Tag Archives: breast cancer

  Your morning cup of wut?

Good News, Ladies, Your Bra Won’t Give You Cancer And Other News You Can Maybe Use

Will not cause cancer probably
Good news, bad news, old news, new news — Yr Wonkette has it all, for all your news needs. In case you were worried that your over-the-shoulder-boulder-holder was doing cancer to your lady lumps, breathe a sigh of relief because apparently, that’s not true after all: Read more on Good News, Ladies, Your Bra Won’t Give You Cancer And Other News You Can Maybe Use…
  a site can dream can't it?

LifeNews Fap Fantasy Time: Let’s Just Say Robin Williams Killed Himself Over Abortion

Did you get your fill of people being terrible (hi, Rush Limbaugh!) and using Robin Williams’s death for their own means (lookin’ at you, douche-y Minnesota GOP guy!) yesterday? Haha too bad because we are going to cram even more terrible down your throat, because that is how we do. We’re like the opposite of a public service, basically, so let’s check in on the horrible people who think that maybe Robin Williams killed himself because of abortion. Yep, abortion. Read more on LifeNews Fap Fantasy Time: Let’s Just Say Robin Williams Killed Himself Over Abortion…
  boneheaded density

Ladies, Please Stop Thinking About Your Vagina And Start Thinking About Your Sad Brittle Bones

You’d think by now the Republicans would just be trying to figure out how to just take voting rights away from ladies and blahs and browns and homosexxicans rather than pretending that any part of their platform will ever appeal to anybody but angry white straight guys. But, in a testament to an absolutely blinkered level of thick-headedness, Republicans are still trying to win over the very people they loathe. Their latest effort revolves around hoping that if they just yell “women’s health women’shealthWOMEN’SHEALTH” louder and louder and over and over, somehow it will come to mean what they want it to mean, which is to say that it will no longer mean anything about babbies or ‘bortions. Instead, “women’s health” will become synonymous with osteoporosis, which is no doubt the most gripping health problem facing American women. Read more on Ladies, Please Stop Thinking About Your Vagina And Start Thinking About Your Sad Brittle Bones…
  another box of dildos

Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why All The Hatin’ On MRAs, Wonkette Dude?

We have nine million comments backed up in the queue, and they are just precious! We will make an effort to bring you as many of these “real characters” as we can in the next few installments of yr Dear Shitferbrains. Let’s see what frothy goodness the internet has left lapping up against the sides of our comment holding tank, shall we? To start with, we heard from a number of Men’s Rights Advocates who were quite put out indeed by our story Wednesday about an MRA group that crowdfunded $25,000 for extra security at a dumb convention they’re having in Detroit, because the hotel required them to have it, citing unspecified threats it had received. Our story did not sit well with would-be commenter “ARenMan,” who called us out on our unspeakable double standards: Oh! But if a big scary man looks at my boobs #YesAllMen But if feminists make terrorists make death threats against a legal, peaceful gathering . . . um . . . #YesAllMen Darn those well-organized feminist terrorists! Now, we of course do not think death threats are a laughing matter, at least depending on spelling. Read more on Deleted Comments Of The Day: Why All The Hatin’ On MRAs, Wonkette Dude?…
  You've got to fight for your right to heart boobies

Supreme Court May Decide If You Can Heart Boobies

Damn kids these days, with their rock ‘n roll devil music and their whip-its (wait, is that still a thing?), and their bracelets to raise awareness about breast cancer. The court battle between two girls and their Pennsylvania school over “I (heart) Boobies!” bracelets could be settled by the U.S. Supreme Court. The Easton Area School District board voted 7-1 Tuesday night to appeal a federal appeals court’s decision that rejected its claim the bracelets are lewd and should be banned from school. This seems like a perfectly reasonable policy, doesn’t it? School is no place for boobie-hearting, after all. Clearly, they are just trying to turn school into some kind of “hyper-sexualized environment,” as the school district solicitor John Freund said, and could not possibly have any other legitimate reason for talking about boobies. Except for maybe this reason. Read more on Supreme Court May Decide If You Can Heart Boobies…
  little pink houses for you and me

