Tag Archives: bribes

  i'll stand by you

Dear Hotty Charlotte Mayor Patrick Cannon, We Will Wait For You While You Are In Prison, Until We Don’t

Dear Hotty Charlotte Mayor Patrick Cannon, The Touch, the Sigh, the Moment when we wake at Night, in a cold sweat knowing it was just a dream and you are as far from us as you can be, because of how you will probably be going to prison. Our darling, how long must we be parted? Will it be forever? Nay, it will be only like 20 years max, and that million dollar fine — as if it matters! We will live on our love! — for allegedly taking $48 thousand in bribes from fake real estate developers and also something about a feminine hygiene product called “Hers”? But we could not tell if you were developing Hers or if the fake real estate developer was developing Hers, but either way, and whatever kind of feminine hygiene product it might have been, we know it would have made the world a better and more caring place, because you were involved with it even though it was fake maybe? Unclear. Then something about a nightclub. Read more on Dear Hotty Charlotte Mayor Patrick Cannon, We Will Wait For You While You Are In Prison, Until We Don’t…
  is that all there is

ShockerScandalBreakingAndWhatNot! DC Rep Eleanor Holmes Norton Asks Someone For Money (In 2010)!

We were pretty sexcited to listen to this audio recording of DC’s congresswoman, Eleanor Holmes Norton, being “brazen” and “corrupt” and asking for “bribes.” From 2010. Which we laughed at when Andrew Breitbart first breathlessly posted it. Which The Young Turks just posted as news. Read more on ShockerScandalBreakingAndWhatNot! DC Rep Eleanor Holmes Norton Asks Someone For Money (In 2010)!…
  who took the cookie from the cookie jar

Bronx Democrat Caught Accepting Bribes On Tape Has Awesome Alibi: He Was Reading The Bible

Nah mang, says Bronx Assemblyman Eric Stevenson about reports he was caught on tape accepting bribes from senior centers, WASN’T ME! And you know it wasn’t him in those videos taking envelopes stuffed with $20 thousand in cash, because he was reading the Bible when they came to take him to the pokey! Read more on Bronx Democrat Caught Accepting Bribes On Tape Has Awesome Alibi: He Was Reading The Bible…
  We Bet Fox News Messes Up His Name All The Time Too

Drudge Sirens! Former NOLA Mayor Ray Nagin Charged With Taking Bribes Just Like In Treme!

In an unprecedented instance of a Louisiana politician being accused of corruption, former New Orleans Mayor Ray Nagin has been charged by a federal grand jury with 21 counts of corruption as foreseen by David Simon in his documentary Treme! Tell us more about the details, not-quite-a-newspaper-anymore Times-Picayune! (If you’d like, you can try to sing this to “The Twelve Days of Christmas”). Charges include: six counts of bribery, one count of conspiracy, one count of money laundering, nine counts of deprivation of honest services through wire fraud and four counts of filing false tax returns, alleging that while in office, Nagin took cash bribes and gifts from two city contractors. Nagin’s long-expected indictment arrived more than two and a half years after he left City Hall and relocated to the Dallas area. Read more on Drudge Sirens! Former NOLA Mayor Ray Nagin Charged With Taking Bribes Just Like In Treme!…
  buh-bye

Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him

Mitt Romney was lonely. A week after the election, and all anybody was laughing at was Karl Rove and Fox News and Dick Morris and Gallup, and people had kind of forgotten Mitt himself, the onetime standard-bearer of the GOP. Had he himself not shit the bed? Was he not the master of his own destiny? How come nobody was blaming him for the Republican Party smashing itself to pieces? Well, the Tea Party was, but did they even count, with their manmade, unbreathable fabrics and their slipcovered couches? No, for Mitt Romney to be blamed properly, it must be by the Elite, not the anti-government warriors scraping by month to month on their disability checks. Read more on Mitt Romney Drops By To Make Sure You Still Loathe Him…
  the citizens united of mexico

