Tag Archives: brian kilmeade

  bless their dumbass hearts

Fox & Friends: Hillary Clinton Can’t Talk Southern, She Only Lived In Arkansas 18 Years!

One dipshit, two dipshit, three dipshit ...
Let’s Make A Stupid about Hillary Clinton, with the cast of teevee’s Fox & Friends. You see, Wednesday, Hillary Clinton spoke in South Carolina, and not only did she make a joke about how her hair won’t go white in the White House, because she’s been coloring it for years (it was actually pretty funny!), but she said it in a Southern accent, FAKER!!!! She also said that she ate chicken and waffles, which is an obvious lie because Hillary Clinton only eats at Chipotle, and she doesn’t tip. The Fox & Friends couch … well, let’s just say her accent confused them very much. Read more on Fox & Friends: Hillary Clinton Can’t Talk Southern, She Only Lived In Arkansas 18 Years!…
  Little known codicils

Fox & Friends OUTRAGED We Don’t Get To Kill Boston Marathon Bomber Yet

The trifecta of stupid that hosts “Fox & Friends” just learned a new thing on Monday, and that thing is called the appeals process. Turns out that in our soft-on-crime justice system, even someone who is convicted of a crime is legally entitled to appeal, and the Fox bobbleheads think that is some bullshit right there, because you should be able to fry a guilty party up but good, no waiting. Read more on Fox & Friends OUTRAGED We Don’t Get To Kill Boston Marathon Bomber Yet…
  Mitt 2016!

Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)

Watch the latest video at video.foxnews.comIf you are a perpetual loser of the Republican persuasion, there’s really no better place to go for some tender loving ball-fondling than Fox News. So Mitt Romney spent some quality time with “Fox & Friends” non-blond host Brian Kilmeade, to talk about his big charity boxing match with Evander Holyfield later this month, and to sneak in a “serious conversation about what’s happening in the country, and what’s happening in politics”: the alleged murder-by-cop of Freddie Gray in Baltimore; how much Hillary Clinton sucks; the Republican Party’s need for a fresh face like, say, Jeb Bush; and how beloved he and Ann are (no, he is not joking). Read more on Mitt Romney Has ‘Thoughts’ On Baltimore And Hillary Clinton, Still Not Running For President (Wink Wink)…
  Maybe More Guns Would Help?

Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!

The other chyron for the story: 'Street Justice: Police officers shot in wake of DOJ Report'
While two police officers were still hospitalized after being shot in Ferguson, Missouri, early Thursday morning (they have since been released), and police have no suspects, Fox News and other rightwing sources have identified the true culprits: Attorney General Eric Holder and everyone who’s ever protested against police brutality. Read more on Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!…
  Joe Arpaio Better Watch His Back

Wingnut Sheriff To Single Black Moms: Stop Making Cops Shoot Kids!

Meet your 2020 Republican primary contender, America
David Clarke is the sheriff of Milwaukee County in Wisconsin, and he has been a hero to Wingnut America ever since he ran radio ads a couple years back encouraging people to arm themselves instead of calling 911. On Tuesday, he played to his real constituency, the Fox News audience, when host Brian Kilmeade asked Clarke to comment on yet another shooting of a black suspect by a police officer, and instead launched into a rant against the NAACP and single black mothers. Read more on Wingnut Sheriff To Single Black Moms: Stop Making Cops Shoot Kids!…
  Won't someone please think of Steve Doocy?

Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!

Weep for him, America
President Barry H. Bamz Obama recently announced a plan to give free community college to everyone who promises to do their homework on time and not fail all the classes. Edumacation is good, and free is good too, since kids these days are drowning in student loan debt, which is bad. (Elizabeth Warren says so, and she knows everything. Don’t argue.) And besides, all the other cool countries are doing it, which might have something to do with why all their kids are smarter at doing the math and the reading and the science than our kids. Read more on Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!…
  If You Love Someone Let Them Go Wild

Fox News ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: COPS DON’T NEED TO CALM DOWN YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!1!

Fox & Klanz
Fox News resident Psychopath psychiatrist Keith Ablow has Thoughts on the murder of two policemen in New York City this weekend. (We’re quite certain you were waiting to hear from him before deciding what you think of the horrific killings.) In addition to calling on New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio to admit his personal responsibility for the murders, Ablow also insightfully diagnosed calls for police to be equipped with body cameras and to be trained in methods for de-escalating tense situations as signs of a sick society, calling it insulting to the good judgment of Our Protectors, who have done such an excellent job of protecting us from whatever criminals aren’t in blue uniforms. Read more on Fox News ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: COPS DON’T NEED TO CALM DOWN YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!1!…
  Maybe they hate us for our stupid

Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’

YOOOOGE idiots
You may be aware of a hostage situation in a Lindt chocolate shop in Sydney, Australia. Because it appears to be politically motivated, and the gunmen have reportedly displayed an ISIS (or Muslim or Those People, who knows!) flag in the window, it is therefore the perfect opportunity for the idiots at Fox & Friends to invite Expert On All Things Donald Trump to explain this situation, and of course how it is further evidence that America now sucks, thanks a lot, Obama! Trump is an expert on Those People, and as the Fox hosts point out, he also lives near a Lindt chocolate shop. So he’s got that added personal insight. Read more on Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’…
  The real killer is still out there

Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: Let’s Charge Michael Brown’s Family With His Murder!

