Tag: branding

Trader Joe’s Fires Guy For Wearing Insufficient Pieces Of Flair

Not content with pushing speed sludge to the entire world at all times, Starbucks is yet again trying to save the Union from itself. On Tuesday, Starbucks rolled out a new landfill-bound cup. In an attempt to foster some...

Walmart And Coca Cola Team Up For 2016’s Best 9/11 Tribute!

9/11 turns fifteen this weekend. In honor of this occasion, a Florida Walmart wants you to celebrate the tragedy's Quinceanera with cases of Coca-Cola sugar water. Here's our "synergy" of the week: In an attempt to honor a local firefighters'...
that is a tasty lawsuit

McDonald’s Determines Blind Man Does Not Deserve Fries With That

Remember that time the old lady spilled McDonald's insanely hot coffee in her lap and was awarded a multi-million dollar judgment? Then everyone freaked the hell out because who cares if the coffee was as hot as a thousand...
i didn't do it. seriously.

Cool Down From Your Next Payless-Shoe-Fire With A Frosty Mug Of America

It's your week in tales from the CLASS WAR! What are those hero corporate persons up to this week??? You know, some stuff.
all woman, no kidneys

Rejoice! New Barbie Body Types Will Enhance Self-Esteem Of Mattel Shareholders

This week we'll talk about dolls, soda and lying because deep down, like most of us, our Corporate Persons are runny-nosed little kids. Barbie's new curves not as hot as some of the takes they're producing Barbie! She's...

CNN Looks Into Whether KKK Can Rebrand As Kinder, Kooler, Kuddlier, Possibly With Happy Meals

On Sunday, CNN finally found something other than Flight 370 to be blindingly stupid about, asking whether, in the wake of the murders of three people at a Jewish Community Center in Kansas last week by racist and anti-Semite...

Poor, Stupid Americans Outsource Fire Hydrant Repair To KFC

Some six thousand years ago, when George Washington and Jesus were walking through colonial Williamsburg with their friends the dinosaurs, our Founding Fathers wrote a Constitution laying out a broad vision for what government should and shouldn’t do in...

Long Island Couple Trademark ‘Occupy Wall St.’ In Hope of The Big Bucks

What is the real trouble with the Occupy Wall Street movement these days? Nobody is making enough money off it! Anti-corporate sentiment is finally hip enough to be mass marketable again, so you can all retire those Che Guevara...

The Awl vs. Wonkette: White House Correspondents Dinners and Promo Reels

Two issues "on the table" in this week's heads-a-bloggin' exchange between your editor and Choire Sicha: that goddamned White House Correspondents Association Dinner/Jerkoff, and a curious new marketing video put out by our former employers at Gawker Media. Who...

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