Tag Archives: bribery

  A New Jersey Politician In A Corruption Scandal? Mercy!

NJ Sen. Robert Menendez Indicted; Sorry, Daily Caller, No Fake Underaged Hookers This Time

You're looking especially Muppetlike today, Senator
Sen. Robert Menendez (D-New Jersey) has been indicted on corruption charges by the Justice Department in a bribery scandal that Yr Wonkette would never even cover if the guy had been a Democrat. He’s accused of receiving campaign contributions and a lot of fancy la-dee-da travel on private jets and vacations in the Dominican Republic in exchange for doing political favors for Salomon Melgen, a Florida eye doctor whom Menendez insists is just a really good friend who he enjoyed hanging out with and occasionally tossing the occasional port security contract, as friends do. Read more on NJ Sen. Robert Menendez Indicted; Sorry, Daily Caller, No Fake Underaged Hookers This Time…
  Jail Time For Bobzo

Sad Former VA Gov. Bob McDonnell Will Be Your Pen-Pal, From Prison

Nope, can't take the Ferrari to prison with you.
Photo: US District Court, Eastern District of Virginia   Former Virginia Gov. Bob McDonnell has been sentenced to two years in the Crossbar Hotel on multiple corruption charges. Federal Judge James Spencer said that the case “breaks his heart” but added that a “price must be paid” for doing corruption — awfully good of the judge to choke back his tears like that and do his job. Read more on Sad Former VA Gov. Bob McDonnell Will Be Your Pen-Pal, From Prison…
  Shell Shocker

Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money

Oh this guy, what a joker
Looks like Senate Minority Leader and Supreme Chelonian Overlord Mitch McConnell is going to have to find himself a new campaign manager after the sudden resignation of Jesse Benton, who will now have more time to hold his nose and wait for Rand Paul to snap him up for 2016. It might be a long wait, what with the guilty plea last week by Ken Sorenson, a former Iowa state senator who admitted taking bribes to switch his endorsement from Michele Bachmann to Ron Paul shortly before the Iowa caucuses in 2012. What the what? How is bribery in the Iowa caucuses two years ago connected to Yertle’s Senate hopes? Let us connect ye olde dots for you! Read more on Mitch McConnell’s Campaign Manager Quits To Spend More Time With His (Alleged) Bribe Money…
  tong kiss

FBI Affidavit In Leland Yee Case Makes Pretty Good Movie Pitch

The strange case of Leland Yee, the Democratic California state Senator charged with bribery and corruption and general terribleness Wednesday, lends itself to media analogies. The Escapist decided Yee was a character from Grand Theft Auto, which works nicely with his previous attempt to ban the sale of violent videogames to minors. San Francisco Magazine thinks he’s more like Clay Davis from The Wire. And all we can think is that he’s like some kind of Coen Brothers character — and what he really needs is for Marge Gunderson to give him a good talking-to and let him know just what an idiot he’s been, all for some money. There’s more to life than money, doesn’t he know that? We’ll confess we haven’t read every single word of the 137-page FBI affidavit [PDF link] in the case, but it’s pretty wild stuff. Let’s look at some highlights! Please add your casting, screenwriter, and director suggestions in the comments. Read more on FBI Affidavit In Leland Yee Case Makes Pretty Good Movie Pitch…
  we refuse to call her the 'money honey

The Day Everything Changed: Maria Bartiromo Will Make Sweet Love To Wall Street On Different Network

CNBC Teevee Lady Maria Bartiromo is departing the Wall Street-fellating network that’s been her home for 20 years so that she can lick the bronze bull’s balls at rival Fox Business Network instead. Bartiromo recently got a bit of attention beyond the insular world of financial cable teevee when she mocked the very idea that JP Morgan Chase CEO Jamie Dimon should be fired over record SEC fines and a little bit of bribery in China, because why would mere legal malfeasance be a reason to fire a CEO who’s raking in huge profits? Read more on The Day Everything Changed: Maria Bartiromo Will Make Sweet Love To Wall Street On Different Network…
  Pull up your big-boy diapers

David Vitter Demands Senate Democrats Go Probe Themselves For Reminding Us Of That Time He Used To Screw Hookers

Oh, Sen. David Vitter (R-Whore House), we heart you soooooo much. No, really, we do. You are, in fact, our very favorite diapers-wearing john in the whole Senate. While some politicians might slink away from the public eye in disgrace after getting busted for patronizing professional women of the night (you know, paying hookers for sex), those politicians tend to be weenie Democrats. Not you, sir. You are a brave soul who will force your wife to stand beside you as you say you are “very, very sorry” for all those times you paid women to dress you up in diapers and do we-don’t-even-want-to-know-what to you and then insist we forget all about that stuff so you can go back to lecturing us about family values and how the gays are destroying America with their gay and also just generally being a dick. We applaud you, sir, and now we would like to thank you for this latest demonstration of courage under derp: Read more on David Vitter Demands Senate Democrats Go Probe Themselves For Reminding Us Of That Time He Used To Screw Hookers…
  time for a bloggers ethics panel

Heroic Right Wing Columnists Taking Malaysian Bribe Money, Is That Not OK?

