Wonkette

Hey, it’s still Friday, so here’s some of that “fun” you people don’t like so much. Walnuts! has a running mate, and she’s also a has-been burnout. [Barely Political]

Oh that wacky Paris Hilton, seizing on the moment. Here she is wearing a creepy swimming gown and responding to John McCain’s dumb ad about her in an internet video from some comedy website we’ve never heard of. Top story on Drudge? Mission accomplished, obviously. [Funny Or Die]

John McCain and his loser friends are all racists, which we know because they made an ad with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton but not Brad Pitt, Tiger Woods, David Beckham or The Police. Can you even believe it. Back here on Planet Earth, however, there actually was some pretty clear racial shit coming out of the McCain campaign yesterday — not necessarily in their accusing Obama of playing the Race Card, but in the cleverly chosen words they used to accuse him of this. Horrible subliminal racist anger over O.J. Simpson, meet the candidacy of Barack Obama. MORE »

There’s been a hilarious debate on the Internet the last couple of days, as per usual, about whether the McCain “Celeb” ad was Racist because it chose two young white gals, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, as Barack Obama’s alter egos instead of the actual two most famous celebrities in the world. It is, apparently, a similar situation to the attack ad on Harold Ford in 2006, where he is constantly talking to loose white women on the telephone. If John McCain were to *objectively* pick the two most famous people in the world, the liberals argue, at least one of them would have been TIGER WOODS, the GOLFER. The conservatives do not believe Tiger Woods counts, however, because he has accomplishments!

Prepare to rock and/or roll. MORE »

YOU ALL SUCK: The Obama campaign has surprisingly responded to that latest piece of shit McCain ad, probably because they thought of this nifty line and just had to do it!: “On a day when major news organizations across the country are taking Senator McCain to task for a steady stream of false, negative attacks, his campaign has launched yet another. Or, as some might say, ‘Oops! He did it again.’” Oh brother. Can’t you old perverts leave poor Britney alone? She has enough damn problems already. [Politico/Ben Smith]

John McCain has squeezed every possible bit of fame and wealth from his heroic plane crash 40 years ago, so he’s super angry about how Barack Obama is also a political celebrity who has also written best-sellers and became famous for something that happened 40 years ago (His birth). This is why the McCain campaign has boldly made a shitty commercial with pictures of Britney Spears from back when Bob Dole was doing Viagra ads with the forgotten teen starlet. Being popular is scary! MORE »

* Reliable Source: Fuck politics, let’s Britney… A new flag for Iraq. [WP]
* Yeas and Nays: A different kind of Jerry Springer Show… The “Young and the Guest List”… Arlo Guthrie supporting Ron Paul. [Examiner]
* Shenanigans: “With all the corruption of Congress, some might think it resembles a jail break more than a massive retirement”… If Sen. Russ Feingold has a favorite, he’s not telling… More endorsements!… RNC Oscars. [Politico]
* The Sleuth: The secret meaning of Obama and Hillary’s Superbowl picks. [WP]
* Rush & Molloy: Bill O’Reilly doesn’t see homeless vets. [NYDN]

Jenna Bush, upon being ambushed by Extra at a book party and asked to comment on Britney Spears’ tragic loss of custody of her children: “I’m not part of Hollywood, maybe that’s the lucky thing. I’ve had normal parents, but not that they haven’t. I can’t give any advice.” [ExtraTV]

Well, happy Friday! (If this seems impenetrable, you’ll want to see this. Okay, “want” is not the right word.)

Leave General Petraeus Alone [Phillip Wilburn]

Barry Obama’s Richmond campaign stop has already landed him in hot water for his hilarious joke about how everyone in Kansas was killed by the tornado. Apparently he also hates art and our fundamental constitutional right to see the vaginas of celebrities whenever we want. MORE »