Tag Archives: bradlee dean

  No Mention Of A Free Toaster Oven Either

Gays Admit To Recruiting Your Children, Say Adorably Gullible Rightwing Nutjobs

They want you! They want you!
Well, darn it, if you can’t believe the headline of an article at Bradlee Dean’s Refuge For WND Rejects, how can you trust anything you read on the interwebs? A March 12 piece by Tim Brown certainly sounds terrifying enough: “Open Sexual Deviant: I’ve Been Indoctrinating America’s Kids to Be Sodomites – I Lied about It & Am Not Sorry” OMG it’s true! The Gheys really ARE trying to recruit our children into their lifestyles of sin and depravity! And lord knows it certainly starts with a fine goulash of paranoid terror: Read more on Gays Admit To Recruiting Your Children, Say Adorably Gullible Rightwing Nutjobs…
  Notorious RBG Meets Noxious WTF

Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball

Dangerous radicals
The American Patriarchy Association, fronted by spokescreep Bryan Fischer, is calling for Justices Ruth Bader Ginsburg and Elena Kagan to recuse themselves from the Supreme Court’s upcoming case on same-sex marriage because they’re entirely too biased on the issue. And who better to opine on this than a man who believes the First Amendment only applies to Christians and that the only laws that are truly Constitutional are those which God would agree with? Read more on Wingers Demand Ginsburg, Kagan Recuse Selves From Gay Marriage Case, Go Play Softball…
  Buy One Get One Free At Last Free At Last

Martin Luther King Dreamed That One Day All Rightwingers Would Claim Him As Their Own

Just cut that out, will you?
It’s Martin Luther King Day (his actual birthday was last Thursday), which means it’s time for that weird annual ritual where people who oppose almost everything he stood for in life claim that King is absolutely, positively one of their greatest heroes, and that were he here today, he’d surely support their libertarian, small-government, guns-everywhere, fuck-the-poor, end affirmative action, America for Americans, pass Voter ID, and Freedom For All God’s Corporate Children agendas. After all, Martin Luther King once gave a speech at the Lincoln Memorial, which consisted of a single line about how he dreamed that one day people would be judged not by the color of their skin but by the content of their character, and then he sat down, having said all there was to say on the matter. Read more on Martin Luther King Dreamed That One Day All Rightwingers Would Claim Him As Their Own…
  Taitz Necessarily So

Orly Taitz Pretty Sure George Clooney’s Hot Lawyer Wife Will Finally Prove Obama Isn’t President

If only I could find some loon with a really hopeless, arguably insane claim...
Excellent news! Birther Hivemind Queen Mother Orly Taitz got a gift subscription to People Magazine for Christmas! That’s the only thing we think could possibly explain this bizarre story from Bradlee Dean’s dumb website for dumb people: For some reason, the completely rational and very serious lawyer, dentist, real estate agent, and perennial fringe political candidate has gotten it into her head that she should try to recruit Amal Alamuddin Clooney, the hot human rights lawyer who married actor George Clooney last fall, into her very important campaign to prove that Barack Hussein Obama is a complete fraud with a stolen Social Security number, a fake Selective Service registration, and at least one Yahoo email account registered under the phony identity of “John Boehner’s Left Nut.” Read more on Orly Taitz Pretty Sure George Clooney’s Hot Lawyer Wife Will Finally Prove Obama Isn’t President…
  Jesus Built My Interstate Commerce Clause

Theocrat And GOP Candidate Mike Peroutka Explains Jesus Is The Football For Your Rights

I think this painting is about a high school football player who's just died of head injuries
On this Election Day, Michael Peroutka — theocrat, neo-confederate, and Republican candidate for county council in Ann Arundel County in Maryland who has also flirted with the Constitution Party because CONSTITUTION — would just like to remind you of the Reason for Election Season: It’s Jesus! Read more on Theocrat And GOP Candidate Mike Peroutka Explains Jesus Is The Football For Your Rights…
  wonket legal funtimes news!