When Buzzfeed tells you that a “covert Malaysian campaign touched a wide range Of American media,” do not go thinking it is actually a “wide range.” The covert campaign touched a cabal of flag-waving right-wing columnists who, it seems, are so pumped about the free market that they are willing to just take money in exchange for their integrity. Turns out the ginger nightmare known as “conservative pundit” Josh Trevino has been moonlighting as a bagman for the Malaysian government and its “campaign against a pro-democracy figure there,” according to a scoopy-scoop from Buzzfeed, which took a break from cat pictures and listicles to punch a bunch of commentators square in the willy. To think, we have been trying to solicit bribes from the Syrians, and the Malaysians were paying this whole time! Read more on Heroic Right Wing Columnists Taking Malaysian Bribe Money, Is That Not OK?…
  wedding announcements

Corrupt Former Louisiana Governor Marries Nice Young Lady He Met In Prison

It’s nice to hear a story once in a while about things finally working out for the world’s corrupt career politicians, isn’t it? Four-time Louisiana Governor Edwin Edwards, now 83, was serving an 8-year sentence on bribery and extortion charges when he made a prison pen pal who turned out to be a very attractive blond 32-year-old lady who mysteriously fell in love with him. And now for some reason they are married. Fun history fact: Edwards was convicted on charges from crimes during his final term served in office, which he won in 1991 against KKK Grand Wizard David Duke. The AP article notes that Duke did not win because “business leaders feared Duke’s election would be devastating for the state’s convention business because of his extremist views.” Which is a reminder that somehow David fucking Duke made it onto a GOP gubernatorial ticket as recently as 1991. Jesus. Christ. Read more on Corrupt Former Louisiana Governor Marries Nice Young Lady He Met In Prison…
  this explains the $500K 0% credit line

Bribery at Tiffany’s: Newt’s Latest Wife Did Tiffany’s Bidding

We thought Giant Whining Baby/Serial Divorcer Newt Gingrich had his half-million-dollar Tiffany’s credit line just because he always needs new engagement rings when he divorces his old, cancer-ridden wives for new, younger ladies he’s been schtupping for several years. But no, it’s actually sleazier than all that, because this is Newt Gingrich we’re talking about. Why did he get a very special $500,000 charge account from the jeweler with a truly spectacular 0% interest rate? Financial journalists are on the case, and they found out Newt’s current wife Callista used to be a “a high level staffer for the House Agriculture Committee, which oversees mining policy,” while a former Newt top staffer is now a top lobbyist for Tiffany’s. Because Tiffany’s mines silver on U.S. public lands, and Newt got Tiffany’s a very sweet deal to exploit America’s natural resources from America’s public lands, so that Tiffany executives and stockholders can make tens of millions of dollars every quarter by selling silver from public lands to rich douchesacks and ladder-climbing sociopaths. Read more on Bribery at Tiffany’s: Newt’s Latest Wife Did Tiffany’s Bidding…
  hiding the money in the ass

NY Dem Voted Against Gay Marriage, Used Gay Lover To Help With Bribes

New York state Senator Carl Kruger is one of the four notorious Democrats who killed David Patterson’s push to legalize gay marriage in the state last year. So it should come as no surprise that he is utterly corrupt and lives with his gay lover and his gay lover’s mother. According to the charges against him, Kruger accepted hundreds of thousands of dollars in bribes in exchange for support in the legislature, and his lover Michael Turano set up fake companies to accept the money. It’s still unclear why a gay man like Kruger whose party even supported gay marriage saw the need to kill it with the help of a few friends, unless he was just trying to be the worst state senator humanly possible. Read more on NY Dem Voted Against Gay Marriage, Used Gay Lover To Help With Bribes…
  evil confounds

Halliburton Paying $250 Million To Nigeria For Dick Cheney Bribery

Halliburton has agreed to pay a $250 million fine to Nigeria after the country brought bribery charges against the corporation’s former CEO, revered and forthright statesman Dick Cheney, and nine others, for their dealings in the 1990s. So yes, the old adage is true: There are no bribery-related legal problems that can’t be solved with a little bribing. Anyway, there are a few other countries we know of that probably would like to charge Dick Cheney for committing crimes against them. The good news is that they may actually be able to get some money out of this Hero of Democratic Values with no pulse. Read more on Halliburton Paying $250 Million To Nigeria For Dick Cheney Bribery…
  the sun rises again on america

BLAGOJEVICH GUILTY ON ONE COUNT, AND IT’S NOT FOR BRIBING ANYTHING: Popular reality-show contestant Rod Blagojevich has been found guilty of only one of the 24 charges against him, making a false statement or representation to the FBI. The jury was hung on the rest of the charges. And now the sleazebag will surely declare victory in a parade of teevee appearances. How the hell did this happen? Obama and his mobster pals were on the jury, of course. [CNN] Read more on …
  detroit's flourishing political system

