Tag Archives: breakups

  I will never love again...oh she's cute!

Wonkette Teen Korner For Teenz: It’s Not Me, It’s You Edition

Well, my dear Wonketteers, Yr. Teen Kolumnist has been given the privilege of reminding you once again of the shittiness of high-school life. Howevsies, this week’s topic relates to all of you, even now! For, as I am sure you know, breakups are the shittiest of shits, they are the shit to rule them all, the shit to find them, the shit to bring them all, and in the darkness make them even shittier (Dok has informed me that I have reached my limit for swears or LOTR quotes. Can’t remember, I wasn’t listening). Read more on Wonkette Teen Korner For Teenz: It’s Not Me, It’s You Edition…
  never ever getting back together

Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry

Matt Drudge, long known as the man behind the homepage of the Internet for people who still think it’s 1998, has recently taken to posting on Twitter. Because he is basically just a crazy, hyperemotional shill, it turns out that what goes on under the hat is a continual teenage-lesbian-poetry breakup with America. Read more on Matt Drudge Has Melancholy Breakup With America, Tweets Sad Poetry…
  come on gores keep it together

Another Gore Marriage Falls Apart

Karenna Gore, famous daughter of just-separated Al & Tipper Gore, is splitting up with her husband of 13 years. She married Andrew Schiff in 1997 and they have three little kids, whose lives will now be ruined. (Haha you know when parents split up because they’re selfish yuppies and they say, “Oh the kids are fine, fine I tell you, nothing is really changing except mommy and daddy hate each now and will live in different houses and start bringing home new weird people to screw,” well actually the kids are not fine, because their little lives have been torn apart and, at best, they’ll grow up to be just like mommy & daddy.) But who are we to judge, etc. Read more on Another Gore Marriage Falls Apart…
  first couples are naturally gross

A Children’s Treasury of Videos of Al & Tipper Gore Being Gross

How much will we miss “America’s President,” the sore-loserman Al Gore and his wife Tipper Gore, who are becoming separated today due to the lack of love in their lives? Let’s all gather around the laptop and remember the years of joy and kissing and complaining about Prince records and “lockbox” and whatever else they did as Al & Tipper, the First Family of Climate Change. Read more on A Children’s Treasury of Videos of Al & Tipper Gore Being Gross…
 

French & Mexican Socialists All Getting Divorced

Just days after the tragic announcement that Los Angeles Mayor Antonio Villaraigosa will no longer pretend to be married to his wife, Corina, French socialist leader and failed presidential candidate Ségolène Royal announced she has separated from her socialist boyfriend of 30 years — to whom she wasn’t even married! Read more on French & Mexican Socialists All Getting Divorced…