Grocery Shoppers Outraged Their Mexican Election Voting Bribes Were So Puny

In our second segment in the series Everything We Always Wanted To Know About Mexico But Now That We Know Can We Unknow It?, we bring you the latest fashions in election vote-fixing, brought to you by president-elect Enrique Peña Nieto’s party, the oddly-named Institutional Revolutionary Party or PRI. (How do you institutionalize revolution, anyway?) Some of the things the PRI did institutionalize over the 70 years they were in power was guaranteeing their own reelection and turning a blind eye to the drug cartels because “job creators.” However, the new handsome, youthful face of the party, Enrique Peña Nieto, PROMISED that his party had CHANGED and he would NEVER go back to the old ways. But he needed to win the election, ya know? So, just a few little cheaty things here and there wouldn’t be noticed, right? It was all for the greater good. On Monday and Tuesday, just after Sunday’s election, an embarrassing Popocatépetl-sized kerfuffle erupted. Thousands of Mexicans crowded into Soriana grocery stores to cash in gift cards that were given to them in exchange for voting for PRI candidates, including Peña Nieto. People who didn’t have gift cards (the stupid ones) couldn’t get into the stores to do their post-weekend shopping. And the people that did have cards were extremely unhappy. It seems that they were told that the gift cards were worth 500 Pesos ($37.50), but they discovered at the store that they were only worth 100 Pesos ($7.50). We know this because los indignados were all interviewed outside the stores by journalists from media outlets not affiliated with Peña Nieto (meaning, non-Mexican media outlets). Read more on Grocery Shoppers Outraged Their Mexican Election Voting Bribes Were So Puny…
  to the hot tub!

Your Memorial Day Weekend Happy Funtime Post: Duke Cunningham Still Behind Bars

When your Editrix taught political science in the UC system — Scandal, Politics and the Press, naturally — she used TalkingPointsMemo as a class text. This was in the heady days of the Duke Cunningham story, first broken by the San Diego Union-Tribune and then ably followed up for months by TPM. Oh, what fun we had with Duke stewing in his nasty boatdeck hot tub, and also drawing awesome diagrams (from memory) featuring all the various skullduggeries of Jack Abramoff and Dusty Foggo! WELL! TPM is still on the case even today, as it lovingly showcases this WAAAAAAH POOR ME letter from the still-incarcerated Cunningham (for those who didn’t take our class, he was a Congressman with a special predilection for dirty filthy greasy money, going so far as to have A BRIBE MENU printed up and on-hand) to a judge. What would he like? A gun. Because the UT persecuted him by uncovering his story, the IRS made him poor (by seizing all his Crime Loot), and oh, lots of other stuff too! Let us look on TPM’s handiwork in awe and admiration. Read more on Your Memorial Day Weekend Happy Funtime Post: Duke Cunningham Still Behind Bars…
  a newt gingrich wet dream

Wal-Mart de Mexico Flips a Peso: Bribes or Baggers? Bribes Win

The New York Times gave the Justice Department more work to do yesterday (the JD is already up to its ears in News Corp bribes to UK cops n’ Russian billboards) when they published a bunker-busting exposé about Wal-Mart bribing everybody they could in Meheeco (~ $24 million) in order to build their dime-store empire under the volcanoz. Oh who cares, right? It’s just a little mantequilla to grease the wheels of commerce for Los Creadores de Empleo. And while Wal-Mart brags a lot about all the jobs they create in Mexico, in 2007 the Daily Beast revealed that Wal-Mart de Mexico had 19,000 teenagers (between 14 and 16 years old) working for them as grocery baggers for nada. Wal-Mart said, “Yeah? So?” and the world turned over, farted and went back to sleep. Pinches pendejos. Read more on Wal-Mart de Mexico Flips a Peso: Bribes or Baggers? Bribes Win…
  orange death monster crooks

Tanning Machine Cancer Industry Sends Big Bucks To Boehner

People who are not Sarah Palin and/or “Snooki” may not understand the importance the Indoor Tanning Industry plays in making people look like wrinkled, rotten oranges with melanoma, but weeping boozebag would just be a bright red nose on a bloated clown face if not for the magic of the tanning beds down at the strip mall next to the “Cheap Smokes” shop. That’s why he’s happy to take the Indoor Tanning Industry’s big money to make sure burnt orange trailer trash Americans retain their White American rights to turn into cancer-ridden Medicare charity cases. Read more on Tanning Machine Cancer Industry Sends Big Bucks To Boehner…
  evil confounds

