Tag Archives: bristol palin

  Wonket Does Not Allow Comments And Here's The Best One Today

Look Upon This Comment Of The Day And Weep, Ye Mighty

Now with Kerning!
Okay, people, you can all just stop trying today. In fact, we might just as well take the rest of the week off until Kaili gets back from “vacation,” because today, the internet has already been won in the comments on our Colorado IUD Success Story Must Die piece. As you may recall, since it was just a few hours ago, the story noted that Colorado’s program to distribute birth control to young women had reduced both teen pregnancies and teen abortions by impressive amounts, which means that Republicans have to kill the program because that means teens are doing sex without life-ruining consequences, which just won’t do. Read more on Look Upon This Comment Of The Day And Weep, Ye Mighty…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Sarah Palin Declares Independence From Pretending To Be Employed. Your Weekly Top Ten.

THE CUTEST.
Hey Wonkers, happy Fourth of July weekend and shit! Do you need a nap? We sure do! Let’s all snuggle dressed like burritos after we read this post, like Wonkette baby, pictured above. (Did you SEE Editrix’s baby pictures post this morning? If you didn’t, you should go look at it!) Read more on Sarah Palin Declares Independence From Pretending To Be Employed. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  mommyblogging

Bristol Palin A Smidge Displeased With All You MOTHERFARKING JERKFACE BITCHEZ!

Now that Bristol Palin has announced her second or third pregnancy — whatever — all without the benefit of God and Jesus claiming holy Prima Nocta up in her wedding-night bed, she is SUPER-BUMMED about it, and that is whatever the opposite of “sad” is, because girl can go fuck herself, right in the ear. But now there is a newsflash, and that is that Bristol Palin is lying, because her mouth is moving. Fuck you all, said Bristol Palin (direct quote, actually!), I planned this baby I was so sad about having just a few days ago, bet you feel pretty stupid now huh homos and assorted other libtard jerks! Read more on Bristol Palin A Smidge Displeased With All You MOTHERFARKING JERKFACE BITCHEZ!…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten.

She is such an impressive baby!
Hello, Wonkers, what a week we had! The Confederate flag died a timely death, Obamacare was saved AGAIN, and we now have the mandatory gay marriage the country has been craving for so long. Have you found your gay husband or wife yet? If not, you should find one in the comments, which are not allowed! Also, important update on Wonkette babby! As you can see above, she is now teaching math at the local university, isn’t that exciting? Read more on Gay Marriage, Confederate Flags, And Bristol Palin’s Immaculate Conception! Your Weekly Top Ten….
  they see him ridin' they hatin'

President Lindsey Graham Doesn’t Need First Lady, Hos Can Just Take Turns

The Lindsey Graham Sex Game Show, Starring Lindsey Graham
Confirmed bachelor and official ladies’ man Sen. Lindsey Graham, who is under the impression he is running for president, got asked a real tough question Tuesday: Hey, since you don’t have a pretty, doting wife, who will be the First Lady of America when you are president? Graham’s answer was very bad! No for serious, this is what he said, to the Daily Mail: Read more on President Lindsey Graham Doesn’t Need First Lady, Hos Can Just Take Turns…
  Oh FFS also too

Mama Grizzly Sarah Palin Gives Duggars Tongue Bath Just Like She Does With Her Own Cubs

Which one is the grossest? Yes!
Terrible people Sarah Palin and Bristol Palin have finally speaked some words, on the internet, about their fellow reality TV fame whores, the Duggars, and you will never guess what they have to say about Josh diddling his kid sisters. Did you guess the Palins are of having disgust, because of how they also too love The Children and ewwww, gross, the Duggars are some SICK MOTHERBASTARDS who covered up their son molesting their daughters and then shoved cameras in their The Children’s faces, for money? And they are even SICKER MOTHERBASTARDS for defending themselves to, we are guessing, rehabilitate themselves to seal that deal for a spinoff reality TV show, for more money? HAHAHAHA, who is of being A Idiot NOW, huh? You is! Read more on Mama Grizzly Sarah Palin Gives Duggars Tongue Bath Just Like She Does With Her Own Cubs…
  Mad About A Thing

Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming

Was 19 Kids And Counting also the name of Josh Duggar's bucket list?
Are we even remotely surprised that the oh-so-holy Family ValuesTM Duggars have been keeping a dirty secret about that time Josh Duggar repeatedly molested his sisters, and his parents knew and did not do a goddamned thing about it, except for (eventually) sending him off to sex rehab to learn about how his slutty sisters sinfully tempted him, so it’s not really his fault anyway? No. No, we are not. Read more on Family Values Republicans Just Fine With Gross Duggar Family Sex-Criming…
  let's gossip about the week's top stories

No Duggars Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Post. Your Weekly Top Ten.

