Tag Archives: brazil

  Sports! Sports Sports Sports!

Sportsball Year In Review: It Was Mostly Awful!

Sad Brazil fan is sad.
Sports! Oh man, sports, aren’t they great? Shut up, they are too. Here now is your 2014 Wonkette Sportsball Year In Review, because why not? Off-field Hits Plague NFL Sorry to break this to you, Wonketeers, but the NFL remains the most popular form of sportsball in America. It seems we cannot get enough of the big men slamming into each other, and with all of the downtime between plays, who can blame us? This year, however, public perception of the NFL took a serious turn for the worse. The AP named the NFL’s domestic abuse scandals the sports story of the year, and the league’s ham-fisted response to the scandals will be studied by dead-eyed PR majors for generations to come. Read more on Sportsball Year In Review: It Was Mostly Awful!…
  happy as a clam

Michael Bay Makes Boom-Boom, We Kick Caffeine, And Someone Got Mad About A Thing

We don’t know, maybe Sara actually IS going to kick coffee. She sure says she did it, so we will leave it to you to decide whether that is real or a Big Troll. We clutched our Old Handsome Joe Biden mug closer when we read it. There was also some kind of ultimate Sportsball thing this weekend, as well as a penultimate one, and Dan Weber told you all about how the Germans did it. (Don’t tell Basil Fawlty, but Dan even mentions the war.) Kaili was Mad About A Thing, which is her thing that she does, and this time it was the GOP’s effort to win the War For Women’s Votes, which they’re managing about as well as Brazil the other day (boom!). It’s Bastille Day, so make yourself some vichyssoise for the Republic; just be sure you finish it before the Terror. Michael Bay made another loud movie about robots, but it’s secretly a love song to jock bully jerks. Kaleb Horton’s review is mandatory reading! John Oliver managed to make income inequality pretty hilarious, except for the parts where you’re wondering if tumbrels are still available (Happy Bastille Day, again).
  fap fap fap fap

Let’s All Watch Joe Biden Flirt With Shirtless U.S. Soccer Players

Oh, hello, shirtless U.S. soccer team! You are here to take some HOT SHIRTLESS LOCKER ROOM PIXXX with one Mr. Old Handsome Joe Biden, Vice President, Esq., si? (SE PUEDE.) Mr. Joe Biden, Handsome, is not afraid of your shirtless virility; he is a man’s man (and a lady’s man, and a mom’s man) (he is all the men) (but not #notallmen) (not our Joe). Read more on Let’s All Watch Joe Biden Flirt With Shirtless U.S. Soccer Players…
  won't Someone Think Around The Children?

A Children’s Treasury Of Children Injured By People Who Care About Children’s Safety

We are starting to think that maybe school safety demonstrations are not healthy for children, especially this “Red Ribbon Week” thing that’s supposed to scare them away from drugs. In California and Indiana, some exceptionally well-thought-out combinations of law enforcement and little kids didn’t go so great. On the upside, the kids at those schools got a free bonus demonstration of how EMTs and ambulance crews work. Read more on A Children’s Treasury Of Children Injured By People Who Care About Children’s Safety…
  nice time!

Friday Nice Time: In Brazil, New Pope Calls For Rich To Stop Being Dicks To Poors

New Pope is making us happy again, Wonkeroos. He’s on a trip to Brazil where he is doing awesome New Popey things like riding in an open-air vehicle to be closer to the people, and actually walking into people’s homes to give them high-fives and stuff. The guy is goddam fucking just plain awesome.* And what makes our librul bleeding hearts become moar bleedier is when he says stuff like this, from WaPo: In his remarks in Varginha [Brazil], the pope criticized the “culture of selfishness and individualism,” spoke of how the wealthy need to do more to end social injustice and told residents to “never yield to discouragement” because of corruption. Ah, yes – calling on the wealthy to do more to end social injustice. As citizens of the wealthiest country on earth, we are super-excited to see what U.S. politicians and Catholic Churches do in the wake of this kind of conversation!  Read more on Friday Nice Time: In Brazil, New Pope Calls For Rich To Stop Being Dicks To Poors…
  kkkkkkk

Brazilian Preacher Arrested After Offering Followers ‘Holy Milk’ From His Peen (He Meant Sperms) (Updated: Yeah, It’s A Hoax)