Halliburton Paying $250 Million To Nigeria For Dick Cheney Bribery

Halliburton has agreed to pay a $250 million fine to Nigeria after the country brought bribery charges against the corporation’s former CEO, revered and forthright statesman Dick Cheney, and nine others, for their dealings in the 1990s. So yes, the old adage is true: There are no bribery-related legal problems that can’t be solved with a little bribing. Anyway, there are a few other countries we know of that probably would like to charge Dick Cheney for committing crimes against them. The good news is that they may actually be able to get some money out of this Hero of Democratic Values with no pulse. Read more on Halliburton Paying $250 Million To Nigeria For Dick Cheney Bribery…
  black cock-us

Jesse Jackson, Jr. Admits To Sexytime With Dolphin Model, Not To Huge Bribe

According to a “major political fund-raiser” who has talked to federal authorities, former fat guy Congressman Jesse Jackson, Jr. directed him to raise $6 million in campaign contributions to buy the Senate seat Rod Blagojevich was selling. Jackson denied that today. But the source also told them that Jackson was having an affair with Giovanna Huidobro, a D.C. restaurant hostess and model, and had directed the source to pay for two of her airline trips to see him. Jackson didn’t really deny that one today. Of course there are internet photos of this Huidobro lady, posing sexily, with dolphins. Read more on Jesse Jackson, Jr. Admits To Sexytime With Dolphin Model, Not To Huge Bribe…
  open up the lockbox of tom delay's hopes and dreams

Will Government Be Forced To Hold a Victory Parade For Tom DeLay?

The SIX-YEAR investigation into Tom DeLay’s ties to lobbyist Jack Abramoff is now over! Hooray Sixth Amendment! The system works! Finally Tom DeLay can get back to his business as House Majority Leader, passing George W. Bush’s Mandate. But seriously, six years? And then, “Oh, whatever bro, we’re not gonna charge you with anything.” The government will probably have to fund Tom DeLay’s campaign to return to the House, and then it will have to fund a lavish parade in Washington welcoming DeLay’s return, for compensation. And also George W. Bush will have to be put back in office, because how else can Tom DeLay pass his fun laws? Read more on Will Government Be Forced To Hold a Victory Parade For Tom DeLay?…
  american heroes

Bob Ney To Flee Ungrateful Country

Former Ohio Congressman Bob Ney, famous for accepting all bribes from Jack Abramoff when he was ripping off those Indians, finished his 30-month prison sentence in August — surprise! — after 17 months in prison. He is now under “supervision” at his Columbus home. But that is no way for a man of leisure to live his life, of course! So it turns out he’s requested a passport, and received one (from a judge!), and now refuses to talk to the press. Looks like we’ve got a runner, America! YOU BOYS LIKE MEX-EE-CO? [WTOV 9] Read more on Bob Ney To Flee Ungrateful Country…
 

The Lesser of Two Evils?

Last week, Jacob Zuma beat Thabo Mbeki in a race to run South Africa’s African National Congress, which sorta set him up to take Mbeki out as the President. Mbeki is the President who said that HIV doesn’t cause AIDS, pregnant women should stop taking AZT to prevent transmission, the white people spread it through Africa on purpose and HIV could be cured through traditional remedies. Zuma was fired by Mbeki in 2005 when his financial adviser was caught soliciting a bribe and is now facing charges that he took hundreds of thousands of dollars of bribes from French arms dealers, not that that prosecution is at all politically motivated. Sometimes, even our bad leadership choices can be made to seem better. [Yahoo News] Read more on The Lesser of Two Evils?…
 

“Thirteen U.S. lawmakers, including two representing San Diego-area districts, are resisting subpoenas served by an attorney for Poway defense contractor Brent Wilkes, who is hoping their testimony will help in his upcoming trial on charges of bribing former Rep. Randy ‘Duke’ Cunningham.” [San Diego Union Tribune] Read more on …
 

Another Bush Official Sent To Prison

We can’t even remember what this particular dude did — Abramoff something, bribes, etc. — but White House budget office guy David Safavian is off to federal prison for a year and a half. Read more on Another Bush Official Sent To Prison…