Yep, still gross.
Happy Memorial Day, gentle readers! We usually do the sexy, exciting Top Ten Stories Of The Week post on Sundays, but it is a holiday, which means it is still the weekend, hurray! Now, usually your top ten most favoritest stories cover a range of topics, but this week, SPOILER ALERT, it’s Duggar-Thirty and you’ve got an appointment. By this point, you probably already know that Josh Duggar, adult son of Jim Bob and Michelle, has a history of kid-touching. But there were very many angles to that story, and yr Wonkette explored them all! Read more on No Duggars Were Harmed In The Writing Of This Post. Your Weekly Top Ten….
  Wonkette makes photo gallery like Buzzfeed

Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters

Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross. Gross.
Josh Duggar and the entire Duggar clan are Family Values People. They believe in things like Traditional Marriage and No Trannies In The Little Girls’ Room, because apparently that’s more dangerous than Josh Duggar In The Little Girls’ Room. The family’s record of open wingnuttery and anti-gay/anti-trans hate landed young Joshua a sweet position with the Family Research Council hate group, which is headed up by Tony Perkins, who started his career off by purchasing David Duke’s mailing list. Yes, THAT David Duke. Read more on Josh Duggar Touches GOP Presidential Candidates With Same Hands What Touched His Sisters…
  sadface

Bristol Palin’s Wedding CANCELED, Let’s Make Up Reasons Why

But they looked so happy, in Kentucky, with their guns!
SAD NEWS, everybody. Sarah Palin will no longer have a new son-in-law to “eye-fuc,” because the impending nuptials of Bristol Palin and Dakota Meyer, planned for this weekend, have been 86’ed, as reported by Mama Grizzly Dumb Ass, on the Facebook: Read more on Bristol Palin’s Wedding CANCELED, Let’s Make Up Reasons Why…
  Let's gossip about the week that was!

It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People

It's the best day of the week!
Hola, Wonkers, we hope that your Sunday is treating you well. Pull up a chair, for we must now gossip about all the hilarious and CONTROVERSIAL stories that you clicked on the most this week! We thought you would all be super-excited about Marco Rubio running for president, but none of those stories made the top 10, :(. Guess Rubio will never be president now. Also never being President? Hillary Clinton, because none of her stories made the top 10 either! It’s all yours, Rand Paul! Read more on It’s Sunday Funday At The Wonkette, Let’s Drink Mimosas And Judge People…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why Are We Being Anti-Semitic To Sarah Palin?

Scootaloo is neither a gun owner nor Jewish, as far as we know. She worships Rainbow Dash
The Deleted Comments Hopper was extra-full this week, largely because we hit on a convergence of topics in one post: we wrote about the Palin family and guns at the same time, and that combination summoned the angerbears from the depths. Also, we suggested that not all American Jews agree with Congressschmuck Steve King, who carries so much water for AIPAC that he has calves the size of challas, and that brought us some real winners too. Heck, we don’t even have room to mention the anti-vaxxer who said that criticizing paranoia about vaccines is the “type of attitude is what forced people into internment camps and concentration camps,” which is really too bad, because we wish we could have mentioned that. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: Why Are We Being Anti-Semitic To Sarah Palin?…
  Maybe It's Just A Novelty Sex Toy

Wonkette Funtimes Activity Page: What’s Wrong With This Picture Of Bristol Palin’s Beau?

What's the frequency, Rowan?
After Yr Wonkette offered our sincerest congratulations to Bristol Palin and her brand new fiancé Dakota Meyers, some smart social-media-follower found this lovely photo of Sgt. Meyer on the Instagram, simply titled “Me and Rowan.” We have no idea who Rowan is, but we’ll assume it’s the baby there, because we are smart this way. But we thought you might enjoy this Fun Activity Puzzle Page for Kids, since this is clearly one of those pictures from Highlights for Children where you need to identify what’s hilariously out of place in the picture, and maybe find the hidden images of a toothbrush, a fruit bat, and a Medal of Honor winner who’s marrying a born-again virgin. So look at the photo for a moment (don’t peek at the answers below!) and see how many things YOU can find in this photo! Read more on Wonkette Funtimes Activity Page: What’s Wrong With This Picture Of Bristol Palin’s Beau?…
  good luck you mean dumb kids!