Gay Obama Gonna Make The White House Pink Tonight, For Gayness, Breast Cancer, Whatever Same Thing

Gay Barack Obama, who is definitely and 1000 percent totally gay, is going to make the Black House White House pink tonight, because of how he is really absolutely supergay. Tourists may do a double take when they pass by the White House on Thursday. Read more on Gay Obama Gonna Make The White House Pink Tonight, For Gayness, Breast Cancer, Whatever Same Thing…
  gtfo

Angelina Jolie Got Her Boobs Chopped Off, Yay Angelina Jolie!

Some years ago, we saw a film that made us want to murder all the people. It was called “In the Family,” and it was about a young lady who has the BRCA gene that killed all her grandmothers and all her mothers and all her aunts with lady cancer. In this film, the young lady, Joanna Rudnick, went around with a camera to interview all the widowers of ladies who had died from the same types of breast and ove cancer. In every segment she was pretty much like “Sorry your wife died. NOW LET’S TALK ABOUT ME! Should I chop my boobs off? What do YOU think about my boobs?” We were not complimentary about this film (review no longer online). We got letters! At least one of which was thoughtful and sober and made us feel sort of bad for screaming at the young lady JESUS CHRIST CHOP YOUR BOOBS OFF ALREADY DON’T BE A FUCKING IDIOT, IDIOT! And who has listened to us (probably not us, specifically)? One Miss Lady Angelina Jolie. And we could not be happier for her. Read more on Angelina Jolie Got Her Boobs Chopped Off, Yay Angelina Jolie!…
  Lies From the Pit Of Hell

LifeNews Finally Proves Link Between Abortion And Breast Cancer (By Making It Up)

LifeNews.com is a pretty cool website, at least for the people who say “pro-life” instead of “anti-abortion.” It brings together all the news that makes abortion look like it is not only killing full-grown toddlers, but their mothers and families and probably priests too. It’s the go-to place to see the abortion narratives in the media challenged, at least whenever the narrative happens to make abortion look awful. So when we saw the headline “Abortion Helps Cause 90% Increase in Breast Cancers in 33 Years,” we were all like, oooooooh and whoaaa, and we totally clicked on that shit. What was this news?! This study gives a potent new weapon to abortion opponents! HA! Just kidding! It is exactly the opposite. Read more on LifeNews Finally Proves Link Between Abortion And Breast Cancer (By Making It Up)…
  flotus files

The Inevitable ‘Who Wore It Best?’ Michelle Obama vs. Ann Romney Smackdown

Before going into too much detail, the answer is Michelle Obama. Always. Unless of course the question is, “Who ate the rest of my french fries?” (The answer to that question used to be The Snowbilly, but now who knows?!) If you watched last night’s debate long enough to see the spouses emerge from the dark tunnels under America’s “undecided” voters, you may have noticed that OMG LADIES WEARING THE SAME COLOR OUTFIT!!! This is what happens when you are trapped in Mitt Romney’s lady-binders, we guess? Or it was a dumb breast cancer thing. (Women’s vote! Ladies just love their pink ribbons and October breast cancer-themed Lifetime movie marathons.) Let us explore! Read more on The Inevitable ‘Who Wore It Best?’ Michelle Obama vs. Ann Romney Smackdown…
  legitimate rape

Adorable Right-Wing Group NFIB Displays Feminine Side By Expressing Support For Breast Cancer, Legitimate Rape

