Tag Archives: brian kilmeade

  Maybe More Guns Would Help?

Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!

The other chyron for the story: 'Street Justice: Police officers shot in wake of DOJ Report'
While two police officers were still hospitalized after being shot in Ferguson, Missouri, early Thursday morning (they have since been released), and police have no suspects, Fox News and other rightwing sources have identified the true culprits: Attorney General Eric Holder and everyone who’s ever protested against police brutality. Read more on Fox News: Eric Holder Really Should NOT Have Shot Those Cops In Ferguson!…
  Joe Arpaio Better Watch His Back

Wingnut Sheriff To Single Black Moms: Stop Making Cops Shoot Kids!

Meet your 2020 Republican primary contender, America
David Clarke is the sheriff of Milwaukee County in Wisconsin, and he has been a hero to Wingnut America ever since he ran radio ads a couple years back encouraging people to arm themselves instead of calling 911. On Tuesday, he played to his real constituency, the Fox News audience, when host Brian Kilmeade asked Clarke to comment on yet another shooting of a black suspect by a police officer, and instead launched into a rant against the NAACP and single black mothers. Read more on Wingnut Sheriff To Single Black Moms: Stop Making Cops Shoot Kids!…
  Won't someone please think of Steve Doocy?

Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!

Weep for him, America
President Barry H. Bamz Obama recently announced a plan to give free community college to everyone who promises to do their homework on time and not fail all the classes. Edumacation is good, and free is good too, since kids these days are drowning in student loan debt, which is bad. (Elizabeth Warren says so, and she knows everything. Don’t argue.) And besides, all the other cool countries are doing it, which might have something to do with why all their kids are smarter at doing the math and the reading and the science than our kids. Read more on Obama’s Free Socialist College Plan Unfair To Fox News Idiots!…
  If You Love Someone Let Them Go Wild

Fox News ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: COPS DON’T NEED TO CALM DOWN YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!1!

Fox & Klanz
Fox News resident Psychopath psychiatrist Keith Ablow has Thoughts on the murder of two policemen in New York City this weekend. (We’re quite certain you were waiting to hear from him before deciding what you think of the horrific killings.) In addition to calling on New York City Mayor Bill de Blasio to admit his personal responsibility for the murders, Ablow also insightfully diagnosed calls for police to be equipped with body cameras and to be trained in methods for de-escalating tense situations as signs of a sick society, calling it insulting to the good judgment of Our Protectors, who have done such an excellent job of protecting us from whatever criminals aren’t in blue uniforms. Read more on Fox News ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: COPS DON’T NEED TO CALM DOWN YOU NEED TO CALM DOWN!!!1!…
  Maybe they hate us for our stupid

Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’

YOOOOGE idiots
You may be aware of a hostage situation in a Lindt chocolate shop in Sydney, Australia. Because it appears to be politically motivated, and the gunmen have reportedly displayed an ISIS (or Muslim or Those People, who knows!) flag in the window, it is therefore the perfect opportunity for the idiots at Fox & Friends to invite Expert On All Things Donald Trump to explain this situation, and of course how it is further evidence that America now sucks, thanks a lot, Obama! Trump is an expert on Those People, and as the Fox hosts point out, he also lives near a Lindt chocolate shop. So he’s got that added personal insight. Read more on Donald Trump And Fox & Friends: It’s Cool, Sydney Hostage-Takers, CIA Was ‘Just Following Orders’…
  The real killer is still out there

Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: Let’s Charge Michael Brown’s Family With His Murder!

This crack team is on the case to find the real killer
In the ongoing competition to blame every single person in America for the death of Ferguson teenager Michael Brown — except, of course, for the guy who actually shot him to death — Fox News “psychiatrist” Keith Ablow has the new, niftiest theory of all: it was Brown’s family what done it! Read more on Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow: Let’s Charge Michael Brown’s Family With His Murder!…
  secret Squirrel service

Wingnuts Pretty Mad At Obama For Letting Himself Be Killed Like That

Everybody needs a nap now and then
This Secret Service thing, huh? It’s quite a mess, and by golly, the right is just outraged that the agency is doing such a crappy job of defending the president they hate. Thank heavens they know who’s responsible for the security lapses: That feckless dictator Barack Obama, who just can’t do anything right except take away all our liberties and make us live in a police state that is nonetheless not very good at keeping the president of the United States. Read more on Wingnuts Pretty Mad At Obama For Letting Himself Be Killed Like That…
  Do The Rice Thing

