• UH OH: Don’t see this on the Internets yet, but a tipster forwards us an office e-mail, subject line only: “Shooting on the Senate side near C St., Senate in lockdown.” UPDATE: Ahh, WTOP: “A 35-year-old man was shot at New Jersey Avenue and C Streets in Northwest, D.C. Fire and EMS spokesman Pete Piringer says. Channel 7 reports the man was shot by a U.S. Capitol Police officer.” [WTOP]

JOHN ‘NIGHT AT THE MUSEUM 2′ ENSIGN ADMITS SEX AFFAIR: Jesus, so much to post… this idiot, Republican Sen. John Ensign of Nevada, has admitted to having a sex affair with a female campaign staffer, in 2007 and 2008. Some aide in Ensign’s office outed the boss, whoops. So until we know more, *ahem*… PICS PLZ? [The Fix, AP]

According to the new National Review, Sonia Sotomayor’s particular flavor of Mexico is secretly in Asia, where she practices radical Buddhism! Or does the cover art actually go with the top headline, about Jonah Goldberg answering His Critics? Is it simply a photograph of Jonah Goldberg, from the same photoshoot as this? [TPM]

• RUSH LIMBAUGH SCOOP: OBAMA WILL POISON YOUR ANUS: Gordon Brown if you are out there on the Internet we must pass along Rush Limbaugh’s very important safety warning about the dangers of poison anal fucking: “But the slobbering [over Barack Obama], the slobbering… this guy, folks I’m telling ya, if he keeps this up throughout the G20, Gordon Brown will come down with anal poisoning and may die from it.” Maybe he can walk us through the mechanics of this on tomorrow’s show. [HuffPo]

GREGG WITHDRAWS: What the hell? Token cabinet Republican #3, Commerce Secretary-designate Judd Gregg, has suddenly withdrawn, according to your favorite Matt Drudge. His reason? That he doesn’t agree with Obama on basic economics. Another win for the vetting team! [Drudge]

When this BREAKING NEWS broke 40 minutes ago, Caroline Kennedy was dropping out of the whole “You know, I am famous, politically, so anoint me senator” deal for “personal reasons.” Ha, and now it turns out (according to the New York Post, which is apparently correct) the “reason” was she wasn’t the “person” Paterson will choose to run out Hillary Clinton’s term in the Senate. MORE »

RACISTS IMPEACH BLAGO: “SPRINGFIELD—In a historic vote, the Illinois House has impeached Gov. Rod Blagojevich, directing the Senate to put the state’s 40th chief executive on trial with the goal of removing him from office. The vote by the House was 114-1 and marks the first time in the state’s 190-year history that a governor has been impeached…” Well this is just terrible news, isn’t it. But what’s this now? “A spokesman for the governor said he won’t resign.” Hooray! [Chicago Breaking News]

The very terrifying Lynn Sweet reports: “WASHINGTON—I’ve learned that Gov. Blagojevich is poised to name former Illinois Attorney General Roland Burris to replace President elect Barack Obama in the Senate on Tuesday afternoon… Blagojevich called a press conference for 2 p.m. Chicago time at the Thompson State of Illinois Center.” Well this is sure to go over smoothly. Anyway, ha: “Senate Leader Harry Reid (D-Nv.) had said he would ask the Senate not to seat any Blagojevich appointee, in order to make sure the seat is free of taint.” [Chicago Sun-Times]

• UGH: “DETROIT — Chrysler says it will close all 30 of its manufacturing plants for a month starting Friday.” It’ll be like a vacation for auto workers, except they won’t travel anywhere and will enter poverty. We just couldn’t afford that $14 billion loan! [AP]

Ugh. Why do we even post such things? Breaking News, etc., that’s why! So do us a favor, commenters, and try to control yourselves, show some class, &c., unless Mukasey has specifically done something personally horrible to you. We have no useful update, to this old dude just falling over and people shouting OH MY GOD JESUS CHRIST CALL SOMEBODY. He is in the hospital somewhere in/around Washington.

• RUH ROH: “Attorney General Michael Mukasey collapsed Thursday night while giving a speech to the Federalist Society in Washington, according to three senior administration officials… At 10:30 p.m. Eastern, medical officials were still working on him on the stage, administration witnesses said.” [Politico]