Wonkette

This week, our omnipresent eyes and ears spotted Brit Hume, Jean Schmidt, Tony Snow, Ron Paul, Elvis Costello, Katie Couric, Patrick McHenry, Hillary Clinton, and Tom DeLay, then wrote about spotting them in emails, which they sent to us. And now all those emails are posted after the jump!

See someone sorta famous in DC? Tell us all about it in an email with the subject line “Wonk’d” or “sightings.”

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Radar reports a rumor today that is so poorly sourced, so speculative, and so hilarious that we wish we’d make it up first: Fox News’ Megyn Kendall Kelly is having an affair with Brit Hume. MORE »

Fox has been crap tonight, due to Too Much Talking and not enough giant TV screens and people calling a race every few minutes. (MSNBC hasn’t been so swell, either. CNN takes the prize, as much as we hate to admit it.) MORE »

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• Heard on the Hill: Ricky Martin on the Hill to talk about human trafficking, won’t break into song… The Distilled Spirits Council and the Scotch Whisky Association is throwing a party for Prince Andrew (not the Nazi). [Roll Call]
• Yeas and Nays: Heath Shuler, former Redskin, current Congressional candidate, owes a shitload of back taxes… LAT: “Bourbon drinkers tend to be Republican; gin is more often a Democrat’s drink.” Tell that that to… uh, us. [Examiner]
• Reliable Source: O Magazine declares David Gregory, Barack Obama, Fareed Zakaria, and Patrick Fitzgerald to be among the 50 “Sexiest Men Alive.” [WP]
• Rush & Molloy: Chaos at FoxNews as marital problems between Brit Hume and wife/DC bureau head Kim lead to her departure from the bureau. [NYDN]
• Under the Dome: Rep. Chris Dodd (D-CT) is Catholic, wife is Mormon. Dodd: “At Bob Jones University, we are now a two-cult family”… “Rep. John Sweeney (R-N.Y.) has proudly accepted a $1,000 contribution from a strip-club owner.” [The Hill]

We assumed the FoxNews promotional budget was a little higher, but no need to waste money on pro marketing when you’re always on top. MORE »

It’s hot as hell on the East Coast, and Brit Hume is hiking around Georgetown and sweating through his super 130’s suits. But Joe Lockhart and Ken Mehlman don’t play that game, they’re all about Air Conditioning and mint juleps. Jessica Cutler, on the other hand, stays cool in a nice pair of booty shorts. MORE »

Having finally recovered from Prom, Chatology returned to her perch on the couch to sit through 3.5 hours of bone-grindingly obvious talking points. We’re used to butt-punishing workouts, but this is not our favorite among them. That said, a surprisingly sexy Sunday morning. ALSO: Can’t get enough of that wacky Bush impressionist? We can.

Top Topics:
• Michael Hayden, spook or just creep? Rep. Pete Hoekstra makes news by negation: Hayden “is the wrong man at the wrong place at the wrong time.” McCain is more loving.
• ‘06 sickness/Congressional “culture of corruption,” with Republicans showing Reaganesque — which is to say, delusional — optimism.
• Goss’s departure: Not did he jump or was he pushed but rather, “Pushed, shoved, or run over with a truck and stomped on the face?”

Quotes to live by:
• Saxby Chambliss on Hayden: He is “just a class individual” (as someone who questioned the patriotism of a paraplegic, he knows class!)
• George Stephanopolous makes right wing bias hunters’ heads explode: “That was not one of the top four pieces of legislation that Speaker Pelosi…ah, I don’t know why I have that stuck in my head today…”
• Chris Wallace masters the obvious: “I don’t have to tell you, you are the chairman of the intelligence committee.”
• George Will teases the Kennedy story: “One reason this story touched all of this city’s erogenous zones…”
• Bill Kristol looks on the bright side: “I’m looking forward to getting more sex into this scandal.”
• David Brooks auditions to be Maureen Dowd: “This has more layers than a Tom Clancy novel.”

Your full-on weekend chat soup after the jump.