Beloved Detroit Icon Monica Conyers Faces 5 Years For Crooked Sludge Deal

Well, people of Detroit, it appears you did not pray hard enough for Monica Conyers, and now she may have to go to jail for a while. The Detroit City Council President Pro Tem and completely insane violent creep Mrs. Conyers, wife of US Representative John Conyers, pleaded guilty to conspiracy this morning in connection with a glamorous case involving the disposal of sludge. She’s accused of taking a bribe from the sludge people in exchange for voting in favor of their contract. Read more on Beloved Detroit Icon Monica Conyers Faces 5 Years For Crooked Sludge Deal…
  still doesn't compare to jim gibbons

GOP Paid Son of John Ensign’s Mistress $5,400 During Era of Sexytime

We knew there had to be a “paying off some 19-year-old boy” aspect of this dull John Ensign story, and here it is: A Republican committee paid Nevada Senator John Ensign’s illicit girlfriend’s son $5,400 during the SAME EXACT TIME Ensign and the lady were humping. This teen-ager was given the dirty GOP money for “research policy consulting,” which is even more bogus-sounding that our business expenses. ALSO: Our friends at the Las Vegas Gleaner inform us that Ensign was putting his peen into this lady before he was legally separated from his wife. Read more on GOP Paid Son of John Ensign’s Mistress $5,400 During Era of Sexytime…
  oh noes!

FBI RAIDS OFFICE OF OBAMA COMPUTERBOT NOMINEE: Vivek Kundra was nominated to be the government’s first ever Chief Information Officer a few weeks ago, and everybody was all “Hooray!” because he was going to switch the entire federal government over to Gmail, for free, and give every employee a share of those sweet Google Adsense dollars. But now the FBI has raided his office — the one he had while he was running computers for the city of DC — and nobody knows why, part of an ongoing investigation, etc. etc. We have a hunch, though, that it might have something to do with an information systems security officer in the DC government getting arrested in a bribery sting this morning. [WTOP] Read more on …
  bridge to ted stevens' pants

Colin Powell Testifies About Nude Hijinks With Ted Stevens

Well “my friends” it is Friday and this is precisely the sort of headline that will either make people click the clicky to READ MORE or just go “ugh” and vomit quietly in their shoes. Because seriously who wants to know about Ted Stevens’ long love affair with former Secretary of State Colin Powell, a man who has built a career defending the veracity and reputations of unreconstructed crooks? Read more on Colin Powell Testifies About Nude Hijinks With Ted Stevens…
  uncle ted's expensive cabin

Brave Alaskans Liveblog Ted Stevens’ Trial So We Don’t Have To!

Uncle Ted Stevens, the elderly fraud who “gets hysterical when he has to spend his own money,” will soon be going to trial for various lies related to the renovation of his Alaskan Sex Cabin in the wilds of Girdwood. The good people of the Alaska Wilderness Political Fund will be liveblogging the whole agonizing ordeal, from jury selection to the part where Ted Stevens snaps on the witness stand and declares “This whole court’s out of order!” and gets wheeled off for shock treatments while his Inuit pal throws a marble wash station out the window. Catch it all here. [A Bridge to Justice] Read more on Brave Alaskans Liveblog Ted Stevens’ Trial So We Don’t Have To!…
  heroes

More On Ted Stevens Being Screwed For Life

Today, a federal grand jury indicted Alaskan Sen. Ted Stevens on seven counts of “filing false financial disclosures.” Stevens is the biggest catch in a four-year-old corruption investigation involving pretty much all Alaskan politicians, one that’s complicated not because of the crimes committed — lots of bribery, basically — but because there was so freaking much crime to investigate. His indictment comes almost exactly a year after federal agents raided his home, and now he will go to jail and lose his Senate seat and remind everyone how evil the powerful Republicans are. Read more on More On Ted Stevens Being Screwed For Life…
 

Did Oklahoma Sheriff Keep Sex Slaves In County Jail?

An Oklahoma sheriff has quit his post after being charged with committing pretty much every sexual crime in the book against a number of female prisoners. For example, “rape by instrumentation.” If he’s convicted, he may serve up to 467 years in prison. Join us on a terrible sex tour of all the foul horrors former Custer County Sheriff Mike Burgess may have committed! Read more on Did Oklahoma Sheriff Keep Sex Slaves In County Jail?…
 

Congressman John Doolittle of California — Tom DeLay’s scumbag buddy who took a bunch of dirty money from Jack Abramoff — might be wussing out after all. Doolittle’s chief of staff denies it, but the re-election campaign is already almost broke and he nearly lost his 4th District “safe seat” in the ’06 midterms that swept away his crooked sweetheart Richard Pombo, from California’s 11th District. [TPM Muckraker, Politico, OpenSecrets] Read more on …