Fox & Friends Really Hurt You Thought They Were Joking About Wifebeating When They Joked About Wifebeating

Screenshot from Fox News employee training video
Women, huh? You can’t live with ‘em, you can’t punch ‘em unconscious in an elevator, know what I mean, fellas? And now it seems that a lot of sniveling liberals just can’t take a joke, as seen in the internet’s complete overreaction to some innocent banter on Fox & Friends yesterday, when Steve Doocy and Brian Kilmeade shared a harmless chuckle over the video of Ray Rice coldcocking Janay Palmer. Read more on Fox & Friends Really Hurt You Thought They Were Joking About Wifebeating When They Joked About Wifebeating…
  Violence In The NFL?

NFL Fires Ray Rice After Realizing Beating Up Women Is Bad, At Least If It’s On Video

New shirts for Doocy and Kilmeade
There is absolutely nothing funny about the new video that TMZ acquired, showing Ray Rice’s actual assault on his then-fiancée, Janay Palmer, back in February. It’s reprehensible, and the only good news in the whole horrible story is that Rice has been fired by the Baltimore Ravens. He’s also been placed on indefinite suspension by the NFL, and maybe on extra double-secret probation, too. We were a bit astonished when we saw that, and assumed that Rice must have been caught smoking pot or something. Read more on NFL Fires Ray Rice After Realizing Beating Up Women Is Bad, At Least If It’s On Video…
  stfu brian kilmeade

Dumb Sheriff Doesn’t Even Agree With Fox & Friends That Illegal Immigrants Should Be Left To Die

Brian Kilmeade got a GOTCHA on some dumb Texas “sheriff,” when he played 911 tapes of illegal immigrants calling the police for help with stupid things like “not dying.” “So those calls, you have to respond to, even though for the most part, when you get there you realize, they’re not even American citizens?” Kilmeade asked incredulously, after introducing the calls with the reminder that the people calling in extremis “have no business being here.” Kilmeade then looked surprised by the sheriff’s answer, which was basically, “well, yeah, they’re on American soil, what are you, some kind of a dick?” Read more on Dumb Sheriff Doesn’t Even Agree With Fox & Friends That Illegal Immigrants Should Be Left To Die…
  live remote comes a crapper

Unhelpful Fox Fans Fail To Get Outraged By Gender-Neutral Restroom Sign

Poor Fox Newsdouche Steve Doocy clearly didn’t prep his group of “Fox fans” well enough for this segment on Wednesday’s Fox & Friends. The point of the segment was to profess shock and horror at the “PC Police” at Illinois State University, which recently announced it would be re-designating “family restrooms” as “all-gender” restrooms, and putting up new signs on the doors, which every single member of the Fox & Friends cast professed to be utterly impossible to understand, because what are these crazy PC lunatics trying to cram down our throats in the bathroom anyway? Read more on Unhelpful Fox Fans Fail To Get Outraged By Gender-Neutral Restroom Sign…
  the longest cray-cray

What If Fox News Had Covered D-Day?

You guys, Fox News thinks that President Roosevelt screwed the pooch again. After yesterday’s amphibious landings in Normandy, the network grudgingly agreed that Allied troops had established a beachhead in France, but they were really not happy with how Our Boys pulled it off, insisting that the casualties were unacceptably high, speculating that “Two-Wheeler Delano” picked such a dangerous location for the invasion so that it would fail, and blaming Roosevelt for the invasion’s terrible planning, like the dropping of paratroopers dozens of miles off their target: “How would President Roosevelt face the parents of these brave fighting men who parachuted into flooded fields and drowned?” asked Sean Hannity. “Are the grieving families supposed to simply accept ‘cloud cover over the drop zone’ or ‘the planes were dodging flak’ as an excuse?” Hannity called for President Chairdaddy’s resignation, asking “why does anyone still trust this president, after his demonstrated failures in protecting Pearl Harbor? Or the Philippines?” Read more on What If Fox News Had Covered D-Day?…
  don't know nothin' 'bout 'bortin no babies

Oh, Guess Who Else Is Super Into The Whole ‘Men’s Rights’ Platform? (It Is Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow)

