Tag Archives: bristol palin

  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?

Twilight Sparkle and Rachel Maddow would be buds, for sure.
Oh, dear, it’s been a couple of weeks since we last did one of these features, and the comments queue may be spawning new forms of matter, like the sink full of unwashed dishes in Withnail and I. Let’s see what’s been stewing, shall we? Or who’s been stewing over what, more accurately. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?…
  yes virginia there is a constitutional clause

Bristol Palin Begs Legislators To Save America From Federal Tyranny

Constitutional scholar
Bristol Palin needs a favor. Can you do this one little thing for her, America? Can you email a bunch of state legislators in Virginia to demand they support bills calling for a Convention of States to amend the Constitution? It’s such a small thing to do in order to thank Bristol for the hours upon hours upon hours of quality entertainment she and her family have provided our nation. Read more on Bristol Palin Begs Legislators To Save America From Federal Tyranny…
  He will wash your mouth out for you America

Mike Huckabee Simply Fainting At Crass Broads And Their Sweary Filthy Sh*tmouths

Effin beyotches, amirite?
Mike Huckabee, America’s favorite moral scold, is at it again. Again again. While pimping his book, he explained how it’s not just that whore Beyonce who is corrupting America’s lady-youth, but all of the potty-mouthed single ladies who work in New York, aka, Bubbleville: Read more on Mike Huckabee Simply Fainting At Crass Broads And Their Sweary Filthy Sh*tmouths…
  meth is a helluva drug

Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc

No, she is never ever ever leaving. Who would pay for her wigs? Sarah Palin had a busy weekend, going to Las Vegas to eye-fuc this dude, Congressional Medal of Honor winner Dakota Meyers, while holding a sign telling lefty troll Michael Moore to fuc himself right in the surveyor’s marks. (His anus.) Read more on Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc…
  it's a major award

Sarah Palin Was Someone’s ‘Achiever’ Of The Year. Let That Sink In.

When we saw that Sarah Palin had been named someone’s “Achiever” of the year of our lord 2014, unfortunately, we were forced to read on. BUT HOW did someone name the former half-term governor “achiever” of anything, we asked ourselves! Did she even have a reality show this year? (Unknown.) Luckily, Bristol “Lefty” Palin was there to answer. Read more on Sarah Palin Was Someone’s ‘Achiever’ Of The Year. Let That Sink In….
  pow! right in the kisser!

2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True

She's all out of makeup, frankly.
There’s this lady, Sarah Palin, you wouldn’t know her. She flitted through the public consciousness for a hot minute in 2008, and then was never heard from again. Haha, spoiler alert, yes she was. We’re sorry. But aside from all Sarah Palin’s usual hijinks, most of which involved either racism or grift (because like we said, “usual”), there was one glorious moment in 2014 in which all the Palin clan’s true class became as crystal clear as the finest Coors Lite. And it lasted like a month. Read more on 2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True…
  Here have some news n stuff

Rich Republicans Would Like To Skip Democracy, Just Pick The 2016 Nominee For You

Best 'democracy' money can buy
American democracy, Republican style: Dozens of the Republican Party’s leading presidential donors and fund-raisers have begun privately discussing how to clear the field for a single establishment candidate to carry the party’s banner in 2016, fearing that a prolonged primary would bolster Hillary Rodham Clinton, the likely Democratic candidate. Read more on Rich Republicans Would Like To Skip Democracy, Just Pick The 2016 Nominee For You…
  She so S-M-R-T

Bristol Palin Says Her Mom Invented Impeachment, You’re Welcome

Constitutional expert up in here
via Bristol’s FacePlace page Yes, most people in ‘Merica agree that impeaching the president for thinking he’s some kind of president or something would be a really stupid idea, but Bristol Palin’s ghost blogger wants you to know it was Bristol’s mom’s stupid idea first: Read more on Bristol Palin Says Her Mom Invented Impeachment, You’re Welcome…
  Listicles Are Still A Thing Right?

Nine Easy Halloween Costume Ideas That Won’t Get You Laid And May Kill You

We want your brains
This is you: “I want to dress up for Halloween but I’m lazy and have bad ideas. Can you help?” Probably not, but let’s take a crack at it anyway. Here are nine “easy” costume ideas for you to briefly consider before you just give up and go as whatever you were last year again (a loser with a bad costume). DISCLAIMER: Please do not actually attempt any of the following costumes, especially the ones involving bodily harm. Read more on Nine Easy Halloween Costume Ideas That Won’t Get You Laid And May Kill You…
  Maybe she will quit again one day

Sarah Palin Just Might Quit A Half-Term Of A Office Again One Day, Hooray!