This crack team is on the case to find the real killer
In the ongoing competition to blame every single person in America for the death of Ferguson teenager Michael Brown — except, of course, for the guy who actually shot him to death — Fox News “psychiatrist” Keith Ablow has the new, niftiest theory of all: it was Brown’s family what done it! Read more on Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: Let’s Charge Michael Brown’s Family With His Murder!…
  secret Squirrel service

Wingnuts Pretty Mad At Obama For Letting Himself Be Killed Like That

Everybody needs a nap now and then
This Secret Service thing, huh? It’s quite a mess, and by golly, the right is just outraged that the agency is doing such a crappy job of defending the president they hate. Thank heavens they know who’s responsible for the security lapses: That feckless dictator Barack Obama, who just can’t do anything right except take away all our liberties and make us live in a police state that is nonetheless not very good at keeping the president of the United States. Read more on Wingnuts Pretty Mad At Obama For Letting Himself Be Killed Like That…
  Do The Rice Thing

Fox & Friends Really Hurt You Thought They Were Joking About Wifebeating When They Joked About Wifebeating

Screenshot from Fox News employee training video
Women, huh? You can’t live with ’em, you can’t punch ’em unconscious in an elevator, know what I mean, fellas? And now it seems that a lot of sniveling liberals just can’t take a joke, as seen in the internet’s complete overreaction to some innocent banter on Fox & Friends yesterday, when Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade shared a harmless chuckle over the video of Ray Rice coldcocking Janay Palmer. Read more on Fox & Friends Really Hurt You Thought They Were Joking About Wifebeating When They Joked About Wifebeating…
  Violence In The NFL?

NFL Fires Ray Rice After Realizing Beating Up Women Is Bad, At Least If It’s On Video

People Not To Date, #762 in a series
There is absolutely nothing funny about the new video that TMZ acquired, showing Ray Rice’s actual assault on his then-fiancée, Janay Palmer, back in February. It’s reprehensible, and the only good news in the whole horrible story is that Rice has been fired by the Baltimore Ravens. He’s also been placed on indefinite suspension by the NFL, and maybe on extra double-secret probation, too. We were a bit astonished when we saw that, and assumed that Rice must have been caught smoking pot or something. Read more on NFL Fires Ray Rice After Realizing Beating Up Women Is Bad, At Least If It’s On Video…
  stfu brian kilmeade

Dumb Sheriff Doesn’t Even Agree With Fox & Friends That Illegal Immigrants Should Be Left To Die

Brian Kilmeade got a GOTCHA on some dumb Texas “sheriff,” when he played 911 tapes of illegal immigrants calling the police for help with stupid things like “not dying.” “So those calls, you have to respond to, even though for the most part, when you get there you realize, they’re not even American citizens?” Kilmeade asked incredulously, after introducing the calls with the reminder that the people calling in extremis “have no business being here.” Kilmeade then looked surprised by the sheriff’s answer, which was basically, “well, yeah, they’re on American soil, what are you, some kind of a dick?” Read more on Dumb Sheriff Doesn’t Even Agree With Fox & Friends That Illegal Immigrants Should Be Left To Die…
  live remote comes a crapper

Unhelpful Fox Fans Fail To Get Outraged By Gender-Neutral Restroom Sign

Poor Fox Newsdouche Steve Doocy clearly didn’t prep his group of “Fox fans” well enough for this segment on Wednesday’s Fox & Friends. The point of the segment was to profess shock and horror at the “PC Police” at Illinois State University, which recently announced it would be re-designating “family restrooms” as “all-gender” restrooms, and putting up new signs on the doors, which every single member of the Fox & Friends cast professed to be utterly impossible to understand, because what are these crazy PC lunatics trying to cram down our throats in the bathroom anyway? Read more on Unhelpful Fox Fans Fail To Get Outraged By Gender-Neutral Restroom Sign…
  the longest cray-cray

What If Fox News Had Covered D-Day?

You guys, Fox News thinks that President Roosevelt screwed the pooch again. After yesterday’s amphibious landings in Normandy, the network grudgingly agreed that Allied troops had established a beachhead in France, but they were really not happy with how Our Boys pulled it off, insisting that the casualties were unacceptably high, speculating that “Two-Wheeler Delano” picked such a dangerous location for the invasion so that it would fail, and blaming Roosevelt for the invasion’s terrible planning, like the dropping of paratroopers dozens of miles off their target: “How would President Roosevelt face the parents of these brave fighting men who parachuted into flooded fields and drowned?” asked Sean Hannity. “Are the grieving families supposed to simply accept ‘cloud cover over the drop zone’ or ‘the planes were dodging flak’ as an excuse?” Hannity called for President Chairdaddy’s resignation, asking “why does anyone still trust this president, after his demonstrated failures in protecting Pearl Harbor? Or the Philippines?” Read more on What If Fox News Had Covered D-Day?…
  don't know nothin' 'bout 'bortin no babies