Glabrous scurf-picker Keith Ablow, who somehow maintains an on-air presence with Fox News despite being the worst psychiatrist in the world, devoted some quality Fox & Friends time Wednesday to the important issue of how the womens are just too uppity. You might think this would be a poor choice of topic just a few days after a California misogynist killed six people and himself because he believed women control men’s sexuality, but this is Fox News, for heaven’s sake, and besides, those murders happened because of the ghey. Read more on Oh, Guess Who Else Is Super Into The Whole ‘Men’s Rights’ Platform? (It Is Fox ‘Psychiatrist’ Keith Ablow)…
  can't live with 'em can't burn 1211 avenue of the americas to the ground

Take Fox Douche Brian Kilmeade’s Wife. Please!

Remember that old Steve Allen show, Meeting of Minds, where he’d put together a panel of actors playing great historical figures and have them “discuss” some important idea? You know, like Socrates and Marx and Thomas Paine talking about freedom or something? Looks like Fox News is trying to revive the concept, only they have to work with whoever’s handy, so Monday we got Brian Kilmeade and Steve Doocy explaining to guys how to talk to their wives. Taking the Walter Mitty position was Mr. Doocy, who said, “One of the things is if you say, ‘Yes, dear,’ that’s appropriate because it derails any argument … Plus, my wife is always right anyway.” This — despite having the bizarre effect of making Wonkette like Steve Doocy for a second, which is probably the most surprising thing about the segment — seemed rather condescending to Mr. Kilmeade, who offered the Kramdenesque riposte, “That’s like saying, ‘I know my wife is wrong, but I’m going to say she’s right just so I don’t have to hear it,’ … To me, you have to give the women the respect to engage in a interplay.” Instead, suggested Kilmeade, you fellas would get a lot farther respecting her intellect, and saying, “I would like to challenge you on this, baby doll.” Kudos to whoever on the Fox & Friends staff who added the “zing” sound effect. Read more on Take Fox Douche Brian Kilmeade’s Wife. Please!…
 

Rightwing Media Stroking Nevada Rancher’s Coming Standoff With Feds, Will Explode With Delight At Climax

If there’s anything the right loves, it’s Law & Order, because if you don’t respect the law, you’re a lawless criminal. Barack Obama, for instance, is a lawless renegade who thinks that the executive branch can make changes to how the Affordable Care Act is administered without asking permission from the Tea Party. And violators of immigration law all need to be deported — what part of “illegal alien” don’t you libs understand? And so it makes perfect sense that the rightwing media are calling for firm action in the case of a Nevada scofflaw who thinks the law doesn’t apply to him. Except that they are on the scofflaw’s side because in this case the scofflaw is a rancher named Cliven Bundy who says he doesn’t have to pay grazing fees or comply with a federal court order — which he’s been ignoring since 1998 — telling him to remove his cattle from federal land. In fact, they’re all but urging him to take an armed stand, agreeing with him that he’s in a fight against an out-of-control tyranny. Media Matters sums up the highlights of Bundy’s beef with the tyrants in the federal government: In 1993, Bundy began refusing to pay government fees required to allow his cattle to exploit public lands. In 1998, the government issued a court order telling Bundy to remove his cows from the land, as part of an effort to protect the endangered desert tortoise located there. And in July 2013, a federal court ordered Bundy to get his cattle off public land within 45 days or they would be confiscated. The confiscation began this month, and the cattle will be sold to pay off the $1 million in fees and trespassing fines Bundy owes. It’s got everything — a romantic hero rancher/business man, an irrational bureaucracy that wants him to pay to run cattle on his family’s ancestral grazing land (OK, it’s federally owned land, but shut up), a stupid useless endangered species endangering a man’s livelihood, and the threat of confiscation. No wonder the guy’s the greatest folk hero since Randy Weaver. Here’s hoping he doesn’t have a bunker. Read more on Rightwing Media Stroking Nevada Rancher’s Coming Standoff With Feds, Will Explode With Delight At Climax…
  the sarcasm gap

