breitbart
Breitbart Says Obama To Force Pentagon To Feed Christian Soldiers To Lions, More Or Less
Oh dear lord, what is President Obummer making the Pentagon do now? Well, nothing, actually, but that has never stopped the conspiracy theorists at Breitbart from saying stuff anyway, so let’s see what they’ve pulled directly out of their asses today, shall we? The Pentagon has released a statement confirming that soldiers could be prosecuted [...]
Ghost Andrew Breitbart Still Dead, A Ghost
by Gary Legum
Today, Wonketeers, we light a yahrzeit candle for the late Andrew Breitbart. Hard to believe it was only one year ago today that the big lunk gallivanted off to that Great Wine Bar in the Sky, leaving his minions in a state of mourning from which they have yet to emerge. Yes, from the Virgin [...]
Matthew Boyle To Spend Valentine’s Day Alone, Cockblocking Bob Menendez
by Stefan BC
Hi single people! Sorry about the uber-commercialized “fuck you I’m getting laid tonight” holiday that coupled people foist on you every February. You really don’t deserve it. But take solace in at least one thing: you are not Matthew Boyle of Breitbart/Daily Tucker fame. Most normal Americans will spend the day avoiding their Facebook Feed [...]
Wingnuts Furious About Three-Month-Old Veep Debate And Zzzzzzz
Bloated cub reporter Matthew Boyle is so mad you guys. Did you know that Martha Raddatz, who moderated the vice presidential debate, has close personal ties with a certain Kenyan Impostor? And that he came to her wedding to some guy she has since divorced? Because it was 400 years ago? And that neither she [...]
Ghost Andrew Breitbart Helped Convince John Boehner That Nobody Was Going To Overthrow Him
by Jesse Taylor
As it turns out, the plot to overthrow John Boehner and replace him with someone who didn’t actually know they were up for Speaker of the House was larger than previously thought. The short version is that there were a lot more crazy GOP Representatives plotting to get rid of Boehner than just the ones who [...]
Dana Loesch And Ghost Andrew Breitbart’s Wingnut Slap Fight: Which Terrible One Will You Root For?
by snipy
We have an embarrassment of riches this holiday season. First we had the gift of Mike Crapo, abstaining Mormon, going all Drunky McDrunkerson and getting arrested. Today, however, brings us an even greater joy: wingnut fightsies! So far this week is like the best advent calendar ever! So who is fighting? In this corner, wearing [...]
Very Smart Republicans: A Deal Between White House And House Might Need Democratic Votes To Pass
Do you know who is very smart? Tea Party congresspeople. Here are some of them moving their lips, with syllables and words coming out to form sentences, about the “fiscal cliff” or whatever, who cares, boring: “If he [Boehner] caves [on fiscal cliff negotiations], he’s going to have to get it passed with a lot [...]
Breitbart Found A Chicago Teacher Who Once Met Some Communists
by snipy
Dear god, please don’t make us go look at Breitbart. No, really. We’ll look at WND. We’ll go watch Jonah Goldberg derp at The Corner. Just not Breitbart. Gah. OK, fine. FINE. We’re all going to regret this. Apparently, the startlingly prolific “Rebel Pundit” has discovered that a TEACHER who is in a UNION went [...]
Intrepid Reporter Matthew Boyle To Write About Thuggy Black People For Ghost Andrew Breitbart
The first time we came across the work of cub reporter Matthew Boyle, he was calling for Minority Report precogs to watch over the DC Metro (Tube?) and possibly secretly installing Nannycams in Foggy Bottom Starbucks restrooms. But our rising star went on to make quite a name for himself, reporting the shit out of [...]
Wingnuts Terrified: Black Man Coming For, Possibly On, Their Daughters
You wanna see something really scary? “First he asked for your wedding gifts, then your yard sales and now he has asked for your daughters.” Dun dun DUN. That’s right. The most scariest thing that could ever have happened has happened, right here in our own US of A. A woman made a video acting [...]
‘Big Hollywood’ Saves America from Candy And Chewing Gum Company’s Pro-Bestiality Agenda
by Doktor Zoom
Has John Nolte of the Breitbart remnant blog Big Hollywood gone completely nuts, or has he perhaps just read so much of his own bullshit that he is incapable of distinguishing his usual brand of faux outrage from absurd self-parody? Or is he actually indulging in self-parody? It would be irresponsible not to speculate! How [...]
Breitbart Wants Comcast To Block His Website, Apparently
Today there seems to be some sort of joke on Breitbart.com, which would be a nice change — after all, we like politics, and we like jokes, so this should be a real treat! So anyway, the joke goes like this: “once, I knew a leftist that was SO DUMB — (how dumb was he?) [...]
‘Politicizing’ Now Simply Refers To Obama Saying Anything
by Jim Newell
Blah blah Breitbart who cares, we know, but don’t you fancy this headline? The poor sucker who had to update Breitbart.com on Memorial Day, and knew he had to slam Obama for speaking on Memorial Day somehow, settled on “Obama Politicizes Memorial Day” after Obama said that there shouldn’t be wars unless “absolutely necessary.” This [...]
Ghost Of Breitbart Convinced That Obama Will Drop Out Of The Presidential Race
by Liz Colville
Breitbart hologram Mike Flynn has been feeling the warm breeze of change that causes the flag of America to gently billow across his cheek, and also has been sifting through the history books, poring over some of the most improbable scenarios that have ever befallen America, and has decided that because history repeats itself, as [...]
You Don’t Gotta Tell Joe Arpaio About (Debunked) Literary Agent’s ‘Kenya’ Brochure, He’s Got This
Ghost Andrew Breitbart must be spinning in hell. He told these idiots that the “birther” stuff was “not a winning issue,” and what did these fuckwads at his ghost web empire do? They ran a total birther story with a long embarrassed introduction explaining that they weren’t birthers per se — um, let’s see — [...]
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