Tag Archives: breitbart.com

  get me rewrite!

Brave Hero Breitbart Reporter CRUSHES Dumb Buzzfeed Guy Who Lied All Over Donald Trump

These are dark days indeed for McKay Coppins, some dumb guy from Buzzfeed who wrote a totally uncalled-for scurrilous PACK OF LIES about Donald Trump, who as everyone knows is the YOOGEST, CLASSIEST GUY, and then McKay Coppins forced Donald Trump to fire his own top aide! What a dick! It is dark days for McKay Coppins because he just got PWNED by hero reporter Matthew Boyle, of Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Hideaway for Craven Sniveling Soul-Free Shitweasels Super Good Reporters Who Will TRUTH ALL OVER YOUR FACE. Let us read and marvel at M. Boyle’s masterclass in journalisming all over Coppins and his so-called “reporting,” including allegations of eyerape, not to mention scumbaggery, together! Read more on Brave Hero Breitbart Reporter CRUSHES Dumb Buzzfeed Guy Who Lied All Over Donald Trump…
  i know why the caged bird sings

Disgraced Jailbird Jack Abramoff Takes Rightful Place As Matthew Boyle’s Voice Of Moral Authority

Whey-faced tube of cookie dough Matthew Boyle, ace staff reporter at Corpse Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Resting Place, has quite the scoopy scoop today. As faithful readers know, Boil Boyle has been hot on the trail of New Jersey Senator Bob Menendez (D-Of Course) and some shenanigans what he done maybe got up to involving a shady Florida ophthalmologist, some sort of port security deal with the Dominican Republic, and a trio of less-than-believable hookers. If the previous sentence appears on the inside jacket of Christopher Buckley’s next novel, yr Wonkette will sue for royalties. The story does not seem to have gained much traction in the media yet, possibly because a grand jury was only recently empaneled to try and get to the bottom of things, or maybe because people have more immediate day-to-day concerns than what the junior senator from a state that is a national punch line for corruption might – might – have gotten up to corruption-wise, or because it’s politics and “corrupt asshole uses money to buy influence with other corrupt assholes” has been our system’s lodestar ever since some French marquis was securing the finest whores in Paris for Thomas Jefferson in exchange for ol’ TJ relaxing tariffs on imported rum. But Boyle has to keep the story moving. Maybe he could do reporter things like fly down to Miami and sniff around that grand jury, cultivate some sources in the local FBI and U.S. Attorney’s offices, learn a little bit about shady ophthalmologist Salomon Melgen besides the fact that Harry Reid flew on his private plane to a convention last summer and the good doctor had his picture taken with the president at a fundraiser once. But since Corpse Breitbart’s operating budget is probably all tied up in legal fees, Boyle eschewed the old-fashioned shoe-leather approach, put on his sexxxy reporting fedora, and drunk-dialed the great Jack Abramoff for some speculation and innuendo. Read more on Disgraced Jailbird Jack Abramoff Takes Rightful Place As Matthew Boyle’s Voice Of Moral Authority…
  Whinge Nuts

A Children’s Treasury Of Random Wingnut Post-Election Whining (Part 1 of ???)

Do you people have any idea how hard it is to sift through all the insane rightwing mutterings about the reelection of Barack Obama so that we can bring you the very best? Neither do we! It all starts looking the same after about five minutes! And so, this collection of freakouts will, of necessity, be something of a sampler plate from the great smorgasbord that is the Great 2012 Wingnut Butthurtosphere. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Random Wingnut Post-Election Whining (Part 1 of ???)…
  you're kidding us

ABC News Should Fire Brian Ross, And Other Notes On Being Terrible

There are 12 people dead and 50 injured at a movie theater in Colorado, including a baby. It’s not as though you can’t look into a suspect’s history after a massacre and report things as they’re confirmed. That’s what the media should do! What the media, and every idiot on the Twitter, should not do, is first seek out a narrow angle that probably has nothing to do with crazy people going crazy — say, “what political party is this insane person in?” — and then get it wrong out of pure laziness. This matters. Let’s shame some people. First up: ABC News should fire Brian Ross. Read more on ABC News Should Fire Brian Ross, And Other Notes On Being Terrible…
  basic shoeleather journalism

Conservative ‘Bad Boy’ Ambush Reporter Sticks It To Bono (Impersonator)

Jason Mattera is the official Bad Boy Reporter of Washington, D.C. — always wearing his rebellious leather jacket, pickin’ up chicks with his Harley, showin’ ‘tude to the Man, the Liberals. The guy will do anything! He’s a wildcat, and he don’t care. Just check how he stuck it to Bono in this video shot last month, calling out that Irish fuck on his taxes — what kind of Irish fuck cheats his taxes but also tries to “save Africa”? WHAT IS THAT? Stupid hypocrite Bono! Expose him! Sean Hannity aired the audio on his radio show yesterday, while The Blaze and Breitbart.com each posted the ambush video. But wait a minute… why is the Breitbart.com story page down? Why are the YouTubes now private? Was there some sort of… problem… The Blaze? “There is widespread discussion on Twitter that the person Mattera interviewed in the videos may have been a Bono impersonator.” Oops! Read more on Conservative ‘Bad Boy’ Ambush Reporter Sticks It To Bono (Impersonator)…
  heat's on now

‘THE VETTING’ Is Just Unearthing Game-Changer After Game-Changer

While we were typing trivial other things, Breitbart.com’s new children’s scavenger hunt THE VETTING continued turning out hot scoops about radical liberals. Look at the latest “get”: A CNN lady had tweeted that she was sad when the black guy who Obama hugged that one time died last year. Mr. President, it’s time to resign. Read more on ‘THE VETTING’ Is Just Unearthing Game-Changer After Game-Changer…