(Update: Almost definitely a hoax; details at end of post) We don’t know that we can add much to the basics of this one, if it turns out to be true (and let’s note right away that the story is so far mostly on seriously fringey websites like David Ickes and “Vaticancrimes”, so take this one with a grain of salted rat dick). A Brazilian evangelical pastor, Valdeci Sobrino Picanto, has been arrested after promising his parishioners that they could get generous helpings of the Holy Spirit by ingesting it directly from his little bishop. It’s novel, at least, and is newsworthy if only for its brilliant synthesis of the two possible meanings of what kind of person is born every minute. Read more on Brazilian Preacher Arrested After Offering Followers ‘Holy Milk’ From His Peen (He Meant Sperms) (Updated: Yeah, It’s A Hoax)…
  Part 21: The Dumbino Theory

Sundays With The Christianists: A ‘World History’ Textbook That Loves The Smell Of Napalm In the Morning

Well, here we are, humping the boonies of the Culture Wars, and one of the Things We Carry is our 10th-grade textbook for homeschoolers, World History and Cultures In Christian Perspective. We know we promised we’d get to Ronald Reagan singlehandedly knocking over the Berlin Wall this week, but there’s just so much Cold War to cover that we’ll just have to wait another week while we get through some of the delightful proxy wars of the late 20th Century. And of course, let’s not forget to blame The Liberal Media for the sixties! Read more on Sundays With The Christianists: A ‘World History’ Textbook That Loves The Smell Of Napalm In the Morning…
  loose lips sink ships also too

BREAKING! Secret Service Sexing Must Be Rampant Because Marines Bought A Hooker In Brazil!

Well now we are getting to the bottom of this! When the Secret Service was sexing all those ladies in Cartagena, was that an isolated incident? NO IT WAS NOT! And how do we know this? Because Defense Secretary Leon Panetta “admitted” that last year three US Marines hired a sex worker in Brazil! Now, was there more to this ridiculous waste of pixels? Yes, there was more to this ridiculous waste of pixels: the Marines were busted down a rank after throwing her from their moving vehicle, and the US embassy paid her medical bills — which, after all, would be the gentlemanly thing to do. Read more on BREAKING! Secret Service Sexing Must Be Rampant Because Marines Bought A Hooker In Brazil!…
  but in my arms she was always lolita

Iranian Diplomat Too Sexy For Pre-Teens He Fondled In Public Pool

Is it just us, or is it kind of ick-nast that an Iranian diplomat posted in Brasilia fondled and groped at least four girls between the ages of 9 and 15 in a public swimming pool? It must be just us: The Iranians have called him home, but totes not for the fondling. No, it was because he shouldn’t have been at a mixed-sex swimming pool in the first place, because men can’t control their urges when they see bare ankles and wrists and the next thing you know they are molesting all the prepubescents, that is just SCIENCE, OBVS. Haha Muslins and whatnot, SO FUNNY LOLS! Read more on Iranian Diplomat Too Sexy For Pre-Teens He Fondled In Public Pool…
  dirty limericks

Barack Obama Hits Irish Pubs, Gets Raptured By Jesus

Remember when this website was all about Barack Obama? Whatever happened to that guy, anyway? According to these Flickr pictures that Michelle posted on the family’s Flickr site, the Obamas are currently in Ireland getting all bloated on Guinness. And who is that drunk on the right, Timothy Geithner perhaps? Maybe he is “fixing” the Irish economy too, hahahaha. (IRELAND: YOU CAN KEEP HIM!) Read more on Barack Obama Hits Irish Pubs, Gets Raptured By Jesus…
  it's morning in america

Study: Boozing Bad For Society, Eat Mushrooms Instead

A new study published by Limey scientist-types suggests that alcohol is more dangerous and destructive than heroin! Ha ha, so next time you are drinking alone in your room and mutter “at least I don’t inject opiates between my toes or in my eyeballs,” an Englishman will parachute through your window and then explain — using science — how you are a hopeless wreck. The study ranked each substance for “harms including mental and physical damage, addiction, crime and costs to the economy and communities.” So yeah, that’s booze, alright! The study also found that Magical Mushrooms are not very destructive/husbands who gobble them up usually do not beat their wives. Ergo, you should eat those poop-shrooms by the bushel. [BBC] Read more on Study: Boozing Bad For Society, Eat Mushrooms Instead… Read more on Study: Boozing Bad For Society, Eat Mushrooms Instead…
  hooray at least this isn't election news

Fat Employee Sues McDonald’s

This time it’s a BRAZILIAN activist judge legislating from the bench: A Brazilian court ruled this week that McDonald’s must pay a former franchise manager $17,500 because he gained 65 pounds while working there for a dozen years. Read more on Fat Employee Sues McDonald’s…
  food/booze news!

Upscale Dive Bars: This Would Be a Good Thing?

