation from Sen. Landrieu’s office that she was not, as it happens, there with Eric Cantor, as his office (and other parts of the Republican Apparatus, dare we mention) told us earlier today. [HuffPo]

And you all thought Washington wasn’t sexy: the office of ambitious young House Republican Whip Eric Cantor has confirmed to your Wonkette that instead of watching President Obama’s boring press conference last night like the rest of us dingbats, Cantor and a bipartisan group of legislators attended the Show Of The Century at downtown’s Verizon Center: a Britney Spears concert. If our children weren’t so concerned about future deficits, what would they think of this! MORE »

Here’s our own Liz Glover at some Republican event, doing her thing, when SUDDENLY Dick Cheney smelled the blood of someone under 60 years old and wobbled over and killed her and ate her brain/heart just after the police took this tragic photo. Get well soon, Liz! Who is that in the middle, Lynne Cheney with a hair extension? Madonna? Let’s go with Britney Spears. This is a picture of Liz Glover, Britney Spears and Dick Cheney, the end.

Hey, it’s still Friday, so here’s some of that “fun” you people don’t like so much. Walnuts! has a running mate, and she’s also a has-been burnout. [Barely Political]

Oh that wacky Paris Hilton, seizing on the moment. Here she is wearing a creepy swimming gown and responding to John McCain’s dumb ad about her in an internet video from some comedy website we’ve never heard of. Top story on Drudge? Mission accomplished, obviously. [Funny Or Die]

John McCain and his loser friends are all racists, which we know because they made an ad with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton but not Brad Pitt, Tiger Woods, David Beckham or The Police. Can you even believe it. Back here on Planet Earth, however, there actually was some pretty clear racial shit coming out of the McCain campaign yesterday — not necessarily in their accusing Obama of playing the Race Card, but in the cleverly chosen words they used to accuse him of this. Horrible subliminal racist anger over O.J. Simpson, meet the candidacy of Barack Obama. MORE »

There’s been a hilarious debate on the Internet the last couple of days, as per usual, about whether the McCain “Celeb” ad was Racist because it chose two young white gals, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, as Barack Obama’s alter egos instead of the actual two most famous celebrities in the world. It is, apparently, a similar situation to the attack ad on Harold Ford in 2006, where he is constantly talking to loose white women on the telephone. If John McCain were to *objectively* pick the two most famous people in the world, the liberals argue, at least one of them would have been TIGER WOODS, the GOLFER. The conservatives do not believe Tiger Woods counts, however, because he has accomplishments!

Prepare to rock and/or roll. MORE »

YOU ALL SUCK: The Obama campaign has surprisingly responded to that latest piece of shit McCain ad, probably because they thought of this nifty line and just had to do it!: “On a day when major news organizations across the country are taking Senator McCain to task for a steady stream of false, negative attacks, his campaign has launched yet another. Or, as some might say, ‘Oops! He did it again.’” Oh brother. Can’t you old perverts leave poor Britney alone? She has enough damn problems already. [Politico/Ben Smith]

John McCain has squeezed every possible bit of fame and wealth from his heroic plane crash 40 years ago, so he’s super angry about how Barack Obama is also a political celebrity who has also written best-sellers and became famous for something that happened 40 years ago (His birth). This is why the McCain campaign has boldly made a shitty commercial with pictures of Britney Spears from back when Bob Dole was doing Viagra ads with the forgotten teen starlet. Being popular is scary! MORE »

* Reliable Source: Fuck politics, let’s Britney… A new flag for Iraq. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: A different kind of Jerry Springer Show… The “Young and the Guest List”… Arlo Guthrie supporting Ron Paul. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: “With all the corruption of Congress, some might think it resembles a jail break more than a massive retirement”… If Sen. Russ Feingold has a favorite, he’s not telling… More endorsements!… RNC Oscars. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: The secret meaning of Obama and Hillary’s Superbowl picks. [WP]
* Rush & Molloy: Bill O’Reilly doesn’t see homeless vets. [NYDN]