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* Tony Snow will be appointed White House press secretary as soon as today; he intends to “function as an advocate for reporters.” Brit Hume: “I think he’s excited by the idea of being on the inside. He believes he will be at the table when decisions are made. For someone of his bent, that’s too good to pass up.” [WP, NYT]
* Bush, “amid growing Republican unrest about the politics of $3-plus gasoline,” offers to investigate price gouging, stop shipments to the reserve, and ease environmental regulations. [WP, NYT, W$J, USAT]
* Bush seeks $2.2B for levee reconstruction and $14B in cost reductions from non-emergency spending. [NYT, W$J]
* Republicans block tax hike on oil company profits. [WP]
* Rumsfeld makes surprise trip to Baghdad; Senate Armed Service Committee may invite testimony from former generals who have called for his resignation. [WP, WP]
* Frist, Reid are optimistic that compromise on immigration can be reached by Memorial Day. [NYT]

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Sorry for the hiatus, folks. But between the dodgy servers and pictures of Katherine Harris’s breasts did you even notice? If I had to sum up yesterday’s chatfest with one word, it would be this: amneleaksty. Immigration and Fitzgerald investigation dominated — which makes sense when you realize that Fitzgerald’s grandparents were probably immigrants.

Hot topics:
• Immigration bill: “bureaucracy of rubber stamps” or “lack[ing] compassion”?
• Leak investigation: Specter says the President needs to come clean, Kerry says “This was not a declassification to educate America, this was a declassification to mislead America.”
• Nuking Iran. Scary!

Quotes to live by:
• Stephanopoulos wonders “how do you solve this Rubik’s cube” of the budget?
• Dionne asks “What did the president forget and when did he forget it?”
• George Will gets legalistic: The President “was trying to discredit, punish, or seek revenge against a critic… where in the federal statues does it say that is forbidden?”
• And in case you’re wondering why he lost: Russert introduces Kerry thusly as the man who won “48.3 percent” of the popular vote.

Kerry: “I thought it was 49.2″
Tim: “48.3 — But who’s counting?”

After the jump: The most optimistic man in America, the calm and cool Joe Wilson (really), and a testy Schieffer.

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This Sunday’s shows undertook a major military operation. Between the anniversary of the invasion of Iraq and “Operation Swarmer,” talking heads all but saluted. Russ Feingold managed to grab some of the spotlight, and his motion to censure President Bush gave Bill Kristol another chance to rock Chris Wallace’s world: Feingold “is smarter than the Democratic congressional leadership” and “deserves credit for taking a principled stand, and I honestly think he’s winning this debate.” That sound you heard is Nancy Pelosi’s head exploding. Dick Cheney did “Face the Nation” but did not make much news beyond the world’s most awesome Freudian slip: “Most of my predecessors spent a good part of their time as President–Vice President running for President.

Also, debuting this week on ABCNews.com was “The Green Room,” a brave attempt to wring every possible bit of hot air from the “This Week” panel while they stand around uncomfortably after the show wraps in the nondescript, motel-ish decor of ABC’s DeSale St. digs. Personally, I have always found pre-show green room chatter more interesting (everyone’s trying out their lines) and the whole thing strikes me as an empty attempt to show us another side of people who are basically one-dimensional, but I applaud this Taylorite approach to news content and hope that less practiced pundits do something stupid and/or inspired backstage in the future.

Top topics: Iraq, Feingold’s censure motion and by extension the NSA wiretap program.

One-hit wonders: Boston College’s Sweet Sixteen chances (”Meet the Press”); Joey Cheek, humanitarian (”This Week”); Mark McClellan, TREKKIE (”Fox News Sunday”)

Quotes to live by:
• Dick Cheney admits that shooting someone in the face is “one of those situations that’s difficult, that generates controversy.”
• Chris Wallace, SUPER GENIUS: “It seems to me that the Senators who are most critical of [the NSA wiretapping] program are the ones who know the least about it.”
• George Will lays it out: “We need to define victory down.”
• Sam Donaldson is totally high: “Russ Feingold threw the long ball… but it might connect, as the Washington Redskins learned in the mid-70s.”

Also, Shorter Chris Matthews Show: David Gregory observed that “George Bush is the George Clooney of Washington… but that’s a little bit of a patina.” Wha?

Full rundown appears after the jump.

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