Wonkette

…of one charge. That would be the false Statement to the FBI about his chat with Matt Cooper. Totally, 100% innocent. WE KNEW IT ALL ALONG, THIS ENTIRE TRIAL HAS BEEN A FARCE. MORE »

FishbowlDC reports: MORE »

Former Gov. Tom Vilsack (D-Iowa) is expected to drop out of the 2008 presidential race on Friday with an announcement set for later in the day, according to sources both in Washington and Iowa.

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GEORGIA REP'S MUSTACHE GONE WITHOUT A TRACE... DEVELOPING...

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Hey everyone, BREAKING NEWS! MORE »

* Senator Tim Johnson apparently suffered a “brain hemorrhage,” or “an intracerebral bleed caused by a congenital arteriovenous malformation,” which you might remember as the thing that happened to Nate on Six Feet Under.
* Even if Johnson resigns, the January 4 “organizing resolution” could — could — keep the Senate in Democratic control. We didn’t pay attention all that closely to how (this ain’t Hotline, fer chrissakes), but Time attempts to explain here.
* South Dakota’s Secretary of State has a totally kickass website, mustache. Also, people are paying attention to him for the first and last time in history. He was also Kip in Napolean Dynomite. A journalist tells us that he ends calls with “Mmmmmkay bye.”

Sen. Tim Johnson (D-SD) had a stroke today (we think? Everyone thinks? This is what the tee vee has told us.). We have no idea how he’s doing now, but if he retires/dies, his replacement will be appointed by South Dakota’s legislature or governor, all Republican. So, hey, wouldn’t that be nutty? Maybe they could appoint Conrad Burns, that would really be the only silver lining in this mess. MORE »

Nancy Pelosi was unanimously voted Speaker of the House (congrats, crazy hippie!), and Steny “Slightly Less Corrupt” Hoyer was elected Majority Leader, beating out John “Bribe Me Later” Murtha. The vote in the Majority Leader race: 149-86. The crazy race which made Trent Lott the House Whipper of Minorities was a helluva lot closer, but expect to see “Dems Divided: Speaker Pelosi’s Leadership Ability Questioned” pieces in your major papers by sundown. MORE »

Hooray for the return of the Republican party that creeps the hell out of everyone above the Mason-Dixon line! MORE »

Conrad Burns, enemy of firefighters and last, best hope for continued racist crazy ranting in the US Senate, has finally conceded, beating George Allen to the reality-facing punch officially, but without a public appearance. No, instead, he’s getting his gun and going out after “game.” MORE »

…but we lean towards “not very.” MORE »

Haggard in happier days:

Ted Haggard, previously mentioned here, just fucking resigned from the National Association of Evangelicals due to the rumors of his employing a gay escort named Mike Jones (and doing meth). Jones claims to have saved voicemails from the pastor, who still denies it all, but this is still weird fucking news. MORE »

In what is the single lamest Cocktober Surprise of this week, activist Mike Rogers revealed on “the radio” that Idaho Republican Senator Larry Craig has sex with boys, possibly in the bathroom of Union Station. MORE »