Oh, Guess Who Else Is Super Into The Whole ‘Men’s Rights’ Platform? (It Is Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow)

Glabrous scurf-picker Keith Ablow, who somehow maintains an on-air presence with Fox News despite being the worst psychiatrist in the world, devoted some quality Fox & Friends time Wednesday to the important issue of how the womens are just too uppity. You might think this would be a poor choice of topic just a few days after a California misogynist killed six people and himself because he believed women control men’s sexuality, but this is Fox News, for heaven’s sake, and besides, those murders happened because of the ghey. Read more on Oh, Guess Who Else Is Super Into The Whole ‘Men’s Rights’ Platform? (It Is Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow)…
  can't live with 'em can't burn 1211 avenue of the americas to the ground

Take Fox Douche Brian Kilmeade’s Wife. Please!

Remember that old Steve Allen show, Meeting of Minds, where he’d put together a panel of actors playing great historical figures and have them “discuss” some important idea? You know, like Socrates and Marx and Thomas Paine talking about freedom or something? Looks like Fox News is trying to revive the concept, only they have to work with whoever’s handy, so Monday we got Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy explaining to guys how to talk to their wives. Taking the Walter Mitty position was Mr. Doocy, who said, “One of the things is if you say, ‘Yes, dear,’ that’s appropriate because it derails any argument … Plus, my wife is always right anyway.” This — despite having the bizarre effect of making Wonkette like Steve Doocy for a second, which is probably the most surprising thing about the segment — seemed rather condescending to Mr. Kilmeade, who offered the Kramdenesque riposte, “That’s like saying, ‘I know my wife is wrong, but I’m going to say she’s right just so I don’t have to hear it,’ … To me, you have to give the women the respect to engage in a interplay.” Instead, suggested Kilmeade, you fellas would get a lot farther respecting her intellect, and saying, “I would like to challenge you on this, baby doll.” Kudos to whoever on the Fox & Friends staff who added the “zing” sound effect. Read more on Take Fox Douche Brian Kilmeade’s Wife. Please!…
 

Rightwing Media Stroking Nevada Rancher’s Coming Standoff With Feds, Will Explode With Delight At Climax

If there’s anything the right loves, it’s Law & Order, because if you don’t respect the law, you’re a lawless criminal. Barack Obama, for instance, is a lawless renegade who thinks that the executive branch can make changes to how the Affordable Care Act is administered without asking permission from the Tea Party. And violators of immigration law all need to be deported — what part of “illegal alien” don’t you libs understand? And so it makes perfect sense that the rightwing media are calling for firm action in the case of a Nevada scofflaw who thinks the law doesn’t apply to him. Except that they are on the scofflaw’s side because in this case the scofflaw is a rancher named Cliven Bundy who says he doesn’t have to pay grazing fees or comply with a federal court order — which he’s been ignoring since 1998 — telling him to remove his cattle from federal land. In fact, they’re all but urging him to take an armed stand, agreeing with him that he’s in a fight against an out-of-control tyranny. Media Matters sums up the highlights of Bundy’s beef with the tyrants in the federal government: In 1993, Bundy began refusing to pay government fees required to allow his cattle to exploit public lands. In 1998, the government issued a court order telling Bundy to remove his cows from the land, as part of an effort to protect the endangered desert tortoise located there. And in July 2013, a federal court ordered Bundy to get his cattle off public land within 45 days or they would be confiscated. The confiscation began this month, and the cattle will be sold to pay off the $1 million in fees and trespassing fines Bundy owes. It’s got everything — a romantic hero rancher/business man, an irrational bureaucracy that wants him to pay to run cattle on his family’s ancestral grazing land (OK, it’s federally owned land, but shut up), a stupid useless endangered species endangering a man’s livelihood, and the threat of confiscation. No wonder the guy’s the greatest folk hero since Randy Weaver. Here’s hoping he doesn’t have a bunker. Read more on Rightwing Media Stroking Nevada Rancher’s Coming Standoff With Feds, Will Explode With Delight At Climax…
  the sarcasm gap

Hillary Clinton Stumps Fox Crew In 140 Letters Or Less

Oh no she di’int! But wait! She dih’! Hillary Clinton tweetered out this amusing comment on the Sportsball Extravaganza Sunday, and while most people with normal reading comprehension read it as a comment on the coverage she’s received on the Rupert Murdoch Rage Network, as compared to the humiliating pounding of the Denver sportsball fellows, it seems that the point was utterly lost on a couple of Fox anchors, either because they really are that dense or because it was in their best career interest to insist that they really love the lapels on their boss’s new clothes. In the FoxoPlex, it was obvious that the “someone else” getting roughed up on Fox just had to refer to Barack Obama getting pummelled by Bill-O’Reilly in that pre-game interview. It’s the only possible interpretation. Read more on Hillary Clinton Stumps Fox Crew In 140 Letters Or Less…