britney spears

THE HOMOSEXUALS! 3:19 pm September 14, 2010

Jeebus Lady Cindy Jacobs Repents For All Lesbians, Cleanses Craigslist

Your Wonkette reporter of The Homosexuals is back bearing good news, or as they like to call it in church, “a new gospel”: All of the world’s lesbians have been fully repented for! This happened last week, in Sacramento, at a big Jesus party thrown by My Boyfriend Lou Engle. Though he has failed utterly in [...]

HOW BLOGS RUIN JOURNALISM 2:12 pm March 26, 2009

by Jim Newell

CNN ASKS CANTOR ABOUT SILLY BRITNEY SPEARS NONSENSE: Whoa hey this turned out to be some kinda coveted chunk of 2-hour-news-cycle hobo meat, huh? We were just trying to make some sort of exaggerated gay joke about nothing, but now it’s at the point where CNN.com’s top political ticker story is Eric Cantor’s crucial response [...]

WIN THE AFTERNOON 5:57 pm March 25, 2009

by Jim Newell

HER LOSS: LANDRIEU DEFINITELY NOT AT BRITNEY CONCERT: The Huffington Post has run with this “gossip blog”‘s reported confirmed life-defining economy-saving news report about Eric Cantor going to see old Britney Spears sing last night, and they have gotten confirmation from Sen. Landrieu’s office that she was not, as it happens, there with Eric Cantor, [...]

SEXYTIME 3:37 pm March 25, 2009

Exclusive: Cantor, ‘Democrats’ Attend Britney Spears Concert During Obama Presser

by Jim Newell

And you all thought Washington wasn’t sexy: the office of ambitious young House Republican Whip Eric Cantor has confirmed to your Wonkette that instead of watching President Obama’s boring press conference last night like the rest of us dingbats, Cantor and a bipartisan group of legislators attended the Show Of The Century at downtown’s Verizon [...]

MURDER 5:21 pm January 10, 2009

Our Liz Glover Captured, Eaten by Dick Cheney

by Ken Layne

Here’s our own Liz Glover at some Republican event, doing her thing, when SUDDENLY Dick Cheney smelled the blood of someone under 60 years old and wobbled over and killed her and ate her brain/heart just after the police took this tragic photo. Get well soon, Liz! Who is that in the middle, Lynne Cheney [...]

TGIF 2:14 pm August 15, 2008

McCain-Spears 2008

by Ken Layne

Hey, it’s still Friday, so here’s some of that “fun” you people don’t like so much. Walnuts! has a running mate, and she’s also a has-been burnout. [Barely Political]

ATTACK ADS 7:50 pm August 5, 2008

Well How About That, It’s That Paris Hilton Gal

by Jim Newell

Oh that wacky Paris Hilton, seizing on the moment. Here she is wearing a creepy swimming gown and responding to John McCain’s dumb ad about her in an internet video from some comedy website we’ve never heard of. Top story on Drudge? Mission accomplished, obviously. [Funny Or Die]

THE ONE 3:41 pm August 1, 2008

Finally, Finally, McCain Campaign Compares Obama To O.J. Simpson

by Jim Newell

John McCain and his loser friends are all racists, which we know because they made an ad with Britney Spears and Paris Hilton but not Brad Pitt, Tiger Woods, David Beckham or The Police. Can you even believe it. Back here on Planet Earth, however, there actually was some pretty clear racial shit coming out [...]

THOSE CELEBRITIES ARE NOT RACIAL TRANSCENDENCE! 1:12 pm August 1, 2008

Was John McCain’s Ad Racist Because It Didn’t Include Tiger Woods?

by Jim Newell

There’s been a hilarious debate on the Internet the last couple of days, as per usual, about whether the McCain “Celeb” ad was Racist because it chose two young white gals, Paris Hilton and Britney Spears, as Barack Obama’s alter egos instead of the actual two most famous celebrities in the world. It is, apparently, [...]

WITTICISMS 1:43 pm July 30, 2008

by Jim Newell

YOU ALL SUCK: The Obama campaign has surprisingly responded to that latest piece of shit McCain ad, probably because they thought of this nifty line and just had to do it!: “On a day when major news organizations across the country are taking Senator McCain to task for a steady stream of false, negative attacks, [...]

GRUMPY OLD MEN 12:04 pm July 30, 2008

McCain Campaign Bravely Attacks America’s Love of Famous People

by Ken Layne

John McCain has squeezed every possible bit of fame and wealth from his heroic plane crash 40 years ago, so he’s super angry about how Barack Obama is also a political celebrity who has also written best-sellers and became famous for something that happened 40 years ago (His birth). This is why the McCain campaign [...]

BRITNEY SPEARS 11:55 am February 1, 2008