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Nobody could find Ted Stevens at the Capitol today because he kept disappearing whenever they caught a glimpse of him, but CNN’s Dana Bash chased him down a stairwell or something and this is the hilarious transcript of the videotaped interview, which we’ll try to find for you later. Or just watch CNN; they’ll repeat it soon. MORE »

As the longest-serving Republican Senator ever, Ted Stevens has obviously committed enough crime to make Dutch Schultz blush. He’s less ostentatious than your Duke Cunninghams and less perverted than all those under-70 whippersnappers who keep fucking whores and little boys, though, so we never thought we’d see him go down in our lifetime. Which means it’s a pleasant surprise to see the FBI and IRS raiding his huge ski resort home. MORE »

* America’s mayor took some pretty shiny payola from America’s team. [Political Wire]
* Lack of a major league club in Jersey just means they hand him an envelope stuffed with electoral delegates instead. [Atlantic Online]
* James Sensenbrenner: still the biggest asshole on The Hill. [TPM Muckraker]
* Tom Tancredo’s failures as a presidential candidate contribute to already substantial failures as a congressman. [Denver Post]
* Terrorists continue to target nations’ hand-release infrastructure. [Passport]
* Intelligence agencies maintain “it’s easier to get forgiveness than permission.” [Secrecy News]
* Fox News wrongly accused Hillary Clinton of only recently starting to dress badly. [Media Matters]

March 26: Tom Vilsack endorses Hillary Clinton.
March 27: “Sen. Clinton To Pay Off Vilsack’s Campaign Debt” MORE »

* On 4th anniversary of Iraq war, President Bush reminds everyone how great it is, why we should stay. [WP, NYT]
* Meanwhile, Democrats move towards “a withdraw-the-troops bill, not a fund-the-troops bill,” one greased congressional palm at a time. [WP]
* Justice Department considers shutting up one of the fired attorneys with a new job. Hopefully, he’ll also demand a hush-corner office, a hush-oak desk, and a giant hush-jar of only green jelly beans. [WP]
* Patrick Fitzgerald was on the DOJ “enemies list” released in yesterday’s document dump. [WP, NYT]
* Flunkies for Barry O. and Hill Rod have a little spat in front of some college boys over “who would have been more against the war if 2003 was a Presidential election year.” [WP]
* Supreme Court hears “Bong Hits 4 Jesus” case, finds a lack of any bong hits or any Jesus. [NYT]
* Rudy Giuliani: it’s almost as if he’s a real lawyer. [WSJ]

* If Nancy Pelosi can get Democrats to shut-up and get in line, the supplemental Iraq funding bill will have all the troops home by October 2008. Hmm, October. [WP]
* Scooter’s appeals process could last until “late 2008.” See what they’re doing there? [WP, NYT]
* How many Justice Department employees does it take to fire 8 US attorneys? [WP, NYT]
* John Edwards won’t allow his golden visage to benefit, “the largest mainstream cable news audience in America.” [WP]
* Joe Wilson and Valerie Plame are moving to dry New Mexico to wait for obscurity to wash over them. [NYT]
* Federal employees in Alaska forbidden to discuss “polar bears or sea ice if they are not designated to do so.” [NYT]
* Congressional ethics loophole means your alma mater could send you and a member of your choice scuba-diving in Bora Bora, no questions asked. [USAT]
* “All told, 2008 is shaping up as the worst presidential year in three decades to be” John McCain. [WSJ]

Not to make this into Crazy State Legislature day at Wonkette, but … OK, we’re already pretty much there. Anyway, Jim Black, who a few days ago was the speaker of North Carolina’s House of Representatives, pled guilty yesterday to taking bribes. From chiropractors. Seriously. MORE »

Nancy Pelosi wants Rep. Alcee Hastings to head the House intelligence committee. Critics bring up Hastings’ 1981 bribery scandal. We just thing it’s really cute and kind of quaint that alleged bribery is now a reason someone isn’t fit to head a House committee. MORE »

Behold, the best email we have ever received. MORE »

Ken Silverstein, over at Harper’s, has two pieces that, while complex, provide just that note of salaciousness necessary to keep the public (read: our) interest in the ongoing Cunningham/Wilkes/Lewis and William Jefferson cases. Join the exclusive poker party, after the jump.

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