Some Dude Making Bristol Palin An Honest Woman. Molotov, Bristol Palin!

We come not to bury Bristol Palin, recently affianced betrothed of some guy, but to be really happy for her. Seriously! Not even kidding! Sure, she’s dumb and mean, and her Medal of Honor-winning soldier-person guy is also kind of dumb and mean (judging by this, where he is accidentally eye-fuc-ed by his new fiancee’s mom), but we have seen the men Bristol used to put her vagina on, and we wouldn’t wish them on … Bristol Palin. Read more on Some Dude Making Bristol Palin An Honest Woman. Molotov, Bristol Palin!…
  the commentczar's in town

Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?

Just try to keep the Yaks happy
Oh, dear, it’s been a couple of weeks since we last did one of these features, and the comments queue may be spawning new forms of matter, like the sink full of unwashed dishes in Withnail and I. Let’s see what’s been stewing, shall we? Or who’s been stewing over what, more accurately. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Week: How Can You Libs Like Rachel Maddow When She’s Always Wrong?…
  yes virginia there is a constitutional clause

Bristol Palin Begs Legislators To Save America From Federal Tyranny

Constitutional scholar
Bristol Palin needs a favor. Can you do this one little thing for her, America? Can you email a bunch of state legislators in Virginia to demand they support bills calling for a Convention of States to amend the Constitution? It’s such a small thing to do in order to thank Bristol for the hours upon hours upon hours of quality entertainment she and her family have provided our nation. Read more on Bristol Palin Begs Legislators To Save America From Federal Tyranny…
  He will wash your mouth out for you America

Mike Huckabee Simply Fainting At Crass Broads And Their Sweary Filthy Sh*tmouths

Not sorry one bit
Mike Huckabee, America’s favorite moral scold, is at it again. Again again. While pimping his book, he explained how it’s not just that whore Beyonce who is corrupting America’s lady-youth, but all of the potty-mouthed single ladies who work in New York, aka, Bubbleville: Read more on Mike Huckabee Simply Fainting At Crass Broads And Their Sweary Filthy Sh*tmouths…
  meth is a helluva drug

Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc

No, she is never ever ever leaving. Who would pay for her wigs? Sarah Palin had a busy weekend, going to Las Vegas to eye-fuc this dude, Congressional Medal of Honor winner Dakota Meyers, while holding a sign telling lefty troll Michael Moore to fuc himself right in the surveyor’s marks. (His anus.) Read more on Sarah Palin Yo, She Is Classy As Fuc…
  it's a major award

Sarah Palin Was Someone’s ‘Achiever’ Of The Year. Let That Sink In.

Wait, you're saying she was still on Fox? Huh.
When we saw that Sarah Palin had been named someone’s “Achiever” of the year of our lord 2014, unfortunately, we were forced to read on. BUT HOW did someone name the former half-term governor “achiever” of anything, we asked ourselves! Did she even have a reality show this year? (Unknown.) Luckily, Bristol “Lefty” Palin was there to answer. Read more on Sarah Palin Was Someone’s ‘Achiever’ Of The Year. Let That Sink In….
  pow! right in the kisser!

2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True

She's all out of makeup, frankly.
There’s this lady, Sarah Palin, you wouldn’t know her. She flitted through the public consciousness for a hot minute in 2008, and then was never heard from again. Haha, spoiler alert, yes she was. We’re sorry. But aside from all Sarah Palin’s usual hijinks, most of which involved either racism or grift (because like we said, “usual”), there was one glorious moment in 2014 in which all the Palin clan’s true class became as crystal clear as the finest Coors Lite. And it lasted like a month. Read more on 2014: The Year Bristol Palin And Her Mom, Ol’ Whatsername, Made All Our Dreams Come True…
  Here have some news n stuff

Rich Republicans Would Like To Skip Democracy, Just Pick The 2016 Nominee For You

Best 'democracy' money can buy
American democracy, Republican style: Dozens of the Republican Party’s leading presidential donors and fund-raisers have begun privately discussing how to clear the field for a single establishment candidate to carry the party’s banner in 2016, fearing that a prolonged primary would bolster Hillary Rodham Clinton, the likely Democratic candidate. Read more on Rich Republicans Would Like To Skip Democracy, Just Pick The 2016 Nominee For You…