Well, my dear Wonketteers, Yr. Teen Kolumnist has been given the privilege of reminding you once again of the shittiness of high-school life. Howevsies, this week’s topic relates to all of you, even now! For, as I am sure you know, breakups are the shittiest of shits, they are the shit to rule them all, […]

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it’s 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter.¬†Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that what goes on under the hat is a continual¬†teenage-lesbian-poetry breakup with America. Cold rain in DC, […]

Karenna Gore, famous daughter of just-separated Al & Tipper Gore, is splitting up with her husband of 13 years. She married Andrew Schiff in 1997 and they have three little kids, whose lives will now be ruined. (Haha you know when parents split up because they’re selfish yuppies and they say, “Oh the kids are […]

How much will we miss “America’s President,” the sore-loserman Al Gore and his wife Tipper Gore, who are becoming separated today due to the lack of love in their lives? Let’s all gather around the laptop and remember the years of joy and kissing and complaining about Prince records and “lockbox” and whatever else they […]