Judge Who Probably Has Vagina Teeth Defeats Poor Super-Lawyer Larry Klayman Again

Bitches, man. There you are, trying to sue Rachel Maddow for defamation for quoting your client verbatim, and some hag judge “lady” — in your words, “a woman scorned” — does not even let you win! Naturally, you try to get her thrown off the bench for being a dumb chick, and the dumb RINO Supreme Court will not even let you do that! Dumb RINO Supreme Court! It is all like, nope, not gonna take your case THIS TIME, Larry Klayman, let us know next time you want to sue the NSA or see Bill Clinton’s penis! Read more on Judge Who Probably Has Vagina Teeth Defeats Poor Super-Lawyer Larry Klayman Again…
  something awful

Minnesota House Candidate Definitely Does Not Know How Babby Is Formed

On the one hand, we’re dreading the next four months because we’re headed into peak silly season for state and national elections and there will be so very much dumb politicking rammed down our throats. On the other hand, we write a political humor mommyblog warblog, and ridiculous things done by ridiculous political people is sort of our bread and butter. So, we’re grateful, sort of, for Minnesota House of Representatives candidate Bob Frey, who has some very interesting, and very confused, ideas about how babies are made and also too about AIDS. SPOILER ALERT: He’s pretty sure it is all about enzymes somehow. Read more on Minnesota House Candidate Definitely Does Not Know How Babby Is Formed…
  he is the law

Wingnut Lawyer Decides That All Laws In Maryland Are Invalid Because That Makes Total Sense

We only started to pay attention to exciting new minor league wingnut Michael Peroutka a few months ago when he explained how evolution was against the Constitution. Little did we know that he is running (as a Republican, natch) for office in Anne Arundel County, Maryland. In fact, as of late Tuesday, he’s leading the field in the GOP primary for his county council district. We are totally backing this guy, because he has some amazing thoughts about how laws work. Peroutka has a super well-designed website over at the same sad corner of the Internet that houses Bradlee Dean, and besides being stuffed full of links to bad conspiracy theory books, it has a lengthy screed on how if Maryland passes laws that Michael Peroutka does not like, it means that Maryland no longer has laws. Did we mention that this guy is a lawyer? Did we mention that he is currently leading the GOP race for county council? Did we mention that you might consider leaving this person’s portion of Anne Arundel County should he succeed in this quest? Read more on Wingnut Lawyer Decides That All Laws In Maryland Are Invalid Because That Makes Total Sense…
  can't stop won't stop

Bradlee Dean Will Never Retreat, Never Surrender, Never Stop Suing Rachel Maddow

It was the purest and merest of chance that led us to google our old friend Bradlee Dean to see what he’s up to these days. We had no idea he had such an attractive new website with many colors and much shouting and ALL CAPS headlines and oh look what do we have here? Is Bradlee Dean still writing about how Rachel Maddow defamed him by quoting him? He sure is! And he’s still totally going to sue her, or is suing her, or never stopped suing her. We kinda can’t keep track, and also too we are sorta sad that Bradlee isn’t still threatening to sue us. Read more on Bradlee Dean Will Never Retreat, Never Surrender, Never Stop Suing Rachel Maddow…
  2nd-dumbest man on the internet

Bradlee Dean Thinks New York Public Schools Are Teaching Kids To Do Sex With Animals

Oh, golly, you know sometimes Yr Doktor Zoom goes a few weeks or more without encountering the odd mental oscillations of Wonkette frenemy Bradlee Dean, who keeps failing to sue us so we can get all his money. We still think that Jim Hoft richly deserves his title of Stupidest Man on the Internet, but Bradlee Dean is a close second, and since he mostly works the rightwing podcast & “radio” circuit — some of it’s broadcast on AM and shortwave somewhere – we can’t just read Bradlee, we have to listen to him. Which is all by way of saying that every time we hear this man speak, we can feel our brain atrophying. And so it was with some trepidation that we listened to most of Dean’s half-hour interview on the “TruNews” End Times podcast from Thursday, to see if he ever elaborated on his assertion that in New York City, liberal teachers are now “teaching kids bestiality in public schools.” We figured that if he had, Right Wing Watch would have quoted it, because how would you not? And of course, he never explained it at all. Oh, but there was other stuff, too, and we will bring you the worst of it so you needn’t damage your own headparts listening to it yourself. Read more on Bradlee Dean Thinks New York Public Schools Are Teaching Kids To Do Sex With Animals…
  fortune favors the dumb

Larry Klayman Wins Stunning Legal Victory Over Government But Still Has Not Managed To Inpeach Obama

Regular readers will know that we have made it a practice to be your go-to source for all things Larry Klayman. Yes, he of the Million Larry March to Inpeach Obama, and the imaginary grand jury to indict Obama, and also too the representing Wonket fan favorite Bradleeeeee Dean, and also last coming dangerously close to suing yr Wonkette for libel for quoting court filings against him. That Larry Klayman. He’s been our secret sauce, our own little spicy goodness, for a while now, but he probably won’t even take our calls anymore now that he’s been discovered by the Emmm Esss Emmm thanks to his improbable court victory against the NSA and their ravenous hoovering up of your phone calls, America. Read more on Larry Klayman Wins Stunning Legal Victory Over Government But Still Has Not Managed To Inpeach Obama…
  up and coming