We spent most of our lives thinking that breast cancer sucks — our mother is a breast cancer survivor, after all — but apparently we were just thinking small, blinded to the huge political opportunity that breast cancer presents for misogynist shitbags who want to appear pro-woman without actually doing anything pro-woman. Take,  for example, the NFIB (National Federal of Independent Businesses), an adorable far-right business association which spends most of its time suing Obamacare and calling Teddy Kennedy “public enemy No. One,” and which is funding the campaigns of Todd “Legitimate Rape” Akin and Ed “Life-Begins-at-Conception” Emery. The NFIB! They’re so cute! Read more on Adorable Right-Wing Group NFIB Displays Feminine Side By Expressing Support For Breast Cancer, Legitimate Rape…
  pretty in pink

Susan G. Komen Staffers Dropping Like Flies

Leslie Aun, Susan G. Komen’s national vice president of communications, quit yesterday so that she can spend more time with someone else’s children, in her new role as VP of communications for Venture Philanthropy Partners. We would like to shout a big Yay! but instead we’re muttering a small yay. Because really, it’s the Komen Queen, Nancy Brinker, who must go. Everybody else is just fiffle faffle. We’re not surprised that the mouthpiece for Susan G. Komen quit, since she’s had to eat an awful lot of doo-doo while trying to save Brinker’s ungrateful ass. Just think of all the spin Ms. Aun had to manufacture to contain the continuing fallout from the Planned Parenthood debacle, like decreasing donations, uprisings from regional affiliates, contradictions from Komen board members about Brinker’s stated intentions for ditching Planned Parenthood, a 21% Drop in “Brand Equity” (dropping 54 spots to 56th place out of 79 non-profit brands surveyed), desperate affiliates trying to sell $40 Race for the Cure tickets for $15 on Groupon, the sullying of Komen’s corporate pinkness, protest resignations of Komen top brass, and, of course, Komen’s relationship to Uzbekistan’s Dictatrice, Gulnara Karimova. Read more on Susan G. Komen Staffers Dropping Like Flies…
  wingnut family values

Wingnuts Refuse to Sell Breast Cancer-Fighting Bibles, Out of Love for Cancer

What a charming holiday story: the nutsack owners of a Christian bookstore mega-chain are discontinuing sales of a particular Bible that donates one dollar of every sale to a breast cancer research charity, because of… what this time, charity being anti-free market or something? (Oops, we shouldn’t give them more ideas.) NO, it’s because the charity in question, the Susan G. Komen Foundation, donates some part of its monies to “breast cancer health programs” run by wingnut bogey-woman Planned Parenthood. So, um, breast cancer screenings are giving people abortions now or what? Read more on Wingnuts Refuse to Sell Breast Cancer-Fighting Bibles, Out of Love for Cancer…
  the worst kind of philanthropy

Hadassah Lieberman Must Divorce Joe Lieberman If She Wishes To Continue Raising Money For Cancer Research

The Progressive Blogs, a feared and highly organized hegemonic force, are very upset with Hadassah Lieberman for continuing to raise money for breast cancer research despite being married to her husband, Joe Lieberman. This is disgraceful, and a mockery to the literally millions of other people who raise money for breast cancer research all the time but manage to do so without being incidentally and totally unrelatedly married to Joe Lieberman. Read more on Hadassah Lieberman Must Divorce Joe Lieberman If She Wishes To Continue Raising Money For Cancer Research…
 

Happy Birthday, Betty Ford!

Betty Ford celebrates her 90th birthday today, and Wonkette offers up a hearty, nonalcoholic toast in her honor. For the 896 wonderful days of Gerald Ford’s presidency, this sassy dancing divorcee brought outspoken feminism and frank talk to the White House. And the pills, dear God, the pills and booze! Read more on Happy Birthday, Betty Ford!…
 

To Do: Self-Examination

First day of Sonic Circuits DC with Matterlink, Los Glissandinos, Koen Holtkamp, Queens, Scott Smallwood, Andy Hayleck, Ben Owen, Lum and Abner of Morocco, BLK w/ BEAR + VJ Poppins. At the Warehouse Next Door and Black Box Theatre. 8:30PM. [Warehouse Next Door] Read more on To Do: Self-Examination…