breitbart

Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Internet Home For The Criminally Petulant has landed another hot scoopty-scoop today, following their masterful expose of Adidas-manufactured terrist prayer rugs. And that scoop? All those border children who are, eventually, released to family members in the United States while they wait for their George W. Bush-sanctioned due process, are allowed to […]

Dead Breitbart’s Little Sisters of Perpetual Fear ran this breathless headline the other day, indisputable proof that al Qaeda terrorists are sneaking through our porous borders™, perhaps disguised as seven-year-old Guatemalan children: Muslim Prayer Rug Found on Arizona Border by Independent American Security Contractors Be afraid! Be very afraid! Because not only are the terrorists […]

Well how’s this for brand expansion? At some point that we were blessedly unaware of, the Breitbart Empire got itself a London bureau, and yesterday it ran a thoughtful piece explaining that, for the sake of not harming any innocent victims, anonymity for rape suspects should be the norm. After all, no decent fellow should […]

So, everybody was all Happy and Nice Timey about the New York Police Department ditching its “Demographics Unit,” a.k.a. Muslim surveillance unit, right? All it did was anger New York and New Jersey’s Muslim communities and screw with civil liberties, whilst producing exactly bupkis in terms of counter-terrorist intelligence, so everyone said, “Good riddance,” no? […]

BREAKING BREITBART SCOOP MUST CREDIT BREITBART! In 2012, Minnesota Sen. Al Franken was videotaped goofing around with a couple of small traffic cones. Charlie Spiering, a Very Concerned Horcrux of Breitbart, offers this analysis: Since his narrow election to the Senate in 2009, Sen. Al Franken has labored to create a new image for himself […]

Vance McAllister has allegedly kissed his own staff! Wow, way to go Stretch! No, we are joking, we know Vance McAllister didn’t finally master yoga’s forbidden Contented Dog, he was merely allegedly kissing a lady he shouldna been kissing. Yes, a kissing scandal. You probably have to go back to the first Cleveland administration to […]

Professional Eddie Munster imitator Wisconsin Republican Rep. Paul Ryan had to be feeling pretty pleased with himself yesterday, raining all over B. Barry Bamz’s football-spikin’ party with a new 10-year budget proposal. Ryan’s lil’ April Fool’s Day prank would slash domestic spending by nearly 30 percent by 2024 (BIFF!), bump up Pentagon spending WAY over […]

Perhaps because they got so mercilessly mocked last week, this week the evolution-denying viewers of “Cosmos” decided to take a different route than the LEAVE JESUS ALONE road they’d previously traveled. Instead, this week, we get so many much words about intelligent design’s faux-science, perhaps in the hope that we will drown in them and […]

It’s always good to know that someone has a long-term plan for improving America. And Austin Ruse, the head of the “Catholic Family & Human Rights Institute,” has some ideas in that area. Ruse is tired of having to put up with offenses like seeing gay ladies on the Food Network and knowing that the […]

Want to spend your afternoon both angry and confused? This post is for you! Yesterday, the 9th Circuit issued a decision requiring Google to take down all copies of Innocence of Muslims, a film you may remember as a Breitbart fan favorite that also caused BENGHAZI!!! How can the court order this? Let’s lawsplain. First, […]

Oh, this is a very special update to yesterday’s YOOGE Donald Trump News from Ghost Breitbart’s Internet Home for the Perpetually Aggrieved. As you may recall, rancid Breitbart horcrux Matthew Boyle discovered a terrible, terrible thing about Buzzfeed writer McKay Coppins: Coppins wrote something negative about Trump, and said unthinkable things, despicable things, things so […]

We always kinda forget that Breitbart has an entertainment section, because the only thing that ever goes on in it is culture scolding or promoting those terrible Christian movies no one will ever see, but today they weighed in on Shirley Temple’s death so we thought we’d go over and LOL at it. We were […]

So after a whopping year and a half of doing the mommyblog thing, six months of that on a full-time, Rebecca-owns-my-ass basis, I can confidently say that I still feel like Charlie Bucket at the Chocolate Factory. Except that now I also know just how badly the taffy filters can get clogged with Oompa-Loompa hair. […]

The ‘knockout game’ is over. OK, it was probably never even a real thing in the sense that it was hard to see how it was any different from getting “snuck” by “some idiot” which has been going on “since forever.” Never mind that. Pretend it was real, and that it was a big deal. […]

Monstrous America-hating monster Barack Obama touched a communist today at the memorial service for Nelson Mandela, leading to fairly predictable speculation that the handshake with Cuban President Raul Castro was either evidence of warming relations between the two countries, or proof that Obama shares Mandela’s love for communism, terrorism, and hating Israel. Plus, maybe Obama […]