Wonkette

Reliable New York Times reporter Bill Kristol tells Fox News that once-popular Republican Colin Powell will endorse Barack Obama, the Democratic nominee, and might even be giving a speech at the DNC or introducing Obama at the Stadium Concert with the Decemberists or who knows! Very exciting, we guess? Colin Powell is famous for being a black Republican warlord who “sold” the UN on the 2003 Iraq invasion, which has been the biggest debacle in American History. OBVIOUS UPDATE: Ha ha, fucking Bill Kristol. "I do not have time to waste on Bill Kristol’s musings,” Powell told ABC News. “I am not going to the convention. I have made this clear." [Fox News]

Already known as the worst, meanest driver in Washington, this morning Robert Novak was caught by witnesses driving into a pedestrian and speeding away from the crime scene. Novak was racing down 18th Street through the K St. NW intersection when he hit a much younger man, a 66 year old who was using the crosswalk and had a green walk signal. MORE »

BREAKING: Hillary Clinton just conceded in a 2 a.m. email to supporters. She concedes, finally! It’s a good thing we registered at HillaryClinton.com! Let’s read her cyber-concession, after the jump. MORE »

Jesus, that was fast. With, uh, 0% reporting, MSNBC is projecting a massive victory for Barry Hussein Barack Obama and a crushing, horrific, humbling defeat for Hillary and Bill Clinton. Just kidding about the last part. MORE »

Rep. Julia Carson, the first black congresswoman of Indianapolis, has announced she has terminal lung cancer. The 69-year-old former secretary told The Indianapolis Star on Saturday that she had been on a leave of absence since September to seek treatment. “Then the second shoe fell — heavily,” Carson told the paper in a brief written statement. “My doctor discovered lung cancer.” Statement after the jump. MORE »

Rep. Paul Gillmor was found dead at his apartment in his apartment today. Staffers went to his home after the 68-year-old Republican failed to show up for work today. There’s been no official word on cause of death, but some Wikipedia users have a working theory: MORE »

In one final display of hilarious ineptitude, Attorney General Alberto Gonzales resigned on a Friday afternoon, the traditional home of the unwelcome newsdump, and then waited until a Monday morning to announce it. Way to go, Fredo — you will be missed! MORE »

Bush finally manned up and did the right thing — kinda sorta didn’t-really-pardon Scooter Libby. MORE »

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Shoeless Paul Wolfowitz will quit the World Bank on June 30th, the bank announced today. They apparently agreed to pay him that huge severance package. MORE »

Now we can run this and not get sued, like Hustler did, because THE DEAD CAN’T SUE FOR LIBEL. MORE »

The Longworth building is apparently closed off entirely, and there are reports of, uh… a “huge line to get into Rayburn.” MORE »

URGENT BREAKING ETC ETC MUST CREDIT ANONYMOUS EMAILER… MORE »

Ha ha ha ha, Scooter’s first name is “Irve.” MORE »