Hillary Clinton Stumps Fox Crew In 140 Letters Or Less

Oh no she di’int! But wait! She dih’! Hillary Clinton tweetered out this amusing comment on the Sportsball Extravaganza Sunday, and while most people with normal reading comprehension read it as a comment on the coverage she’s received on the Rupert Murdoch Rage Network, as compared to the humiliating pounding of the Denver sportsball fellows, it seems that the point was utterly lost on a couple of Fox anchors, either because they really are that dense or because it was in their best career interest to insist that they really love the lapels on their boss’s new clothes. In the FoxoPlex, it was obvious that the “someone else” getting roughed up on Fox just had to refer to Barack Obama getting pummelled by Bill-O’Reilly in that pre-game interview. It’s the only possible interpretation. Read more on Hillary Clinton Stumps Fox Crew In 140 Letters Or Less…
  our moocher class

John Stossel Explains That War On Poverty Failed Because Ladies Want Too Much Free Stuff

Impacted bowel John Stossel dropped by the set of Fox & Friends yesterday to drop a little truth on hosts Elizabeth Hasselbeck, Steve Doocy, and whatshisname, the guy who is always squinting in puzzlement like he’s losing a battle of wits with a doorknob. Stossel was there to talk about the 50th anniversary of the War on Poverty and how it has backfired by making all the ladies want to stay single because having a man in the house means smaller welfare handouts from the government. This is good news for those of you who are tired of going to family gatherings and answering the question, “When are you going to get married?” Now you can respond with Never Grandma, because getting married means I’ll have to stop suckling at the government teat and I want to keep my sweet, sweet welfare checks that are paid for by taking money away from society’s makers like John Stossel. Read more on John Stossel Explains That War On Poverty Failed Because Ladies Want Too Much Free Stuff… Read more on John Stossel Explains That War On Poverty Failed Because Ladies Want Too Much Free Stuff…
  wonkette brings you the hard news

Roger Ailes Unhappy About New Biography That Says Roger Ailes Is Terrible, Angry, Horny Sexmonster

It is a bit quiet news-wise today, so let us talk about Roger Ailes’ dick. Oh sure, we could talk about any other subject under the sun besides Roger Ailes’ dick. The terrible cold weather, the latest slap on the wrist for JPMorgan, S.E. Cupp taking the early lead for dumbest column any pundit will write in 2014. But are any of those subjects really more interesting than Roger Ailes’ dick? We think the question answers itself. Here is why we are thinking about Roger Ailes’ dick. The New York Times got its hands on a copy of Gabriel Sherman’s new biography of the walking tub of chicken fat and his dick, and one of the funnier stories involves Randi Anderson, a television producer who went to work for CNBC when Ailes was running that channel twenty years ago. Anderson alleges that Ailes offered her an extra $100 a week to have sex with him whenever he wanted. Because when you are Roger Ailes, you are entitled to an in-house concubine at your office, even if you want to pay well below what we imagine was the market rate for a prostitute in New York City in the early 1990s. Read more on Roger Ailes Unhappy About New Biography That Says Roger Ailes Is Terrible, Angry, Horny Sexmonster…
  Why don't you look under your seat and find a clue?

Elisabeth Hasselbeck Outraged That Oprah Winfrey Would ‘Undermine Racism’ By Discussing Racism

Thank American Jesus for Fox “News,” the great arbiter of what is and is not racist. (President Barack HUSSEIN Oblackma presidenting while black? Racist. George Zimmerman shooting a black kid for blacking while black? Not racist. Now we have cleared that up for you, you’re welcome!) Just in case you were unclear on how racism works, here is another lesson, courtesy of the Mensa society of race theorists known as Fox & Friends, who — sigh — cannot believe they have to explain to Oprah Winfrey that there is, like, almost no racism in America, so she really needs to stop crazy talking about how certain criticisms of the president are “maybe even in many cases because he’s African American.” “I don’t know that Barack Obama could have been elected president if he was living in a racist nation,” co-host Steve Doocy opined. “Are there racists out there? Absolutely. Is it a majority of people? No. A majority of the people, according to the polls, simply don’t like his policies.” Clap clap clap, Steve! Excellent rebuttal to a thing Oprah did not actually say. How about you, Elisabeth Hasselbeck? Do you have any brilliant insight to share with dumb doesn’t-understand-how-racism-works Oprah? Read more on Elisabeth Hasselbeck Outraged That Oprah Winfrey Would ‘Undermine Racism’ By Discussing Racism…