Pie: Recognizing that serving food out of an actual building gets you nowhere in D.C., Dangerously Delicious Pies will soon be serving their pies from the back of a moving vehicle. But should you be okay with eating pie under a roof, Monday-Thursday from 4PM-close, from their physical location on H Street NE, they offer two slices of savory pie, two slices of sweet pie and two drinks for 20 dollars.  [Dangerously Delicious Pies] Read more on Upscale Dive Bars: This Would Be a Good Thing?…
  rumors on the internets

Ocean Infested By Undocumented Sea Monsters (Illegals)

The liberals are going to poop all over Citizens United v. Federal Election Commission by making WordPress weblogs illegal. Makes sense and very sneaky! [RedState] The president of Brazil (Hugo Chavez) has been hanging out with the unfashionable Moscow/Tehran crowd, and you know what that means! Yes, Brazil has the Bomb and also probably the Earthquake Machine. [Weekly Standard] Read more on Ocean Infested By Undocumented Sea Monsters (Illegals)…
  ha ha 'dove hunting'

Sexy New Details About Mark Sanford’s Elaborate, State-Funded Quest To Bang His Firecracker Last June

The Washington Post has comical new details about the infamous, state-funded June, 2008 meetings South Carolina Sex Governor Mark Sanford set up in South America, to discuss TRADE, with potential “trading partners,” for whatever it is South Carolina produces. (Indigo.) Apparently his trip planners gave word to South American officials that maybe they didn’t really need to meet after all, when he gets down there, and sorry, he cannot go kill doves in the forest for several days, so so sorry, he just has to “make some calls” in Buenos Aires. Read more on Sexy New Details About Mark Sanford’s Elaborate, State-Funded Quest To Bang His Firecracker Last June…
  film and stage

Life Without Outdoor Movies Is Not a Life Worth Living, and Other Ways To Get Back At Asia

Done: Screen on the Green: Two wars, the housing bubble, pig AIDS, and waterboarding all seem to pale in comparison to DCers’ outrage over the end of Screen on the Green. There’s no other way to interpret this except that God hates all of us. Read more on Life Without Outdoor Movies Is Not a Life Worth Living, and Other Ways To Get Back At Asia… Read more on Life Without Outdoor Movies Is Not a Life Worth Living, and Other Ways To Get Back At Asia…
  hot sluts

DOES THIS MEAN THAT IT HAS TO STOP?: “WASHINGTON – A Metro station manager and a Metro custodian were arrested on prostitution charges after an undercover transit police investigation found they arranged sexual trysts for money from inside the Dupont Circle Metro station.” Oh boy! Apparently the station manager was the contact on a flier advertising “sex trips” to Brazil. Are those still on, or do we get refunds? [Examiner] Read more on …
 

The Story of McCain And His Brazilian Sexbot

Way back in 1957 — when John McCain was failing in college, the one that he visited today — he and some boys “sailed to Rio de Janeiro aboard a destroyer” in order to destroy Brazil. As John McCain wrote in his 1999 memoir, “My imagination could not have embellished the good time we made of our nine days in port.” That’s because he got laiiiiiiiiid! And then he went back to Brazil later to shtup her again, this Brazilian model. And then he went back yet again for even more sex. Does John McCain still go to Brazil to make this Brazilian gal? Read more on The Story of McCain And His Brazilian Sexbot…
 

Condi Waxes Brazilian

Having to beg from Congress with those awful red-handed Code Pink hausfraus mocking you isn’t a very nice way to start your week, but Condi Rice got rewarded with a two-day fiesta in Brazil! Yay! Join the Condi Carnival, after the jump! Read more on Condi Waxes Brazilian…
 

Brazilian Protest Gal’s Incredible True Story!

Remember this anti-Bush protester? Well, she has a story to tell! First of all, don’t call her “Naked Brazilian Protest Gal.” Let’s treat her with dignity and respect. She is a 25-year-old model named Janaína Bueno, which means “Hot gal named something like Jana.” But what about her message? Read more on Brazilian Protest Gal’s Incredible True Story!…
 

A Treasury of Brazilian Anti-Bush Protest Pix

While our very hungry president is supposedly back from his Latin American “please let me move down here” trip, the photographs remain. We just found a huge collection of pix from the Brazil jaunt, including favorites like the one above and some very spooky close-ups of the security details and presidential limos and all that. Details and a few samples, after the jump. Read more on A Treasury of Brazilian Anti-Bush Protest Pix…
 

Anti-Bush Protesters Protest George W. Bush Visit

As proven by this photo: Too bad about the hippie body paint, because otherwise this was just about the greatest one-person protest we’ve ever seen. Her boyfriend the stylish Brazilian cop agrees! Read more on Anti-Bush Protesters Protest George W. Bush Visit…