Wonkette

Doctors have determined that Ted Kennedy, who was hospitalized after a seizure over the weekend, has a malignant brain tumor. They’re going to do some more tests to determine a course of action, but average survival appears to be anywhere between less than a year to five years. Too sad. Get well soon, Teddy! We will honor you by linking to your massive, awe-inspiring legislative accomplishments section on Wikipedia, as you watch the Red Sox in the hospital. [AP/MSNBC]

Senator Tim Johnson has finally been moved from the hospital to some type of private care, his office just announced. MORE »

Terrifying Cheney goon Mary Matalin has grown bored with old-fashioned propaganda. These days, she’s experimenting on voters’ brains so surgeons can destroy the part that hates this administration. Matalin describes her bizarre human-research laboratory in a weird “Point-of-View” on that HotSoup.com thing:

When you put people in a room and discuss politics with them and you put an M.R.I. on their brain, the functioning, rational, logical part of their brain relative to politics goes black, and their emotional mind and the emotional part of the brain lights up. Further studies have shown not only do the rational parts of the brain fire up over political dialogue, the next step that’s happening is the brain is ascribing negative motives to the opposite view.

WTF? We find it interesting that Matalin reveals her horrific Mengele techniques just as the Pentagon begins publicly using Pain Rays on citizens, researchers find a convenient “silver dollar sized” part of the brain that should be removed to make people stop smoking, and the Washington Post reveals that every paranoid fantasy about government mind control is actually true and being practiced today. MORE »

Hillary Clinton, talking at the Kaiser Family Foundation yesterday on the dread menaces of video games and abundant food: MORE »