O, Happy Day: Cool New Religious Motivational Speaker Dude Justin Lookadoo Is Your New Bradlee Dean

You know how much mirth Bradlee Dean has brought to us over the years. Ol’ Bradlee is going to have to step up his game HARD because there is a hep new Jesus dood in town here to tell all the public-school schoolchildren about how girls are loudmouthed sluts if they give in to the boys that just can’t keep it in their pants. Read more on O, Happy Day: Cool New Religious Motivational Speaker Dude Justin Lookadoo Is Your New Bradlee Dean…
  a little knowledge

Bradlee Dean Makes Up History Again, Says Dirty Commies Invented The Word ‘Racism’ So There’s No Such Thing

Wonkette frenemy and weird child-thrashing advocate Bradlee Dean just wants you all to know that he is not bothered by all you dumb liberal bigots calling him a bigot, and he has studied up on these matters. On his podcast last weekend, Dean explained that he is rubber and you are glue, because Leon Trotsky made up the word “racism” to smear anyone who is not a communist. That is just plain science and history, and there is no disputing it, unless maybe you do some research, which could take entire minutes. Read more on Bradlee Dean Makes Up History Again, Says Dirty Commies Invented The Word ‘Racism’ So There’s No Such Thing…
  lives of the scholars

Heavy Metal Preacher Bradlee Dean Warns Of Obama’s Plan to ‘Eradicate The Hispanic and Negro Race’

Longtime Wonkette frenemy and gift to satire Bradlee Dean took to the interwebs Saturday to share some insights on the “Sons of Liberty Radio” podcast, warning that Barack Hussein Obama is no friend of the dusky-hued races, nevermind what the lamestream media has brainwashed people to think: And do tell your black friends and your Hispanic friends, that the Obama Administration, through Planned Parenthood, is looking to eradicate the Hispanic and the Negro race. Hey friends, just saying, just ask Margaret Sanger, do a little homework friends. He probably also thinks that Obama seeks to eliminate the Chinaman, the Hindoo, and the Hottentot, while leaving America helpless in the face of the imminent Mahometan threat. Read more on Heavy Metal Preacher Bradlee Dean Warns Of Obama’s Plan to ‘Eradicate The Hispanic and Negro Race’…
  all the derp that's fit to herp

Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium of Cads, Creeps, and Crazies

Welcome to another edition of Derp Roundup, that weekly big ball of wadded-up idiocy from our inbox that was too stoopid to ignore altogether, but that didn’t quite merit a full-length Wonket post. Up first, a quick visit to that land of fiscal restraint, North Carolina, where Gov. Pat McCrory presided over a 2013 legislative session that raised taxes on the poor and cut them on the rich, resulting in a projected $2 billion cut in state revenues over the next five years. The revenue loss will require huge cuts for social programs and public schools — after all, what can go wrong when you slash school budgets, anyway? — but times are hard, and you gotta be careful not to waste the taxpayers’ money. Which is why it only makes sense that Gov. McCrory is going to spend $230,000 on “remodeling bathrooms in his private living quarters at North Carolina’s Executive Mansion.” Sound like they’ll be really nice once the work is done: Planned upgrades include new marble, tubs and fixtures for six bathrooms on the upper floors of the Victorian-era home in Raleigh. We aren’t sure we can be too angry about this, though, since the last time the bathrooms in the Governor’s Mansion were refurbished was in the 1970’s. Gov. McCrory shouldn’t have to deal with all those fixtures in Avocado and Harvest Gold. Besides, there’s probably some extra costs involved in making sure the bathrooms aren’t compliant with Sharia law. You can’t be too careful about these things. Read more on Derp Roundup: Your Weekly Compendium of Cads, Creeps, and Crazies…
  rod of dejection

Report: Sad Bradlee Dean Has No More Ministry Maybe :(

Wonket BFF Bradleeeeeeee Dean, best known in this here corner of the Interwebs for a laughably dumb threat to sue us back in The Day, is reportedly without his cult of unpaid Hare Krishnas begging outside gas stations (and getting thrown out of the van when they didn’t pony up for gas themselves), as they seem to have all up and quit, oh no! Who will help him grift school districts out of “anti-bullying” (bullying) funds now? Read more on Report: Sad Bradlee Dean Has No More Ministry Maybe :(…
  it is with pat robertson's special cockrings probably

Did You Know Homosexuals Commit Half Of All Big City Murders? It Is Probably ‘True’

