Wonkette

Since his first choice for President didn’t work out and now spends his days angrily catfighting with James Carville on CNN, President Josiah “Martin Estevez Sheen” Bartlet has found solace in the arms of Barack Obama. But just like his old crush Bill Richardson, he is afraid that former “Real President” Bill Clinton will be mad at him — so he made his announcement overseas in England where none of the English-speaking public would let slip this shocking revelation. MORE »

According to the British tabloid News of the World, the Duke of Westminster also patronizes the Emperor’s Club VIP. He is Britain’s third richest man and “heads his country’s Territorial Army,” who fight the terrorists. Since these incredible things were not quite enough for his paid sex worker to have sex with him, here’s what he told her to seal the deal: “Osama bin Laden was alive and hiding in Pakistan.” MORE »

These are the Top Ten “most memorable TV moments of the past 50 years,” according to a new British poll: 1. 9/11. 2. Princess Di’s funeral. 3. First lunar landing. 4. Berlin Wall knocked down. 5. Bob Geldof cursing at Live Aid. 6. “The Two Ronnies’ famous ‘Four Candles’ comedy sketch.” 7. “The dance performed by Ricky Gervais in his role as manager David Brent in The Office.” 8. Monty Python’s “Dead Parrot” sketch. 9. England winning the World Cup. 10. JFK’s assassination. [Reuters]

* Tony Snow is happy to confirm he’s not lying, when he’s not lying. [1115]
* Creepiest media moguls to attend conference in creepiest state for creepiest candidate. [Hotline on Call]
* Smarmy elites chase dandified elites from national political stage. [Political Insider]
* Barry Hussein wins key endorsement from leader of pro-terror voting block. [Election Central]
* Coalition party in Iraq must’ve run out of booze. [The Gavel]
* British troops only being withdrawn so Prince Harry doesn’t have to grow any hair — on his precious porcelain balls. [Breitbart]
* Fox news viewers tune into The 1/2 Hour News Hour to save time. [Comedy Central Insider]

* Court upholds law insuring there will be no Guantanamo Redemption for the charming, good-natured inmates of that prison. [WP, NYT, LAT]
* Supreme Court says smoking kills, but it’s still cool. [WP, NYT]
* David Geffen sits in a booster seat at the booster dinner he hosted for Barry Hussein. [WP]
* One hundred Americans in a room, and only 9 of the most stoned think they trust President Bush to improve national healthcare. [WSJ]
* Ellen Tauscher looks like low-hanging moderate fruit to the gaping maw of California hippie bloggers. [WP]
* Jurors begin deliberations today in the trial of that lying liar Scooter Libby. We’ll let you know if you need to pay attention. [WP, NYT]
* White House calls reduction of British forces in Iraq, “a sign of success.” [LAT, USAT, Guardian]
* Maybe there are actually three things from Texas. [NYT]

Bush has to go to remote cowtowns in Northern Nevada to find a friendly crowd these days, but it seems he still has some “star power” on the international stage. MORE »