Ever since Our Lady of Meth-Colored Lipstick quit her job to pursue a reality teevee career because only dead fish serve a full term as governor, we have a-hoped and a-prayed that Sarah Palin would one day run for being in office of something again one day. Read more on Sarah Palin Just Might Quit A Half-Term Of A Office Again One Day, Hooray!…
  bumfight

Sarah Palin So Ashamed Of, ‘Humiliated By,’ Drunken Brawlin’ Bristol

Klassy as fuck
For the first time ever, not including the other time a month ago, Sarah Palin finally speaks on the humiliating drunken #PalinBrawl, in which her drunk-and-barefoot klan of klassy kids who are klassy showed just how klassy they can be. And Sarah, poor dear, is humiliationated! Read more on Sarah Palin So Ashamed Of, ‘Humiliated By,’ Drunken Brawlin’ Bristol…
  if the manicure's not split you must acquit

Bristol Palin: Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or This Police Audio And These Police Reports?

We have had some fun the past month or so with the Great Palin Mixed-Martial-Arts Demolition Derby Fisticuffs And Book Club High Tea. Well, says Bristol Palin, bruiser, that is simply unfair! You know Bristol is very very serious in her masterpiece, “The Truth about the ‘Palin Brawl’ – The Media Reveals Its Bias Against Conservative Women Once Again,” because she “wrote” more than two sentences and a link. Why, she “wrote” many many words! So many words! Let us read some, together. Read more on Bristol Palin: Who You Gonna Believe, Me Or This Police Audio And These Police Reports?…
  Only Ten Million Votes Short Of A Heartbeat Away

Let’s All Listen To Track And Bristol Palin, And Laugh And Laugh

Can't be too careful
Update: Additional fun audio at end of post. Thank god for responsive government! We’ve already seen the police reports, and now Anchorage Police have released audio from their interviews with witnesses at the scene of the Great Wasillabilly Rumble. The recordings are a veritable treasure trove of alcohol-fueled rage, privilege, and score settling. There’s the Big Drama over Track’s maybe-lost St. George necklace, a talisman through which God Almighty bestowed His protection upon the War Hero: Read more on Let’s All Listen To Track And Bristol Palin, And Laugh And Laugh…
  another one bites the dust

Alaska District Court Undermines The Sanctity Of Bristol Palin’s Marriage

Image via Celebrities in Disgrace Another state falls to the scourge of recognizing that gay Americans are just like not-gay Americans and therefore deserve all the same rights, just like regular Americans, because they are regular Americans. This time, the honor goes to up there in Alaska. Read more on Alaska District Court Undermines The Sanctity Of Bristol Palin’s Marriage…
  heartbeat away from the presidency

Palins Vindicated! (As Stinking-Drunk, Brawling Yahoos, Per Anchorage P.D. Police Report)

Has it only been five weeks since Bristol Palin threw the sucker punch heard round the world? Well the Anchorage Police Department finally has a police report and holy Mary Bristol mother of God baby or babies unknown, HOLY HELL! Read ‘em and weep! Read more on Palins Vindicated! (As Stinking-Drunk, Brawling Yahoos, Per Anchorage P.D. Police Report)…
  Wasilla Poll Dancers

Alaska Pretty Sure Sarah Palin Clan Is Hilarious Fighty Garbage

It's the Wasillabilly Bayeux Tapestry
One reason to love Public Policy Polling (PPP): They often throw in an extra question near the end of the poll, about something goofy, simply because they can. Like asking Ohio voters who was responsible for killing Osama bin Laden: Barack Obama or Mitt Romney? (Weep for America: 15 percent said Romney, 47 percent said “unsure.”) Or asking Republicans who think Benghazi is the worst political scandal in history if they know where Benghazi is. In their new poll of Alaska voters, PPP added one extra question about the Great Wasillabilly Bumfight of 2014: Read more on Alaska Pretty Sure Sarah Palin Clan Is Hilarious Fighty Garbage…
  Wonkette Fun-Times Activity Book

Your Happy Funtimes Palin Brawl Playset Will Keep Your Fingers Warm On Those Cold Alaska Nights

Whoa, hey, watch where you put that finger!
Sniveling rage donkey Sarah Palin is back on the Facebook today, braying about the “prayer shield” that surrounds her brood of Leon Spinks imitators. Sarah is very proud of her kids’ desire to defend the family and also of their “work ethic,” which they must have learned from someone else’s parents. She also offers up a link to a five-sentence post on Bristol’s blog, which, whoa, don’t work too hard, Bristol! Save some of that energy for getting drunk and punching party hosts! Read more on Your Happy Funtimes Palin Brawl Playset Will Keep Your Fingers Warm On Those Cold Alaska Nights…
  Ancho-Rage Alaska

