Bristol Palin appeared on the TODAY show with Matt Lauer, all holding her cute sleeping baby and smiling serenely with her long shiny hair and talking about what hard work parenting is. Really? Because it looks … kind of awesome! All you have to do is fuck some sexy dunderhead once and boom, a year later you are on national teevee looking great with your adorable child and asking teenagers to “learn from your example.” Teenage pregnancy rates are going to skyrocket. [MSNBC]

• Famed incidental ironist Bristol Palin will participate in a panel about preventing teen pregnancy. [CNN Political Ticker]
• Same sex marriage is now half-legal in Maine! Vermont is totally there in spirit but it got distracted because Ghostbusters was on teevee and also its roommate had just ordered food. [Ben Smith]
• David Plouffe, the sociopath who regularly torments all of America by managing to send dumb emails at the exact moment when Americans are waiting for an actual important correspondence, has admitted that Boy-Governor of Utah Jon Huntsman makes him want to vomit. [HuffPost]
• Slate intern Eliot Spitzer likes to go “talk politics” at Tina Brown’s sad brunch fetes. [Daily Intel]
• According to Vanity Fair, Caroline Kennedy dropped out of the Senate race that one time it became apparent she wasn’t going to be named Senator all because her daughter told her she was too good for it. Mmm. [Gawker]

How great was Levi Johnston and his myriad singular-product-named siblings and his sketchy mom on Larry King Live Tuesday night? We are assuming the answer is “So Awesome.” We’ll post the video later, or not, but meanwhile here’s the only image you need: Shrunken-head banality machine Larry King lovingly examining Levi’s various tattoos on his left (communist) arm, including the classic “Bristol” in hippie script font on his wedding-ring finger. [CNN Photo, hat tip to Andrew Malcolm]

Weren’t we just talking about Larry King? Yes we were! Well, the “king of all media” has some very special guests tonight, straight from the meth/moose/Taco Bell capital of the world, Wasilla. The singular Levi and Mercede Johnston will sit down this evening with Hollywood’s favorite death muppet, and dope-dealin’ mom Sherry Johnston is coming along for the ride. (The ride will be in an actual pickup truck, driven from Alaska. Sherry will be shotgun. Mercede likes to be closest to Levi, in the night.) MORE »

Not to be all Andrew Sullivan but WHAT THE HELL is Levi Johnston doing here, in May of last year, tenderly cradling supposed Sarah Palin child “Trig Palin” in this photograph taken in Sarah’s kitchen, days after Trig’s birth? And WHY was this photo shown on the Tyra Banks Program to illustrate teen father Levi Johnston holding his supposed son “Tripp Johnston,” supposedly birthed by Bristol Palin? And why is sister Mercede Johnston also photographed lovingly cradling this child she refers to as “baby brother,” (supposedly Sarah Palin’s supposed baby “Trigg Palin”) in the exact same Palin kitchen setting, on the same day? Look, we liked Twin Peaks, too, but this is just getting ridiculous. [Palin's Deceptions/Flickr]

This is going to go on forever — and eventually, it will involve the female participants wrestling in a vat of Taco Bell X-treme ketchup or whatever. Hooray! Now, lest you believe this is somehow “trivial” or “exactly what happens in much of America,” we want to remind you that this woman, Sarah Palin, intends to become President, somehow, and then she will install Trig as “Prince ‘o Peace,” and he will rule the world for 666 years, and then he will nuke it. He is made of nukes, Trig is.

Offered without comment: “What’s even more creepy is that the other person in the picture is his sister. And, as if lifted from the pages of Deliverance, she has his name tattooed on her back. Think about that one for a minute …. Soon Levi will sell his tell all book, delightfully ignoring awkward questions about his relationship with his sister while relishing in the awkward details of his relationship with Sarah Palin.” [RedState]

Bristol Palin’s ex-lover Levi Johnston — clad in his finest Kmart church outfit (from a kit) and sporting a 13-year-old’s pencil mustache — will appear on television’s Tyra Banks show on Monday, and this preview clip on the show’s website is worth watching. “Did you use protection, Levi?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Yeah” “Really?” “Sometimes.” [Tyra Banks]

Only six months ago, Levi Johnston was just another dumb kid in the Alaskan outback of tattoo parlors and Taco Bells, banging a cute high school girl whose mom was something or other down in Juneau — president, maybe? And then it turned out the high school girl was, in fact, knocked up, from the abstinence. And her mom was running for vice president, although it was pretty clear that she was angling for the top job, which she could maybe get after her try-anything enabler died of Extreme Old Age and Crankiness, on Inauguration Day, assuming those clowns could actually get elected, which they didn’t, thank christ. Anyway, ABC News went and chased down poor dumb Levi Johnston again, now that Bristol Palin has officially done what everyone in America expected her to do: dump his lame ass, and “sanctity of marriage” be damned along with anything else inconvenient for the Palin Regime. MORE »

America’s favorite humorist, National Review Online blogger Kathryn Jean Lopez, would like Little Miss Hot Slut Bristol Palin to know that this whole “sex” and “hookee” (?) thing is irresponsible for us unmarried gals, because it’s super hard to remember to take those birth-control pills every day. And what if the condom breaks? Did you know that condom is likely filled with a boy’s spermlings? “So glamorous,” writes K-Lo. Yeah, she would know! Wait, she wouldn’t know at all, right? MORE »

YOU DON’T SAY: “The teen love affair that rocked last year’s presidential race is over. Sarah Palin’s daughter, Bristol, has ditched her baby daddy, Levi Johnston!” Hey Levi, call your pretend grandpa John McCain and ask why he’s against tattoo-removal programs for American losers. [The Star/Gawker]