Wonket BFF Bradlee Dean was on the radio again, you guys, where he said things, with his facehole! And he had on another guy, Jake McMillan, who said things with his facehole too! (Jake is the one bringing the “facts”; Bradleeeeee is the one blindly agreeing.) So if you are not ready to have some TRUTH beaten into you with the ROD OF CORRECTION, then we suggest you GET READY! Because the truth, it is a-comin’! (But not in a gay way.) Read more on Did You Know Homosexuals Commit Half Of All Big City Murders? It Is Probably ‘True’…
  sweet grifty action

Oh, By The Way, Bradlee Dean Still Suing Rachel Maddow For Quoting Him Verbatim

Noted First Amendment scholar and bff to your Wonket Bradlee Dean knows a thing or two about the media: First, he knows that he can sue you if you libel him by quoting him verbatim. Second, he knows who is to blame (applaud?) for the George Zimmerman acquittal, and that is the media, because of how they broke the law in the George Zimmerman trial? Not the guy who shot the kid, obvs, that guy’s golden, because CLEARLY there is no law against shooting people if you want to shoot them super bad, but somehow there is a law against licentious democracy of the news media, probably MSNBC specifically, who can tell, since his entire column is a crunchy Southwest chicken salad of tortilla strips and beans and corn and fucking nonsense? Like, there are words? And they are in a row? Some of them were at previous times said by “architects” of the First Amendment, and so have some bearing on something? We just know there is a LOT OF WORDS. ALL THE WORDS. HERE PLEASE HAVE SOME WORDS. Like here is just the start, which is then never explained nor explored, it is just there, like beef jerky between your molar and your gums, and it seems to intimate that we should not have a democracy because it causes anti-Biblical behavior, like gays not being stoned to death and girls getting married in gowns of mud. “The known propensity of a democracy is to licentiousness, which the … ignorant believe to be liberty.” – Fisher Ames, architect of the First Amendment Just beeteedubs, we bet the elided part in that quote was, like, “cool guys who are not.” OH BY THE WAY, BURIED LEDE: According to the column’s end note, Bradlee Dean is STILL SUING RACHEL MADDOW. Some people just can’t stop racking up other people’s attorneys’ fees! Read more on Oh, By The Way, Bradlee Dean Still Suing Rachel Maddow For Quoting Him Verbatim…
  help! he's being repressed!

Wingnut Patiently Explains That You Cannot Quote Him Because The Umbrella Of Jesus Covers His Words

You know, we really can’t figure out anymore if right-wingers are playing some four-dimensional meta chess sorta thing these days or have really become untethered from reality or why even choose. Exhibit eleventy: the weird tendency of wingnuts to cry foul when people have the temerity to quote them. Witness Bradlee Dean, who wanted to sue yr Wonkette SO BAD because we pointed out that by saying he wanted to use the rod of correction on kids he actually wanted to use the rod of correction on kids. Late to the game but no less weird is superstar E.W. Jackson, running for Lieutenant Governor of Virginia, who would like to explain that it is NOT FAIR NOT FAIR to quote his previous political statements because Jesus and the Constitution: Read more on Wingnut Patiently Explains That You Cannot Quote Him Because The Umbrella Of Jesus Covers His Words…
  the eleventh plague

Bradlee Dean: Gay Marriage Results In Plague Of Rocks, Rabies

Since you read Wonkette, you are probably a ghey or a ghey-lover, so you probably reacted with a range of emotions from “cool” to “ABOUT FUCKING TIME HELL YEAH” to the news that Minnesota’s gone gay all of a sudden. What you probably did not do is gnash your teeth and rend your garments about how God will strike errrebody down for the having the married buttsecks or not caring if anyone else has the married buttsecks. No worries, though, because Wonkette’s best friend Bradlee Dean has that freakout covered: Read more on Bradlee Dean: Gay Marriage Results In Plague Of Rocks, Rabies…
  beat your children well

Bradlee Dean, Who Has Never Advocated Beating Children, Advocates Beating Children Again

Wonket bestie Bradlee Dean is still trying to tell schools how they should be, even though he keeps getting chased out of schools (and even whole towns!) for being The Worst. But here is a funny thing! In his newest “Good Old Days” column, in which he pines for a yesteryear when children could take shotguns to school and children would fistfight and then “shake hands and become the best of friends” (presumably because the schools were only filled with civilized white children is our educated guess), Bradlee Dean says we should be whipping children with belts! EVEN THOUGH he has threatened to sue your Wonket for saying he advocates beating children, because he says he has never advocated beating children! We will be sure to take a screenshot for our eventual countersuit in which we TRIUMPH and seize Bradlee Dean’s (probably) AMC Pacer. Bradlee Dean should really stop typing things, or saying things, or looking like that, with his face. Read more on Bradlee Dean, Who Has Never Advocated Beating Children, Advocates Beating Children Again…