Palin Bumfight Update! New Eyewitness: Bristol Totally Punched That Dude In The Face

Professional Palin Fighting re-enactors. Do not attempt these manuevers.
Additional details keep oozing to the surface about the Great Big Palin Family Brawl of Sept. 6 (aka the Rumble on the Tundra, aka Another Saturday Night With The Wasillabillies). In the newest wrinkle, Roberta Thompson — wife of Eric Thompson, the poor schlub who was fired after he talked about the brawl on teevee — has given an interview to Talking Points Memo, adding yet another bit of detail to our understanding of what may have happened at an Anchorage house party while America slept. (Where was Obama? Why was no military assistance offered? Who gave the “stand down’ order?) Read more on Palin Bumfight Update! New Eyewitness: Bristol Totally Punched That Dude In The Face…
  Saturday Night's All Right For Fighting

Palin Rumble Update: Palins Didn’t Start The Fight, They Just Finished It

Details still trickling in
More details continue to emerge regarding the Great Big Palin Brawl of ’14. We aren’t going to go into all the various he-said/she-said/she-screeched-like-a-demented-hellbeast scenarios, but the basics are that a whole bunch of Palins got into a punching match with a number of lesser mortals at a Sept. 6 birthday party in Anchorage, apparently because Track Palin took exception to the presence of a former boyfriend of young Arbor Day Palin. Read more on Palin Rumble Update: Palins Didn’t Start The Fight, They Just Finished It…
  fa-fa-fa-fa-fashion

What To Wear To Your Late Summer Brawl: The Palin Family’s Fashion Do’s!

Late summer. The perfect time to crash a birthday party, punch the host in the face multiple times, and shriek obscenities at all and sundry. But WHAT TO WEAR? If you are Sarah Palin, the answer is “platform shoes with American flags on them.” You guys, I think I just got hard. Let’s glean more fashion tips from the Palin clan, along with the latest from witnesses on how the fight started, who punched whom and who choked someone out (Todd. Todd choked someone out), and the level of shirtlessness on certain Palin family eldest sons. It’s not the first time the Palins have graced our fashion pages, but it might just be the best. Read more on What To Wear To Your Late Summer Brawl: The Palin Family’s Fashion Do’s!…
  Juneau about this fight? No but Alaska!

Palins Scalp Witness To Their Epic Snowbilly Battle As First Sort Of Reported By Your Wonkette

Klassy as fuck
Important updates are flying in left and right regarding the big Anchorage birthday party dust-up involving America’s favorite hillbilly family that doesn’t count a child named Honey Boo Boo among its ranks. (Which, when we think about it, is kind of surprising.) We are speaking, of course, of grifter queen Sarah Palin, husband Todd, and their brood of geographically named children. Let’s brawlsplore! Read more on Palins Scalp Witness To Their Epic Snowbilly Battle As First Sort Of Reported By Your Wonkette…
  and i slapped the ho

Anchorage PD: Palins Were ‘Present’ At 20-Person Brawl. Fate Of Hos’ Weave Unknown

Well, look who is doing some journamalism, it is us, yr Wonkette. A delightful story about Bristol Palin’s mean right hook, Todd Palin’s bloody nose, and Sarah Palin screeching DO YOU KNOW WHO I AM was gossiported by our old pals at ImmoralMinority, and we done called up the Anchorage PD to say “yo, Palin fight?” and they said “maybe.” ALL THE PULITZERS PLS. Anita in the Anchorage Police Department’s communications office is sitting at her desk at 7:15 a.m. on a Tuesday Thursday, so probs they are waiting for a whole mess of calls from Jake Tapper or whatever, and Anita confirms that a huge bloody mess of a brawl between multiple subjects took place Saturday night, and that the Palins were “present.” However, since nobody wanted to arrest anybody else, the names of the “subjects” remain not yet released. But the investigation continues! Infotain us, ImmoralMinority! According to the grapevine Track had some altercation with a person who may or may not have once dated one of the Palin girls. That led to some pushing and shoving, which escalated somehow to the family being asked to leave the premises. However before that could happen a certain former abstinence spokesperson unleashed a flurry of blows at some as of yet identified individual before being pulled off by by another partygoer, after which Todd apparently puffed up his chest and made some threatening remarks. (The “C’ word may have been uttered at one point.) Yes, the C-word probably was uttered. BY US. Anyhoo, it is probably time for anyone who was at that super-fun-times awesome shindiggity to send us some cell phone video, because WHO THE HELL WASN’T TAKING CELL PHONE VIDEO, WHAT ARE YOU A BUNCH OF IDIOTS? Kthxbai. [ImmoralMinority]